Have Another Baby or Not???

Updated on April 16, 2011
J.T. asks from Elmhurst, IL
11 answers

I'm really struggling with wanting another child. My kids are 8, 5, & 3, and I would love another baby, I think about having another constantly. However I also think that my kids are getting older and things are easier, going on vacations, school events, just getting out of the house! Does anyone else struggle with this, did you decide to have or not have another? I think my husband can pretty much go either way.

What can I do next?

  • Add your own comment
  • Ask your own question
  • Join the Mamapedia community
  • as inappropriate
  • this with your friends

Featured Answers


answers from Dallas on

I have two, ages 7 & 4, and I struggle with this every day. I think I feel that I am "supposed" to have another. We have two girls, and my husband wants a boy. I haven't really decided yet, I'm just 28 so I still have time. I keep thinking that when the time feels right I might just decide to have another. So far, that hasn't happened. Also, I LOVE my freedom. My kids are self-sufficient, and it has been so great the past year or so. No diapers, no formula, no crying babies... wonderful. Why would I want to mess that up???? lol

But we'll see.

Good luck!

Edit My Answer
2 moms found this helpful

More Answers



answers from San Francisco on

I have 4 children(13.5, 10.5, 2.5, and a 10mth old). A variety of age groups..it's an "interesting" life, extremely busy. I think my husband wants ONE more. I'm pretty much done.

Having another child is definitely a blessing. If you FEEL that you're ready, emotionally, physically, mentally, and financially..why not have another. If it happens then it does. I think that's what happened to us. :) However, I am stopping at 4. My husband thinks after our 4th is out of the house I'd want another one...but I think not...I think we'll enjoy our grandchildren later in life. :)

Good luck.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Columbus on

I had three kids in three years. It was chaotic. But, I was in "mommy mode" and did playdates, baby classes, etc.I loved it. It was where I wanted to be. My husband worked late and I was on my own with them A LOT!! SO, when my youngest entered kindergarten, I was happy to start back to work and have my own life.

I found out just after I started the process of having my nurse license transferred to my state, that I was pregnant. I can honestly tell you that until that little girl's first birthday, I was in a pretty deep depression. You WANT another, but your oldest is 8. Soon, if now already, he/she will be into sports, music lessons, etc. Carting around a toddler to these things is NOT fun. I am missing out on so much by having to contend for naps, bedtimes, age, etc.

This weekend- my husband and my oldest are going to my son's baseball tournament. We are a family of 6. we can't fit into one hotel room. We are going to "make-do" with it for tomorrow night, but the family is almost always split - to accomodate the baby. We can't go to movies in the theater, we can't spend all day at the beach or amusemnt park....a lot of things...

Your kids will be spaced more evenly, but it still can get to be quite a lot. Your oldest will be 9? when the baby comes. Then, you will have college for these 4 kids- all right after each other. That's another thing we didn't take into consideration(like we planned it...lol!) I had it easy - kind of- when our surprise came along, but I've been thrown back to diapers, bottles, naps, etc It's been a huge change for our family. It's put a strain on our marriage and our finances. It also threw me into such a funk, that it was hard to bond to this little one. Yes, you would be planning for yours and happy to get there. But, you should think of how your life would be in a couple years, when you are doing tons of activities with your older kids and carting along an infant/toddler.

I know I sound harsh. It's taken me a long time to come to grips with this whole thing. I can say that I absolutely love my daughter and she is so smart and adorable and a joy......most the time-lol! My older kids adore her and are GREAT helpers...awesome helpers. It's a struggle and my faith has actually taken quite a hit, also. I'm not sure I understand God's humor......didn't think he was real "funny". But, there must a reason for all this. I may never figure it out, but I will love her just the same. Visualize your life in a couple years. Imagine your 8 yr. old in t-ball, soccer, piano lessons. Your 5 yr old will be right behind.....will they be upset when you can't get to their functions because the baby has to nap/go to bed? Will you feel bad if you have to "pass" on the game/concert because the baby has a cold and can't be carted around all over the place?

If you have a great support system- that will certainly help. We have no family/friends that we can call up and take any of the kids so that we can get a break. The last time we had someone watch our baby, so that we could take the older kids to a movie in the theater...was when she was less than a year old. Last fall, I took my 11 yr old to Harry Potter one weekend, while my husband took my daughter and other son to Mega Mind the previous weekend. We are always splitting up to do things. It works, but it's still such a juggle.

If you have a great itch to have another, you are ahead of the game- I had no itch. But, your husband may have a say in this, too. LOL! It's harder the 4th time around when your older kids are active. For some families, their kids may not be involved in a lot of stuff, or they have grandparents/family around to help - two huge things to consider. IT's not just about the portty training and terrible two's again.

Good luck in your decision!

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Chicago on

In my opinion, if you are thinking about it, you more than likely will go for it. lol
My boys were 7, 5, and 3 when our daughter was born. I have dealt with the feelings of holding the boys back, but they adore their baby sister, and really didn't mind. They totally understood that there were some things we could not do with her. Sometimes we waited until she went to bed, sometimes got a babysitter, some things we skipped all together, or some things we just made it work. Now, we are less than 2 weeks away from having baby #5, and we are definitely making things permanent this time. As much as I would love to have just one more after this one, I know it is time to move on, and I feel my body is telling me that with this pregnancy also.
Good Luck to you with your decision!! Remember, you will always think "what if" if you decide not to have another, but you will never regret having another baby :)

1 mom found this helpful


answers from San Francisco on

I struggled with this too after having three kids. I LOVED the baby/toddler years! It's such a personal choice.
I can however say that having teenagers is the BEST form of birth control, I now know for sure I am done!

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Johnstown on

Yes, we're going through it now. It's not necessarily having another child; it's the fact that my hubby's already over 40 and I feel it could be unfair to him to start all over again. He's mentioned he'd love to have a son, but given our track record of 3 girls, and my trouble carrying to term, I'm not sure it's going to happen. Blessings in whatever you decide!


answers from Chicago on

Your kid's are'nt that old, but if you want another then why not? As mother's we are always going to be busy running around! Life's a challenge! My husband and I are still wanting to have baby #4 too! As long as the both of you are in good health and are up for it then do it! Leave it in god's hand's! Having a child is a blessing! And it's amazing how fast they grow up! Good Luck!



answers from Daytona Beach on

i want one sometimes, then i look around at the world and think to myself, no way.



answers from Pittsburgh on

I have one and that's perfect for us. :)



answers from Chicago on

I feel the same way...I have one daughter at home and my first one passed away a few months after she was born(she was born sick). Well there was a time when my daughter was about three when I really wanted one...my husband was against it. Now that she is five almost six he really wants another one and I am up in the air about it. We did try a few months ago but I miscarried around six weeks. Im just really scared. I do want my daughter to have someone here on earth to grow up with but there are just a lot of things that can happen. I dont know. I wish you luck...please let us know what u choose.


answers from St. Louis on

This question is posted on here probably almost daily (or at least a very similar version of said question). And for good reason. It is so hard to decide! Having a child is one of the most life changing things a person can do. And one of the hardest, and most rewarding.

We just had a third and he is 5 months. I had THE most difficult pregnancy, and I mean that with all sincerity. I have never heard of a worse story - I was in preterm labor starting at 23 weeks, almost delivered a possibly dead or handicapped baby due to so early, was hospitalized for weeks to keep him cooking, resulted in many health complications to myself, was on medication that made me feel so awful, mentally it was unbelievable for both husband and me, was on bed rest for 4 months, went into labor, labor stopped at 7cm with an epidural and all, was that way for a WEEK, got second epidural that DIDN'T work, and FINALLY gave birth to a healthy, beautiful baby boy. I could literally write a book on the difficulties of my pregnany. Ok, enough about that....point is - it was hard!

Babies are like tattoos - addicting. ( I don't have any, but I have been told. lol). You miss the smell and feel of them almost as soon as they are walking. Mine is 5 months old and I already miss that newborn stage. How could we not?

But, the way we decided (and I use that term loosely) to not have any more is for all of the reasons you stated above - things are going to get easier once this last one is older, we can start to save money for college, retirement, and my husband and I can start to ENJOY each other again. Plus, for us personally, I don't think our family could handle another pregnancy like that....so we may be done.

It saddens me to the core to think I may not have any more children, but I have to be thankful for my three healthy babies and enjoy life. And, we haven't gone the permanent route for prevention just yet - why? Because we STILL aren't 100% sure! I don't know that anyone ever is.

So, to answer your question - I think all parents have this struggle - and that is how we "decided" we are not having any more. (well, probably not....=)

Next question: Your Epidural Experience