Mom Wanting Play Date

Updated on March 19, 2011
J.M. asks from Fox River Grove, IL
16 answers

Hi ladies,

A mom of a girl in my daughter's class keeps trying to get me to bring my daughter over for a play date (me staying to hang out with her). My daughter and the girl are good friends at school, we invited the girl to my daughter's bday party etc. I have talked to the mom on a few different occasions and it is always very awkward to me. I don't know if it is because she is much older than me or that she does not speak English very well (and I don't speak Spanish very well) but I struggle to even maintain a conversation for very short periods of time let alone a couple of hours. I feel like I do get along with pretty much everyone but that being said I just don't feel like kindling a friendship with her I guess. She wants us to come over for dinner as well, on a different night. It is to the point that I feel like I am avoiding her now which is horrible because she really is a sweetheart and like I said our kiddos do really like each other. Has anyone else ever been in a similar situation? Should I just suck it up and go or??? Dropping my daughter off isn't an option because I don't feel that I know the mom well enough to do that.

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answers from Appleton on

After spending time with her you will learn to understand her. The woman is probably lonely and needs a friend.
Offer to help her with her English in a non-threatening way, she will probably appreciate the offer. She is trying to fit in and make friends, years down the road you may find she is the best friend you could ever have. But you have to give her the chance first.

8 moms found this helpful


answers from Chicago on

I say go for it.....This gives you an opportunity to learn some Spanish and for her to learn some English...Please don't shy away from this opportunity...Perhaps she is new to the US or has been here awhile but has been issolated...Give her a chance. This would be a great learning opportunity for the both of you...This doesn't mean you'll be best buddies but it does show kindess. :) Have fun

7 moms found this helpful

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answers from Kansas City on

Well I get what you're saying, but I'd say go. If you don't go for any other reason, then go for the fact that these encounters will help you get to know her better so that you can drop your child off there. If your girls are good friends and you think she's a nice person, then use it as your means to an end and in the process you may (or maybe not) form a friendship.

7 moms found this helpful


answers from Chicago on

I would make an effort but maybe it's because I am often the "rejected mom" who is left out of the mom's groups I have tried and is promised play dates that never end up happening ... it really sucks being the reject mom. I have different views of parenting and living life that do not always match with others rather than a language barrier.

6 moms found this helpful


answers from Dallas on

You could be missing out on a wonderful friendship for all the reasons you mentioned. Language and cultural differances - you could trade family recipies and learn about each others traditions and culture. Wonderful experience for your daughter and good time to show her how to be inclusive and open to new things. Also, she's older. Having an older friend is a great resource for advice and life experiance. I think if you don't take her up on it, it would be your loss.

6 moms found this helpful


answers from New York on

Language barriers can be really tough, I see your frustration. But I say go for it. A girl can always use more friends. :)

5 moms found this helpful


answers from Portland on

I can't tell you what to do, but one thing I would suggest is trying to find some common ground. What is she interested in? Sometimes, that's a good place to open the conversation. Could you both knit or do some crafting together while the kids are playing? Could you swap recipes and do some cooking? Just some ideas....

4 moms found this helpful


answers from San Diego on

Hi Jamie,

You don't mention how old your daughter and friend are but if there is a good friendship between the girls that is really important because it could last for a long time. Perhaps this other mother senses it as well and is trying very hard (it seems to me) to be friendly to you and your family. I say suck it up, what will it hurt? At most, you get to know her better in a different setting and despite the language barrier (which I think is brave of her to try because english as second language speakers tend to be shy because of their language skills) you may have a good time. You may even feel comfortable dropping your daughter off in the future and vice-versa. If it was me, I'd go in a heartbeat I like meeting new people from different places. Good luck!

4 moms found this helpful


answers from New York on

Could you meet somewhere other than your house or hers? Maybe the park or an indoor playpark? Just a thought... that way you both have to actively supervise the kids and you aren't pressured into staying for a meal.

You could also accept the offer to have a playdate at their home, but let her know that you have an afternoon appointment and need to leave by a certain time! Keep it short (2 hours at the most) and suggest doing an activity with your girls (baking, crafting, scrapbooking, etc) so that you have something to talk about.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Chicago on

I like the mom's suggestion of doing an activity at her home. LIke a craft, or making cookies, or something.

It allows you to have a focus for conversation so you're not sitting there across the table forcing small talk. It also allows you to loop in the kids, which can be a nice distraction when you need it.

I'm often the odd mom out, so I would hope that someone I got the courage up to ask over wouldn't blow me off.

You don't have to be friends of the century or anything, but making the effort would be appreciated by her, I'm sure. Just put yourself in her shoes.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Pocatello on

I would agree with the other moms and go. My best freind and I have a language barrier, and at first I worried if it would be too much trouble as well.

If not for anything else, do it for the kids. Finding good friends is really hard for kids, and if you don't help your daughter foster this friendship because you don't want to be "buddies" with the girl's mother, your daughter will feel the tension and might not hold on to a friendship that is good for both her and the other girl. Plus, it is a SMART idea to go over and really get to know how this other household works. Someday, if your daughter's friendship lasts with this girl- she will probably want to go over for sleepovers- kids parties- etc, and it would be kind of unfair to deny her if your only reason was that you didn't know the parents/household well enough, and you were unwilling to try.

Do you have to be best buds with this mom? No. But try to find your common ground - whatever it is. Chances are she just wants to know what kind of family her daughter's friend is around, and by taking the opportunity to get to know her, you'll both benefit, as well as your children. I have hung out with people that may not be my first choice in friends for the sake of my daughter plenty of times!

Good Luck!

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Washington DC on

I wonder if it's a cultural difference?

Maybe have a meet up at a kiddie event where you interact, but the kids also have something and you have a defined start and end time.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Shreveport on

I agree with a lot of the other mothers. Go, this could potentially be a great friend for you. The language barrier is a problem now, explain this to her and maybe she can work on it a little more. But don't count her out competely because of that. If your child and her child get along well, chances are you and her will also.



answers from Erie on

Made me smile because a mom from russia kept badgering me the same way, because i wasn't as into it I invited them over, and like someone else suggested i would have an activity and a clearly defined start and end.

this mom, yammered on, and i only caught about half of it, what i did catch was a lot of Why are you making the cookies like that? we would never do that were i am from, and alot of stuff about her hobby gardening that i have no interest in. it was just a very very akward playdate, and she hasn't asked to come back since,
so if you feel like being the bigger person and giving her a chance go for it, but my guess is if you don't click you don't click. and it's probably less the language and just more that you don't click. so don't feel bad about it.



answers from Las Vegas on

I know this problem a little too. Dropping off your child with someone you dont know all that well yet, it a little scary. But time to get to know them will come to pass. As far as you getting to know the mother, take a chance and try. Our neighbors, whom speak both english and spanish took awhile to get know. They were so friendly, always inviting us over and most of their guest could speak both languages. When they would start talking in spanish, I would laugh and say okay, im going home, because i have no clue as to what you are saying, they would just hug us and say sorry, sometimes we forget. It has been 7 years now and we spend holidays and many events and just time together. We are getting ready to move and they are too and they told us, if we move first, help them find a house in the same neighborhood so we can remain neighbors.. How cute is that. It can be fun and exciting to have a new friend and learn something about them. She seems to like you and want to be around you. You have nothing to loose and a friendship to gain.



answers from Pittsburgh on

Yes-and it really does make me feel bad. My neighbor is one of the nicest people that you ever would meet but for the life of me I cannot understand her. It makes it really difficult to hang out with her.

If I were you I would go over and hang out with her once and set a time limit of an hour or so. By doing this you will get to know her better and be able to determine if you would let your daughter there without you. Hopefully the answer will be yes and then you won't have to worry about it. Just send her over alone.

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