Living Back with Parents (As an Adult)

I lived with my parents for about 1.5 years when I was 28. We had a long discussion about what was expected of me. I got a discount on rent by cleaning their house, and I was expected to cook so many meals, shop, etc. It worked out great. But I do suggest you try to be proactive about it. Discuss expectations and needs before you move in.

We moved back in with my folks when we were between houses. We stayed 5 months. What we did, was make sure the house was always super clean, and we bought groceries all the time, and did laundry. My mom and I made dinner together lots of times and cleaned up together lots of times. We gave them money for utilities if they would take it. And they were always loving and gracious to us, and they babysat our then baby for us, all the time. We didn't have to do daycare. It was nice. I say just respect your parents, be giving, and mind whatever you know they like and don't like. You remember those things from when you lived there years ago. Don't let your mom get on your nerves with her anal attitudes, just try to respect them. And above all, make your kids be respectful of their home, and respectful of them. That will make your parents want you to move out faster than you can know. Make sure you sit down with your parents and let them know what YOU expect when it comes to disciplining the kids too. That would be something first off I would do that way no one steps on anyones toes. Good luck. You are lucky to have parents like that who will bring you back into their home.

I survived it! My first husband left me with two small children and less than a dollar. Yeah, mom and i bumped heads, but the big picture is, they were there when I needed them! We both made changes in our lifestyles. Your parents sound like mine, layed back Dad, extemely neat mom. We communicated like adults and made it through a whole year!

First, go into it realizing that you are going to be living in their home and you need to do things "their" way. Do not assume that just because you live there and they are home, that they are willing or don't mind babysitting. Be very "johnny on the spot" when your kids need something; don't assume mom and/or dad will/can handle it. They are your kids; you must be the one to take care of them.

I think if you go in catering to the way they do things, and you take the lead in caring for your kids and cleaning up behind them, things should work out well. Also, try to take the kids and leave the house for hours at a time to give them some breathing room.

Good luck. You really are lucky to have parents to help you out.

The best advice I can give is to keep your living space picked up and cleaned up as much as is humanly possible. Your mom probably can't stand your clutter. Respect it.

If the kids make a mess, enlist them to help you or grandma clean it up. Just because dad is laid back doesn't mean that you can be. It's his house.

I'd also take the kids out as much as you can. Library time, play ground, etc. Find everything that's free that you can. Make sure that the kids go by grandma's rules.

I hope you can get studying done while being with the kids. I'm sure that's really hard.

Dawn

first and foremost i would sit down with your parents and discuss some ground rules. what they expect, what you expect, chores, rent, bills, meals, etc. that is SO important. i would also set an end date. so that you all have a clear idea of what to expect. it won't work if you all have DIFFERENT ideas of what to expect.

i moved in with my mom for a very short time, but it was a completely different story, and only for a couple of months. so i can't really tell you what to expect - but i do know that as an adult (and as a mom as well) you will want independence and freedom you didn't get as a child. it may be hard for mom and dad to adjust to that. or it may be hard for you, if they expect you to help out as an adult, and you're prepared to move back in and be a "kid" again. bottom line- COMMUNICATE. or it won't work.

Stay off the radar--keep up with your "stuff" and pitch in asynchronous as humanly possible.
I believe that no matter put age, when we 'move back in' we are all 12 again!
Perfect gratitude. Eliminate attitude.
Keep your eye on the prize!
Good luck!

oof.
it will be very hard for your parents to step out of the habit zone and treat you as another adult, not as a child. you'll probably have to be pretty patient about that, but also about reasserting yourself as a mother in your own right as well as an adult.
putting things in writing beforehand is a really good idea. and maybe pre-agreeing on methods of conflict resolution, as conflicts will surely arise.
but i'm sure you'll get through it. it's what good families do. and bless your folks for stepping in to help you while you need it!
khairete
S.

I think a contract is a good idea.
It should spell out rent, groceries, utilities, baby sitting privileges (don't expect them to always watch after your kids all the time), chores/upkeep, friends/boyfriends/overnight guests, what happens if you or the kids damage anything (security deposit) and as much as possible exactly when you expect to be moving out (when you graduate? when you get a job? etc).

I have experience with adult kids living with parents, but from the other side. My husband's daughter and her husband, 6 y/o and infant were living in our home for almost a year - and it was NOT FUN! We agreed to let them live here while they were looking for a house with just a loose understanding that they would "help out with groceries, housekeeping & utilities."

They never gave us money, and my husband didn't feel comfortable asking his daughter. His reasoning was 'well, they must not have it to spare.' Of course I didn't feel it was my place b/c she was my step-daughter, though she and I were both adults when I married her dad. We had more of a cordial friendship which was great.

It put a huge strain on all parties involved, including her 2 kids and my husband & my 2 kids. They ended up moving out without any major fighting, but the resentment is still there.

All i'm trying to say is this: If you decide to do this, have an honest discussion BEFORE moving. I think it can work as long as everyone is on the same page and there is open and honest communication.

I moved back w/ my parents in my early 20s for about 3 months before a big move up north. HORRIBLE! Just like being a teen again with all their rules, including what time to be home at night.

Husband and I moved in w/ his parents while we re-settled back in town a few years later. WONDERFUL. Treated us as adults.

So I'm going to guess if you had a difficult time w/ them the first time around, it's probably going to be a similar situation. Good luck!

Talk about expectations BEFORE you move in, and come to some sort of understanding of what things matter most to your parents, and to you. Once you've moved in, schedule times to talk about how things are going, and whether changes need to be made. Talk about the fact that you are an adult, now, and not their teenage child, and then BEHAVE like an adult.
Good luck.

I moved back in with my parents when I was pregnant with my daughter and stayed for a while after she was born.
I love them and am glad they were willing to let me stay there, but never again, no matter how dire my situation.

I wouldn't recommend it. Your are already saying your mom is "anal" but it is her house, she can be however she wants. I can tell you that my daughter moved in for about two months with husband and two kids while they were building a house and I could not wait for them to leave. I couldn't have ever made it for a year and half. I would rather pay their rent for them. Seriously. Possibly you see your dad as more laid back but he is used to your mom handling all of it and most likely also likes it that way. He just leaves the nagging to your mom.

If you do it you must follow her rules - all of them. Even if you think it's stupid or that you can do it later, for her that isn't going to work and it will come to blows sooner or later.

Good Luck! If you can't do things the way your parents do don't let it become an issue - Move out. I can say for me it wasn't the kids at all, they were fine, it's the parents and the lack of respect for how we wanted things done, put away, cleaned up etc. Yep, right away, not tomorrow. It will be much like being a teenager again for you and for your parents.