Moving Inn with My Boy Friend.

How about waiting til you're married and THEN moving in together? This would accomplish many things. Here is a short list of a few:
1. A sense of permanence
2. A public declaration of his dedication to you AND your boys
3. A sense of security for your boys
4. A less messy breakup and less confusion for your boys IF it happens
5. A good example of how a man should treat and respect a woman
6. They wouldn't loose you and have to adjust to a new man at the same time
7. It would ensure that the boys view your mothering role as positive in the future

Denise P's response was so great and spot on that I am going to actually copy it here so you can read it AGAIN! (And I'd like to add that you should be together for a MINIMUM of one year before you get married and/or move in together) How old are you??? How many guys have you dated for a few months and then broke up with?? If he really is forever, then another 6 months to make sure shouldn't make a difference in your life, but it sure will make a difference in your children's lives if you discover that things didn't work out afterall and you change their lives AGAIN. If reading this makes you mad, then you aren't as in love as you think, because if you are mature enough to really hear what we're saying then you would be fine with heairng this Ree Al Uh T

How about waiting til you're married and THEN moving in together? This would accomplish many things. Here is a short list of a few:
1. A sense of permanence
2. A public declaration of his dedication to you AND your boys
3. A sense of security for your boys
4. A less messy breakup and less confusion for your boys IF it happens
5. A good example of how a man should treat and respect a woman
6. They wouldn't loose you and have to adjust to a new man at the same time
7. It would ensure that the boys view your mothering role as positive in the future

You want to make a good transition? You want your boys to understand?

Don't treat your boyfriend like your husband until he is your husband. When you get married and your boys attend and see you walk down the isle, they will understand the new relationship. There are lots of books about two people getting married. You can show your oldest the pictures and tell him the story. Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, etc tell a beautiful story.

Don't sell your body for a few kisses. Do it right and get married. Married means comittment. Otherwise its just dating for sex.

Good luck.

Unfortunately for you, I agree with Angie S. when she says you are in the honeymoon phase of a new relationship and it is way too soon for you to be moving in with each other. You and your kids are still learning how to live without their daddy and I think it would be a mistake for you to subject your kids to another man in the house so soon. If you guys love each other so much, then another six months or a year would pass quick enough for all of you to have a clearer idea if it's still what you want. If you moved in with each other now while still in the honeymoon phase, what happens when that phase ends and you might find that you can't really stand each other? Then you're stuck in the same house and your kids will have to deal with the feeling of abandonment all over again. Think about your kids first, you second. How will they learn to treat a relationship if they see Mommy with a new Daddy every year or so? Not saying that this would happen...never know, this guy might be your "happily ever after," but if he loves you so deeply he will wait to move in.

I'm sorry it's not what you wanted to hear, but it's a truth/possibility that is hard to deny.

why are you in such a rush? you have started dating this new guy 6 months ago. wayyy early to even consider anything more than just dating him. your kids need you. their father doesn't live with them anymore, that is heartbreaking to your sons. please, for a year or so, put yourself aside, and think and be there for your boys.
what you're doing is not right. i don't know how else to tell you.

you really should not even think about moving in with a boyfriend until you are married. Why are you even dating? You have 2 little kids to take care of. I bet once you do move in with him your kids will start acting out and feeling left out because you will be giving your boyfriend more attention. I think it's really selfish to move in with some guy that you have only been with for 6 months. You need to take care of your kids and put them 1st. Not just move in with some guy so you can "play" house. That's not teaching your boys good morals.

Hi Jareda. No real advice about switching to mommy not being in the room. A regular bedtime would probably help make it easier, and since they have each other, that might make the transition easier.

On the moving in note, as a child of divorce and having had to deal with a mom who was dating, do what you can to keep the focus on YOUR family - you and the boys. It is VERY tough on kids when parental romantic situations change. I had to deal with 2 marriages, several boyfriends, one live-in that didn't work out. The live-in was tough because it took a LONG time to let down my guard with him, and then after I did, they broke up. If you are lucky, this relationship will work long term and everyone will benefit. But remember, your kids are yours forever; you can't predict where this relationship will go. Every relationship you are in, you are NOT in alone. My mother wanted someone to take care of her and didn't think about this. My sister and I paid the price. Take your time, make sure it's right.

Take care and all the best!

I would transition the boys now. Waiting until the move may cause them to feel like they are being replace or displaced by the new man in your life. Moving them now and simply explaining that it is important for adults to have a space and kids to have a space that is special for them will help keep that from happening.

Yeouch!! I agree with Candice. Sorry. Kids come first. Boyfriend can stay in his own home. You live in yours alone with your children. Things WILL change once he's there. How in the WORLD do you have time to meet a guy and care for your kids?

It's hard to respond to this question without talking about the amount of time you have been dating, marriage, relationships, ect. But you didn't ask us about that, did ya? You want to know how to get the boys to sleep alone, without you, right?
I would start now. I don't know if you have another room in your home, but you need to put them in their own room. Then, every time they get up and come to you you need to wake up, take them back to their room, say "mommy wants you to sleep in your big boy room (or something along those lines)", and go back to your room, alone. It may take some time, and a lot of missed sleep on your side, but it does work! My son used to come into my room all the time (when he was about 18months) and sneak into my bed while I was sleeping. I had to train myself to wake up and put him back in his own room. It took about a week. You just need to be consistent!
That way they don't feel like they are being moved into their own rooms because of the new boyfriend, but because they are "big boys" with their own rooms!

If you truly believe this is going to happen, I would get myself out of their room now so that they don't resent your boyfriend when you do move in together.

so lots of thoughts come to mind and I don't have direct experience with this - but perhaps this might be something for you to consider. While kids are resilient, they tend to be sensitive to change, especially something so personal as where they sleep and their proximity to you when they sleep. I would attempt to try any transition and change in sleeping habits prior to a move elsewhere or his increased presence in the house. That way, they can show you how they are going to cope with the change (it could go off without a hitch - don't know what their personalities are like) or it could be more significant for one or both of them. It might go better if you don't try and change their sleeping habit/routine/place etc at the same time they are adjusting to the new person in the household. Even a good change can cause angst because, well, it's change. Kids like routine usually and like to know what to expect. Just my instincts - maybe I'm overthinking it but that's what I would do for my kids to help ensure a smooth and healthy transition. Also, if there are issues with the change to the sleep routine you're more available to help them through it and not be distracted by the transition you're going through as well with a new member in the household. One step at a time seems to be a good rule... Good luck. I hope this is the beginning of something healthy for all of you. Congratulations.

Well teach them first to sleep in a separate room, before u move in with the bf!! Like that u and ur bf can be alone without being too scared the kids may watch something!! Lol!! But yea first try and make them sleep alone!!!
HI AGAIN WELL I FIRST MOVED IN WITH HIM TO SEE HOW IT WENT BEFORE SAYIN THE "I DO", AND IT WORKED PERFECTLY, DO WAT U FEEL ITS BEST!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wow! I guess no one took into consideration that you might be asking this questions WAY IN ADVANCE in order to make the smoothest transition possible, which, by the way, should be started in advance, in my opinion. I agree with some of them about waiting long enough to be sure actually, but some answers were just downright mean. And I guess I wasn't aware that being a mom meant giving up all life of your own until, what, they turn 18? Every day moms ask questions on here about how to get some of themselves back and get thier own lives and get great advice...

So as for my opinion on transitioning them, I really think you should do it now. That is the advice they give to parents who have a new baby coming, and seems to fit here too. You don't want the kids to think that you are "kicking them out" in preference to him. You don't want them to feel threatened or replaced in any way. So it would probably be best to make a big deal out of moving them into thier own room now and make it exciting and fun. It should be as close as possible to what the new bedroom arrangement will be when you move in together, to minimize the change on them. If you are the one helping them get used to the new bedroom while you still live alone, I think it will go better. And I would definitely make sure the move-in doesn't happen until they are settled into their new rooms and have made the adjustment.

This is going to be just like any other part of accepting a step parent and blending families. Maybe check out a book from the library about gaining a step parent. Good luck!

I find it interesting that poeple didn't seem to read your entire post. You say you are not considering moving in for another 6 months and are thinking things out in advance. This is good. While I agree that when kids are concerned it is best to wait until you are married until you move in together, that is not my call.

(oops! accidentally posted without finishing!)

Anyway, whether or not you are thinking of moving in another person into the house, it is time for the boys to learn to sleep in their own room without you. You say they would be staying in the same room and you and your boyfriend would be taking another one? If that is the case then the transition will be much easier since the location the boys will be sleeping in will not change, just the company. :o) Do you put them down by themselves at this point, and then go to bed yourself at a later time? If not, try that first. This will get them used to falling asleep without you in the room. Next, put a blow-up matress or something in the room that will become yours and just sleep on it one night and see how that goes. They may not even notice! If they wake up in the night and notice that you are gone, just go in to them and assure them you are right in the other room and can hear them if they need something. Then tuck them back up and go out. After a couple of weeks of this, tell them that you miss your bed and are going to move it into your room. Just make sure you do all of this now, so they don't associate the sleeping change with the new man in the house. You don't want them to think he took you away from them. Besides they are plenty old enough to sleep in their own room regardless of what may be happening in 6 months time.

Again, I do think it is best to wait until you and your boyfriend have committed to a forever relationship by getting married before you make him a 24/7 part of your kids' lives. That will make them feel far more secure and help them to commit to a healthy and loving relationship with their new step-dad, and not keep themselves guarded and closed off just in case mama's boyfriend leaves one day. I know it is not popular now and some people think that marriage is just a piece of paper, but that piece of paper equals peace of mind. It makes couples think twice about splitting up just because things have hit a rough patch. That is my opinion and please do not think I am judging you. You have the right to make your own choices and seeing you ask these questions so far in advance tells me you plenty smart and a good mom. It is just my experience with life that compells me to share this advice. :o)

Jareda,
Just my opinion...but I would be less worried about the short term transition and more worried long term effects on your boys if your boyfriend decides to move out or move you out. I personally would not make this HUGE life transition unless he is willing to commit to you as a husband and to your boys as a step-father. Don't rush and please realize that you are modeling how to parent. If your boys were older would you approve of them moving in a girlfriend and kids? Or would you prefer that they wait until they're married and can live as a family. I don't want to get "preachy" just want you to slow down and think about long term. If he truly loves and cares for you and you are willing to wait for a true commitment, things will work out just fine.

Hmmm.
The only person I was serious with several years after my divorce waited 6 months to even meet my children. I wanted to make sure I knew him well enough before I allowed that. We were together 2 years but never lived together. We talked about getting married but then his elderly mother fell ill and he moved away to take care of her. It was devastating. But, the kids and I still had our own home so we weren't completely up ended. His mom had a heart attack and his dad got cancer and he was the only son so he did what he had to do.
I would be afraid to move in with someone I wasn't married to, but that's just me.
It's not a judgement, but a protection thing. You have to look out for yourself and your kids first. A good man will understand that and be willing to wait for you.

As far as the sleeping situation, your kids should be able to get used to sleeping in their own rooms. Or the same room together. That part won't hurt them. It will take some trasition since they aren't used to it, but they can adapt. I think you are smart to do it now and then it won't be tied in with someone else being in the picture, it will just be natural. However, don't be surprised if they back slide a bit when you move in with your boyfriend. If they really like him, they'll want to be in the middle of everything and that's okay to an extent, but if they are used to being in their own beds now, it won't seem like an all the sudden kind of thing.
If they're going to cry and fuss, let them get through that part now.
Honestly, it wouldn't matter if you're married or not. Many people co-sleep but sooner or later adults want their beds back.
October is 5 months away. You have time to work on it and get it worked out.

I wish you the best.