I Can't Believe How My 3 Year Old Nephew Is Being feed...is This Normal?

Not normal and I fear about the chokeing hazard this presents... honestly, this is not ok. If my son wants to eat he has to sit down weather it is on the floor (popcorn watching a movie) or at the table for a meal he does not eat on the run or while walking, if he does not want to sit he does not want to eat.

In some autistic kids and some kids with other disorders (mental or physical), ANY way possible that the child eats is taken advantage of. Including hand feeding. These ways range from totally normal to totally bizarre.

In a typical child however... running around hand feeding them is the pinnacle of strange. Ditto still spoon feeding a toddler. ((PLEASE note I said typical child... I can list off about 50 medical problems that require a toddler or even a young child be spoon fed, and about 10 that can span into adulthood and beyond.))

The 'not at the table' thing, however, is fairly normal in many families. Kids can learn table manners in about 2 days flat when they're older (including formal dining). So many parents (to whom table manners ARE important) skip the years of fighting at the table entirely, by bypassing the table almost completely, ditto parents of many active children. Then, they just spend a couple days going over table manners in a "learn it" setting, and the kids are fine. Other families don't give a rip about table manners and their kids don't learn until taught by others (schools, friends, etc.).

The rest of it... I don't personally agree with that particular parenting style nor the results it achieves... so I don't do it in my house.

You shouldn't judge her if you are not around all of the time to see what's going on. Maybe he is a picky eater and it's just easier to feed him this way than to sit him at the table where he'll just cry for an hour. Or maybe she just doesn't like sitting around the kitchen table. Nothing wrong with that. I hardly use our table because my husband works evenings so we eat in the family room alot and our son has great table manners when we go out to eat. You probably shouldn't worry about what your sister does, I'm sure she's a big girl.

The things that come to mind when I read your post are:

#1 - Does your great nephew have a developmental issue that make feeding time difficult (attentional issues, hyperactivity, fine motor delays)?

#2 - I've never heard of green poop caused by malnutrition. There are probably a number of reasons for the green poop but, when it has happened with my kids - and it has a number of times - it's usually due to the color of a food item that they had eaten earlier in the day or the day before.

#3 - Even if your nephew and his ex are really lax with the table manners and such, I don't get why your sister is running herself ragged, stuffing food down your great nephew constantly? When she is babysitting, she's the one in control. Why doesn't she feed him at regularly scheduled mealtimes? Does she have food issues of her own that she has to work out? Or perhaps some control issues?

I'm sure that there's more to the story that you just aren't privvy to. My experience is that most children, even hyperactive ones, can eat at a table for short periods of time and most children that age do not have to be fed constantly -- they can wait for breakfast, lunch, dinner and snack time. And unless there's some signficant delays going on, my experience is most 3-year olds can feed themselves.

if its a snack i let mine eat the same way. I dont have a diningroom table so he sits at a tub in his little chair he will sit and eat till he is done if he is not hungry i do leave the food for him to nibble on later. at a resturant he is in a high chair contained till we leave. i do not feed my child he feeds himself. i dont change the channels when it is where I want it it stays put if there is nothing on i want to watch then we go to cartoons. mine does not have a video and never wil. I figure if he is hungry he will eat and if he doesnt i am not going to chase a child to feed them when they are not hungry

It's a little extreme but I do it sometimes too, and did it more when my first was younger. When he was little I would let him take some food, like a small part of a grilled cheese sandwich and eat it while he played. He was and is sooooooooooo active and sometimes it was the only way to get food in him!!! Now he is 3.5 and I do have him sit down and eat but sometimes at the table if he is getting a little unfocused I will pop a bite or two in and get his head back in the game. I spread blankets out on the living room floor sometimes and he has a "picnic" and will usually eat really well that way. I give him ziploc bags of apple/orange slices or carrot sticks and let him cart them around and eat while he is on the go. I do give him a lot of portable food honestly bc he is on the skinnier side and a big battle to sit and calmly eat just isn't worth it. We do stop three times a day and actually focus on eating, but as I said, sometimes I help him out and the rest of the day I do let him graze. Now my baby is a different child, he LOVES to sit and eat and has no problem getting in his little chair anytime, in fact he has helped get his older brother more into it. Like I said she does sound extreme but when you have a child that just has little to no interest in eating, you do go to extreme measures at times!! I think in her case, switching to portable foods like squeezable yogurt or putting it in a baggie he could carry would be good, as you said, she is not his personal slave!! So yeah I think she has let it get out of hand, but she may have a tough situation on her hands as well that with a little tweaking could be a lot better!

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My grandson, now 5, has a pretty small appetite, which worried his parents enough that they followed him around after dinner poking more bites of food into his mouth. He now eats by himself, but VERY slowly. They are experimenting with leaving his eating up to him. But on the subject of sitting at the table, there are a lot of squirrely toddlers who CAN'T sit still for more than a few minutes, so keeping them at the table simply becomes an exercise in frustrated and distracted energy, but not necessarily eating.

Allowing younger children to "graze" during the day is sometimes a great strategy for getting enough nutritious food into those growing bodies. Without access to snacks (VERY healthy slices of veggies and fruit, bites of egg or whole-grain toast with peanut butter, etc.), my grandson would get low blood sugar and get really cranky. But he did not know he was hungry.

I'm the same way. My mom still complains that as a young child I'd spend an hour or more at the table cleaning up the food she dished out. I just remember hating mealtimes. And today, still I have to plan to eat at certain times, and I feel better afterward, but I have only seldom in my adult life experienced actual hunger, even now that I have developed diabetes (in fact, I have a doc who is convinced that this sketchy relationship with hunger can be a marker for future diabetes).

So I hope you won't be to quick to judge the strategies your sister has adopted to get enough food into her son. She'll be able to count on him to do more self-feeding as he gets older. As Riley observes, kids who can't sit still at the table as toddlers can and do learn good table manners when they're mature enough.

The rest of the parenting sounds pretty permissive, though. There's a huge difference between "authoritarian," "authoritative," and "permissive or lenient" parenting. Kids in the "authoritative" group tend to do the best with all sorts of life experiences, be the most academically successful, be less likely to experiment with drugs, etc, than either of the other two groups. Here's one of many good links explaining these terms: http://www.familyresource.com/parenting/parent-education/... .

It seems to be a problem with the parents. Kids will only get away with what is allowed. I understand the grazing concept for toddlers (my DD often snacks from her snack cup during the day, and sometimes I'll encourage her to eat a few more bites, but she feeds HERSELF). I think it's a symptom of bigger issues within the family, like an inability to put down reasonable expectations and limits for children. It would drive me crazy, but there's only so much you can do. I would limit my time with them, frankly, and never invite them out to dinner. You might try to talk to your sister about it, but be prepared to be told to mind your own business. I think some parents get stuck in a placating rut with their kids and don't know how to change, because that means standing up to a 3 yr old who screams.

I find this behavior....bazaar. I could possibly see doing something like this if the child had a severe problem with eatting. But, it doesn't sound like it.

Where do Mom and Dad sit to eat? (I know they are separated). They are missing out on quality family time without sitting at the table and I'd be concerned about his behavior when he goes to school at lunch time. Can he even feed himself? Spoon or fork to mouth?

But, I don't know what YOU can do about it. What are your goals with your question?

If your sister believes there is malnutrition call cps... children shouldn't suffer. I understood your question but was a bit confused about the so what happened section. But whoevers children are malnutritioned need to be sought after to make sure they are in a safe healthy environment... are they the 2 illegitimate children? If so then it may be because she doesn't care as much about them.. But like I said, I couldn't particularly follow it, it just struck me when you mentioned malnutrition... but do you mean lack of feeding or fed junk food all the time?

That is crazy and not helping anyone. It is teaching him to each constantly which isn't healthy. He will also have major adjustment issues when it comes time for school.

Maybe they just don't want a battle at the table. That is my first thought on how this may have happened. They will have a hard time to re-train him when he gets older. Maybe for me and you it is not normal, but it is for them. I would not desire that for my house...but some parents have to choose their battles.

yikes - not normal, not to mention the chocking hazard. I also agree w/ the poster who mentioned tv and Wii at 3? Apparently there are not many healthy habits being nurtured at this home.

The real question (b/c I think you knew this was not cool!) is how do you help this little boy out? How do you approach the mother? I'm not sure....

We have had to feed our little one in a similar way. we just couldn't get her to stay put and trying to get her in the highchair was like pulling teeth. She wanted to be in a big person chair, but then could just not stay put. However, it was running us ragged and at the age of three we are now forcing her back into her booster so we have some sanity. We still do have to shove almost every bite in though. All I can say is, i can see how this happens. But combine that with the TV and wii at three and I'd say, the parents are sounding a little delinquent.

It's not normal, but unfortunately he's not your child. You just have to watch in silence and this bad habit is created.

I def don't consider the way I raise my son normal but I agree with some of the other moms. I think it is ok but not ideal to chase him around and feed him if that is the only way they can get him to eat. I do it with my 23 month old, I think it is a little ridiculous but what you described at Chuckie cheeses sounds like a typical day here for me but he is starting to get used to the high chair. It is a battle sometimes to get him to eat but I have learned that he will have days when he doesn't eat a whole lot and then he will be ravenous for 2 days and so on. maybe that is what is going on there. Sounds like they are being too lenient with him though letting him get away with not learning rules and or manners. I would never want to be my sons servant.

dont complain dear, just sit back and wait, because he will expect to be hand fed as he gets older, even seen a 16 year old be hand fed by his mommy ?
K. h.