Husband Possibly Changing Jobs

Updated on December 03, 2010
A.C. asks from Cordova, TN
16 answers

Let me give everyone a little background info: for the past two years, my husband has been a manager at a restaurant....he would work most nights of the week and always sat and sunday nights....he recently took a computer job at a bank where he works monday thru friday 8-5, no nights, no weekends, no holidays, and he can work from home if he needs to (he only took at $3200 raise). Now the restaurant has called him and is offering him a general manager position.....he would get a $13,000 raise from what he's making now and also a $7000 to $10,000 bonus a year. But that would require him to work a few nights a week and at least one night on the weekend. The plus is the money, and we could afford to have another child and send them both to private school. What would you do in this situation? Tell your husband to take the general manager position and not see him as much, or keep the bank job and have nights, weekends, and holiday's off?

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answers from Huntington on

Money can't buy happiness. I wouldn't dream of telling my husband what job to take. IMHO, he should take the job he's happiest in. That will make him more pleasant to live with. it souldns like he already makes a lot more than my self-employed woodworker husband, but he sleeps well at night, yes, we are in debt, but we are the happy, proud parents of 7 grown kids , that we "couldn't afford to have", and I wouldn't have it any other way!



answers from Pittsburgh on

Depends. In a perfect world, I'd rather have my hubby home more.

If you're talking about a salary increase from $15K to 28K plus a bonus, that could be life changing.

If you're talking about 75K to 68K per year---not so much.

I'm a huge fan of living on less than you make--regardless of the amount so I'd vote stay with the bank. There might be room for advancement there, too.

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answers from Milwaukee on

What does he enjoy more? What is he happier doing?
Do not let a bonus make the decision because those come and go depending on how well the resturant/company is doing, it is not a forsure thing of getting it if there is no extra money.

Was the resturant job stressful for your family with hubby gone so much?
Are you going to be ok with the schedule of working nights and weekends?
Did he change jobs because of the stress? It is not going to get any better if he goes back.

My sister-in-law's father owns a resturant and it is his life, but they do have a close relationship and we love going to eat at his resturant as a family. So some families can do it, it really dpends on if you as a family what will work for you guys.

If he/family decides to take the job DO NOT whine about the weekend/nights being gone because that is a know factor going into this. If you can not handle that again then maybe not take the job, if it is doable and he would enjoy the resturant job more then his current one then maybe he takes the job.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Lexington on

What will make you a stronger family?

I would suggest that you make the decision as a couple. If you NEED the money (eg, to pay bills, if you have outstanding debt of any kind, if you're not able to meet your needs and/or save for retirement, college, weddings, etc) then I would suggest that your family may benefit emotionally - in your marriage and as a unit - from the financially security of the increased salary. However, what does the future in that position look like? Do you foresee continued raises? What about the financial stability of the business? Have you kept up with quarterlies and read a prospectus? I've worked in food service myself. Its NOT a fun business unless you THRIVE on nasty people and problem solving and negotiation. And you are pretty much always on call. The restaurant starts to own you.

I would suggest that the current position will remain more stable and has greater benefits to your family than finances, if you're solvent. Again, what does the future with this company look like? Is it a smaller bank that you would expect to stand on its own feet, or something larger that may easily be bought out and merged with another (as often happens), bringing with it the chance he may lose his position? Where I am in my life, I would totally be wiling to sacrifice a little financially (though it doesn't sound that you need to) in order to have more time as a family.

It depends on where you are as a family and a couple. And it sounds like you may be taking full responsibility on this decision (ie "What would you do....tell your husband [A orB]?"). It must be a joint decision, otherwise you get the guilt and responsibility with either side, any negatives, and your dh could bring it up in discussion, refusing to accept responsibility, any time you have concerns or ask him to set boundaries.

Good luck!! Wonderful to have such choices!

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Memphis on

I wouldn't tell my husband anything, but let him make the decision with as little input from me as possible. I might give him the pros and cons of each job from my viewpoint, especially if he is asking me, then step back and let him make the decision. You don't want to make the decision for him, because if he feels pressured into one thing or another, he may decide to do the opposite of what you're "nagging" him to do (his opinion, not mine!) just to be contrary; or he may do what you want him to do, but then every time something goes awry because of that decision (a hard day at work, boss getting mad at him, his car gets a flat tire on the way to work -- anything!) it will be your fault that you pressured him into the decision, because if he hadn't done X, he wouldn't have been in that situation to start with. At least if he makes the decision on his own, he has only himself to blame, which is better for both you and him.

Besides, there are certain intangible or difficult-to-quantify factors with the jobs -- does he like his job now, or does he miss being a manager? Even with the stress and late hours, he may be "wired" that way and hate his current job, or be bored with it, and miss the excitement of working at a restaurant during the dinner rush.

My husband would be much better satisfied with the former job (esp. the working from home part, and the more time off), but not everyone would be happy at a desk job, or crunching numbers, or whatever.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Columbus on

Other posters already asked what your hubby would be happier doing. If he is torn, then maybe there are a couple question you could ask yourselves....

First of all, I also agree that you can't count on the bonus!!! My hubby has been promised bonuses for years and has yet to get what he was told he'd get. Or ANYTHING, for that matter.

If you can afford to have another baby, will it affect the newborn stage, him being gone some nights?? I know that it's hard to take that on by yourself if he's gone and you need a break!

Do you have family to help? It would probably matter a little less if your husband had to work more, if you had a mother/MIL around to help out.

The nights that the restaurant says hubby will have to work??? Is that a pretty safe estimate, or is that just what they say to get him to come back? I know I sound cynical, but my hubby has worked for corporate America for many years, and soooo many times, what's told to him in a job interview or in a new position, is NOT what ends up happening. If you guys trust what is being said regarding the proposed hours, that's good.

I don't know how old your kids are, but I'm assuming the oldest isn't in school, yet. A lot can happen in 5 years, but I can tell you that the older they get, the busier it gets. It's a different busy than the diaper changes, potty training, playdates, etc You get into the sports, music lessons, birthday parties, etc. and you need extra hands!! ( to drive the chauffer's car!!!) It's just something to think about.

How important is the private school? It's obviously important enough, or you wouldn't have mentioned it. Is your district not a good one for public schools? I didn't have a whole lot of confidence in our school district when we moved here - but, it was supposed to be temporary and we figured it would be ok for a year or two. Well, 5 years later (after our original plans fell through), we are in this school for the long haul and it's turned out to be a great school district! There would be no harm in starting your oldest in the public school, then transferring him out if it's not good. If you already know that the ditsrict is really bad, then I understand the private school desire.

I wish I could say one way or another, that's what we'd do. I don't know.. But, maybe they'll be some feedback on this site that will help! Good luck either way!!!

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Chicago on

My husband works one week at night and one week normal. He also works weekends and holidays. I also have odd hours. I WISH we had normal hours (I suppose we should have thought of that when we choose our careers). My husband did take a job a few years back that paid him two to three times what he is currently making. The hours were more traditional but he absolutely hated his job. After 6 months he quit and went back to his old job. We live a good life style but that job provided me with freedoms I never dreamed of. At first I was upset for selfish reasons but realized my husband was over-stressed, miserable, and unhappy. No amount of money could change that.

I would assess the reasons why your husband left in the first place? It also depends on what makes him happy. If he doesn't like the computer job then that make it an easy decision. I wouldn't consider the money but what would make him happy.



answers from Nashville on

I don't think time with daddy or husband is worth it. That IS good money and money helps in so many ways so truly there is no right answer here except for what your family needs. Think about the future, 10-15 yrs from now, can he still be in the rest. biz and will he want to be? Can he handle those hours? Those nights and weekends as kids get older? Will he have to work holidays? does he get the same vacation opportunities as an 8-5 job? They may 'offer' a week's paid vacation but do they give him the time off without calling him in if someone goes wrong at the rest.? I was in the rest. and bar industry and it gets really tiring as you age. How was your family life before the 8-5 job and how was it with the 8-5 job? You need to write down the pros and cons and really, REALLY don't just look at the money. Family and time is worth more than money so if you are ok with those hours then the money is great and he should do it. If you were unhappy, he was tired, he was stressed, etc, it is not worth it. Also, keep in mind computers is a really good career path. He could stay at this job for 4-5 yrs, build his resume' and move on. I have a friend whose husband is in the banking and computer industry and makes A LOT of money. Maybe he should give it some time at this new career, it can take you a lot further than a restaurant job can.
Good luck with your choice!


answers from Houston on

Which job is he happier doing day to day and feels most fulfilled in?

If he is working nights/weekends/holidays, are you all able to still do things during the day? Will he get any weekends off so you can schedule family time then? If so, then it sounds pretty flexible and like you all can make it work.

Do your children need private school? You can probably find ways to cut corners and still have another child if he keeps his current job, but if you can all happily make it work with him being gone nights and weekends, then that sounds good too.

I don't know, the general manager job sounds tempting, but ultimately it depends on what your family can handle and if he will still be around for family time, because that's what is most important.



answers from New York on

This is a very difficult question to answer. There are so many variables to consider. Are you living comfortably on his current salary? How important is private shcool, a maybe or is it a what I want for my kids? Working at night is a disadvantage, but not working during the day is a major advantage. How old are your kids? What is the stability of both companies? Where do you see your family in 5 years, 10 years? You mention salary, but what about benefits? What does he enjoy doing more? How is his health, manager of a restaurant is very stressful?

Good luck with your decission.



answers from Knoxville on

You need to sit down as a family and figure out what is more important to your family, money or time together. Also keep in mind a Bonus is just that, it is not a definite income, so don't count on that money in your budget because things may not work out for the company to financially give the bonus.



answers from Hickory on

Keep the bank job. It's more predictable. Also, you and your children need his presence. God will provide if you want another child:)



answers from Raleigh on

I would ask him what he wants to do. What will he enjoy more. The restaurant business seems to always have openings and banking seems to lay people off. So, sending kids to private school doesn't enter my mind. The pay raise seems nice, but if it pushes you into a different tax bracket, that might not be worth it either. All depends on where he's happiest.



answers from Raleigh on

This is not just a question of what will make your husband happier, although that is a variable. You've gotten some great answers so far. This is a life decision that affects him, you, your child and any children in the future. Only the two of you can decide what's important in your lives. Do not listen to anyone else's "shoulds". Separate from any job, the two of you need to determine what kind of life you want to have. Once you have that criteria established you can then look at what you need to do to make it happen. Do not forget that spending time together as a couple is necessary to keep your marriage healthy and happy. Divorce is an incredibly costly process. You must make this decision as a team because you will both have to live with the consequences.


answers from Houston on

It's a tough call and as others have said really does depend on what will make your husband happy. My husband could also be earning more money in another job but the hours would keep him away from home more. We made the choice as a family to have him home more. The "things" money will buy will go away but the memories of family time are priceless. It's a very personal decision.



answers from Nashville on

What is his passion? Money aside, hours aside, which job does he enjoy and want to go to each day. He spends a lot of hours at work and needs to enjoy what he does. This will make him happier when he is off. It's true - it's not all about money - but it does help if everything else is in place. You can make family time work. At least he's not on the road traveling a lot.
Good luck with your decision.

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