Hi Moms,
I am having trouble understanding what to do (again) with my daughter! She chooses to do things wrongly even when she can do them with her eyes closed! I try to encourage her gently and she says "I can't do it! I won't do it!"
For example: I bought a new preschool workbook for her that she absolutely loves.. well some parts of it. She likes the reasoning/puzzles part of the book. Like Draw a circle around the smallest or largest objects, color large objects green and small objects blue... those sort of things.
She doesn't like practicing tracing numbers and letters... well not as much as the puzzles and I don't force her to trace. but I encourage her to do trace at least 2 of the numbers or letters before she moved on to what she loves and she then says "I can't do it! I won't!"
More encouraging words ensues from me "When Mommy was a little girl like you, I couldn't write the number 3 too, so I had to keep trying till I get better... " you get the gist. She was surprised that I was a little girl once, but that was that. She went back her numbers and started doodling all over the book. I then tell her write carefully and slowly till she gets good, then she can write like the wind. I promise stickers if she traces 2 numbers/letters on the page and she does them and gets stickers.
When we get to what she does best, she starts doodling again even though she knows what do to because she has done it several times! I then told her that she seems bored with the workbook and suggested we draw pictures and she said no, she wants to do workbook. I then continued with her and she started circling everything and doodling, so I took the book away and told her that if she feels like scribbling, lets get a blank paper to do so and she then proceeded to throw an epic tantrum! She was sent to her room promptly. No desecrating books in my home thank you!
But the thing she is like that with almost everything! She can do it, but wants me to "help" her... which I do if it is a little tricky, if not I try to encourage her to do it on her own... but she then botches it then sighs and say "Mom, this too tricky for me! I can't do it!" Pulling hair moment (Argggghhhh... you just did it 5 mins ago! You do it all the time!) I encourage her again, sometime she trys...sometimes she doesn't.
Is this normal for kids that age? Am I being unreasonable? Being mommy is hard! LOL.
Oh she feeds herself because I told her that only babies get fed and she won't let anyone put food in her mouth now, because she is "girl, not a baby!" :-D However I can't possibly do that for most things she says she "can't do".... can I?
Thanks for the advice and kind words. It is great to know she isn't the only child like that and she'd grow out of it. Phew! I heard good things about the LeapFrog DVD Teresa, I am planning on getting her the DVD. I just weaned her off the DVDs, so we are going very slow indeed :D She can sound most of her alphabets too and I didn't teach her that, she learn that preschool when they were learning each others names.
I do let her choose what she wants to do for the afternoon and it is usually colouring books, reading to her, and most recently the infamous workbook. We have an easel, playdoh, blocks, crafts materials etc in the playroom.... but she really not interested in them, she touches them about once a week if I am lucky.
She is in preschool and her "teacher" said she bored in class because she miles ahead of anyone in her class and probably needs to be challenged. I am not about the "challenge" part though. I bought the workbook after I found out how much she loves to use this wipe off animals workbook she got for christmas (all age appropriate) and she lugs out the workbook for us to use instead of her storybooks, and so far she hasn't let me put the workbook away without bursting into tears... even when she is obviously no longer paying attention.
About doodling in books... enthusiastic colouring, cute childish circles and such does not bother me. What does is: massive doodles on random pages! Eeek! I don't bat much of an eyelid when she put hand and footprint all over her playroom, she is after-all a child, I just tell her to use the easel next time or tell me she wants to make prints, then get her to help me clean up what can be salvaged. However, I am unapologetic about her doing the same to books be it paint or crayon. That is what blank paper is for.
She is 3. Let her be 3.
You can make her try new things, but honestly... she is 3. A workbook for a 3 year old? My kids didn't even want to attempt to color in the lines at 3.
(I have one off to college in the fall and the other is in high school - honors classes... neither one would have wanted to even sit to try the workbook...)
LBC
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Relax. Tracing letters and numbers is not expected of 3-year-olds. If a child is interested and can do it, great. But it's not something they need to master for another couple of years. Which brings us to the broader picture...when it comes to learning and recreation, let her be in control and do what she wants. If she doesn't go to pre-school, perhaps you could look on-line for age-appropriate benchmarks so that you can re-set your expectations and relax a bit. The fact that she will even entertain the thought of sitting down with a workbook at this age is a pretty good sign that she is at or above her age group. She has her whole life to "work" on paper - let her do it to the extent that she enjoys it and then move on to a different activity.
My first grader hated writing all through pre-school and pre-K. He didn't even like to draw, so we just let him be and focused on other things (like reading, doing math and spelling in his head, etc.). All of his pictures in Kindergarten were the bare minimum - a pencil outline, no color. We thought that he might need an OT referral, etc. and then out of the clear blue sky, he started writing - in cursive - and can't draw enough. Draws all day, every day - and he's good! So you never know what makes them tick. Turns out that he didn't like to draw or write because up until recently, he couldn't make his hands create something that looked as good as it did in his head.
I think it's just a phase - 3 is the gateway between baby and child. Sometimes she'll feel like a big girl, sometimes she'll want to be a baby again both are OK. Just be patient, let her take the lead and don't make a big deal when she wants to go backward. It sounds like you're doing a great job with her - just relax a bit (easier said than done of course)!
Yes you are being unreasonable :) She likes the grown up feeling the workbook gives her but she is just not old enough to stay on task with it for very long. She enjoys doing her circles in the book, that's great, I would let her. Desecrating a workbook, huh, I don't get it? It's meant to write in, she is just not writing the way you want her to write in it. I can see no writing in a novel but it's not a novel it's a workbook.
With the other stuff you mentioned - very age appropriate. My DD will be 4 in a month and still is the same way. She has to put her shoes on one day by herself and the next she just can't do it and I have to do it.
I think the "I can't do it" is pretty typical for the age, and will continue for a while yet. My DD always did that with dressing herself, for one example, though she could do it fine. I didn't fight her on it. She also would do that pretty quickly if she was drawing something when it didn't look like how I would do it, for ex. I would always remind her that I practiced a lot to be able to do it, but that's as far as I pushed it.
As far as tracing, she's just too young to be interested in that. I'm sure some kids her age want to do it but it isn't typical. I'd suggest letting her do what she wants with the workbook, rather than making her do it. You don't want to get into a dynamic where she doesn't want to do that sort of thing when it is the time when she needs to learn to do so. If you give her space, she'll get there. There is really no reason that she needs to practice those things now even if she does know how to do it. With my DD, who is 4.5 for a while I was promoting tracing numbers and letters and that sort of thing (when she showed an interest), but she really didn't want to do it my way so I let it go and then eventually she did want to do it correctly. If I'd fought her on it, it may have taken longer for her to have a genuine interest in doing it herself, which is really what I want.
I agree with Dawn. You are expecting way too much. Often they can do things for a while before they can REALLY do things. She is only 3.5 years old. There is no reason to rush. Teaching her sooner (especially if she's not interested, even if she is capable) will not help her in the long run. I'd just back off and let her go at her own pace. If you feel worried about it, there's studies you can find online that show how kids aren't delayed by even completely skipping preschool. Many are helped by it actually! Surprising, eh?
I tried workbooks with my 3 yr old son. They were just fun, simple little things. He was interested in certain pages but not in others. I would try to encourage him, but he just didn't want to. He was not at all interested in writing. When he would try (he usually wasn't interested), it was so funny because he just wasn't there yet. So, we would work on whatever pages he wanted and skipped the ones he didn't want. He also wasn't interested in circling things normal...and often he'd end up with a big doodle all over the page. Honestly, I didn't really care. He was only three. And, to him, he was circling the item he wanted to circle...just a doodle accompanied it:-) I wanted to keep it fun.
When he turned four a few months back, I decided to try to teach him his letter sounds. We were going to do one letter a day. He knew his alphabet, and that was it. So, we started with a letter a day and did fun coloring pages, etc. We kept it simple...though I only made it to letter A before I heard about Leap Frog Letter Factory dvd. So I got that and let him watch it. It teaches letter sounds. Two days after he watched it, i asked him what sound "a" makes, he told me. Then I went through each of the letters, and he knew all of their sounds. I was really surprised. I hadn't taught him any of that. (it's a great dvd!) So, then I thought I'd see how he would do with reading, it was a piece of cake! About four months later, he was at first grade level reading (I use Hooked on Phonics).
Point being, when you wait until THEY are ready (especially at this little age!), you might get nothing for a while, and then suddenly wham, bam they are ready to learn! He still isn't good at writing (he's 4.5 yrs old now), but I don't care. If he's not interested in learning new reading on a certain day, we just read an older book to at least keep up his current reading skills. He's still young enough that I don't push anything on him unless he really wants to do it.
I think your approach is great, btw. You are encouraging and kind, which is awesome. BUT, she's really not interested yet. My son (and older daughter) did that too. They just weren't interested for a while. It is totally normal. I don't push them...and it definitely hasn't harmed them any! My older daughter wasn't interested for quite a while actually. So, each child is different. But when I wait until they are ready, they really take off with it and learn pretty fast.
Sorry N., but I agree with the Mom's that your expectations may be a bit rigid.
Let your little girl have a childhood playing and having fun. Let her chose what she wants to play with. She'll be in school soon enough with all the confinements that will involve.
It is wonderful that you encourage her to do things on her own. You know your girl and she may need to be pushed a bit, but I'd suggest keeping it gentle. Let her teachers worry about reading and writing......she doesn't even go to kindergarten for 2 years yet. Kids change a lot in that time. She is still a baby.
Nurturing her is just as important as teaching independence.
I totally agree with the previous posts, and would like to add on to it. When you go into a preschool classroom you see lots and lots of toys. That is because all toys have a function, not just to entertain, but to strengthen muscles and make brain connections that will help them later in school.
If you want her to be able and ready for writing in Kindergarten, get a bead maze, an easel, playdoh, and chalk. These are specifically designed to strengthen those muscles in the hand and arm so that when writing is necessary for keeping with the state curriculum, your child's body will be ready.
I also have scores of "preschool workbooks" that my mom purchased for my son, and although he would write his name on his chalkboard, and would write letters in a blank notebook while playing restraunt, he filled the workbooks with scribbles! This is why I never wasted the money on them, they aren't age appropriate and they aren't fun.
When you have a three year old in the house you really have to learn to follow their lead; some days they are hell bent on doing everything themselves, and others they just want to cuddle up and be babied. Three is a tough age, try not to dig your heels in too hard, it just causes the same behavior in your child.
She is three. Kids learn by playing. I would just let her play. It's way more important that she love learning at this point than that she trace letters. Do arts & crafts projects with her - they will improve her fine motor skills. She will learn from playing with blocks and building. From making up stories. Look for numbers in everyday things - look, there are 4 heads of broccoli, and one more - that's 5. Make looking for letters fun. Read to her.
I get the same kind of baby/big kid flip flops from my 5 year old. He knows his letters but hates to practice writing them. It could be a motor control thing because some kids develop it later and 3.5 is pretty young. I had trouble writing neatly well into grade school. The scene you describe sounds like your daughter is tired or bored of the activity. When my son gets tired he gets silly and can concentrate and won't do things he is otherwise capable of doing. I find it very frustrating too and I admit I sometimes lose my temper. Putting the book away was a good way to handle it. The epic tantrum was her built up stress from whatever (tired, hungry, etc.) If the tantrum wasn't over the workbook there would have been some other trigger.
BTW, learning through make believe games and hands on activities is great with preschoolers. Cooking, gardening, easy science experiments are all great too.
