Kids and Chores - Lutherville Timonium,MD

I find it hilarious that his friend backed him up. I would have put the friend to work, too, and if he refused he could have gone home.

I have two boys, 10 and 16, and they've both done chores since they could walk. They started by putting away toys and we built from there. I won't list all of the chores, but they do a lot and do the chores without complaining. They will be able to move out someday and take care of a home successfully. They can cook, clean every part of the house, do yard work, and are learning to repair and renovate, too. We live on a farm so there is always something to do. They also care for animals.

This teaches them to be responsible and we spend lots of time as a family doing chores, as well. It's not like they're working and I'm sitting atoning eating bonbons. ;)

There is still plenty of time for homework and fun, too!

My kids are responsible for emptying the compost bucket, cleaning the cat litter boxes, cleaning the toilets, watering the indoor and outdoor potted plants, raking the leaves in the fall and cleaning and setting the dining table. They also have to do their fair share of shovelling the walkways and driveway in the winter. They are 9 and 12.

Oh please.

My 4 year old has chores. She has to keep her room clean, folds her laundry, puts away the dishes she can reach, helps me sweep, wipes walls, wipes tables/counters, etc. Every day she does 3 chores- two are her chores (cleaning after herself... Like her room or laundry...) and one is a general chore. (Sweeping, dishes, etc.) In addition, if I am doing a chore she is expected to pitch in somehow. (I usually do most of the cleaning when she is doing her chores, so it's not like she is constantly working. Lol.) I have had her helping me from the time she was old enough to hold a rag and attempt to wipe... So it has become so ingrained in her that she now automatically starts helping whenever she sees someone cleaning. (Which really backfires when we go out to eat or if she sees a mess at the store. Lol.)

I had chores growing up, as did every friend I had. (I know, because I helped them do them when I visited.) heck, you wanna talk chores? Try living on a family farm... Gotta feed animals, clean poop, and check water before even getting a chance to get showered for school! Then come home and take care of any household chores, along with repeating an extended version of the morning chores again.

I believe that everyone who lives in a household should contribute to the keeping of it. I also believe that children's main jobs should be learning and enjoying childhood. Part of learning includes caring or a home, and learning how to contribute to a household.

It's no wonder the younger generations are being considered entitled if they think they have the right to dictate the job assignments in the house! Smh.

Children need to be taught how to do theses things, so they will grow up and know how to take care of their own homes. Cleaning, organizing, editing and getting rid of things no longer needed or wanted.

I recall being in charge of cleaning the bathroom at about 4th grade. One time my mom checked it out and said, "You need to clean the bathroom correctly, you did not use the cleanser just water."

She was right. I did not think it was a big deal, but when she explained the cleaners are what actually cleaned and sanitized the bathroom, I understood the need to wipe it down using cleanser and then wiping it and rinsing it.

Children need to have the structure of a scheduled time for these things so that it will become a natural habit and this will continue in their own lives, when they move away.

To make it more palatable for the younger child, give her choices. Do you want to set the table with the regular dishes or the fancy dishes?

Do we want to eat outside on the picnic table or the formal dining room? Go and set the table on the patio.

Also I am sure you already do this but asking a child to "straighten the play room" is abstract. Children do better with, direct instructions. While you are in the playroom, make sure there is nothing on the floor that should be on the shelves. Put all of the books back on the shelves. , Be sure to empty the trash can in there, Be sure to put all of the game pieces in the correct boxes. All of your personal items, need to be taken back to your room and put where they belong.

Chores are good for children. This home belongs to all of you and is a reflection of all of you. Families take care of the home together.

My three boys aged 9, 8 and 6 have a list of chores to do each week. Sometimes they do it with a good grace, but most of the time they whinge about being my servants. I told them that that was the reason I had children. Last week they were washing their grubby hand marks off the walls, polishing the fridge, cleaning the stainless steel in the bathroom, tidying their room, dusting the living room, vacuuming and wiping down the kitchen cupboards. For some reason NONE of them are capable of sweeping the floors properly so I do that. I swear, it would be quicker and easier if I just did it all myself, but they need to know how to work, and contribute.

Of course children should have jobs to do. If they're part of the family they need to help out. Parents do all the big stuff (like going out to work), but everyone should contribute to the household and keeping the family going.

Um, what? Children should be waited on? No. It is your job to teach them how to be responsible people. How are they supposed to know how to clean their own houses someday if you do everything and don't teach them? I had to teach friends how to do laundry in college and I thought that was crazy. What had their parents expected them to do for clean clothing?

My 7 year old helps me sort laundry, she picks up her room, brings her dishes to the dishwasher and rinses them off, etc. There's no choice, so there's no arguing.

Your house your rules.
Your SIL can do what she wants but try not to laugh too much if she ever starts complaining about being a household drudge.

Privileges are constantly earned by good behavior and getting chores done.
If your 8 yr old wants to do nothing then he will earn no screen time (tv, computer, video games, etc).
Everyone helps everyone in our house - we all do chores - it's part of being a family and part of living here.
Our son loads the dishwasher and puts away the clean dishes.
He takes out the trash and recycling and takes the cans to the curb on collection day (and brings them back in).
He helps unload and put away groceries.
He does his own laundry (no kid of mine is going off to college as a laundry virgin) and he helps with anything we ask him to help with - like washing and vacuuming out the car.
He helps me in the garden, takes kitchen scraps to the neighbors chickens, and Dad's taught him the proper way to cut a tree down with a chain saw.
We have a lot to teach him to help prepare him to be a well rounded adult.
We've very proud of him and we get many complements on what a great kid he is from his teachers and taekwondo and archery instructors.

Does your SIL have kids? I laugh because in 20 years, I am sure her kids will still be expecting her to cater to them....if they have even left the house :)

Yes, kids should have chores. The whole family needs to help out with the house. Even a toddler can do their share. You are NOT being unreasonable, but yes, some kids these days are being waited on and that is where their sense of entitlement comes.

I started laughing when I read that the friend said they were 'grown up jobs'. What the heck?

When I was eight, I was doing laundry, doing dishes, helping with trash/cleanups, picking rocks out of the garden, cleaning my room, vacuuming, raking the yard, making my lunch for school and so much more.

Your SIL is laughable. I know women like this. Just don't say "I told you so" when their kids move back in with them because jobs are "hard".

My son is seven. He's expected to help set the table, he vacuums the areas of the house which need cleaning, he is expected to have his room relatively passable, bed made nice each morning, help in the garden in whatever capacity I ask (usually watering or picking berries or emptying buckets of yard debris when I'm working); he washes the kitchen floor for 'extra' money (his allowance is small, he is offered 'dollar jobs' as they come up after the regular 'family/self help' jobs are done). He even has a small broom and dustpan I bought him last year after I got tired of saying "eat over the table" and is expected to tidy up when we ask.

Wait on children? Ha! Our son knows how to get his own fizzy water, make himself a sandwich, get out yogurt or cereal, and golly gee, clean up after himself. Hungry? He asks and then can get himself a carrot, some almonds or other healthy snacks-- he just asks us first.

I also plan on avoiding a lot of embarrassment when he hits his adolescent years by having him to his own laundry by the time he's 11. That way I don't have to know about the state of his sheets or socks. (Sorry, kinda crude, but that's just based on what I know about boys and guys in general.)

Overall, I guess it's going to be one of those situations where we tell our kids "well, every family is different", right? :) Teaching kids to do chores isn't just about making them 'do work', it's also about giving them a lot of foundation for how to do these things when they are gone away from home. Eventually I'll be expecting, in his teens, that he helps with making dinner so he knows how to cook for himself, and not just out of boxes.

I'm sure some parents love doing laundry for their college-aged kids, and one day I might feel like doing Kiddo's laundry when he's home visiting: but out of love, not because I feel I 'have to' because he never learned when he was younger.

i started "saturday" chores with my kids a few months back. Between my 2 kids they have to vacume the upstairs, and clean their bathroom: wipe down mirror, sink, counter, toilet seat, sweep and empty the trash. As long as their toy room and bedroom are picked up they can finish in 10 mins. The point here is that they help out and doing it on a regular basis keeps it quick. we also have them help out with other things throughout the week as needed.

It is important for kids to learn that everyone pitches in around the house to make it a home. IMO the only thing you did wrong here was in waiting so long to start, my kids have been helping with small stuff since they were toddlers and we have added responsibility with age. We also pay them a small allowance, which they save 20% of in a special jar, to learn about money management and the importances of saving. How much they get depends directly on how well they do their chores and if they manage to get their daily and weekly tasks done without me having to nag them. They are the same age as your kids but have been doing their current list for a couple of years now, which includes nightly dishes, keeping rooms clean, cleaning their own bathroom, and sweeping/moping the stairs and downstairs areas.

Your house, your rules!

I agree with you totally... kids need to have responsibilities as children to help them grow to be responsible adults!

Attitudes like your SIL are why there are so many kids with the "entitlement" attitude that you see so often now......

My kids were doing their own laundry by the time they were in middle school..... they also helped in the kitchen and other jobs around the house. No, I don't have a spotless house (far from it... I never could get the nack of keeping it clean), but as far as I know, the kids were happy.....

I went to visit a cousin one time who'd married a widower with a young child. She raised this boy as her own, she was one of those teachers that we always want our kids to have because they're just meant to be teachers. She was patient and kind and loving.

When we went to visit he was a teen, maybe 13-14.

I asked him where I could get a glass and he didn't know. I asked him how he got drinks of water and he said "mom gets it for me". I asked him what if it was the middle of the night and he said "She gets it for me".

I was appalled.

I asked her about it the next day. She told me she enjoyed doing things for her family because it showed her love for them. I asked her what was going to happen when he got out on his own. She said he'd learn how to take care of himself while he was on his mission....mmmmmmm, okay.

Teaching children to be responsible adults is a parents job. Making it a horrible experience with tears and punishment and terror isn't the way to do it.

Rewarding kids for participating will teach them more.

BUT that's not setting it up like a paycheck. It's little things like a hug later, after the work is done, saying how much you appreciate them helping keep their space/home clean. Taking everyone who completed a job out for ice cream, but leaving the ones who didn't finish completely at home is how they'll learn.

Taking that one the did an exceptional job to the store with you then letting them pick out a toy as a thank you.

Rewards are awesome but paychecks? They don't mean much.

I think if you're going to do an allowance it needs to be for being a family member and not for working. Regardless of activity in the family.

Getting something special and unexpected is a way to offer incentive without it being a paid position is better.

your 8 year old's friend doesn't get a say. the 8 year old hooligans who grew up in my kids' wolfpacks would have insisted that no kids get chores, all kids run wild as late as they want, and should be able to eat anything they want and never pick up after themselves.
never give wolflings a say in your family's dynamics.
your SIL is perfectly free to wait on her pups hand and foot and let them grow to be as incompetent and entitled as she likes.
i think you're WAY behind the curve. kids should be helping out around the house from the moment they can pick up toys in their chubby little hands and toddle to the toybox.
khairete
S.

I have learned over the years that I don't really like input about my household from others. The only way to control it or keep it to a minimum is to not discuss it. It doesn't always work that way, but it keeps their opinions down. For a variety of opinions, ask here. You will get your share.

There is nothing wrong with your children having chores. Many families have done it and I have never heard of a child burned out on life because they had to take out the trash. Actually, many successful people have stories about the chores they had to do as a kid.

It is your home and if you want to teach your kids responsibility, you are not unreasonable. It is no one's business how you teach it. I am sure SIL is not interested in discussing her 21 YO's need for a lunch room mom. Oh, I bet she would put up a big fight there.

Keep teaching your children you values. They will grow up and be just fine.

This is amazing! I can't imagine a house where all of the residents didn't have some kind of responsibility to contribute! I used to joke to my mom that the reason she had me and my little brother was so that I could do dishes and my brother could take out the trash... and we could both program the VCR. Now I have a 4 yo and a 15 month old, and you can bet that they have chores! I add on as they grow bigger and more able to do tasks. My 4 yo clears her place after she eats a meal, and puts her and her sister's toys away after they play. She also packs her backpack every morning, and if she forgets to pack it, then her snacks and toys get left behind -- I don't go back for them. Only happened one time. She's starting to help me with laundry now -- matching socks and "folding" her underwear. Even the 15 month old is learning to do stuff, because she copies her sister. I'm teaching her to put her shoes away when we get home, now that she just started walking, and she "helps" to put toys away. And they're at the age where they want to please mommy and daddy, so it's a great time to teach about teamwork and everyone pitching in. We even have dance parties when we're done with chores, just like my mom did with us when we were little (I'm hearing Barry Mannilow and Michael Jackson LPs in my mind as I type).

The only thing I won't have them do until they're alot older is using chemical cleaners. Eventually, they can use soap to wash dishes, but I seldom use bleach or harsh cleansers in the house to begin with unless they're not home (which is rare, because I work full time, and they go to daycare where I work), because of the fumes.

I wonder who your SIL thinks will take care of her children when they grow up and leave her house? Or is she hoping they never will? I guess she doesn't want grandkids, and plans on being immortal and always in perfect health? Interesting.

You hang in there -- your kids will thank you when they're adults!

No, and neither is your eight year old. Your expectations, his response to change, totally reasonable. Your SIL, if she actually said wait on them, which I think you are putting into your own words, is being unreasonable. But here's the question - why does she know what policies you have in your home? Why are you asking here? This is the policy you've chosen. You know it worked in your childhood. You don't need her or our permission. Trust yourself.

Is his friend in charge of your house? Anytime the kids rolled up with "but so and so can..." it would be an automatic no. They're not my kids. I don't care about them.

Your SIL and your kid's friend are both not the boss of your house. My DH infamously didn't make the sks pick up when he only had visitation and his roommate said, "You know, my parents didn't make me pick up, either." DH looked at the guy's horrible room and started making the kids pick up. Chores are, IMO, training. Teaching life skills. Teaching children pride of work and pride of home. Teamwork. Responsibility. Sure, YOU can do it all forever, but why? It's not like at 18 the kid will go, "I know everything. I'm an adult. Watch me do laundry and balance my budget." Will you go to their homes when they are grown and keep cleaning? When they go to college, will they know how to do their own laundry?

Your SIL is the one who is hurting her kids, in my opinion. She's teaching them that they don't have to do anything and not giving them pride in a job well done. There are lists of very reasonable chores out there for kids. You should review them. Maybe encourage SIL to do so. The example of the 21 yr old is spot on.

If your 8 yr old is balking at chores, then what is the consequence? When I was 12, Mom made us do laundry. The consequence was no clean clothes if we didn't do our chore. She didn't do the laundry for us. No jeans? Your own fault.

I would revisit the chart and explain to the 8 yr old that everyone was going to pitch in. This is part of being a part of the family. A part of living in this house. Of having toys. Etc. Break down what s/he has to do and when and work through it. My SD was not allowed to go hang out with friends til her room was clean. She could do it quickly or take all weekend, but it had to be done. Her choice lead to her own consequence.

If your SIL is a control freak, that's the problem right there. Nobody will live up to her expectations, so her opinion? Well, I'd take it with a huge grain of salt.

You are doing the RIGHT thing with your son. Sounds like there's a family tradition of dependency you need to break.

Your 8 year old is a boy (you said 'his'), but you didn't say what gender your 10 year old is. I have 3 boys (9, 6, 4). They do chores. I am doing my future daughters-in-law a favor by teaching them how to clean a house!

There are plenty of kids that leave for college and have NO IDEA how to do laundry...parents are doing such a disservice to their kids!!

My 4 and 6 yr old do chores. And some for $$, too.

If you ask me, people like your SIL are contributing to the group of self-entitled people in the world today that think everything gets handed to them. The real world becomes a shocking place for them to live as adults when they learn that they have to earn things for themselves.

Um. My kids have been helping around the house since they could walk. (They're now 9 and 12.) My thought is that since they live in this house, they need to help keep it up. They help with laundry, doing the dishes, setting the table, clearing the table when we're done eating, cooking (simple dishes), preparing food, grocery shopping (they get a portion of my grocery list when we go shopping, so they've learned to compare prices, etc), cleaning the house... all kinds of things. I don't have a chart, I just encourage them to help out if they see something that needs to be done, and if I need help, I'll ask them to help. And they do, usually pretty cheerfully. Of course, I thank them when they are done - and actually, now when I do housework for them (folding their laundry, for example), they thank me. I think it's good for kids to understand all of the hard work that it takes to keep the household going. It also encourages them to take more care with not leaving things out all over the place, not throwing their clothes on the floor, and all of that. I don't think it's doing them a service for them not to have any responsibility, or worse, to view Mom as a servant. That's not setting them up for success in life.

Our 11 and 8 year olds do daily routines for chores. They just took the garbage and recycling out by themselves. They set the table, help wash the dog, fold towels, sort their laundry, put away their laundry, do the dishes (they love to do them, but we are working on their hand washing skills), make their beds daily, keep their rooms and bathroom clean, keep the playroom clean. They do a lot around here, as I list it out. I'm hoping to teach them how to cook this year too. They love to bake, but aren't too excited about helping when dinner prep rolls around. Honestly, my kids' chores take them about 15-30 min max a day and they are just little things here and there. I don't feel like I ask that much of them. We do expect them to contribute though, since we can't run this place ourselves with us working full time.

There is nothing unreasonable about it. The only thing I would question is cloroxing the bathroom. I wouldn't want my kid handling bleach at that age.

In my house, everyone who walks on the floor is expected to take a turn mopping it. Everyone who eats is expected to put their dishes in the dishwasher. Everyone who wears clothing is expected to do laundry. Everyone who shits and showers is expected to take a turn cleaning the bathroom.

Hi, C.W.
Personal responsibility is taught and learned by children.

Why do you think we have so much welfare? People have been taught
that they don't have to be personally responsible for their thinking and actions.

Why did you allow your sons friend to be disrespectful to you.
Where was the "Honor your father and mother in that conversation?"
I believe there is a discipline problem with your 8 year old son and yourself.

You need to get a handle on that or you will regret it for the rest of your life.

Just saying.
D.

You are not being unreasonable, but yes, most parents don't expect anything from their children. They fail to see that by assigning chores you are teaching responsibility and also HOW TO CLEAN. People are not born knowing how to clean any more than they are born knowing how to drive. It is taught. Kids also need to understand that mom and dad are not their hired help. This is why kids have entitlement issues - no one expects anything from the kids, yet they allow the children to expect EVERYTHING from them. I can't wait until your SIL's kids are grown and she finds them living in a pig sty. Why? Because they don't know how/what to clean and they are waiting for someone to do it for them. Those kids will make their kids do the housework because it is not THEIR job! You just wait - your time for a huge laugh and "I told you so" is coming - guaranteed!