How to Tell a Small Child About Her Dad?

Oh gosh, M., I am so, so sorry. She wouldn't have a great concept of death, it won't make a lot of sense to her. I would go to the children's section in your library and look up children's books about death and dying. Find the one that you think says it the way that you think is best and check it out. Read it to her and tell her that's what happened with Daddy or that's where Daddy is, but that he still loves her very, very much.

My heart breaks for her and for you, having to help her.

God bless you and I'll be praying,

L.

You don't mention if you told her about him passing away. Was she at the funeral? If you have not, you need to tell her in a way she can understand. Maybe if you know of someone who had a pet that died or maybe you can find a book in the library to help you. Just be truthful. Don't say he went away because that implies he is coming back. Kids are smart and give her credit for that. My friend regrets not taking her toddler to a grandparents funeral because her child never had the chance to say goodbye and have that closure and a way to explain what happened. Did she see him very often? If not, it wouldn't seem out of the ordinary for her to not ask about him. If on the other hand she is with you all the time it would seem natural for her to ask about you.

I'm sorry you are going through this. I don't really know how to tell her. However, I have always heard not to equate his death with sleep in any way - don't say "daddy went to sleep and won't wake up" or anything like that. Otherwise, it may give your daughter a fear of sleeping (or of you sleeping). Also, be sure to reassure her (when/if it comes up) that you are not going anywhere and will still be there to take care of her.

For now, I think you can probably wait until she brings him up herself, and then have a talk about it.

I agree with Lisa. Find age appropriate book and then have a conversation with her about her dad.

She is very young and probably (unfortunetly) will not remember much about him as she gets older.

Our daughter first understood about the death of a parent when one of her preschool friends mother was killed in a an accident. I was worried about her being upset .The mom had helped in their room and so our daughter knew her.

I told her that the mom had been in a terrible accident and had died. I told her that Sean would never see the mom again, but he would always love her. I left it at that. A little while I asked her if she had any questions, she said yes, "how will John get groceries?" I said "John's Grandparents were going to take care of him". "They will take him to the grocery store." She asked, "what if they die?" I told her, "John can live with us and I would get groceries for all of us." she said, "That is a good plan."

Just keep it very simple..

M., I'm sorry for your and your daughter's loss. When you stated "near his old house" it made me think that maybe her father had lived apart from the two of you prior to his passing. If that's the case, then it may be normal for her to not recall him all the time unless she is reminded in some way. Again, my assumption is correct, it would also make sense that she asks about you - the primary care giver - when you go away, and doesn't ask about him - someone she saw less often. If I have misinterpreted your statement about "his old house" then this post may not be as relevant. I wish you and your daughter well.

i dont know the total situation ..but i have always thought this was a horrible situation for a little kids....when 9/11 happened i thought to myself how do the moms explain to their children, little children that daddy isnt coming home,.....i guess in your case its at little easier (if thats possible) because like you said she doesnt ask about him......i think at this age they wont completely understand the whole passing and might have to be explained is very simple kid friendly language. Have you asked pedio about what approach you should take.....you want to make it as easy for you and her .......take care and hope all works out......

I remember that my son's Grandmother died when he was only 2 1/2. He never asked about her or seemed to notice her disappearance until one day while shopping he burst into violent tears and screamed that he wanted his grandma. Since then he rarely speaks about her since he was too little to remember her.

The best thing you can do, I think, is tell your little girl that her daddy had to go away and remind her that he loved her very much. My husband and I made a collage of pictures of our son's Grandmother and put it by his bed so he could see her every night. We tell him stories of her all the time. When your daughter is older and understands the concept of dying a bit more, then you can tell her, "remember when I told you that your daddy had to go away..."

I am sorry for your loss. Good luck with your little girl and God bless.