How to Teach Daughter to Use a Spoon by Herself

Children do a lot of their learning by watching others. If you aren't eating in front of her, how is she supposed to learn how to eat? She can't be expected to hold a spoon and use it to feed herself if she doesn't watch anyone do it. Have you ever eaten with chopsticks? If so, did you just pick them up and were a pro? Because if you are like the majority of Americans, someone had to SHOW yo how to use them.

If she is chewing on the spoon, I say, let her. Over time she will develop the dexterity to manipulate the food onto the spoon and into her mouth. She might just be frustrated and needs patience. Give her finger and spoonable foods so she isn't frustrated.

Hello M.,

Not to be harsh but I would let her throw the tantrum and if she refuses to eat let her be hungry until she gets the message that she is doing it herself. If you do not give her the attention she is manipulating you for she will get bored and come around. You do not have to mean about it, just walk away and occupy yourself with something else until she stops the tantrum. if she throws the spoon or food than I would speak firmly about how we don't throw food and utensils and then I would remove it all from her tray until she calmed down and was ready to try again. It takes time and consistency but they will learn! It helps too if you praise them and make a big deal about when they do use the spoon properly and do it themselves like a big kid. That is the kind of attention she will benefit from.

I'm with the other moms... go with finger foods! My almost-one-year-old does NOT like to be fed (unless it's a "treat" like yogurt, pudding, or popscicle). Having eggs & toast for breakfast? Set some aside on a plate for her, wait for it to cool and just spread it around on her tray (highchair) or table. Ham sandwich for lunch, make 2, cut hers into small (1/2in by 1/2in) pieces and set them on the tray. By now, she should be able to eat pretty much anything you eat--let her try out her independence. If you're eating something that she can't handle (soup, spicy food, etc), there are some wonderful kid-friendly options out there. I stock up on the Gerber meals & ravioli bowls when they're on sale (or when I have coupons). My girl loves them and it's only 30sec - 1 min in the microwave--for those time when you're in a pinch!

Now that's my girl is getting more interested in what I'm eating, I am starting to work with the spoon. I put food on it (show her how to scoop), then let her hold it and put in her mouth. Makes for very messy meal time, but she loves it. Strip her down to a diaper, and clean up gets easier, just wipe her down with a washcloth in the kitchen sink! :)

I have to agree w/everyone else. She is starting to learn how to work you & to see where the boundaries are. Right now she has the control. Take it back. If you don't set the tone now, you'll have a much harder time breaking her of it later on down the road. Put small pieces of whatever you're eating on her highchair/table & let her feed herself. Give her the spoon, and let her figure it out. If she starts throwing a tantrum, ignore it & keep eating. This is the beginning of the power struggles, so you might as well nip it in the bud now. Good luck.

I feel your pain! My best advice is to start her off at breakfast with some soft food like a banana cut up into cubes and skip the spoon! We had greater luck and less frustration with both my children if they had their own fork. No not an adult fork but one that is her size. They sell plastic ones at the grocery store just for kids. I just "poked" one piece for them and handed the fork off and that was it. She might be fussing because she wants to be like mom and use a fork! Its worth a try! And at her age she is old enough to know not to go poking her eyes out!

Absolutely, try the finger foods. It works wonders. You can even try nontraditional finger foods, like a thick yogurt. There's a developmental advantage to the child playing with differnt textures. Just be prepared for a mess and understand that it's temporary and table manners can be learned later. When my kids were ready for their own spoon, I found one that had all these holes in it, and it would keep food stuck to it better than the regular ones. It was great.
Then another thing I did was put my kids food on their trays and let them start while I was cooking my food and preparing my plate. I rarely started a meal sitting with them. Then by the time I sat down to eat, they were in full swing. My son has always taken FOREVER to eat his meals, so this also cut down on my own frustration of waiting it out. I'm not very patient when I'm hungry.
If your daughter is hungry she will figure it out. If she's not eating, then you might want to tinker with your schedule a bit and see if that helps.
Good luck.

She wants your attention and is using food as a power struggle. You should put finger foods on her tray and then eat your food. If she throws it off the tray, wait until you are finished eating, then put more on the tray. If she throws it off again, get her out of the chair. Do NOT give in. If she is hungry enough, she will put the food in her own mouth. Once she will do this with finger food, THEN give her the spoon for spoon food. If she uses her hands, take away the food. She will learn.

This is a slightly bigger problem than you think. I'm a parent educator and what I see is your child's behavior is ruling your ability to nourish yourself. Now that may be okay right now and it may be okay in the near future, but what is this behavior teaching your child? She is learning that if she screams, you do as she says. Is that the message that you want to send?

Yes, you need to teach her to feed herself, however @ 16 months she is just getting to the place where she can learn to feed herself, the developmental phase she is in actually gets a bit more intense between now and 18 months. You will still be feeding her for a while yet, and it doesn't always go very smoothly. She is beginning to show you that she wants independence and freedom, yet she is overwhelmed with her independence too. However, she needs to know she can't scream and stop you from nourishing yourself.

I would encourage you to think about this situation from that perspective and it may help you decide what to do. I would also encourage you to take a look at my website, www.proactive parenting dot net. I offer downloadable audio seminars, so you can listen to the information when ever and as many times as you like. The seminar that would work perfectly for you is Seminar #1: Correcting Toddlers.

I hope this helps.
S. from ProActive Parenting