what does it mean when a 21 year old acts all tough and almost mad at a doctor/nurse when they are setting/ fixing a broken wrist? I that normal? I'm only asking because I don't really know all that much about my new boyfriend Jordan, and he acted this way when I went with him to the hospital (my idea to go). Could this just be his way of showing pain?
I am very confused by this reaction, would someone not be happy, or thankful to have an injury fixed?
I am going to talk to his brothers or maybe his mom tomorrow about this, but any insight you could give would be greatly appreciated.
I'm not sure if it's mad... more ungrateful?
He said things like, "What are you doing?" "How long is this gunna take?" "Stop it!" ( the last one was when the nurse in emergency kept asking him the same questions, trying to i believe make sure that he didn't have any head injuries (the break was
from a him crashing his dirt bike a couple days ago, and when he wasn't using his hand, and it was still swollen i made him go to emerge.)
So I asked his mom, as to not give his ego another blow, and she said that all her boys do this from time to time, not that she thinks that it is a good thing, but they do this when they are forced into medical treatment and they don't know if it can be afforded. Their parents fell into hard times when they were younger and Jordan and his brother Zak, both had "home treatments" for a broken bone, after their other brother Corey used up the insurance with a broken collarbone. It's horrible, but now I know. So i explained to him that it doesn't matter what it costs, that he needs to be fixed when it is needed. He gave me this puppy dog look with a kind of how-do-you-know-thats-why look and gave me a big hug. I guess the poor guy was just confused as to what different people were telling him that he should, or could do for a broken wrist. He went on to tell me a story about the last time he broken his wrist (not the same one) and his aunt had to reset it for them because his family had NO MONEY at all, and she gave him drinks until he was too drunk to feel it, popped it into place, put a brace on it, and wrapped the brace with a tensor bandaid.
Still going with Red Flag but not going to stop the relationship over one incident. If it happens again, its over.
but for now he seems much calmer, watching tv, having a beer, distracted from the cast.
Not normal. That sounds immature and very rude. I would have been mortified by his behavior.
I'm sorry but I see a huge red flag ..... As in deal
breaker. Don't sell yourself short. You deserve someone better..... You know, someone with manners that shows common courtesy to people.
I'm not trying to be rude or cruel. Just honest. You are young.... Don't waste time with this guy. He's not the kind of man you want to marry.
I think if you're asking this question, other things lead you to wonder about him as well.
Trust yourself. If you feel like something isn't right, it's not. If he seems like an angry guy, then he is. You haven't known him very long, it's easier to cut ties now. Only you can answer if you need to, or not.
Well, this is just my opinion. I could be wrong. Sorry if I am.
But, here goes.....
Dude is 21. Sorry for being bluntly honest, but 21 year old males can still be a bit immature.
Add broken wrist (serious pain) plus a new girlfriend he may be trying to impress, that could equal the go straight to caveman act-tough-in-the-face-of-danger response.
He can't have you thinking he's a wuss, can he?
Not that you would, but a 21 year old macho man can't risk that.
Now, if he generally acts like a jerk in everyday situations, behaving that way at a restaurant for example...
Run and don't walk away from that situation.
HUGE red flag. Any man who treats badly those whose job it is to help or provide a service are douchebags.
Run while you still can.
ETA: Another red flag...he's calming himself with beer and TV?
Here's a reality check for you: Never become involved with a man unless you can imagine having a son EXACTLY LIKE HIM.
In the spirit of giving him the benefit of the doubt, he may have been in pain and nervous of what was going to happen, so instead of showing that pain to his new girlfriend he decided to show his tough guy side and came off as mad. Yes, it would be normal and mature to show some reservation, concern and gratuity to the medical staff.
Although you are concerned enough to get our perspective and will be talking to his family about it, it's a red flag in this new relationship you should not ignore. Maybe he has an angry disposition and if he's angry at folks who are helping him (but making him uncomfortable) who knows what might trigger him.
Just keep your eyes open and if you start to feel uncomfortable in the relationship, end it. Trust your gut.
Is this normal? Yes, for young adults lacking coping skills & maturity.
The fact that you had to initiate seeking medical treatment also proves his immaturity. How long would he have waited to seek treatment if you hadn't "man'd up" for him? Anyone in pain should have the common sense to seek treatment, especially after days of it!
I would seriously think twice before consulting his family. His "macho" act will probably not take another ego blow....if you go behind his back. :)
&.....sorry.....his whole behavior is NOT what I would want in a relationship. :)
I agree with your two answers below. But I think my flag would definitely be flyin' with this one. Don't know how this happened and it could have a lot to do with his anger. But he still shouldn't be taking it out on the doc or nurse. A broken wrist is painful, I've had one, but it's not that bad, I've had worse. He could have anger issues that you don't want any part of.
Just sayin'
Trust your self
I don't think it's normal.
I've known kids and adults who've broken bones, and they might be mad at themselves for being injured (more like doing something stupid which caused the injury) and having to deal with a cast for 6-8 weeks, but to be angry at the doctor/nurse who's trying to help you is just bizarre and inappropriate.
Be glad you found out about this early in the relationship - it's a red flag.
Misplaced anger is still an anger issue and it would not hurt for him to attend an anger management class.
My reaction to his reaction would be to move on and find a boyfriend who doesn't have anger issues.
You don't want to be in a position to be on the receiving end of his wrath.
If he didn't have a head injury, I would say that he sounds like a butthead. Saying "stop it" when a medical professional is asking you questions to determine how to care for you is stupid and immature, no matter how much pain a person is in.
Wow, I'm sorry but he sounds like a big baby :(
Keep using birth control, make sure he grows up, and that you are married AND that he has a job BEFORE you have kids!
I am more wondering HOW this happened and what was his state of mind going into the appointment. If you do not know it is quite painful to have this done so if he is a "macho man" and seeing you are in the south I think it is safe to assume yes, then that is him trying to not seem like a whimp infront of his new girlfriend. No matter what, bottom line - immature is where I went right away and where I stayed thru to the end with his mindframe.
He sounds very immature and I wonder if he has something to hide from the nurses or doctors. Why didn't he seek help right away? Was he drinking or using something that would get him in trouble? His reactions sound like someone who uses drugs, they can become very irate and sometimes violent.
My experience in life tells me that this is a big red flag and you should consider finding a new BF. If this is how he is treating people that are trying to help him it won't be long before you are being treated this way too.
red flags red flags red flags!
either he was on something at the time that was causing him to react more aggressively than usual (red flag) or he's naturally a jerk (even bigger red flag.)
if i go out to a restaurant with somebody and they treat the server poorly, no matter how awesome they are to me, i always always always find them to be asshats. this has been such a reliable barometer that i do, actually, judge people on this now.
i'd take a pass on this new BF, or at the very least proceed cautiously and with eyes wide open.
khairete
S.
This would alarm me too.
I understand being in pain. I understand lashing out towards a caregiver, but IMO there should still be some respect there. My husband is an ER RN and I have to admit some folks are just plain old arses!! The stories he tells... Anyway, what you need to consider is how this behavior made you feel. If you stepped in/intervened, how did he react towards you? I know being sick/injured can be an inconvenience but it is only a temporary state.
That said, maybe his family is not the best group to ask about this behavior. They may consider this "normal". Being on the "inside" they may not see this as being a warning sign of other unacceptable behavior. You may want to seek an outside opinion of/about your BF from a close friend or two or family member if you trust their opinions. It has been my experience that usually (not always, but usually) it is the folks that care for you that can see a poor fit. And, while it is hard to admit that you were wrong and they were right, especially to people like your folks, you can live with the knowledge that they really have your best interests at heart.
Clearly it has made you uncomfortable. I would tread carefully.
Good Luck
~C.
After reading your Update, I feel pretty confident in telling your to let this one go. That kind of financial stress can really make a mark on a person psychologically. How sad for his family to have had to go through times where they couldn't provide proper medical care for their own children :( And if he grew up having medical care done mostly in the home, the hospital can be a scary and confusing place, even for an adult.
Sounds like fear and misdirected anger. He probably doesn't like going to the doctor, (which is why you had to bring up the idea to go) and he's upset that he got hurt in the first place which necessitates him having to be in a place that scares him. He doesn't want to be scared so he's also angry because of that. The nurse is getting the brunt of it.
I used to hate going to the dentist and the doctor when I was younger and would not let them touch me until they answered a million questions. I wasn't afraid to show my fear so I didn't mask it with anger. Guys will mask fear with anger and that's probably what you saw.
I would say you need to go with your gut on this guy and any boyfriend. Every boyfriend I ever had, I KNEW deep down when something was off or not fitting right, and every single time I had a doubt like that it did over time escalate into a big problem in the relationship. I wish I had listened to myself more, trusted my instincts, and no wasted so much time with idiots and jerks. If it doesn't feel right, move on before you get sucked in farther.
Please DO NOT go to his family. Read the signs/red flags and go to your knees thanking God or Goodness that you were able to witness this before you married him!
did he get a head injury? My brother had one at 18 and it made him very angry for a few days. He had a concussion and the doctors said it was normal. If he's always like this then I'd reevaluate things
He sounds like a hot head to me....better watch out when the future arguments happen....and mark my word....they will happen!
Men are HUGE babies when sick or hurt. "They get very grouchy...my husband is the most unpleasant person to deal with when he's sick. IDKW just the way it is. He was the same way at urgent care recently. It doesn't seem to matter how nice or patient I am he's just crappy. I think it's genetic. Good luck!
