More on My Step Son and Another Question

Hey mamas! I am back. I have an update and another question about my 10 year old step son. There have been some new developments. We finally got some answers. I updated one of my questions but, here is a little background for new mamas. He has been having sleeping problems off and on since January. For the last month and a half, he is going right to bed and sleeping through the night in his new bed. However, on the days when he has to sleep at our house(also at his maternal grandma's) he has been crying. In the last month and a half he has become more and more preoccupied with his mother, calling her and seeming so concerned/worried about her. Last week we found out that a friend of his lost his mother to breast cancer. We had been working with the school counselor and while she was aware of this, she didn't put it together but, now that she knows says the timing makes sense with my DSS's recent behavior. My DSS's grandmother just told us about this last week because she is keeping him now that school is out, so that his mom-her daughter can work. He doesn't want to sleep at her house and is crying to go home like he does when he is here. If we keep him busy and having fun he will forget about things but, the minute he has nothing to do he starts crying, getting upset and wanting to call his mom. We let him call her whenever he wants and he doesn't have to ask. Saturday she told him she would call him at 8 PM. He was obsessed with knowing what time it was and holding his phone everywhere he went. Now that we know about his friend's mother we understand that he could be worried that his mom will die too. We have all been trying to reassure him that she is ok. I have ordered some books recommended by the counselor and we have cut back our visitations with him this summer so that he can spend more time with his mom. He is very upset that he has to stay the night at his grandma's during the week and says he isn't getting enough time to spend with his mom. My husband relayed this to his mom. My husband told her that he really needs her reassurance right now and most importantly her attention. We are really hoping she will make more time for him. There are also a few more aspects to this situation-He does not like his stepfather, says he yells at him and drinks beer a lot. When we picked him up last time he was upset and said that his stepdad had been talking mean to him about crying when he comes over here and how it probably hurts our feelings when he cries and calls his mom, that we don't like for him to call his mom and he doesn't need to call her when he is here. He started crying when he told us this. My step son said that he told his stepdad yeah but, I call my dad from my mom's house all the time so what is the difference and his stepdad said yeah but you dont see your dad as much as you do your mom. We tried to reassure him that it doesn't hurt our feelings, that we love him and we don't like to see him upset and crying, that we want to help him and need to know what is wrong so that we can help him. We told him that he does not have to worry about hurting our feelings, that we just want him to be happy and like we have told him before he is free to talk to his mom when he is here. The final aspect of this is that he is scared of ghosts,haunted things,etc. He won't go in our basement by himself anymore and he used to play there all the time. It is finished , we have a family room down there with some of his toys, his wii etc.and isn't a scary basement, not that I am saying it isn't scary to him-just describing it a little. We have been spending time down there with him so that he can see it is ok. We had family movie and game night down there over the weekend and made ice cream sundaes. We have also been playing with him in his room to try to make him feel more comfortable about being in there. I think that the ghosts and haunted stuff is just a stage as he has slept great here from age 3 1/2 to 9 1/2. His mother also told us last week that they had gone to look at a haunted house back when the sleeping problems began. I dont believe in that type of thing but, apparently she does. She took them to look at it wanted to buy it and fix it up but she was not approved for the loan. Also- the house they live in is a rental and the one behind has the same landlord. Their landlord came into their house a few weeks ago and told them that the house behind them would be empty soon, that they might see some people moving stuff out and after that he wasn't going to rent it out. His mom asked why and he said because the lady that lived there killed herself in the house. MY DSS was there for that conversation. Not good considering he is a child and all that he i already going through. Anyway, weekend before last he and his friend's snuck out of his mom's house and went to the other rental house. They said that they saw the dead lady in the window. You know how kids can be and now it is no wonder he doesn't want to go to sleep....Ok sorry this is so long, now on to my question. My step son told us over the weekend that he loves being here and he loves spending time with us but, that he does not want to sleep here. He said he also does not want to sleep at his grandma's. He asked his grandma to take him home and his mom said no. His mom also said no that he has to spend the night here and his step dad said the same thing. He said he just misses his mom. My husband told him that he would tell her if he did not feel comfortable telling her himself. We originally thought that if we just stick through this and keep supporting him,trying to reassure him that he is ok and his mom is ok that he will outgrow this stage but, now I am beginning to wonder....should we just skip the overnight visits for a while? I hate seeing him so upset. We have already cut his visits short so that he doesn't have to spend as many nights and he is still asking to not have to stay at night at all. He even "forgot" his pajamas last time. We have clothes for him here but, I think he did that as a way to get to go home. He also called his dad the night before asking if he could just come over for the day and then his mom called my husband and said absolutely not that he was coming for the weekend as planned. We don't want him to think he can cry and throw these fits and get his way but, at the same time I don't really think he can control his emotions about this or help how he is feeling? What is your opinion? We have saught after professional help. He is starting professional counseling soon and the school counselor is also helping us since she has been involved this year. Thanks ladies!