Hyper Son

Updated on April 08, 2008
A. asks from Richmond, KY
54 answers

I have a 4yr. old son and he is so hyper and everything I tell him I have to tell him twice. He is really a good child, but he just seem to get so hyper when he is around others kids. The last thing i want to do is to have him put on any kind of medicine,but he keep me so drained, do anyone have any advice or related experienc.

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So What Happened?

I just want to say right now Thank You Mamasource, i am just so over whelmed with all the helpful responses it just makes me want to cry. I have always been told it takes a village to raise a child, and that means to me; parents supporting one another.
I am still going to take my son to the doctor for observation, but I have received so much helpful information from this site, that I also think I am going to consider some of the helpful suggestions, like positive reinforcement, reading on behavior, activities,it is just so much I can do on my own. I really dont have time but I am going to take the time, because my son is my life. I am in the process of trying to find another job that is less stressful even if it means taking a pay cut.
But I just want to Thank everyone,and I think God for leading me to this site. Please continue to send responses, advice, and suggestions.
I Love You all, and May God Continue to Bless you and your Families and Keep you.
THANK YOU MAMASOURCE

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J.

answers from Myrtle Beach on

Dear A.,
This may sound very simple, but it really works with my son. If you will limit his sugar and processed foods, refined carbs as well, you should see a much calmer child. By limit, I mean have whole grains instead of refined carbs, whenever possible, and balance out his meals as much as possible with proteins, fruits and veggies. My son seems to like "white food" only, you know, breads, cookies, noodles, but if I allow him to eat this way he bounces off the walls! He is a much different child when his sugar intake is limited to a reasonable amount. I hope this is helpful to you.

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J.B.

answers from Spartanburg on

I have a 17 year old son who was diagnosed with ADHD at about 4 years old. He has grown out of the hyper aspect but is very much ADD. I have an excellent book for you to read that will absolutely help you. It is HEALING ADD by DANIEL AMEN.
My son's Doctor recommended it, I was dreading reading a medical book but I bought it anyway. Once I started it I could NOT put it down. It is very eye opening and helpful. Find a good doctor that has some knowledge about this. Sometimes pediatricians just are't enough. I learned the hard way!
Best of luck
J.

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A.H.

answers from Terre Haute on

WELCOME TO MOTHERHOOD. 2 of my 3 children are hyperactive. I do not have them on medication. I had to learn to handle it. There are ways to deal with hyper kids without meds. KEEP THEM BUSY. Email me anytime. [email protected]____.com

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A.L.

answers from Spartanburg on

Hi A.,
I feel your pain. I have two boys ages 6 & 7. My 6 year old is ADHD and my 7 year old is ADD. I also run a Family Daycare Home. I have been happily married now for ten years and live in Liberty, SC.
We have tried the meds and they worked to a degree but I didn't want either of my boys on meds their entire life due to all of the crazy side effects. We made an appointment to see Dr. Weathers in Greenville at Patewood Behavorial Pediatrics and they offered me other alternatives. My boys have not had any meds since the early Spring and they are doing fine. Needless to say it has been extremly hard on me. We had to change everything we done, ate, behaved, cleaned. We pretty much had to start completly over. I wish you luck with your child it takes extreme patience if you don't want him on meds bad enough. I even resigned from my corporate job to assure both of my children I would be here for them to help them through this. If you ever need to talk or with anything feel free to give me a ring at ###-###-#### or ###-###-#### my website is www.freewebs.com/chunkybleusplayhouse
and there is always the good ole email- [email protected]____.com I looke forward to hearing from you and if you learn new little things that work well for you and him please let me know. A good thing for calming in the evening time is Lavender with Camomile sir freshner is calms a hyper child better than you would ever think.

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T.G.

answers from Sioux City on

I hate to tell you this- but he sounds like a regular 4 year old! They are testing the limits and finding every day that they can do lots of new things. My best advice is to stay strong: choose your battles (be sure you really don't approve of the behavior before you ask him to stop, if you truly don't care, you'll be less likely to follow through or to ask him to stop next time which will only confuse him).

You can try this, too- don't just ask him to stop. Give him 2 choices. In situations where the behavior is only annoying, you can say "What do you want to do now, draw a picture of aliens, or see how many coins you can find in the couches?". If the behavior is bad- hurting someone, rude, etc.- you can say "You get to pick what happens now- you can either stop doing X and play with your trucks, or you can go sit in the corner till you calm down. Which would you rather do?" say this in a pleasant voice. I know it sounds corny and nuts- but it works! I tried it with my daughter (she is almost 4) and she listens every time. Plus, she is learning that behavior has a consequence and that she has choices.

I also quit counting to my kids- they rise to expectation, if we expect them to take till the count of 3 to listen, they learn to wait. If we expect them to listen right away- they learn to listen right away!

Talking of medication, an old friend of mine had her son placed on medication when he was young just because she didn't feel like dealing with him (I'm not saying that is what you are doing, just telling you about her). Ended up he was (surprise!) not adhd, and the meds just made him wild and angry. There is not enough known about them to use them until all other options have been explored and tried. Kids are not medical rats- but that is how thousands are treated when the doctor gives prescriptions for no reason. (just my two cents on the issue)

Last thought- dinner time seems to be the worst in my house, they are all over cause they know I am in the kitchen. I started getting out "projects". When they were learning letters, they got a newspaper page and a pen, had to circle all the letter H or whatever. I would write the letter in capital and lowercase on a paper and let them cirlce. Now my oldest has to find 3 words he did not know before and look them up, then quiz me to see if I know the definition. He's really increased his vocab this way, and he is having fun trying to find words that I won't know. The younger ones get to do an assignment, too. I found some great ideas on crayola.com you can download the 52 weeks of creativity list- there are some great activities to keep them busy on there! to get there, click the link for the art of childhood

Good luck!

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T.B.

answers from Indianapolis on

Hello,
I'm a doula and I have a friend who I think can help you and your son. She is wonderful. Here is her address and her name is Laura Sweney also in the Indy area.
[email protected]____.com

I hope this helps you.
T.

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T.A.

answers from Rocky Mount on

Hi A.,

That sounds very tiring. While I do not have experience with your specific problem, there are two books that I can recommend. They might help you-- "Sleepless in America" by Kurcinka and "How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk" by Faber and Mazlish. Kurcinka wrote another good book called "Raising Your Spirited Child." Would limiting his TV time help?

Good luck,
T.

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D.J.

answers from Spartanburg on

Hi A.. I can sympathize... my three year old daughter is very energetic and wants constant attention. She's not abnormally hyper around other children, but she does get very bossy and controlling with them. The best advice I can give you is to read "The New Strong-Willed Child" by Dr. James Dobson. Even if you wouldn't categorize your son as "strong-willed", Dr. Dobson gives wonderful advice on parenting and child psychology. It has helped me tremendously, and I recommend it to every parent! I think you can get it at any bookstore, but I know I found my copy at a Christian book store, so you may want to try there first. I hope it helps, and God bless you!

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S.H.

answers from Fort Wayne on

I think it is just the nature of 4 year old boys!!! I have a 4 year old son that is the same way. Mine says "What?" to everything I say and has to be told 4 or more times to do something 80% of the time. From what I have heard, it is just a phase and they grow out of a lot of it. All I can tell you is to hang in there. Sorry I can't be of more help, just wanted you to know that you are not the only one with this problem.

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S.F.

answers from Charlotte on

I found this article from a positive discipline site I often use to get tips..... it's loaded with ideas and suggestions.... it's an excerpt from a response to another mother's questions regarding her 7 year old hyper son w/ school discipline issues.

Dreikers said that discouraged children use four primary "misbehaviors" in their mistaken ideas on how to achieve belonging. First; excessive attention seeking (many class clowns seek attention this way), Second; vying to be the boss, (being right), Third; to get revenge for the hurt they experience from the lack of acceptance, and Fourth; they give up because they feel they cannot possibly win. His teacher may believe that in order to motivate your son to do better that she must first make him feel bad about his behavior. The truth is that children will always do better when they feel better. His teacher must reach his heart before she can reach his head.

The culprit in your sons misbehavior is two-fold. Part of his perceived "misbehavior" at school is not misbehavior at all. It is simply his nature to be so excited he talks out of turn, to have so much energy that sitting still for long intervals is impossible, etc It is unfair to punish and shame him for something he cannot help. The second part of his misbehavior is his profound DISCOURAGEMENT at losing a sense of belonging at school. Therefore the anecdote is massive doses of ENCOURAGEMENT so his motive for misbehavior will be gone.

I would like to share with you some Positive Discipline tools that are extremely effective for "hyper" children. You can pass these tips to his teacher.

TOOLS FOR THE CLASSROOM AND HOME

1. Clearly your son's perception is that his teacher is against him. She must change this perception by spending some caring, "special time" with him where her goal is to make your son feel accepted. She may share with him all of the things she appreciates about him and ask him to help her so that both of them can feel happy in the classroom. When your son believes his teacher is on his side he will want to cooperate with her. His arguing will simply stop.
2. Have her brainstorm ideas for what to do when he is off task. A humorous non-verbal signal often works or one agreed -upon word. They can come up with a plan when your son simply can't sit still anymore. Many teachers allow these children to run two laps around the classroom buildings. When they come back they are focused and ready to work. They also feel understood. One creative teacher had a large, empty envelope that she would give to her hyper student when he was wandering. She would ask him to run
some papers to the office.
3. I would recommend that you purchase "Positive Discipline in the Classroom" for his teacher. You can buy it at your local bookstore or through the Positive Discipline website. All of these principles are explained and may help your son's teacher understand the importance of children feeling valued before they can put forth their best behavior.
4. Seat your son in the front of the class in the middle of the row
5. Create a special area in the classroom he can go when he is upset and frustrated. He can calm down and rejoin the class when he feels better.
6. Assign a study buddy to help him with assignments. This will help him focus on the task at hand.
7. Limit the amount of homework he does to a maximum of two 25 minute segments. Have him do something very active in between like bike riding. Set an egg timer to create urgency. This will help with focus. If he is not done sign off his homework. Many families have horrible evenings because and inattentive child struggles with homework all night long.
8. Make accommodations on projects that are too difficult for you son. For example, let him give an oral report instead of a written report if he shines verbally.
9. Request an IEP meeting (An individualized Educational Plan) By law, your son is entitled to the same education as children without hyperactivity and inattention issues. You can ask for accommodations so that he can feel competent and successful in school.
10. Assist your son in creating routine charts for morning, afternoon, and bedtime.
11. Teach organizational and time management skills. This is often difficult for these kids
12. Spend fifteen minutes of special time with your son every evening in order to hear his heart. You want to know his hurts and his triumphs on a daily basis. This is extremely encouraging
13. Have family meetings to discuss strategies for chores, homework, school, etc..
14. Take time to really train him in his areas of weakness. Role-play not interrupting, appropriate listening skills, etc You may want to enroll him in social skills classes with other kids his age.
15. Use every mistake as an opportunity to teach important lessons. Ask him what he could have done differently. Role-play the appropriate behavior. Have fun with it by exaggerating doing it wrong and then doing it correctly. Make sure he knows mistakes are simply opportunities to learn ! Focus on solutions, not consequences.
16. Contact your local chapter of CHADD, a wonderful organization for parents of children with ADD-attention deficit disorder.

The biggest problem with ADD (or these sets of traits) is the loss of self confidence. Many of these children eventually become CEO'S of large corporations and hire MBA's to do the boring detail work in order to achieve their visions and dreams.

Your son is lucky to have you. If your elementary school is overly rigid and structured and unwilling to accommodate your son, you may consider the Montessori or Waldorf private schools. They are much less structured and allow children more freedom of choice and creativity.

Your son will do incredible things in his life if he believes he is lovable and competent. I know you will fight to make sure that his school experience doesn't rob him of his sense of belonging and significance.

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R.G.

answers from Amarillo on

Medication should always be a very last resort. My son, who is now 6, has ADD/ADHD (he is unmedicated). He has always been very hyper. I think being hyper around other children is very normal for a four year old. Something you could look into is changing his diet. If you are feeding him sugary cereal in the morning or letting him drink sugary drinks it could make him harder to manage. At four years of age almost any doctor will be very hesitant to medicate your child. There are some herbal remedies out there as well. Look up Native Remedies, they have a good reputation for herbal remedies, they can be pricey though. I receive an online journal from http://addadhdadvances.com they have some good information on that site as well.
Hope some of this helps.

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E.H.

answers from Charleston on

I also have a 4 yr old son who has gotten more hyper & inattentive since he's turned 4. I think mainly it's the age & being a boy. I agree with the others about diet & plenty of physical activity, but I also think adequate sleep is just as important. My son's behavior is much worse when he hasn't had enough sleep. The more tired he is, the more hyper he is! I've just read an article about children who have enlarged tonsils having a form of sleep apnea. They don't get restorative sleep because of breathing difficulty. One boy had been diagnosed ADHD, when actually this was the problem. If your son is a snorer you may want to check this out. I think a lot of kids don't get enough sleep, especially once they stop taking naps. I hope this helps. Hang in there - you're not alone!

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K.

answers from South Bend on

I'm always interested to see the effect of a low sugar/preservative diet on children's behavior. You may already be doing this but try to be real consistent about a healthy diet...lots of fresh veggies, fruit, 100% fruit juice watered down, natural foods, whole grain breads, cereal and pasta...limit sugars in cereal and processed foods...no pop? Make junk food and fast food an occasional occurence. It is so easy to feed kids the quick stuff which isn't always the healthiest. Also lots of exercise might help...outdoor play...sports classes? I hope this helps???

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A.

answers from Lexington on

I also have a very entergetic son (3yrs)and I've been reading a great book that has helped me, it's called "Raising Your Spirited Child" by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka. It gave me a whole new outlook on my son and his behvior. I agree that you don't want to jump into medicine. It's worth reading if you can find the time.

A.
Mother of 2 boys, 1 and 3

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M.T.

answers from Charlotte on

Dear A., I know exactly what you are going through. I am a mother of 3 boys. My youngest is 6 now. He was born hyper !! He was so wide open and in ot everything that his own relatives didnt want him to visit. When he started school he couldnt stay focused enough to learn and keep up with the rest of the class. I already figured the teachers would want him to be seen be a Dr. so I took him. He was diagnosed with ADHD and Impulse Disorder. He was put on Concerta which is time released Ritilin. At first I was so amazed and relieved by how much calmer he hed become, but when I started to observe the side effects from the Med. I became sad and disappointed. He lost his personality, his inthusiasm, his excitement, his loving nature. He stopped having an appetite. He didnt want to be around other children. Before the Meds he stayed outside playing, phisically active, loved playing with his friends, loved riding his bike, etc... All that was lost on his meds. I took him off after 3 months. Now he is back to "normal" He may not be normal to most standards as far as his behavior and he is driving me crazy again with his behavior but I have my son back! It is a sacrifice to have to work at parenting him but I after seeing what the meds do ... I am willing to keep on keeping on. There is ALOT of help out there on how to deal with ADHD children. SOme things will work, some wont. Its all in trying different things and not giving up. Just do the best you can and always find a little time to get away by yourself. Even if it is walking in the yard or planting flowers for 15 minutes to regroup. And whatever you do dont feel guilty for not handling situations exactly right every time. As long as you are trying your best and getting better as you go, you will be fine... Good Luck !! Sincerely, M.

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T.P.

answers from Charlotte on

I have a 16 month old son, first and only child. I was given a very special book from a dear friend that's called, "That's My Son." Not assuming you are a Christian but this book whether you are a Christian or not is incredible.

Boys most definitely need outlets for their energy, it's just who they are. Another resource book or CD collection you can listen to in your car is "Raising Up Boys." I have taken what little time I have to read and learn about raising our son just so I am not exasperated and I do not exasperate him. Boys many times when around other kids will seem more energetic for several reason, two of which are, they are wanting the attention or need to be the center of attention (I'm sure Jim Carey was this way as a child) or because they have such a need for competition their competitive side kicks in around other boys no matter what situation they are in. If around girls, well, he just probably wants to show off and it can get out of hand.

I agree with what the other mom says, swimming (which I do with my son) some type of sport that builds discipline and character and teaches self-control, and as I am doing this fall is enroll your son in a music class to see if he enjoys any instruments. I will be putting mine in a class called Kindermusik (you may have one in your area.) (Kindermusic.com) My husband's high school and college years were all about music and that was what his major was in college. Music is an incredible way to get kids to stop, listen, and concentrate. Not to mention it is incredible for their brain growth and motor skills. If your son does find a liking to music by the time he is in school or several years in and has the opportunity to participate in music early in grade school you should see him flourish both with his grades and character. Hope this helps. Not only is the time you and/or your husband can spend with your son doing activities and showing support invaluable and helps him feel loved but it should help you steer clear from drugs. I lead an all girls group (pre-teen and teens) I can't tell you how heart breaking it is to see how many were prescribed by their doctors drugs to mask over whatever the girls were dealing with not cure. I am not saying that drugs are not necessary sometimes like cases where Bipolar is diagnosed but try anything and everything first.

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B.D.

answers from Lexington on

A.,

It seems like you and your family are very busy. I'm sure between working and taking care of three children that your son's behavior is exhausting. I think it could be typical for a 4 year old. Is this hyperactivity a recent development? Have there been any major changes in your family recently? Could it be food or environmental allergies? My son is three and has several allergies. He is generally an active, spirited child. However, I can tell a HUGE difference in his behavior when his allergies are bothering him.

I know it can be challenging to get a child's attention. Sometimes even when I get down on his level and try to look him in the eye my son doesn't seem to "hear" me. When this is a problem we try using sensory activities. It helps get some of the extra energy out and keeps him focused. Any type of water play is great: a bath, sand and water table, or just playing with toys in the sink. A sand box, koosh ball, tangle, etc... are also great. If his activity level is getting out of hand I let him hit, kick, and jump around with a bop bag I found at Wal-Mart for around $4. It really helps when we can't get enough outside time to run and play. His sit and spin is another great inside energy expender.

I try to be very vigilant about triggers for this behavior: being overtired, hungry, allergy issues. When I see him getting hyper or sometimes "grumpy" I ask if he is tired, hungry, or needs allergy medicine. Since we talk about it frequently sometimes he will recognize the feeling and come tell me what he needs. This requires work and patience on both of our parts. I understand how tough it is when you are doing as much as you can, feel worn out, and just want him to settle down and listen. I really hope you find something that works for you soon. If you ever want to chat feel free to give me a call at ###-###-####. I hope this helps.

B.

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K.D.

answers from Kokomo on

Hi, my name is K.. I know you've gotten loads of advice already...but something you might want to look into...
I have a cousin, shes about 6 years old... and was credibly hyper... it turns out that what was making her hyper was red and blue coloring... like in drinks and stuff. It was kinda weird when we found out... but since her mom keeps her off of it now.. she's really calmed down a lot. Just something to look into. I know putting a child on medicine is a difficult decision. Maybe you wont have to. Anyways. Good luck!

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M.B.

answers from Norfolk on

Hi my name is M., I really know where you are coming from. I have two sons, one 12 and the other 10. When they were born I worked for a family business which was very supportive of me having the children at work with me. They even took a large office next to mine and made it into a playroom with beds for naptime as well. It was great having that convenience, at first. About the time my youngest turned a year it was definetly time to think about day care. He was way hyper and at time unbearable. So I enrolled him and his brother into day care. In that time I also split from their father so now it was even more on me being a single mother, with two kids, working fulltime. In three years my youngest son had managed to get kicked out of 6 different daycares for his hyperness. They kept advising me to get him on some medication and just like you I was leary about doing that. So I decided to try a private home care, thinking maybe it was the fact that daycares have too many kids to a teacher and he wasnt getting enough attention and supervision. He started kindergarten at the same time and did well the first month or two. But then I guess he got used to everyone and he started showing his true colors. He got so bad in school he got suspended twice for having fits and one time he even was restraind by the police officers in the principals office. And this was all in Kindergarten. On top of that the babysitter was ready to drop babysitting him. So I went to the school and had a meeting with the teacher, guidance counselor, and the principal. From there I went to see him Pediatritian. The pediatritian recomended me to Dr. Frank a nuerologist in Norfolk, Virginia. He is wonderful. He evalutated him personally. Then he had the babysitter and the teacher fill out a behavior report in there opinions and me as well. After it was all done he put him on Dexedrine, which he is still on. He takes a 10mg capsule every morning and he is fine.It doesnt make him drowsy or druggy. It doesnt make him sick or not eat. He is very focused. He can sit and draw or watch a movie at a theater in full now. Where as before the medicine he couldnt and wouldnt sit for two seconds doing either. If the medicine isnt for your child you will know immediately. My sister had her son put on a medicine called Adorall which did reverse on him. He was very drowsy and you could look and tell he was drugged. He also was very emotional and would burst into tears for no reason at all. She had him on the Adorall for about a month and a half and I had her take him to Dr. Frank. They removed him from the medicine and he takes nothing at all and is not hyper either. He was just a boy being a boy. I would say to talk to your pediatritian or one you trust and see what they advise. Good luck.

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E.R.

answers from Indianapolis on

Hi A.:

Oh my gosh, someone is going through what I am going through. I also have a 4 year-old who is so hyper. I refuse to put him on medication. I have 3 small children (ages 4, 2 & 8 months). I know when we really watch his sugar intake, he is more calm. I have also noticed that his diet also contributes to his hyperness. He never likes to eat, but if I can get him to eat a well-rounded meal with protein, natural carbs & drink milk (rather than juice) he seems to do better. He always wants cookies, candy, anything sweet. I am looking for advice as well. I am truly living through trial & error with him. It is really difficult at times.

Let me know if you get any other advice that would help me as well. Let's keep in touch.

E. R.

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L.G.

answers from Spartanburg on

As a former hyper child I can tell you what helped me and my mom...No sugar diet with vitamains b6,b12 included for lol energy. my mom had people (teacher?) tell her to put me on Ritlin back in the early 70's (I'm 38)But my pediatrition was old fassiond and told her to get rid of the red dyes and artifical colors and sugar in my diet. It helped and I also stoped craveing sugar ate more natural snacks like fruts etc. I'm not a big time no sugar etc diet person either, my kids get their share of junk food etc. but if it helps a hyper kid it is worth a shot..

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S.S.

answers from Fayetteville on

I so understand what you are going though. I have 3 hyper sons my 2 older ones are on medication, but there are some breathing exercises and self control methods you can do also. I also go to therapy two times a month which is good for me and the kids. It gets better with age. God bless

S.

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J.T.

answers from Cedar Rapids on

My 5 yr old daugter meets with a family therapist twice a month. I also don't want to put her on meds so we discussed it with our pediatrician and he referred us to the therapist.

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C.D.

answers from Raleigh on

where exactly do you live and might be able to babysit for you and how old are your kids? i can work out a price good enough for you!!

M.C.

answers from Anchorage on

I dont really have much advice just that my four year old boy is the same way. Unless if he is starving and sleeping, those are the only times he is quiet and still! He can go from sun up to sun down without breaks. Ashame I cant. And I do know that diet DOES have to do with how hyper they are. I am attempting to keep him eating right but it is so hard since kids this age LOVE chicken nuggets (not the healthy ones), fries, etc. Juices, white bread, sugar, sodas etc dont help either.

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K.C.

answers from Louisville on

I have a 4 year old daughter who is exactly the same. I just try to keep them busy with activities and I try to spend time pretending like we are in school. She really likes that. I have started to send her to day care 1 or 2 days a week and I have nerolled her in a ballett class. I am trying to get her to direct her energy into something. She loves to dance and I felt like this would be something she could be interested in . I have noticed a big change in her. Now we started our 9 year old in Gymnastics last night in Glasgow. There was all kinds of little boys in there jumping around. SOme as little as 3 years old. Now I think this is a great way to get that energy out, learn something new, self dicipline and socilization. Out little girl was crying scared at first to go, but once she was out there, she had a ball and mett new friends. Hope this helps

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J.H.

answers from Lexington on

I don't have any personal experience with anything like this, and I can understand you not wanting to jump right to medication. The only thing I can suggest is (1) make sure he isn't getting any caffeine, even in chocolate, (2) watch his sugar intake like a hawk, and (3) try to channel all that energy into something constructive. Are there any art projects you could do with him or he could do with little supervision? Any sort of building blocks or puzzles, or anything that he likes that you could make a game out of? I also don't think this age is too young to have him start helping you around the house... he could sweep, help gather up dishes to be washed, even load some things into a dishwasher, certainly pick up his toys, find clothes to be washed (he could help sort laundry, and that way he's working on learning colors as well as a household thing)... I think if you can get kids involved with what you're doing, it gives them some much-needed mom time, keeps them out of trouble, and they learn a little something, too. It sounds like you have your hands very full, and I know a lot of these things take extra time, but maybe some of these ideas will lead you to something that you and he can do to avoid medicine and burn some energy too. Good luck!

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L.R.

answers from Huntington on

I have no advice but wanted to respond because as I came across this, I was sitting at the table, on vacation at the beach, in tears because my dad has been shouting at me over my daughter being the same way. My daughter, also 4, is the exact same way. She is hyper most of the time and you have to repeat yourself over and over before she will listen.

According to my dad, I am parenting wrong, I need to bust her butt, etc. but nothing works. She is just a hyper kid. And very sweet and loveable.

It is also an ordeal at dinner time as she wiggles, squirms, and moves around constantly.

So know you are not alone.

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J.P.

answers from Wheeling on

I HAVE SOOOOO BEEN WHERE YOU ARE RIGHT NOW. FOR AS LONG AS I COULD REMEMBER, MY SON..NOW 7...WAS ALWAYS ON THE GO. IT SEEMED HE BARELY SLEPT OR EVEN RESTED. HE IS MY ONLY SON, SO I THOUGHT MAYBE THATS HOW BOYS ARE..YA KNOW THE OL SAYING BOYS WILL BE BOYS...I DONT BELIEVE IT, BUT IT WAS SOMETHING TO HELP, THINKING HE WOULD OUTGROW THIS AND MAYBE ONE DAY I COULD SIT DOWN. IT WASNT UNTIL HE WENT TO KINDERGARTEN AND MY HUSBAND WAS DEPLOYED OVERSEAS DID I REALLY START TO THINK HE WAS MOVING WAY TOO FAST FOR NORMAL...HE WOULDNT PAY ATTENTION IN CLASS..WOULDNT SIT STILL FOR ANYTHING....HE WAS WAY TOO HYPER. I DONT MEAN TO SOLEY TALK ABOUT MY SITUATION, BUT I WANTED TO LET YOU KNOW THAT IM PRETTY SURE WHERE YOU ARE COMING FROM. EVERY BODYS SITUATION IS DIFFERENT BUT BEING A TIRED MOM WITH A HYPER CHILD CAN TAKE ALOT OUT OF A PERSON.
ANYWAY, WHEN MY HUSBAND CAME HOME ON LEAVE, HE AND I TALKED TO HIS DOCTOR ABOUT IT. HE TOLD US THAT OUR SON HAD HAD ADHD...FOR A FEW YEARS, BUT HE WANTED TO WAIT UNTIL WE BROUGHT IT UP SINCE SOME PARENTS COULD BE INSULTED BY IT. I CAN UNDERSTAND THAT BC WHAT PARENT WANTS TO HEAR THEIR CHILD NEEDS MEDICATED. WE RESEARHED THE MEDICATION BEFORE WE GAVE IT TO OUR SON TO BE SAFE. WHEN WE FINALLY ACCEPTED THE FACT THAT THE MEDICATION MIGHT HELP, WE WERE SURPRISED WITH THE OUTCOME. WE DID NOT TELL ANYONE HE WAS ON IT...HIS TEACHER AND PRINCIPAL WERE PLEASED WITH HIS NEW FOUND BEHAVIOR IN SCHOOL.... NO MORE RUNNING AROUND..HE WAS PAYING ATTENTION AND THE BEST THING HE WAS NOT A ZOMBIE..WE WERE AFRAID THAT WOULD HAPPEN. HE STILL GETS NORMAL HYPER...KIDS HAVE TO SOMETIMES. BUT NOW THAT HE IS ON THAT MED...ADDERALLXR....HE IS DOING SO MUCH BETTER. WHEN I AM NOT SO TIRED FROM RUNNING AFTER HIM ALL DAY, I FEEL I CAN BE A BETTER MOM TO ALL OF MY CHILDREN. I HAVE 3. IM NOT SURE THAT I WOULD HAVE PUT HIM ON MEDS WHEN HE WAS ONLY 4 BC I HAVE READ THAT ITS MORE DIFFICULT TO DIAGNOSE ADHD OR ADD BEFORE SCHOOL AGE. NOT SURE HOW ACCURATE THAT IS..EVERYONE HAS THEIR OPINION. SO I WOULD RECOMMEND TALKING TO YOUR CHILDS DOCTOR. OR PERHAPS GETTING A FRIEND TO HELP YOU OUT ONCE IN A WHILE. I KNOW THATS SOMETIMES DIFFICULT AS WELL. I HOPE THAT I HAVE BEEN OF SOME HELP TO YOU. I WISH YOU THE BEST OF LUCK WITH YOU AND YOUR FAMILY.

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R.N.

answers from Sheboygan on

Hi A.,

The only thing I can think of is that you need to keep reminding him to settle down. Maybe pointing out his good behavior as often as possible and then reminding him of it when he starts acting up would help. I'm not an expert, but I hope that helps you.

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L.R.

answers from Indianapolis on

4 year olds tend to full of endless energy. Does he get to go outside often to burn off the steam? Does he have activities to do by himself so he can 'learn' to sit once and a while? I have 5 kids, the youngest is 4.5 years and on the go all the time, just like her siblings were. Is he like your other 2 kids, as far as energy level? As far as the listening, make sure he is looking in your eyes, and give him one direction at a time, as he masters that skill add on and give him directions for two things to get done. Don't forget to praise him....

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S.

answers from Asheville on

Hi A.,
I had the same situation with my son. He was always the most active of my three children, he was impulsive and would run across parking lots, dart away at stores, etc. and I had to tell him to do something repeatedly. Finally, we took him to a pediatric specialist at a local hospital (Mission) and he did a thorough examination and placed our son on Adderall XR. We were afraid of giving him medicine too, but the doctor explained to us how it helps children organize their thoughts so they aren't impulsive or overactive, and they can sit and work on activities that children their age are expected to be able to sit still for. He was a little drowsy and "down" when he started taking the Adderall XR (he was 5 and a half years old), but that drowsiness has stopped and he is doing great in school. We are also working on his behavior in other ways, with rewards, etc. and reading to understand ADHD. I would go to a doctor who specializes in child behavior and try to get a diagnosis-at least you'll know if it is something your child can help on his own, or if it's something biochemical or physiological which he can't help on his own. Good luck!

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J.C.

answers from Hickory on

You have gotten some great advice here but the bottom line is that you have a hyper child, and you are exhausted. I, too, was that mom at one point in my life. my son was expelled from 7 pre-schools. We spent tens of thousands of dollards trying to keep him off of medication. We tried vitamins and chiropractic and allergy testing and accupuncture. We've tried it all. it wasn't until the guy who works at the health food store (we try to eat mostly organic) referred us to a local pediatric psychiatrist. He spent about 4 hours with my son and came to talk to us telling us that no amount of money spent on holistic remedies would work due to my son being severly ADHD. Most people label their kids as ADHD b/c they don't want to deal with them. You are not that mother. At some point, you must resign yourself to the fact that your son may need medication. There are hundreds of different options besides Ritalin. My son was 6 when we put him on medication. He wanted to go off last year when he was in 6th grade. I agreed to let him try it. His grades went to the toilet. He was miserable and his friends were pulling away from him. He begged to go back on his meds. He was able to see a difference. If your son truly needs meds, then it will become apparent, very soon, that he can't learn correctly without them. Also, one of my friends is now medicating her son in the 6th grade. He reads very poorly and his grades are terrible. Unfortunately, she waited until it was too late. He has lost the foundations that were so important to build in elementary school. Don't do that to your child. He will pay for your mistakes later in life if you wait too long. Good luck!

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K.N.

answers from Iowa City on

Your son and my son should hang out they would wear eachother out and Maybe I could have one day that I am not worn out by noon

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J.H.

answers from Evansville on

Hello, I have the same problem with my 5 yr old .... and my 3 oldest are on rx for their ADD/ADHD. With the oldest, they need it for school and I tried them without their rx several times and they were failing in school until they got back on the meds. With my 5 yr old I feel the same, I think she is too young for rx. I try to watch what she eats which usually helps alot. My mom did the same with my older brother when he was young. She watched out for certain food coloring additives in foods and it seemed to curb his hyperness. Back when he was a child, they really didnt have any rx for the ADHD. You might ask your Dr. for a diet that might control some of they hyperactivity. Hope this helps.
Jenny

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C.P.

answers from Louisville on

I hate to say its probably just his age, but I know my 4 yr old hit a ruprick phase and would just get so excited at times he would honestly freak out...however luckly I have two best friends with children `1yr older than my eldest and they acted the exact same way at that age and slowly can out of it as they got a little older. Don't get me wrong they are still very "lively" children, but not uncontrallably so.......
I have also found diet has alot to do with how mine acts on days he has eat well and had more balance meals he is much better!

chrys

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L.S.

answers from Charleston on

What if you enroll him in a class for example karate class or anything he is interested of so that he can use his excess energy. By the time he is at home, he will be tired and he will not bother you.

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T.T.

answers from Norfolk on

Hi! I have a 2 year old and a 31/2 year old (will be 4 in December). What you are saying hits the same keys with me about my oldest. I have spoken to several other moms and to multiple pediatricians that are also parents. They say this is not ADHD or ADD... it is a normal thing for a that age. However if it expands into every aspect of the childs life, you may want to consider at least speaking to your doctor. Most, I have found, do not want to medicate instead they offer other altenatives such as limiting certain things or eliminating privilages for not listening. In my girls, i have found that they just forget who is the parent and to slow down and listen when they are with other kids that age. I really do not think there is a problem, I think you just might have what I call a typical child who refuses to slow down and listen just like I have. Hope it helps even the slightest little bit to know you are not alone- my two are frick and frack and tey double team me ever chance they get. I know how you feel double time.. ha ha

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L.W.

answers from Louisville on

I'm new to Mama Source but I can tell you what's really worked for me. My daughter is 4 and putting her to bed earlier has realy helped improve her attitude and she's not as cranky and less likely to act out anymore. Also an hour nap in the afternoon does wonders. Hope this helps you :)

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S.M.

answers from Charlotte on

I have a grandson that will soon be 6 and he is hyper especially around other children. He too is so sweet and a very loving child. My daughter did not want to put him on medication either. I have heard different things about diet and products with red dye (processed meats,etc)making it worse. I am not sure if that is true or not. We do notice that he is worse when he gets hungry. Have you noticed that with your son?
I will try to have my daughter join this site. She might be more helpful. I know it can be very difficult to cope with.
Good Luck with getting advise.
S. M.

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R.V.

answers from Norfolk on

I am speaking from childhood experience. I was exactly the same when I was little and so was my brother. They ended up testing me when I was 6 and I had ADD my brother has ADHD. Its really not that abd being on meds. I was until I was about 15 or 16 I learned how to control everything. To be honest I know you dont want him on meds. but the stuff will get worse. He wont be able to concentrate in school and he may get into alot of trouble just think about doing the tests when he is a little older and see what you think and waht the doctors say.

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P.C.

answers from Fort Wayne on

Hi there,
I don't want to upset anyone but I did want to ask whether or not your son has actually be diagnosed as being hyperactive or is this your own feeling about his behavior? Your feelings may very well be accurate, and they often are, but by the same token a 4 year old that gets hyper around other kids and needs to have things repeated twice seems very normal to me. My kids were all that way around four. I would just hate to see you putting all this emotional energy into deciding what to do about your hyperactive son when he might not be hyper after all! I really think that if you have not already done so, the place to start is by having him evaluated by a doctor who specializes in working with Hyperactive children!
I hope this helps.
Love and Blessings
Lady T~

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A.

answers from Charlotte on

HI. I M FROM A FAMILY WHERE EVERY1 IS HYPER (INCLUDING ME) AND SO IS MY HUSBAND (AT 5 HE RAN WITH A KNIFE READY TO STAB HIS COUSIN) WHAT HAS WORKED FOR BOTH HIM AND MY BROTHER WAS KARATE. IT GIVES THEM DISCIPLINE AND IS A VERY POSITIVE WAY TO GET RID OF THE EXCESS ENERGY. IT ALSO MADE THEM BETTER AND EXTREMLY PATIENT. MY BROTHER IS 10. HE STRUGGLED IN SCHOOL BUT NOW, HIS GRADES JUST KEEP GETTING BETTER.

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D.W.

answers from Des Moines on

A. - My son, Jonah, is the exact same way. I actually have to watch his sugar intake cuz it makes him very hyper. Some of the juices have 32 grams of sugar! I started buying the Capri Suns Waters. They only have about 9 grams of sugar. We buy sugar free snacks too. I give him sugar every once in awhile, but boy, he just runs rampid when he has sugar and is excited around other kids. I also find that keeping him 'busy' makes him listen better. I make it a race to get dressed. He likes the challenge. I also found that he loves to draw or make things with playdoh, we do this alot! It seems to get his little mind working! They actually do get better when they start kindergarten! :)

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N.

answers from Spartanburg on

I have 4 children and one is a boy who is well was very hyper. I thought the same way you do about Medicine and talked to his Dr. We soon found out that it was an age thing as well as he is just all boy. I hope this helps and good luck. I too work first and my husband workd third so I understand your situation.

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C.M.

answers from Roanoke on

I had to take my daughter to the doctor when she was 6 because her school said she wouldn't sit still so they recomended she be checked for hyperness. And I didn't want her on medicine either. I am greatful for her doctor that he didn't like the idea of medicating her. So he told me to give her some Soda each Morning befor school Something like Mt. Dew. Because the sugar in it will react diffrent with her due to her being hyper. I did try that and the whole year Of 1st grade she did get a glass of Mt. Dew with her Breakfast. Never had another problem. I don't know that this will work for you but might be worth trying.

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E.L.

answers from Lexington on

I understand completely where your coming from. my son used to be the same way. i grew frustrated and ended up eventually putting him on needed meds. but at that age stop him from whatever he is doing look him directly in the eye and tell him what you want done or expect from him and tell him if he doesn't get it done your punishment will be. kids are naturally hyper but they sometimes need consequences even at 4 because they now you'll tire before they will and im happy to say having my son age13 now hes a dream and knows even if im tired the consequences will be followed through with.

my currently take stratera which works with wonderfully for his adhd

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C.B.

answers from Indianapolis on

Where do I start with this? My son is 5 1/5. He was ALWAYS extrememly hyper (even when I was pregnant with him), but when he turned 1 1/2, he started being bad. I mean bad. Violent at times. Hurting other kids. I also noticed that when he was around other kids, he was always really loud. Not just being the center of attention, it was more than. I had a horrible doctor and almost had me convinced he was autistic. I changed doctors and he does have ADHD. We chose medicine because he was becoming uncontrollable. He was getting bigger and stronger and I knew that sooner or later, with the aggression he was showing, he would be able to over power me. I never thought I would ever put him on medicine, but deep in my heart, I knew from an early age, it was more than being hyper. There's hyper, and then there's WAY TOO HYPER. Anyway, the new doctor couldn't diagnose him because he was 5, she sent him to a psycologist or psychatrist (I can't remember which) and he was diagnosed that way. He is in the moderate category. I am thankful everyday for this medicine, but his preschool (A school I paid top dollar to put him in) was getting ready to kick him out the week I decided to take him out myself.

Anyway, if you want to talk about it on a more personal note (You know, someone who's been there and done that), let me know and I will send you my e-mail address.

Good luck and don't let anyone else make the decision for you. This is you and your child and only your family really knows what goes on.

C.

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K.G.

answers from Lexington on

Good morning, A.! My daughter was just like this also. It is just kids being kids. She grew out of it. We really tried to let her be who she was instead of trying to control her to do what others thought was right (still is hard to do and sometimes we do reign her in). What we found that worked is to give her choices (which she didn't always like) such as "you can play without throwing or you can sit next to me for 4 minutes" Just make sure that your choices are precise...don't say "you play nicely or..." because the definition of "nice" isn't explained. It worked well and gave her control over the situation because she could choose what happened to her.

If your son is hyper all the time, even if he is alone or with you, then he could have ADHD or just HD. If it is just around other kids, he is normal! Is he eating a well balanced meal...minimal sugar and juice and lots of whole grains, fruits, veggies, and yogurt?

Hope this helps!

Create a beautiful day!

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J.W.

answers from Iowa City on

Hello there.

sounds a lot like my 4 year old daughter. She just turned 4 and she has been a strong willed child from day one. These last couple years though have been hard. Today she's at her worst. I try to tell her something to do and she tells me no and seems like she's about to jump out of her skin. No form of discipline seems to work. She just screams at the top of her lungs. I stay home with my kids (I also have a 2 year old) but the times i have had them with a sitter, she doesn't seem to have any problems. That makes me think it's a power issue. I have heard about all these ADHD and other things, but wouldn't she show this behaviour outside the home. Today when i was trying to talk to her, it seemed she couldn't hold still long enough to listen or look at me. I am so frustrated sometimes. Somebody mentioned diet. maybe i could tweak that a little, although they don't really have sweets that often. Occasionally during these power struggles, she'll just snap out of it and give me a kiss and do what she's told. It's so frustrating, but we don't want her medicated. We hope she'll calm down a little once she starts school.

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D.P.

answers from Indianapolis on

I think it is a boy thing. My son is 5. He is definelty different than his sisters were at his age! He has to be told several times to do something. I think he is "testing the waters". He goes to an in home day care and he has settled allot about playing with kids his age. That has helped him allot, having time without me or his dad. He does listen better to others. (I think all kids listen better for people who are not their parents!) I do not allow him allot of sugar so I know it isn't that. I too am not fond of meds, unless absolutely necessary.

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K.B.

answers from Charlotte on

A.--

Wow...I can totally understand and sympathize with you and your son. I'm a mother of two great kids - 7 and 3. My son who is 7 has been hyper since he was in the womb. My ultrasounds tapes show him moving his arms and legs constantly - I don't think he has ever been still!

My son was kicked out of preschool and sent home with continuous bad notes saying that he hit someone, couldn't be still, was defiant, etc... Granted these are behaviors that all children exhibit from time to time but this was becoming excessive. So excessive that at that point he impulsiveness was harming himself. At this time he was 4 and preschool teachers were suggesting putting him on some type of med. This made me angry because I couldn't believe people would put kids on meds for something like this. So, I decided to get him evaluated by 3 different independent doctors and all of them said he had severe ADHD. So he started seeing a therapist. This was helping at home but not at school. He was still having a hard time learning, being social, and adpating to changes in the classroom.

After much prayer and advice, I decided to get him a Pychiatrist to see what options we had coupled with therapy.
His pychiatrist was wonderful and he didn't believe in making mummies - he thought kids personalities should stay the same but helping them do well in school is important. This was a God send to me because I didn't want him heavily medicated at all. So, over time we tried different meds all at low dosages and now we got something that works. My rule of thumb has always been no Ritalin due to the side effects.

Right now my son is still hyper and still very much himself but he can sit still and focus for short periods of time. He has come so far from the way he was at 3 and 4 years old. Some things he just grew out of and I hope that's the case with your son. :)

I hope my story helps you, let me know I can do anything else.

Oh yeah - Diet does affect my son tremendously - I try to keep him away from processed foods, red dye 40, and a lot of dairy.

K.

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T.

answers from Fort Wayne on

Sounds like my son. He's 9 now. Around 3, he just started getting really hyper. Also noticed a change in his learning patterns. Things didn't seem to "stick" as quickly as before. It got worse for the next 2-1/2 years. Things went from telling him twice, to four or five things. He couldn't even follow simple one step directions.

We changed his diet, did testing for learning disabilities, allergies, behavioral problems....took parenting classes.

Turns out he has ADHD (our worst fear was medication). After a few months of counseling, we ended up putting him on meds. He came home from school the first day and thanked us for "letting him keep up with his brain." We knew then that we had made the right choice.

He's gone from a D student to getting A's & B's. He still has to work to focus in certain situations.

His personality has really bloomed. He's now an active member of the family where before, he was always in his own little world.

Hopefully, this isn't the case with your son. I'd start with allergy testing. You'd be amazed at how allergies can affect behavior!!

Good luck!

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J.F.

answers from Charlotte on

I have a four year old daughter and she's hyper as well. What we have found that works on her is Tae Kwon Do. There's an academy in the University area that has 2 classes for Little Tigers on Fridays and Saturday morning; King Tiger Academy on Prosperity Church Road. Also you can try swimming. That helps my daughter a lot. Good luck!

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