Have You or Anyone You Know Had a Stroke?

I had a several strokes. The last two appear to be in the same region of the brain as your friend. Generally young people have hemorrhagic strokes. Those tend to be more severe. Mine were all likely ischemic. I'm not sure because though I went to the hospital the first two times, they did not look at the arteries in my brain. The last time they did but not until the window had closed for treatment. They found a bifurcated clot, which means that I had a clot that split into two pieces. One affected my speech while the other affected the right side of my body, mostly my arm. My strokes occurred at 36, 40, and 45. At 45 they finally start to consider strokes. Before that they are incredibly rare.

The way I recovered was practically a miracle. At first I couldn't understand anyone much less talk. Quickly I regained speech but it was very slow and halting at first. I remember working so hard to find another route to the speech area of my brain. A couple of days later they sent a speech therapist who said that I only had trouble with my "s". I never went and my articulation is in the normal range. It takes me slightly longer to find the right word and my vocabulary isn't as rich. Luckily, before the stroke it was in the 99th percentile so it is noticeable by very few people.

Names have been much more challenging. I forget everyone's name now unless I knew them well before. Often I remember the name but then I think it's impossible because someone else has the same name. This happens even with people I have known for years and have shared vacations. If my husband says a name, I know who he is talking about 99% of the time but forget introductions. I'm sure they think I'm totally narcissistic.

I was able to keep working but it took a toll. I would grab something fast, eat on the drive home, and sleep the second I got home, usually 14 hours per day for almost a year. It was h*** o* my family. My boys felt abandoned.

I could read, but when I got exhausted, the letters just looked like random marks.

I think that sleep can help heal the brain. I read about cocooning, which is almost sensory deprivation at first. I found even television too taxing. I couldn't keep track of what was going on. If she is in therapy, I would imagine that is enough. They told me that if I didn't get it back in 6 months, I would never get it back. I think that is not true. The exhaustion lasted about a year. I saw progress for about two years. My most dramatic progress was in the first couple of hours though. This made it more difficult to diagnose because they kept assuming that I was having TIA's.

Strokes are rather funny. It is hard to tell how they will affect each person. I think that it is quite individual. On the last couple, the ones that affected my right arm and speech, everything was quite hilarious. They previous ones put me into a complete panic.

Thank you for being her friend and sticking with her through this tough time.

Thanks for the update! I also have a history of migraines and inflammation. They attribute my strokes to those factors rather than the typical ones.

I'm so sorry about your friend. It must be overwhelming for her and the family. It's great that she has her mother and MIL to help, and that her husband has the ability to take some leave, but that's still a lot of upheaval for all of them and for the 2 children.

I'd like to suggest that you look into the kind of respite care that all of those people will need. It's a lot to ask some grandparents to be housekeepers, cooks and child care experts again. And their own worry takes a toll on them. So you might look into coordinating with them to ad some extra help - if you're close by, you can help. If you aren't, you might look into getting a few people to help provide 3 months of housecleaning service or some gift cards for take meal delivery. Websites like Lotsa Helping Hands or SignUp Genius are free and let the family help you select the tasks that they need and the schedule on which they would be helpful. We've used it for our neighbors in need and it's been great to see what meal choices they like, schedule them for, say, MWF with a drop-off in a cooler in the driveway so the family doesn't have to "entertain" or even answer the door with well-meaning helpers. We also scheduled home tasks like lawn mowing and laundry, kid carpools on Scout or sports days, and more.

I'd suggest that you resist the urge to share too many stories of others. They may be inspiring to you but overwhelming to her. And without knowing who had what type of stroke and the specifics of her case, it could make things much worse. She could get discouraged, for example, if others were walking in 2 months and she's not in 4 months, you know? She has medical professionals, will have therapists and she has a support group for those specific skills building and emotional support.

2 years ago, my healthy husband became suddenly very ill with signs of heart failure - extreme blood pressure (290/180 - yes, really), irregular heartbeat, enlarged heart muscle, and was in cardiac ICU for 4 days, followed by months of additional diagnostic tests/scans and consultations. It was completely unexplained and terribly frightening. It was made worse by the fact that he lacked certain typical symptoms of heart failures, and so he defied diagnosis. We had 2 groups of people helping us: those who provided meals for me and my son, and later for my husband, and those who helped with in-home dog sitting (we have a rescue dog with separation anxiety and PTSD who could not be alone for long periods of time while we were in the hospital.

We had a third group of people who did NOT help because they decided, without knowing the complex details of multiple specialists in 2 major hospital systems, that it would be helpful for them to share a lot of stories and their own "expertise." One neighbor in particular was adamant that we take her list of possible causes and run them down, reporting back to her. "Have you tested him for Lyme Disease?" "What about kidney disease - that causes high blood pressure?" And so on. If I said certain things had been eliminated, she questioned it. If I said they hadn't been investigated/considered, she wasn't interested in why they weren't on the list, because she "knew people" or had "looked on line" and felt we were missing things. (End of story: husband diagnosed with a very rare condition called a paraganglioma, an endocrine tumor that produces its own stress hormones that had been bombarding his heart for years. It's the sort of thing that doctors read about in medical school but hardly ever see. Tumor removed, heart rhythm restored, husband back to full health.) But the relationship with the neighbor has never been the same. While I'm sure she was well-meaning, she caused so much stress and gave us something else to deal with - answering her offering of things she felt we needed.

So - be a helper. Don't just do what you think they should want. And what she needs now won't be what she needs in 2 months or 4 months. In time, lesser friends will move on with their lives, and she'll be on her own. The crisis won't seem so crisis-y, and she'll be on "maintenance" in their minds. That's when she's really going to need you and her dearest friends. And that's when her husband and mother/MIL will be totally exhausted.

Yes I have! In the end everything was back to normal. Hang in there!

Sometimes the person never recovers much. A friend of mine had a big stroke, police officer, and he walks with a cane and can't follow conversations much like your friend. His wife divorced him and he's all alone now. Another friend had a stroke but it was in a different part of the brain. He recovered a lot and hardly seems effected.

I think the docs are doing well with your friend. She has to be facing a lot of doubt. That she won't ever heal beyond where she is now but still hoping she will wake up one day and be much better. I'm so sorry she's going through this. It's good she has you for a friend and that you understand her like this.

This is very sad. I don't know what her circumstances were with her overall health, how fast she got to the hospital, what level of stroke care the hospital was capable of... There is only a 3 hour window for giving TPA to a stroke victim, and there are strict guidelines on when it can be used, according to the patient's overall health. It sounds like TPA was not used on her.

It is an uphill battle for your friend. Promising stories may help her feel better, but if those stories don't come through for her, it may just make her resentful.

You are a very sweet friend.

Is there any chance you can go with her to her therapy appointments? Maybe see if there are things you can learn and work with her on the 4 days she isn't in therapy?

Is there anyway you can get her out of the house? Push her through the mall or park. Change of scenery may help.

I know 4 young people that had massive strokes (one was in her 20's). All have made fantastic recoveries but all had to re-learn to talk, walk, feed themselves etc. it was a long road for each of them.