I have a question about my niece. She is not directly related to me, her father and I are 3rd generation cousins but we do not have many children in our family on that side so she is sort of the only niece I have. I really like the girl. She is 13 y/o just like my older son, very responsible and loving child. Here is the situation: Her father’s work involves a lot of travel and he is very seldom at home and her mom is busy as well, the family has tight finances, last summer this child was mostly stuck in the house entertaining herself with books, TV, etc. I offered last year to her mother and to my uncle (grandfather) for her to come and spend whatever time she wished in the summer with our family. They appeared very grateful, the girl was excited but nothing happened. I offered again this year, again, many thanks, but no plans. I sent very generous gifts to that family and to the girl through the whole year; I made it clear that we will take care of all expenses while she is with us. The only thing that family has to do is to get her a plane ticket and to get the forms in order so I can receive her on the other end. What else can I do? I really feel that this girl will have a great time with us especially compared to the lonely summer that is ahead of her at home. Any ideas? Why are they so hesitant????
If finances are tight, then a plane ticket might be unimagineable. She is only 13 years old and putting my 13 year old child on a plane, especially when I can't see them board, would be unimagineable. How far away are they? Can you drive 1/2 way to get her? Would they then meet up with you or even off to go get her?
These are my thoughts. Outside of this, you could just ask directly.
Maybe they don't feel comfortable putting two 13 yo who are boy/girl together for the summer. Bless you for wanting to help, tho.
I don't know why a 13 year old couldn't ride alone on a plane, especially if the parents put her on the plane and you're at the gate to pick her up. Some moms are a little "different".
I would honestly think that the price of a plane ticket is too far out there for her. If they could afford a couple hundred dollars, they'd probably let her go to camp instead of staying home. So...perhaps that's a problem?
You could research tickets, if you see a good price, call the mom and offer to pay the ticket (if you are willing/able) and ask if she'd be ok with a 2 to 4 week trip? Yeah the whole summer, if it's your first time to keep her, might be daunting. A few weeks would be awesome.
At 13 I didn't put my daughter on a plane by herself. And when I did at 14 I hired the plane's babysitting service, for $100 each way to make sure she was taken care of.
How well do you really know the family? If one of my cousin's were to ask for one of my kids I would hesitate too.
Some people aren't' organized enough to know how to get the forms, or even what forms she would need, like a medical power of attorney.
And they may not be able to afford a ticket to Chicago. My family lives there and I cant' afford a plane ticket home.
Why not go to her and visit? Help the mom and dad be at ease with her living with you. Then bring her home with you.
And maybe the girl doesn't really want to come and mom and dad are hoping by not saying anything you will drop the subject.
Just some thoughts.
I second the two week idea as well. Maybe the thought of being away from parents all summer is too much for her, even if her life is a little boring. I don't think I would have wanted to be away from my mom for that long at that age either and I don't think my mom could have stood it either! Kids are very attached to their parents and vice versa. But a nice little vacation to break up the summer would probably be welcome. But if you offer the two week option and they still don't pursue it, I'd drop it. I would think they appreciated the offer but had reservations they didn't feel comfortable sharing.
My first thought was just how close are your families? If you live that far away and are rather a distant relative then you are kind of a stranger to them...really, they know you some but are not all that close. I don't know if I would let my kids go visit someone for an extended time unless I had visited there several times and knew I felt good about it.
Invite the whole family to come stay for an extended weekend, maybe over Memorial Day or 4th of July, or even 4-5 days in your home, let them get to know your family and see you in your home, how you interact with your kids, how you discipline, how your family dynamics do. As they get to know you more personally then they may feel more confident about letting their child visit you across a distance.
When I was about her age I spent several weeks in Michigan with an aunt (we lived in PA), and I also spent about a month with my cousin in pa for several summers in a row (about a 5 hour drive from home). I enjoyed it.
The whole summer is a bit long, but a 2-4 week trip might work. See about the air fares, cause they can be crazy (anywhere from a couple hundred to $500-600 round trip depending on where she has to travel to).
As a mom, a few weeks would be great, but a whole summer (at least the first time) would be too much to think about.
Hope it works? Have fun!
hard to say. why not ask directly? i suspect it's the money. a couple of hundred bucks for a family with tight finances is a really big deal, even if from your perspective it's 'the only thing the family has to do.' if you can afford the ticket, i'd simply call them and offer to have her come, and ask THEM how long they're comfortable with (all summer is probably way more than they want.) if you can't, leave the offer on the table and don't assume that there is anything more than finances getting in the way.
khairete
S.
If the mom is worried about her being on a plane by herself you can pay an unaccompanied minor fee and the air line makes sure she is where she is supposed to be and supervised. It is very worth the extra $50 for peace of mind. My son has been traveling since he was 8 by plane using the unaccompanied minor with the airline, I am in Missouri and his dad is in Wisconsin and buying an extra ticket to travel with him was not feasible.
I would say in this situation I would guess that money is tight. Maybe call and chat with the mom, offer to pay for the plane ticket? It would be a very sweet gesture.
maybe the idea of putting her on a plane by herself? i wouldn't want to do that, even at her age. They also might feel guilty for having you foot the bill for everything while she is there, like they aren't doing their part in being her parents and providing?
call and say, "ok, I'm on United's website ready to book a flight for neice. Is X date a good day for her to come to my place? How bout Y as a return date?"
it could be if money is tight and she "had to entertain herself all summer" last year they can't afford the price of the ticket. maybe call and say ok I am going to purchase the ticket does "X" date work for you and the return will be "X" they may just not want to say we can't afford a ticket. the other thing might be that the girl just doesn't really want to come spend the summer. how well do they know you? really well or only from a family reunion that they met you at once?
Why not call the mom directly? Maybe a 2 week visit would be more acceptable to them. Bored kid or not--lots of parents don't like their kid being gone all summer! Can you split the cost of the ticket with them?
A possibility might be that your niece doesn't really want to visit. And maybe her and her family are just not being direct enough with you to let you know this. One summer an aunt, who was a school teacher and had the summer off, invited me to spend about 4 weeks with her. Initially I was very excited, but after one week I secretly called my parents one night in tears begging them to pick me up. My aunt is a good person, but very critical and opinionated and at the time very overwhelming for me (I was about 9 or 10). It could be that they're just not comfortable with you, but are not telling you. They should tell you that they appreciate the offer, but are declining, so that you're not wondering what' going on.
I'm not sure in what way you've discussed this in the past, but at this point I'd recommend calling her mom and saying that you want to talk about having her visit this summer - and then I'd very directly ask if the girl's mom and day say yes, no, or need more time to think about it. If she says yes, then start planning "ok, when would it work for her to come out here... ok, and when would you like her to return home... ok, can you get her a plane ticket to come out here?" If she needs more time to think about it, say you understand and ask when you can follow-up to get an answer.
Even though the parents are busy, I'm sure it is still difficult to let their daughter leave for a trip, alone. Maybe you can call and schedule a specific time, set all the details. If they are busy, then leaving it open ended may not ever get anywhere. If nothing happens, they may not be ready to let their little girl go away on her own.
Good luck!
