How to Deal with My Step Sons

i undestand what u are going through.. i have a step daughter that we have had custody since she was 10 and now she is 14. and we have 3 children together.. she constantly fights with are 4 year old and nags my 2 year.. we have started taking things away from her everytime she fights with her siblings.. she also vists her mother for the summer and always wants to come home i say no stay and he says no she can come home earlier.. needless to say we do fight over and only her.. anyhow, maybe your husband needs to sit down and talk to the boys.. but i would not leave maybe that is what they want u to do.. remeber its just the summer and its your house... good luck!!

Girl I know you must feel very torn right now about how to deal with all of this. You say in your "A little about me" bio that you've been married for seven years, but I also noticed you put you have TWO children. You have more children than that. Maybe a look at how you see the "step" kids is part of the problem. It must be difficult though when there is no respect for you in the equation. But if they are not there often, that can be very tricky to acquire, especially if you and your husband are not a united front on the issue. I think the biggest help to you would be really talking to your husband about changing the way he faces the problems that arise while they are there. They are older and will be young men soon, but right now they are teenagers who are all about attitude and dominance it sounds like. You should consider some counseling to learn how to deal with the situation if your relationship with them is important to you. I would say though, that hurting their little brother would be a deal breaker no matter what. A counselor can give you great tools and ideas on how to effectively pull them towards you and the other children instead of fighting the situation even if it's only for a few weeks a year. Like, maybe you could send them things throughout the year making them feel a part of your family if you don't do that already. It really also depends on their home life with their biological mother as to how they will respond to your efforts. Good luck with working this out.

Oh my goodness!!!! I COMPLETLY understand. I am engaged and have a 5 yr old step daughter( that we recently got FULL custody of!!)my son is 19 months and she is constantly torturing him. Him and I fight also, he is at work im here with the kids and same as you feel she is trying purposly to upset my household. The problem is your hubby wants to make their stay w/ Dad so much fun, but he has to listen to you. If you dont have to be there with them then dont and maybe your hushand will realize how much this really affects you.

ahhhh, no his kids, make it his problem.....not to sound mean but if their not gonna listen to you, o well. let their father deal with it but you need to remember one thing...THIS IS YOUR HOUSE AND NO ONE, I REPEAT, NO ONE SHOULD MAKE YOU RUN FROM YOUR HOME. your gonna have to put your foot down with the boys and your husband. they're kids, they don't run the house. make it clear to them that if they can't respect you and your home that they are not welcomed to your home and their father will have to make arrangements to go spend time with them. why would you want to make your live miserable just for your husband to feel like susperdad? obviously this is my opinion and i may come across rude but you can't live your life around the boys comming to town. hope all works out for you..

I would say your husband and his their mom need to talk to them, that they need to listen to you when they are not around. It must be hard for them to only see their dad two week and than he still has to work. They see your kids and they see there dad all year round of course they are jealous. Your husband should spend more time with them and make them feel like they are wanted and that he loves them as much as your kids. I'm sure they would be more friendly with you then too. Maybe some counseling would be good for all of you. I'm sorry i know this must be hard for you but i'm sure its even more difficult for them and your husband definetly should do something about that. Good luck to you and you family!!!

Anika

I'm on the opposite side of this fence. My daughter goes to Michigan every summer to be with her dad and if she ever acted like that-heads would roll and she is only 7!!! She knows that I expect her to behave the same way she does at home if not better when she is at someone elses house otherwise she will be in trouble with me as well! And I would want her father to call me if it was something way out of hand with her. You in no way shape or form, including your children, should have to leave your own home when the boys are there. You and your husband need to sit them down and explain to them that these are the rules (what ever you and your hubby agree upon) and that if they don't follow them then there will be punishments. It shouldn't matter if it is you that is home with them, they HAVE to respect you, your house and your rules! Period!! If they can't, then your hubby needs to take those 2 weeks off work each year and deal with them on his own. You need to put your foot down and stand your ground cause I'm sure you wouldn't allow your two children to act this way!

Does their mother know how they behave? Are they allowed to behave the same way when they are at home with her? Either way, you need to envolove her in what is going on (step dad or long term boyfriend too if there is one). If they are treating their own 6yr old brother this way, what are they doing to little kids in their own neighborhood? There is no excuse for their behaviour and they are old enough to know right from wrong.

Good luck and I hope your family can pull together to get this taken care of quickly!

S.

I'd say leave town. Now. It is HIS job to make sure they behave- not yours. I would say ship them back if your husband is not willing to care for his own children. I had this issue with my stepsons, too. They learned quickly to abide by MY rules or get out. This is your hubby's parenting issue that he needs to address and that you should not have to tolerate. If he's not willing to stand up and be a father and husband who sides with you, then they cannot come. Simple as that. Good luck to you!!!

honestly this is coming from the other side of the problem i have personally been through 1 step-mom and three step dads. its a very difficult thing for a child and its hard if they dont see the biological parent often. what sounds like the problem is that they are not getting sufficient time with there father. my father and my stepmother got married when i was about 4or 5 and we never got along at all until i was almost 13. its a very difficult situation and definitely needs attention. i would suggest letting your husband and the boys go out and bond alone and then for you to be very supportive and interested with how things went when they return. just let them know that you are there for them and that you love ans support them. they will come around it takes a lot of time and patience.