How Does It Work in Your Family?

Updated on July 15, 2011
S.J. asks from Cherryville, MO
60 answers

I have a few questions regarding your kid's grandparents (either side, or both):

- How often do the grandparents see the kids?
- What is the distance between grandparents house and yours?
- Who makes the initiative to see each other (in other words, do you call them and say, "hey wanna come see lilttle Sally", or do they call or come over without being prompted?)
- What are grandparents ages?

Just curious how this works in other homes. Thanks!

What can I do next?

  • Add yourAnswer own comment
  • Ask your own question Add Question
  • Join the Mamapedia community Mamapedia
  • as inappropriate
  • this with your friends

Featured Answers

J.W.

answers from St. Louis on

With my exes parents it was usually on command, like holidays, birthdays and such. Very rare that they invited us or the kids over just to spend time.

My dad it is more like hey do you want to watch the kids or he calls with some melon or something the kids would like. They see my dad like once a week, sometimes more.

Oh yeah, they both live maybe ten minutes away.

Oh ages, maybe I should stop paying attention to work and read properly. :p Ex in laws 68 (both) my dad 82.

2 moms found this helpful

F.H.

answers from Phoenix on

My mom lives about a mile from us and sees the kids about every other weekend now that she is working full time. Before she saw them all the time and watched them for me full time in the summers. She will ask me if she can see them, I don't ask her unless I really need a babysitter.

My kids dads parents see them maybe 5x per year and they live 5 minutes from their dads house! They have never made a real effort to see them or call them since they were born. I thought that was so weird but used to it now. My ex takes them over to see them on rare occasions, usually only when he needs a sitter. They have NEVER called to ask to see the kids themselves.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

E.S.

answers from Houston on

My mom and dad live in the same neighborhood as we do and we usually get together a few times a week. My husbands parents live about 10 min away and see them every week also. If I ever need a babysitter or anything they are always willing to help. My husbands sister (and my best friend) also lives 4 houses away so we see her almost everyday. My daughter loves seeing her family. If she goes 2 days without seeing someone she is calling them and trying to get them to come over. LOL

1 mom found this helpful

More Answers

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

A.K.

answers from Houston on

every day
next door, less than 50 feet
mostly them, mostly unprompted
74

4 moms found this helpful

S.D.

answers from Phoenix on

everyone is out of state. we visit once a year, they come out twice a year if that.... its hard to be far away.

2 moms found this helpful

L.M.

answers from New York on

My parents live 15 min from me. They are 60 yo and see the kids usually 2 x a week in the summer, once a week during the school year. They own their own business and work alot as well. The get togethers are generated by both sides. My mom and I talk all the time, every day or every other. My dad and I usually talk once a week, and also we all like email.
My inlaws are 64 yo and they live 3 hours from me. We see them in the summer alot, every couple weeks, bc they own a lakehouse only 1 h 45 min away and so we go there alot. During the school year, we see them about once a month usually for a weekend. They often come to us, and we go there sometimes too. But to be honest this travel gets expensive. Between gas and tolls, it costs us $90 for a round trip visit. My MIL and I talk by email alot and on the phone maybe every few weeks, either her or I will call one another. My hubby is bad about making calls so his parents usually call him to chat once a week or so. How does it work in your home?

2 moms found this helpful

T.S.

answers from San Francisco on

My mom is 62 and has never shown any interest in my kids, doesn't visit, never once sent a card or gift. We speak occasionally by phone, she asks "how are the kids?" and before I can fully answer she's ready to switch the subject back to her. And yes, these are her only grandchildren.
My mother in law is 75 and she is awesome, lives about an hour away, has always been there for us, babysits whenever she can (at her house or ours, for a few hours or as long as 10 days.) We lost my father in law last year but he was awesome too, he was a retired chef and loved to cook for the whole family. Since my husband's family is so big nobody really has to initiate anything, there's always a wedding, baby shower, grad party, birthday/anniversary party, you name it. We get together several times a year. My kids have 21 cousins, and many of those cousins are now having kids of their own. I tease my husband that I only married him for his family, I LOVE them!!!

2 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

D.K.

answers from Pittsburgh on

We are 1000 miles from my parents and 600 miles from DH's mom. We see each set probably 3 times a year. We fly to my folks 1-2x/year, they fly to me once and sometimes we also meet somewhere else. We fly to DH's mom twice a year and drive once. My folks are 77 and 73 and DH's mom is 82. DS is 5-1/2. We never just 'drop by'.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

J.L.

answers from Los Angeles on

My mom is 68 and sees our kids every weekend. She also stays over if I have to go away for work overnight (my dh works nights). She lives about an hour away. We both initiate. My dad died earlier this year, but until then saw the kids at least once a week. He was 71. My MIL lives five minutes away and sees the kids maybe once a month. We initiate it. She is 64. MY FIL died before my dh and I met.

1 mom found this helpful

V.W.

answers from Jacksonville on

All the grandparents (and even great aunts who are like another set of grandparents) live 5 hours away. So in order to visit, one of us has to take it on the road. So, whomever is doing the traveling will usually call up the other and say "hey, we are thinking of heading that way (dates)______. Will that work for you?" or else, just be having conversation on the phone or online and ask "When are you guys going to come down for a visit?"

We don't live close enough for any last second drop in or single over night stays, or from the grands to do any routine babysitting. :(

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

V.S.

answers from Harrisburg on

- How often do the grandparents see the kids? Both sets see the kids about once a week.
- What is the distance between grandparents house and yours? Both sets live about 15 minutes away (in opposite directions)
- Who makes the initiative to see each other (in other words, do you call them and say, "hey wanna come see lilttle Sally", or do they call or come over without being prompted?) I usually take my kids to the in-laws about once a week to play on their playset or just hang out. I LOVE my in-laws. With my side its more formal with invitations to dinner or lunch out.
- What are grandparents ages? All four are in their late 50s

1 mom found this helpful

T.L.

answers from St. Louis on

1. A min of once a week
2. Less than 30 miles for both sets of grandparents
3. We call each other, but we usually make the drive unless we specifically ask them over. The toys are always more fun at Grandma's house. ;)
4. Both sets are inbetween 58 and 65.

We have a great relationship with both sets of Grandparents. We typically see them more during sporting seasons as they enjoy attending their events.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

L.F.

answers from San Francisco on

Well, one set of grandparents and step grandparent see my kids 2x or more a week!!! The other grandparent sees 2x a month? The grandparents on the other side of family don't see them unless it is a family reunion. About initiation, its everyone--if I want to visit my mom, I just call her and invite her and she does the same with me. Then she also spends time with just the kiddos 1x a month or so. HTH

M

1 mom found this helpful

H.S.

answers from Cincinnati on

My parents, age 58 and 60, call daily and would love to see my children every single day. They see them 4 or so days a week. My husbands parents, age 50 and 52, see my children a few times a year. Christmas, birthdays, Etc. They are 15 miles away.... I guess they just aren't that interested? We initiate most every single time. I've given up trying to figure them out.

1 mom found this helpful

✤.J.

answers from Dover on

My parents live about 2 1/2 hours away. We go up to visit every 4-8 weeks depending on what we've got going on schedule-wise. As the kids get older, they're schedules are more involved. My mom is 60, my dad is 55. We don't see my husband's mother at all, but she lives about 1/2 an hour from my mom.

1 mom found this helpful

C.O.

answers from Washington DC on

1. Not often enough.
2. My parents - 3K miles. Husband father (mother died 5 years ago) 800 miles.
3. My parents ask before they come as it's across country. My husband has to ask his father to come.
4. My parents are 75 and 73. My FIL is 76.

1 mom found this helpful

J.H.

answers from San Antonio on

My mom, 54, lives 21 hours away. Has seen my youngest five times.

My dad, 56, lives 25 hours away. Has only seen my youngest twice.

His parents, 60s, live 24 hours away. They're the ones we see the most. They've been down here twice. We've been up there twice.

Because of the distance it's up in the air as to who initiates the visit. (Usually who ever is on vacation in the area.)

1 mom found this helpful

L.W.

answers from Dallas on

My parents have always played an active part in my kids' lives. My mom was the best "MA" there ever was. Unfortunately she passed in 2008. My dad remains active in his grandkids lives as well. They would and he still does come up to visit (lives in a different city) quite often. Calls often. My dad is 61 and my mom was 56 when she passed. My husband's dad passed in January of this year, he was 75. He loved our kids and tried to be a part as much as possible but due to his location, wasn't able to as often as he would have liked. My husband's stepmom participated as well but had the same issue, location. However, since "Papa's" death, we haven't had much contact from her. We've reached out but to no avail. (Long story). My husband's bio mom lives in another state and she is in her 70's. Due to location and health, she hasn't been able to play an active roll in our children's lives. A lot of the difference in how each set participated had a lot to do with their ages I believe. But overall we have been blessed.

1 mom found this helpful

K.L.

answers from Redding on

I am the grama,, I see my grand daughter just about everyday. My daughter works 2 or 3 days a week and goes to school 2 days a week and has study groups and a little social life and I keep my grand daughter whenever she needs. On weekends grand D goes to her dads so we dont usually see her on Saturdays.
As far as my kids and their grandparents, My M. is gone, but saw them about 4 or 5 times a year when they were young.My parents lived 100 miles away and we went to visit them now and then. My dad saw them that often until he divorced my M. and then rarely saw them because he moved farther away. He has seen my kids about twice since then, and his great grand daughter only once. He doesnt travel so even I dont see him unless I go to him. He is 83 now. My husbands parents lived 100 miles away and never bothered to see our kids unless we went to them.Grampa died long ago, and grama has never bothered to ask about our kids and has only seen her great grand daughter once. Never asks about them, and has made it clear she doesnt want to be around our daughter because its gross that she has to do insulin shots every day. Nice, huh..
As far as we know, our grand daughter sees her other grandparents on weekends when her dad has her. The grama lives about an hour away and the grampa lives locally, so now and then when I have her out shopping, we see the grampa.(he works in several stores so we sometimes happen to be there at the same time) I dont know how they can go so long inbetween seeing grand kids. I like the every day visits, even tho it wears me out at times. I wish we were all a happier family for the grand daughers sake, but it just isnt always easy when things go wrong and people lie and cheat.

1 mom found this helpful

M.L.

answers from Chicago on

How often do the grandparents see the kids? - My parents live 4 hours away - I take the kids a few times a year for long weekends to see them and my parents come up a few times a year to see us. My FIL varies
- What is the distance between grandparents house and yours? 4.5 hours to my parents; 1/2 hour to my FIL's
- Who makes the initiative to see each other (in other words, do you call them and say, "hey wanna come see lilttle Sally", or do they call or come over without being prompted?) - My parents and I look at our schedules to see who can come when so it varies who initiates visits; my FIL sees the kids when we invite him over or if we call and see if we can visit him with the kids - he never calls and says he wants to come to our house or that he'd like us to bring the kids over.
- What are grandparents ages? My mom 55/dad 57; my FIL 59

1 mom found this helpful

M.D.

answers from Washington DC on

My parents leave 10 minutes away. My mother-in-law lives 24 hours driving away. We see her once every other year for two weeks. At least that is how it has worked in the past. We see my parents several times per week. I always tell my family about the kids events and activities and they make what they can or want to. My kids and I go to church with my parents. My parents call us and we call them - no written or unwritten rule of who calls who. I think if my husband's family lived nearby they'd be the kind to just pop in whenever. When we go visit that's how they are, so I'd go NUTS. Especially since we don't see eye to eye on anything really.

1 mom found this helpful

J.S.

answers from Jacksonville on

We are 1000 miles from both sets of grandparents. Usually we go back home two to three times a year. We stay with my parents and usually his parents will call and we will try to make plans on when to see his.

When we lived back home it was a mix of the two. Usually we would call them (both sets) to go visit. They are all in their mid 50's

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

M.R.

answers from Milwaukee on

My mom lives less than 10 mins away and works so on her day off she runs all of her errands. We don't visit much but she did happen to stop over today.
I am always running around with the kids and gone most weekends in the summer. She does not babysit as she has 13 neices/nephews she could never choose. However if she's home and one of the children need a ride somewhere she will help. My father lives 10 mins away and never stops. Last I saw him was Father's Day. I am not one that visits a lot because I always have things to do and try to avoid family drama. My FIL lives an hour away and we see him the most.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

J.B.

answers from Boston on

My parents are in their mid-60's, retired and live 35 minutes away. For many years they watched the kids 3x per week at their home for free. Now that they're all in school, we seem them on average once a month for family functions and they sometimes come to a sporting event or take them to the movies during school vacation. If there is an event that they would enjoy, I invite them. If they want to take them somewhere, they suggest that. It's about 50/50.

My FIL is mid-60s (retired) and his wife is 10 years younger. She lives and works a plane ride away and he splits his time between living there (8 months a year) and living an hour away from us in their permanent home (the summer). When they live away they come "home" every 4-6 weeks and would spend every waking moment with our kids if we let them. They initiate spending time with them and come to our house, take them out, have them sleep over, etc. Definitely an "absence makes the heart grow fonder" situation lol.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

K.E.

answers from Jacksonville on

My parents live an hour and a half from us....My inlaws live 10 hours and a few states away.......

My parents see us almost every weekend. Usually they visit us here at our home, but there are some occasions where we go to their house. There is no initiative...It's just an understanding that they will be here......:)

My inlaws visit every few months and we make the trip 1-2x per year.

My parents are in their early 50s. My MIL is 50 and my FIL is in his 40s.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

L.L.

answers from Hartford on

My Mother and Step father live below us in an inlaw apartment, they are in their mid 50's . So they of course see my kids everyday. They will babysit anytime, my older son spends half his day down there. They will get him off the bus when I am working. My father and his wife live across the country from us. We have seen the 2 times in the last 10 years. My husbands parents are both deceased.

1 mom found this helpful

A.H.

answers from Tulsa on

My parents see my son about 6 times a year, I'd say. More often fi I have to do a lot of travel for work. They live 400 miles away and I mostly go there since I go home for holidays. They keep him if I travel for work or just want to visit. My mom and sister will come to my house in the summer usually, although since my mom's parents moved in with my parents, that will be much harder. My parents are 58 (59 tomorrow!) and 57.

My son's dad's parents see him about every year and a half. They live in India and are 8,857 miles away. As the crow flies. Longer when you have to fly and take the train and back track in a car, etc. So, it's mostly us going over there to visit for my son to see his dad and family. They don't know how old they are (no birth records), but they think they are early 50's.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

E.C.

answers from Los Angeles on

All the grandparents are about the same age: 55-58.

My parents live about 20 minutes away; my husband's about an hour.

We try to get out to see everyone about once a week, but we see my parents more because they're closer.

We usually just make arrangements in our chats during the week.

1 mom found this helpful

D.M.

answers from Rapid City on

My mom and step-dad see our daughter every couple weeks due to their hectic work schedule, but sometimes we do see my mom at work since she's in retail. My parents live about hour and half or so away. (so two towns.)
My husbands parents probably see her more often, but depends on their schedule also since they are involved in almost everything it seems! My In-laws are actually next door to us.
As for the initiative- it's made on both parents with both sets of grandparents and us. My mom is 45 and step-dad is 51. My mil is 44(?) and my fil is 45.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

B.B.

answers from Missoula on

My parents, who are 50, live ten minutes away and see my kids several times a week. We have dinner together every Sunday, sometimes more often. My mom has two months off in the summer so she is watching my younger son while I work one day a week. The older son goes to preschool. They also watch the boys anytime we ask, and will call asking to see them if it has been more than a few days since they have.
My MIL lives in Chicago, about 1700 miles away, and we see her about once a year. She is terrified of flying and its tricky, not to mention expensive for the four of us to go there, so once a year is about all we manage. She is wild about the boys though and we email photos often and got her a webcam so she can see them. She is 69.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

N.P.

answers from Mobile on

My mother every month or 2
About 200 miles
we call each other
My mother is 47
My father every few months
about 200 miles
call each other
My father is 49
My MIL
every few months
300miles
we call her only because she is in a nursing home and she can't call long distance.
She is 49.

1 mom found this helpful

S.H.

answers from Spokane on

My Mom (60) is about 30 minutes away and she sees the boys minimum once a week. Both her and I (and oftentimes my boys) will initiate a visit.
My Dad (60+) and his wife are approximately 3 hours away. I go there 2-3x a year and they come here every 6 weeks or so and they always initiate when they come here.
My Step-Dad (62) and his wife are about 20-25 min away and we see them at least once a month. Visits are initiated most of the time between my hubby and step-dad.
Hubby's Dad (65 and retired) and Step-Mom live 10 minutes away and see the kids maybe once a month and only watch them if we need help and ask. They never call and say "hey, we'd love to come get the boys today".
Hubby's Mom (65 and retired) and Step-Dad live in Montana. We go there maybe once a year and his Mom is in the area quite often for dog shows but only calls in advance and makes plans to see us maybe once every 5-6 months.
My family has a totally different dynamic than my hubby's ~ obviously!! I see my sister and brother (who are 4.5 and 6 hours away) at least once every 2 months or so and we see my BIL (who is 25 min away) maybe 3-4 x a year and that's usually at Christmas or hunting season!

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

M.B.

answers from Lancaster on

My mom and dad live 30 minutes away. My mom sees the kids once a week. She is a "kid" person and is in her glory when she is with them. If I don't call to invite her, she will call to see when she can come see them. My dad still works and we see him every 2 months or so.

My husband's parents are divorced and they see the kids every 3 months or so. They live about an hour and a half away. They usually initiate. I hate to say this, but they are not very interested in the kids and are of the mentality that children should be seen and not heard (which is a little tough with a 3 month old and an 18 month old!)

All of them are in their mid sixties

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

N.W.

answers from Eugene on

My parents live 800+ miles away. They are 79 and 85 and no longer travel so they pay for us to travel to see them once a year. When we lived in the same state about 1 hour away from them, they would come to see us every couple of weeks. They would sometimes babysit. They never came over without being invited because they don't like to impose on their kids. We, however, are welcome to come visit them anytime, invite ourselves and stay.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

K.W.

answers from Youngstown on

My parents live in Iowa and we are in Ohio. We see them 2-3 times a year. Both will call often and check up on us to see how we are doing. They are 58 & 60. My in laws live less than 10 minutes from us and we see them at least 3-4 times a week. We go to church together and they babysit for us every Tuesday night. My MIL age 69 loves to have them over and do things with them. My FIL age 66 is not is great health but loves to see them too.

1 mom found this helpful

M.F.

answers from Portland on

Well, we used to all live in Colorado, his side of the family and my parents.
Then my brother & wife, who live in Texas, has twins and my mom quit her job and went to be a live in nanny for them and left my family and my dad in Colorado... something I resented.

When we moved to Oregon we couldn't put our daughter on the floor of the UHaul and did not have a car to drive, just the UHaul.
So our daughter went and stayed in Texas with my mom for a couple of months.
Towards the end, after almost 2 years of living apart, my mom moved back in with my dad in Colorado.... just in time for us to move across country from them.

So now we dont see either side of the family at all, and we have kind of decided, because of the way that our parents have been with us, and some drama, if they want to see us they can come here and stay in a hotel.

We are not getting along with them right now.
Haven't talked to any of them by phone or email since we got our daughter back.

1 mom found this helpful

J.G.

answers from San Antonio on

My parents live 40 mins away. Since I'm a SAHM, I will try to make plans to go to their house about once a week. We'll do lunch together. They would NEVER show up unannounced. That's just rude and that's not the way Mom and Dad do things. (also, I live on acreage. They'd have to call me in order to drive their car into my gate.) So they see my grandson about once a week, maybe twice if they want to come closer to my house to hang out or go shopping or do lunch closer to me. I think that answers your first 3 questions. My parents are mid-60s. I am 31. My son is 3 yrs.

Now my IN-laws live in California. When Gammie wants to come visit, she is here for 10 days - 14 days. !!!! I get a little sick and tired of it, but she wants to make the air-fare worth-while and be here longer. She will often call and ask if she can come certain dates and I will talk to my husband and we'll agree on something. So she sees my 3 yr old about 3 or 4 times a year. She's in her mid-50s.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.R.

answers from Boston on

--One grandparent -- She sees my children in spurts, usually at family occasions/birthdays. Sometimes we'll go almost two months and sometimes we'll see her several times a month.
--Lives a little under one hour away (but won't drive highways so has turned it into a day trip and complains about the drive every time).
--If she hasn't seen the kids in over six weeks or so, she'll call to figure out when she'll see them next.
-- She is 70, but is very healthy.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

R.Y.

answers from New York on

Both sets of grandparents are in their mid 60's and reasonably healthy. Our kids are still young, 2 and 5, so it isn't that easy to travel. My in laws live halfway across the country. We go to see them for about 2 weeks every summer (it is a great break for us and I count myself very lucky to have such nice in laws). We have done this from before we got married. They came to see us a few times when we couldn't get out there and when we had each new baby (they stay at a hotel since we are in an apartment). My parents live about an hour away and my extended family all lives that far or closer. We see my parents at least once a month and invites come from both sides. My mom is very helpful with the kids and will usually watch them if I ask in advance. We go to my parents place more often since they have more space. We also have at least 3-4 extended family gatherings a year. My grandmother (my kids' great grandma) also lives in the area and we see her several times a year. She is 90 now and can't handle more than a few hours with my active young kids but she loves to see them. We live in the area near my extended family on purpose so we can see family often--we made this decision after grad school, before we got married (I think we spent 6 months talking about it before deciding). I have told my husband I want to stay in the area as long as my grandma is alive. I don't know if it matters but my mom and MIL are both the oldest in a large family (5 and 7 siblings). Both are very capable at managing the kids and have good judgement. I'd trust either one to watch the kids under most circumstances. My dad and FIL love the kids but aren't really up for watching young kids.

1 mom found this helpful

K.J.

answers from Chicago on

Distance: 1500 miles from my in-laws, 400 miles from my parents
Frequency: In-laws visit us once a year or vice versa (though they lived with us until about 3 yrs ago); my parents come every 3 months or so, sometimes more often
Initiative: kinda a non-issue since we live so far apart
Ages: in-laws are close to 70, my parents are early 60s

1 mom found this helpful

C.M.

answers from Los Angeles on

1. At least 1-3x's a week. My Mom babysits my kids while I work, so when I go back it will be 4x's a week.

2. We live about 10 minutes apart.

3. I usually call most of the time.

4. My Mom is 52. My Dad is 57. My in laws are in their late 60's.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

J.L.

answers from San Diego on

Great question!
- My parents, try to see her once to twice p/ week. Ex's parents, twice p/ year
- My parents, moved to be closer, 6 blocks. Ex's parents, two hours
- My parents, contact one another, but don't come over without calling. Ex: don't get me started. I think my ex has to make the attempt. I think they skype.
- My parents: 68 & 62. My ex: 55 & 53

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

B..

answers from Dallas on

-My parents, couple of times a week. Husband's parents every couple of months
-My parents, 5 minutes. Husband's parents 45 minutes - 1 hour
-My parents, both of us make the initiative. Husband's parents, always me
-My parents, 49 and 53. Husband's parents, 62 and 65.

I do think my in-laws ages have a lot to do with how often they see my son. They are not in great shape and a lot older then my parents. They can't be active with my son, so it's exhausting for them to be around him. My parents are still Young and active, and they can play with my son no problem.

1 mom found this helpful

T.K.

answers from Dallas on

we're 20 minutes away. its a given we will see each other on holidays and birthdays. its usually set up via text messages. or i'll be at my sils and she'll say - what're we doing for moms bday. It used to be mil doing all the planning, cooking, setting up, and everyone was expected at her house. now that we girls are adults, we try to take turns hosting and we all do much more of the planning and cooking than mil. If it's a long time in between occasions, usually mil will call and ask about the kids and ask when i'm gonna bring them by.

1 mom found this helpful

E.D.

answers from Seattle on

- My mom and my stepdad see our kids a few times a week. We see my dad once, sometimes twice a year. We see my husband's folks a few times a year.
- My mom lives 17 minutes away by car. My dad is an 8 hr plane ride. My husband's folks are a 3 hr plane ride.
- My mom calls me or I call her most every day. She's a big time communicator, and is often the one to call and check in and/or ask to make plans. I call her whenever we are coming into town and to see if we should drop by, which is a few times a week. I call my dad at least once a week. He calls me about the same, so we end up talking 1-2/wk. My husband calls his parents once a month or so, or they call about that often. I'll send 'em pictures and e-mails about once a month. With our out of town parents, we keep the door for trips open. "So, we're think about a trip this winter, what do you think about that? Any chance for you to come out here? Would you mind if we came to you?" My Dad hates leaving his home, so we go to him (he lives in HI, so I'll admit, I don't mind a bit!). My husband's folks are both pilots, so they drop in without a lot of notice and stay for a few days especially if they're already flying into Alaska or Washington. We get to see them once a year for an extended visit.
- My mom is 58, my stepdad is 60, my dad 75, my stepmother is 55, my in laws are about 55/59.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

J.B.

answers from New York on

My parents live 45 mins away by car. My In laws live 50 mins away by car. My parents see my son once a week and they are usually the ones to come over. I visit them once a month. My son only sees my inlaws maybe once every 3 months. My inlaws dont really want anything to do with my son and we're the ones to initiate the visit.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

M.P.

answers from Raleigh on

My MIL and my mother take turns watching 10 mo old baby. My son spends every Sunday with my mom. He sees my MIL on days when she keeps the baby.
My MIL lives about 35 minutes away. My mom lives 10 minutes away.
We just see each other- no real plans are made. We see them very often.
My MIL is 64. My mother is 77.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

R.J.

answers from Salt Lake City on

Okay well this is where it get complicated-
-Husband Parents- a couple times a week in the summer- then 10 days vacation with them- a couple time a month in winter- they vacation alot
My Step mom,- a couple times a year( maybe)
My step dad- A few times a year- more in summer
My Mom- maybe twice year

Hubbies parents live about 1/2 hour from us and we get together often when they are not travelling
My step Mom live 1 1/2 hours away and I havent seen her since April she calls but honestly doesnt even know how to get to my house
My step dad-( no longer married to my Mom) Lives about and hour away we see him about once a month in the summer he stops by sometimes on his motorcycle when he is out riding or we get together for BBQ
My Mom- Moved to Vegas married a man no body in the family can stand so I see her maybe at christmas- which is plenty.

Ages- all of them are between 65 and 67 they are all still very active

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

C.H.

answers from Chicago on

My husband's father, 78?, lives about 5 miles away - never sees the kids, has no interest really. He does come to Christmas parties, Easter, etc.

My husband's mother, 75?, is about 2 miles away and calls the kids all the time, we call her, and she loves to have them come for sleepovers. She can't drive any more so it's us going to see her, take her groceries, etc.

My mom, 72, is about 300 miles away; my dad died two years ago. They hardly ever came/come to see us, except for baptism parties. It's so hard for us to travel that far for a weekend visit, we now only make the trip maybe three times a year. She does call, not often, and typically tells me about my nephews (who live close to her) rather than asking about my kids. If I want to hear about my nephews, I'd call my sister, so I don't call my mom as often as I should, I guess.

1 mom found this helpful

A.G.

answers from Houston on

My kids dont have g-parents, my parents and my husbands parents are all gone. My g-ma recently died, and my grandpa has been gone for awhile. HOWEVER, my husbands g-parents are still with us, My daughters call them grandma and grandpa, so i will answer your questions based on them.

-they see them at least twice a month, my oldest spends the night on easter.
-they live 15 minutes away
-we both make equal initiative, i will call her to find out where and when to go eat for birthdays, and special days., she will call me to discuss movie times where we all go to to see the most current cartoon or kid flick, and we eat first., they are a given at b-day parties and thanksgiving and x-mas.
- they are 85(her) and 90(him)

i got to see my own g-mother less, she had health problems and was always in dialysis or in a hospital. My oldest daughter knew my dad for only the first two years of her life, i was sure to come over at least twice a week, he couldnt come to me because he was paralyzed from the waist down.

i take time with my husbands g-parents very seriously, i call her all the time just to talk.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

A.V.

answers from Washington DC on

It depends on the grands.

How often do the grandparents see the kids?

My mom sees DD about once every 4-5 months. My ILs see DD about every 1-2 months. Sometimes a lot one month and not so much the next.

- What is the distance between grandparents house and yours?

My mom is 2 hours away and my ILs are less than 20 minutes.

- Who makes the initiative to see each other (in other words, do you call them and say, "hey wanna come see lilttle Sally", or do they call or come over without being prompted?)

A little of both. Often I will get the impression that the ILs would like to see DD (the youngest grandbaby) and I will make arrangements to take her for the afternoon. They have health issues so usually we see them.

- What are grandparents ages?

My mom is in her 50s and my ILs are in their 70s.

No one ever shows up unannounced. A quick call confirms that someone is home and it's a good time.

1 mom found this helpful

M.D.

answers from Dallas on

My parents are dad (61) mom (57); live 1.5 miles away, my older kids (16 & 14) are at their house all the time, my almost 5 year old 3-4 times a week, I usually go on Sunday but sometime Saturday for a 1/2 the day... I usually call before I come over to see if they are there, but I invite myself, unless they say they don't want me to come

My MIL lives in Illinois, the kids see her every few years when we go back, not too often... I love her and she loves us and the kids but she works all the time, I have no hard feelings towards her for not seeing the kids... they aren't a really close family, I understand that and accept it... His dad died when he was a toddler, so he doesn't even know him...

1 mom found this helpful

A.C.

answers from Provo on

We have 3 sets of grandparents, who all live in the same town which happens to be a 2 hour drive from us.
We will usually drive up to visit all the grandparents once every 2 months or so, though more in the summer (maybe once every 3 weeks). 2 of the sets of grandparents also are quite involved with the kids and will drive down to our house or meet us halfway to take a child for a sleepover, this usually happens once a month. So I guess all in all we see the grandparents 1-2x a month.

It is about equal on who initiates the visits. About half the time, we will invite them to a bday party, or say we are headed up that way to visit one set of GP's and see if we can see the others; the other half of the time, GPs miss the kids and will call to set something up.

The grandparents are all about 50 years old.

1 mom found this helpful

S.K.

answers from Denver on

husbands side of the family
- at least once a week
- 20 minutes drive time (different town)
- both will call to do things depending on what is going on but hardly swing by unprompted, a phone call is usually made
- 56 & 59

My side of the family
- 1 to 2 times a year
- for 6 months out of the year it is a 7 hour drive the other 6 months out of the year it is 14 hours (they fly south for the winter)
- we usually will make the drive to see them
- 56 & 59

1 mom found this helpful

K.I.

answers from Los Angeles on

My Mother (my Father passed away before I had kids) is 56 y/o and lives 2 states away...she usually tries to come up to us for either Christmas or Thanksgiving and she takes my 2 older nephews (15 & 11) for 2 weeks during the summer every other year, they fly by themselves to her house for the visit...when my kids get a lil' older they will probably join their cousins in these visits.

My in-laws are 67 & 68 y/o and live 3 hours away...they are both retired and come up to our house for a long weekend (Friday afternoon-Monday morning) at least every 2 months or so? They also invite us to come to their house for a weekend every so often. We have to spend EVERY major Holiday (Christmas, Thanksgiving, husband's b-day, Father's Day, all the kids' b-days) with them for some length of time. They plan a 'family vacation' for us and them every summer, usually it's very awesome...Disneyland, Beach House rentals, Yellowstone, etc. They also buy just them and hubby and I season tickets to all the Broadway shows that come our way...every year...

I love my in-laws, truly I do...but...sometimes I think it's a bit much?! *As I sit folding laundry so I can pack us all so we can leave on Friday for our 'family vacation'...this year it's BIL's wedding in Portland followed by a 4 day trip up the coast, seeing sights and *trying* to enjoy the Oregon beaches?

1 mom found this helpful

T.B.

answers from Bloomington on

My parents:
2 times per month
almost 2 hrs.
equal, sometimes us sometimes them
63 and 64

My husband's parents:
3-4 times per week
less than a mile
usually we initiate, sometimes them
66 and 73

1 mom found this helpful

S.G.

answers from Seattle on

My parents and I live only 5 minutes apart, so we go over there every few days. They very rarely stop by unannounced although they would be totally welcome! When I work part-time, my parents watch my boys (thank goodness for them!). My husband's divorced parents live in South Carolina. We fly his mom up here about once a year to stay with us for a week or two. His dad and step-mom came here once. My parents are in their early to mid seventies, my husband's dad is in his late fifties and his mom is 55.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

L.A.

answers from New York on

My parents -
-daily (they provide childcare while we work
-6 blocks
-they love having our boy over, but want to punch the time clock at day's end, and don't volunteer for any extra.
-my parents are in their late 60s.

His parents -
-once or twice a year.
-accross the sea, we are in NY, FIL and MIL in Europe and Australia respectively.
-its mutual, sometimes they announce they have holiday time/miles. other times its b/c there is an event (wedding, funeral, christening). when they come they stay for 2+ weeks.
FIL and MIL are in their mid 60s.

There's no right or wrong to this. So long as it seems to be working well for your household.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

H.D.

answers from Dallas on

Both sets of g'parents live in other states. So, roughly they all see my kids about 2 times a year at most. I never ask them to come since they are all retired people and don't have a ton of money to fly. It's usually a big happening that the g'parents come out for (baptisms, see a new home etc...). My husbands parents are both in their 80's mine are in their late 60's. About every 3 years we go to their turf to see them.

1 mom found this helpful

J.B.

answers from Houston on

We have a whole host of ways it works:
My mom: is single and retired and lives 20 min away, she comes over like 3x per week and spends time with the kiddos and helps me with the house. She doesn't always help with the house but I am prego with babe 3 and she has been SUCH a lifesaver but I plan to resume the house when I am not pregs :D We have always been close so having her over is no burden, we both enjoy it and due to the loss of my sister a couple years ago it is good for both of us!
His mom and step dad: live 45 min away. We see his mom and sisters semi regularly. I usually call and invite them over and I include them in all our family stuff. Once in a while they have come over on their own but we are never invited over to their home bc it is really small. I have thrown my oldest SIL a baby shower and we spend all holidays together. I speak to my MIL on the phone pretty regularly. We only see my hubby's step dad on holidays or some special occasion because he works ALL the time. I guess having 5 kids will do that to you! I think we see them less bc really they do have 5 children and now three of them have children so they have more family stuff that my mother does.
His father and wife: Lives 6 hours away and that relationship is a work in progress. We have seen him twice, at our wedding and when we made a trip out with the kids. Although my FIL did send my oldest his first bday card and gift in four years, this year. So things are improving.
His stepmom: Is divorced from his father but had a huge part of raising him and is 'Mimi' to my kids :D We have seen her twice, at the wedding and on a trip we made to visit but we talk to her all the time and she never misses a holiday or bday of either of her babies and we always take care of her on all major holidays especially bc she did not have bio kids of her own.
So that is us! Wow that was a lot of info, I am interested to see what others do, I think families in all their shapes and sizes are what make life truly worthwhile. Take care!

For Updates and Special Promotions
Follow Us

Related Questions