Help! Rude & Sassy Almost 4 Year Old..

I think someone kind of mentioned this, but I've read stuff about connections between over-sized tonsils and poor sleeping and hyperactive behavior. Seems like there's the possibility of a connection there, but who knows. Looks like you've got some other good advice. Good luck!

On the lack of sleep-I've got an 8 YO w/ADHD who has never slept well either. He tosses & turns, still falls out of bed often, actually has a scar from falling out of bed & hitting his eye on SOMETHING but nobody knows what & he doesn't remember. (sound familiar?) Before he was diagnosed, we tried ENT (he's cleared for hearing probs but never got a clear answer on the adenoid size possibly causing sleep problems) & we did a sleep study. He's got apnea but not enough to diagnose him as having it (over a set number of awakenings is apnea & he's on the high side of the grey area between not & apnea) If you can afford the testing, have him seen by an ENT to check his breathing (my son has snored since birth) & see if his adenoids are too big for him to breathe well at night around. The ENT referred us on for the sleep study as well-they hook him up but nothing hurts & they monitor him all night. The nurse who diagnosed his ADHD suggested Inositol powder for his sleep-it doesn't improve the hours he sleeps or keep him asleep, but it improves the quality of the sleep he is getting. He did very well on it & seemed not as restless the next day.
On the behavior-stop doing. Just stop doing what he wants you to do & explain to him that until he's able & willing to listen to what you say, you're not going to do what he wants you to do. Continue to provide all of his necessities (food, clothing, tons of love) but if he wants lunch out-NOPE! you're not listening to me very well & it makes me not want to do nice extra things for you when you treat me so bad. It's really hard to be consistant w/this, but it honestly works very well. I got it from a book called Have a new Kid in 5 days by Dr Kevin Leman. I originally bought it for my 13 YO SS because of all of his behavior problems but it works wonderfully w/my 8 & 6 YO as well. As per the book, I tell them once, turn my back & walk away-there is no discussion, no "reminders", no nagging (makes things a lot easier on all of us!). If they don't accomplish what they were supposed to do (room cleaning for example) I grab my trash bag & get rid of what's not picked up. They get a pb sandwich & it's bedtime. They listen rather well now!
His not listening & craziness could be caused by his lack of sleep, but I'd work on the behavior too while you're figuring out the sleep. He's cranky & restless from not sleeping & he's acting out because of it.
As for something for him to do... he would definitely benefit from a sport but do you want him being unbehaved like this in public? He's big enough to understand consequences. Let him know that you'd love to put him a sport but his behavior is keeping you from doing it-he'll disrupt the rest of the team if the coach is always correcting his behavior & that's not fair to the other kids (they really get "fair"-lol mostly how things aren't fair for them). Tell him how you're all going to work on his behavior together, get some sports pamphlets & circle the enrollment date on the calendar. Check the calendar daily to see how much longer til the sport starts & then talk about his behavior for that day. Small stickers on the calendar for good days-make sure to point them out to visitors!-work at his age.
Good luck!!

You could take him to the library, or go your self if you don't want a meltdown. Get some books from the nature section, birds, plants, trees, and weather books. Then take him on long walks in an open field somewhere, or the mountains. Then show him stuff in the books. Make it a game, show him a picture of a common bird (to help confidence and make it fun) and ask him to point to one.

My daughter is almost 4 (March) and she has the same problems. I started taking her for 1 hour and 2 hour walks and doing the nature book game. I turned our walks into a a scavenger hunt. Right now we are working with rocks. We also have silly run around time just before we go back inside. We run in circles, wave our arms in the air, jump and scream and just be goofy. This helps to signal our walk is over and it is time to go inside and it really expels that extra energy. We also have Yoga Kids from Gaiam. We have two DVD's, ABC'S and Silly to Calm. Marsha Wenig is the instructor in these and there are little boys and girls who do most of the poses, which makes it a lot of fun for kids. We do silly to calm in the afternoon, just before we have quite time, where she sits on the couch and reads books while her sister takes a nap.

Hope this helps.

She still has some bad days where she just has an attitude. But her bad days are few and far between now.

You have been given some good advice. I will just add on thing. Remember that consistancy is the key. Very few things work the first time or the first few times. Whatever it is you choose to do you must stick with the same method for at least a month solid with no wavering in order for your son to learn that you have a new set of expectations. He has learned what is acceptable and now you are working to change that. He will no doubt push and push to try and get things back the way they have been. It will be very hard, but you must stand your ground and impose your new limits consistantly. A few weeks or a month of fighting you and meltdowns will leave you all with many years of more calm and compliant behavior.
Take care, B.

ask your doctor about melatonin to help your son sleep - it's made a huge difference in our lives, I have 3, two of which wouldn't sleep.

Try "the power of positive parenting" by Glenn Latham.

KJ -
Try Karate or some sort of martial arts. I know many of the schools start their children at 3. My nephews have both been in it for a couple years and are very respectful and know that if they cause issues, not only are they in trouble at home, they are in trouble at class as well. I would recommend the school by the King Soopers on Stetson Hills and Powers. The instructors there are really good!

Make sure that he is eating healthy, wholesome foods. My brother had symptoms like his. My mom found out that cutting out sugar, preservatives and artificial colors and flavors made him calm down, listen and focus. He was a totally different kid, although he always had lots of energy. It was tough on her to not buy the easy processed food and figure out how to cook meals out of good ingredients, but it was well worth it. He eventually outgrew the 'allergy' for lack of a better word. Really, this is the way we should all be eating, but it just affects some people so strongly.

Hi KJ, You must be so worn out! Have you tried Chiropractic? I have seen children that were colicky and didn't sleep, literally sleep through the night and become very calm babies. Did you have a fairly easy delivery? Find one that works with children "a family practice". It's definitely worth the visit, especially if he's subluxated. Let me know if you go!

It's normal behavior. Ignore as much of it as you can, but don't change your rules or go back on what you said, he's probably testing limits.

As far as not listening, make sure he is really paying attention. Get close to him, even touch him, and have him look at you - eye to eye contact. Tell him "let me see your eyes" Then you can tell him what you need him to hear.
Many times, when our kids hit this age we expect them to be able to focus on what we are saying without making sure that they are aware we are talking (how many times have I been so involved in what I'm doing that I don't even realize someone is talking to me?...Wow).

Also focus on the times he does what you want. Whatever you give attention to will grow. If you make a big deal over the sass or him not listening or following directions, its going to keep on going. If you pretend that you don't notice the sass/demanding attitude it's likely to gradually decrease. Recognize when he is polite or talks to you appropriately. By taking proactive steps to help him listen, you are also focusing on the positive behavior.

Also look at what he is watching on t.v. Lots of kids shows depict kids who are disrespectful and rude to grown-ups as being cool and smart (and the grownups as dumb). Kids start acting this way because they don't realize it's not normal behavior. Best thing is to sit and watch his shows with him and talk about how that isn't like real life, and to cut back on how much he watches in general (if this applies - maybe he isn't seeing any of this)