Moving with an 18 Month Old

how far away? as hard as it might be, might want to cut down on the amt of time you see her so she can slowly transition away from seeing you all the time. Practice talking on phone.

That will be the hardest thing for her.

Oh C., I feel for you! I'm on the other end of it, though, as my husband and I moved with our two children to PA from OH. My parents had watched my son almost everyday for his first 18 mos. of life while I worked a full time job. So it was painful for all of us when we moved. What we do to lessen the pain of separation is send lots of snail mail to each other, call on the phone all the time, plan weekends to spend with each other (depending on how far you will be from each other). Another idea my mother in law had that we have yet to do is to get cameras for the computer so you can see each other while you are talking.

On the child's side of it -- definitely allow your grandchild to release her emotions about leaving (which I am sure you do already!) as often as she needs to. She may just need you or her parents to hold her while she cries. It's hard to say how much they "get" as this age, but my son went through a very rough time after we moved. He wasn't able to express it verbally, but he started having tantrums and I think he was just overwhelmed with emotion. He was a bit over 18 mos at the time.
Maybe you could invent a secret phrase that only you and your granddaughter say to each other and you could say that each time you talk on the phone. For example, my Mom has so many things she says to my son like "You are the best boy in the ________" And he says, "whole wide world!" The point is to establish a point of connection...to know you are still connected even while being so far away.

I hope this rambling helps a bit. I really do feel for you. Allow yourself to cry or otherwise express your emotion about them moving in whatever way suits you. The first few months will probably be the hardest. I love the quote, "It's not love's going that hurt my days, it's that it went in little ways." You will miss them in all the little day to day idiosyncrasies. It will not always be so painful though, I promise!

Many Blessings to you and your family,
M.

Move with them! Ok, sorry, I know that wasn't much help, but I thought you might need a good chuckle this morning. I have never been in this situation myself, so I just wanted to make you laugh and say good luck. Make sure you both have unlimited phone service so your little pumpkin can call you everyday. They like to share the little things and do not understand long distance charges.

We made the same move about two years ago. We made the mistake of not having an order to how we packed. If I had to do it over again I would have packed all of the baby things last so that they were the first to come off the truck and set up his new room first.

We packed the baby's favorite toys and blankets in the car so that they would feel "at home". If the baby has her own crib and sheets and familiar surroundings (Animals, dresser) she'll adjust in no time.

We were also able to go to the house and baby proof it before we moved in. It put us at ease about letting the little one run around in the house while we were busy unpacking.

I hope that helps!

When we moved somebody suggested getting a cardboard box and covering it with plain white paper. Let the child color on it or decorate it with stickers. That will be her box of special things(ie: favorite teddy bear, doll, toy, blankie etc.) that she takes with her in the car and is put in her new room when she gets to the new house. It worked for my son when he was almost 3 yrs. Hope it helps your granddaughters. Remember to visit them often if you can.
G.

Keep a positive attitude and make it fun. Our girls were so excited (aged 3 and 18 mos at the time) to move. We only went 10 miles from our apt to a house, but they were sad watching toys boxed up. I had them choose a few toys that were boxed at the last minute. It was not easy to pack around their remaining toys, however it helped them to have some of their own things around.

My Mom used to do this for me when they went away: she labeled pretty lunch bags with days of the week and inside each was a note and special surprise. It was nice to have something from her everyday and made me feel very loved. Maybe you could arrange something similar for your granddaughter to have for her first week in the new house. Good luck. I am sure you will miss having a full house.

my son was about 18 mo and i was pregnant with my daughter when we moved. I tried to keep his old bedroom as much like his new one as possible, because i was worried he wouldn't sleep. he was fine actually. but what you could do would be to give her a picture of yourself and grandpa if there is one. and hang it in your grandaughters room now and tell her it is something special that she can take with her to her new room. and make sure mom and dad put it in her new room so she can say good night to you every night.
If your grandaughter is only 18 mos, she will adjust just fine. If you are worried about yourself missing her, set up a visit 5 mo out so that you can look forward to being with her. Try volunteering somewhere with kids. Call her on the phone and send her mail, just a little card or a note.
Help mom and dad out by stocking up on some activities she can do relatively inpedendently in her high chair. Playdoh, drawing with markers, stickers that peel off easily. or maybe a special video.
i hope they love their new house.

Whenever there is change a child needs to know the constants are still there. Tell them not to worry too much about getting unpacked but to do everything slowly so that they can spend time with the children and maintain their routines. Spending quality one on one time with a child to reassure them actually helps calm them during a transition. Also if you have computers and internet access, consider getting web cams so you can stay in touch. I am from England and its the perfect way to keep in contact with my parents, especially fort he grandchildren.

Moving is tough, we've done it several times. I'm not sure if you are looking for advice on the emotional end or the logistical end. As far as the emotinal end, when we moved from TX, I made my boys a special TX photo album. We took pictures of everything, all their friends, school, fav. playgrounds, restaurants, all the rooms in the house, the yard, everything. Also, there are some picture books out there about moving. I can't think of any titles off hand, but probably a berenstein bears book. I'm sure you can just check amazon. Good Luck.

I do not have any hints or suggestions for you, but I wanted to wish you the best of luck with your situation!!!

Hi C..

We lived with my sister for almost year of their first life. I have twins that will be 2 soon.

What we did was create a video that could be played of them and also a photo album. They love looking at the pix and naming everyone.

Then of course calling and having them hear your voice often should help.
good luck, it's hard, but hopefully it is all for the best.

We recently moved (4 months ago) w/ my just turned 3yr old son (w/ some disabilities) and my 15 month old daughter. We talked about it for a LONG time prior to the move. We told them that our old house was 'broken' and needed a new one (this may not work w/ you though, sorry). But, talk the move up as much as possible, make it an exciting thing for them. We saved their bedrooms for very last but we made a few 'special boxes' ahead of time. We let the kids decorate them the way they wanted... Let them write/draw what was to go into each box. We also had a 'smaller' box for each of them that was their 'favorite' stuff that didn't go onto any of the trucks and went w/ them when we actually moved... That included all their 'special' toys, blankets, stuffed animals, even sippy cups, etc. That seemed to make things a lot easier for them. They were quit funny when 'move day' came. They wouldn't let ANYONE into their rooms or near their boxes. That was for mommy& daddy to do. We put all their room(s) boxes, beds, etc. last on the truck and they got to see their decorated boxes on the back of the truck(s) and they also kept their personal boxes in the car with us.

Once into the new house, we made it 1st priority to set their rooms up first (as best we could on the first day in). Their beds were put up, some 'needed' boxes unpacked and few of their posters/pictures/shelves put us, so that they were comfortable sleeping in their rooms right away. Once things got a little more settled in for mom and dad we let them help us unpack their rooms completely and choose where they wanted their things (w/in reason) and they even got to help set-up some other rooms in the house. They got their own bathroom in the new house, so we went to wal mart and let them choose the 'decor' of their bathroom... We now have spongebob shower curtain, princess bathmat, diego toothbrush holder, hello kitty garbage can, etc. and so many different odds/ends character towels/wash rags, but we decided it's their own bathroom, no one ever really goes in their bathroom upstairs except them and they love that it's all their own design.

As long as you (and their parents) make the move as happy and exciting as possible for children that age the adjustment time shouldn't be too long. My children love the new 'not broken' house now. Sometimes my son will say that he wants to 'see' his broken house, but it doesn't usually last too long, he gets past it quick.

Best of Luck to you and your family as a move on anyone is hard, especially small people, who don't really understand why or whats going on.

We made our move about 2 years ago. We discussed the move for several weeks before it actually happened an allowed our son to "help" pack his own boxes/bags. We kept all of his favorite things in the car so that we would have them to keep him comfortable and occupied when we got to our new home.
The thing I would be most concerned about in your situation is that he is leaving grandma. I know its going to be hard, but try not to make the last time you see her too emotional. She will sense your nervousness and sadness and know that something "bad" is happening. Try to hype it up as much as possible.
Also, if there is a favorite thing of hers at your house and your willing to let it go, give it to her for her new house so that she can think of you.
Good luck. I know this wont be easy on you.

make it a happy occasion. celebrate that they are able to finally have their own place. i know you will miss them and it will be hard. if you are sad you will make your granddaughter sad. tell them that you will visit often in their own place.

Hey C., I'm a grandmother too. I would suggest you take a picture of you and your grandchild that is moving. Make a copy for each of you and put it in a special frame for each of you. Let her know that you will always be there for her. She is a little young and will probably adjust better than you will at first. You don't say how far way they will be. If it's not too far, maybe you can visit once a month or so. And remember you can call frequently. If you calls upset her, or you then limit them in the beginning. I have my grandkids here, but my mother lived a little over 300 miles from my kids and she has a wonderful relationship with them and now her great grandkids too. She has done that with the phone calls, pictures and visits as often as possible. Your dauther can help too with talking to her dauther about grandma and how much you love them etc. It will work out. Hang in there. ~D. J.

C.,
We just moved from Myrtle Beach, SC to Red Lion, PA about three months ago with an 8 month old and a two year old. My suggestion is to make the actual move an "adventure". We told our son we were moving to a new place with "new" kids and "new" playgrounds and "new" fun things to do. The "new" thing seemed to interest him . . . We drove (over 10 hours with two kids)and we stopped alot, at rest areas, any parks we saw along the way, we played car games and brought LOTS of Kids music. Once we got here we tried to make everything in my two year old's room as similar to how it had been in his old room as possible: the color, where everything was located in the room, all the way down to what was on his walls. I knw it seems alittle extreme but, at least in his room, he felt "at home" and like nothing had changed. If you are not making the move with your granddaughter I would suggest getting something that records either you (a video) or your voice that she can take with her and let her know that she can always call you and that you will see her soon . . . My husband's grandmother, whom my son knows as "Grandma Parks" is still back in NC and she sent us off with one of those cards that you can record your own message in (it was her telling my son that she loved him and that she would see him soon) . . . my son listened to it everyday for several weeks but it definitely seemed to help. He still asks when we are going to see grandma Parks again and we've been telling him that maybe if he's really good Santa will bring her to us for Christmas (because we know she is in fact coming up for the holidays ! ). ANY transition is rough and some kids take it harder then others especially around the ages of 2 and three but the younger they are the better they seem to do . . . .I hope somnething in here helps and GOOD LUCK!
T.

Hi C.,

I'm in a similar situation. My daughter stayed with us only 3 months, though, before moving to NH (from WV)---quite a drive! I talk to the granddaughters on the phone and that helps.

I know you must be h*** o* you, even though you want only the best for your children (and sometimes that means a move to another state).

I believe it is okay to express your feelings to your granddaughters. I don't mean you have to go overboard, but I think that it will be good for them to know it's okay and normal to be sad. But also let them know that everyone will do fine, that they will enjoy their new home. Talk about how exciting it will be to meet new friends and live in a new place.

Children usually adjust well. They will still have Mommy and that seems to make things okay most of the time. My grandchildren were here last week and when they left, my 4-year-old granddaughter Mia sobbed, saying she wanted them to come live with us. Believe me, that was h*** o* me! But when they got home and walked in their house, she looked at her sister and said, "Hey, Sarah, lets go play with our Barbie dolls!"

So, when your granddaughters move, they'll have their familiar toys and such that will help with the transition. I hope knowing they'll be okay will ease your heart.

Blessings,
K.
www.joyfulconnections.net

I think the move will be easier on your grandchildren than on it will be on you.

To make it easier, make it exciting. If the parents are driving, they can stop when their daughter gets itchy and needs to get our of her carseat. Another thing we did was to purchse smnall, inexpensive gifts and wrap them. Every so often, or when they "need them" her parents can hand them out, she can unwrap them, which is fun and takes time, and open the gift and play with it. Be sure toow "unwrap" it first, so little hands can actually get the toy out and play with it.

That's the trip. The transition is really the responsibility of her parents. Your responsibility is to support them, as they are YOUR "kids". Since they live with you, I am assuming you already have this role. One option might be to send them on their way with the furniture to get settled in, return and then take their child. Another option would be to send them all on their way, and when they get settled, and are ready for company, have them invite Grandma to visit. And when you go, be sure to make it a fun visit.

It's really hard to let go. You will miss them terribly, as your home will have 3 fewer people in it. You will have to be patient with yourself, and also brave enough not to call them too often. Let them bond as a family and then reach out to call home.

My grown kids don't have babies yet, but when there are job transitions, and they move, I get very antsy until I hear from them and know they are settled, and things are going well in the new place. I have 2 adult kids, and the eldest is less likely to check in than the younger of the two. It's harder for me when she changes jobs, which she does about 3 times a year, as her work is contract based. And while, in contrast to their lives, I am beginning to realize that I have to make MY life interesting. I see myself as basically very boring, while they are traipsing all over the world (or so it seems) in their jobs. I totally enjoy hearing from them and learning about their lives, but I'm realizing that I have to learn to find delight in my own life in order to really keep living. I have 2 more kids at home, 13, and 15, and we wonder daily if we will be as successful when it's time to launch the "next two". I don't know. but I do know that I have to make my own life, too. I have to find things that I am interested in, and focus on them, because no one wants to hear me blab about my kids exciting lives. They might let me babble about my own for a while, but not so much about someone else's.

As YOU go through the transition, begin by thinking about the things you have set aside and haven't been able to do or have easily given up while you made room for the kids to live with you. Find something that interests you that you can do to fill the time. Reach out to yourself and find ways to hug yourself. It will be much more fun to visit them when you feel you have a life at home to go back to.

This is a tough transition time, and it will be hard for all of you. Do your best. That's all we can do. It's okay to cry, it's okay to be lonely -- emotions are okay. They are there and we can't change them. But do your best to stand back and let them build their family boundary around the 3 of them. And then you can be their encourager, comfort blanket when needed, etc., and visits from Grandma will then be exciting for everyone !! :-)