Hard Time Saying "Please"

Even if the problem isn't actually being able to say please and thank you you could still try using sign language. It worked great with me two boys. We started with the signs then added the first sound of the word then the whole word and soon the stopped using the signs all together. It's a nice way to get them in the habbit of using some sort of manners even if they won't actually say them.

You know what is funny...it's not just kids that need help with manners, it's parents too. I don't hear manners from hardly anyone anymore. So I make a big effort to do it more often, and now it just comes naturally. Same with kids, you introduce manners by doing it for them first. They want milk, and do that baby talk for gimme, you say Plleeeaasse, and hand it to them, then say "Thannk you!" After a while, the next step, What do you say?? Be patient... "Please" and make it known you appreciate it when they do say it. I give big smiles, and hugs and say WOW what great manners!! When they say Thank you, I say YOUR WELCOME same way, very exaggerated. Slowly tone it down, your craziness goes away but amazingly the manners stick!! I do have to say when they are out of the house, at a restaurant or store, visiting, etc.,it's not that they loose their manners, it's just that sometimes it's different asking for something from someone other than Mom or Dad, kinda being "shy". I know this sounds crazy but as a mother of 3, thats how I did it. Thank you ! =)

Hi J.. It is so frustrating I know. One thing to keep in mind. Make sure you are teaching "manners". A lot of times we as parents set ourselves up to fail and our children for trouble. We raise kids to think that "please" is an action word. If they say please they get what is is they are requesting. So than as they get older adn continue putting everything together, they will "show out" when they say "please" and then don't get. and yet, we taught them that. Just be careful so you are not creating another battle down the road. The best way is to Model, model, model. Children learn through watching and mimicking. They do what they see. Especially little ones.

WoW! I didn't really have big time problems getting my kids "trained" as we called it. Basically they knew from the start that they were required to do certain things when told. What I did from the time I started teaching them to talk at about 6 mos was this: Every single time I was handing them something they had to say please before I let it go and thank you after I let it go. If they didn't, I took it right back until they did. I didn't approach it as a punishment. I treated it as though it were a law of physics like getting burned if you touch something hot or hitting the ground if you fall from a height. That way they didn't feel as though I was being mean it simply was the way things were. But it has to be every time otherwise they learn that they don't always have to do it and fall into the habit of tantrums. I NEVER had to deal with a tantrum more than once. That was from my youngest. When he saw I wasn't playing that game, he packed it in really quick.

Kids - like men...LOL - will always do whatever is easiest to get what they want. My job was to make sure they knew the easiest way was not to piss me off so to speak.

Of course early on the words were "P" for please and ta for thank you until they could actually pronounce it properly. I did the please and thank you gig simultaneously to save time.

There is a great book by Mo Willems that I used with my daughter and she loved it. It's called "Time to Say Please". It's cute fun and gets the point across. The other thing I made sure we did is that in every transaction with my husband or friends I made a point of saying Please and Thank You every time. Yes it had my husband rolling his eyes but my daughter feels like a big girl when she says it.

Good Luck!!

We taught our daughter some sign language as a baby and she uses that even when she doesn't want to say the word. Maybe you could teach your son the sign for please which is just your hand flat against your chest going around in a circle. She is also 20 months old and when she wants somehting I'll ask her, "what do you say?" and she will either say "peez" or she will sign it or sometimes both. Maybe this can at least help you stop some of the battles from starting.

When my niece was little and she wasn't keen on using her manners I asked her to take them out of her pocket. Sounds crazy but it went something like this. "Take your 'please' out of our pocket, hold it tight so it doesn't run away. Now eat it!! Chew it good and swallow. Let me see" Then she would open her mouth and show me that it was all gone. She loved this. It did back fire once or twice, but for the most part she loved it. If she forgot to use her manners after that I would just remind her that she swallowed them so they were in there.

My advice is don't make it a big deal. If you get angry with him then it will make it worse. My son who is now three did not say please or thank you until he was 2 1/2 years old. Even though he could but just chose not to. However I never made it a big deal. I would just tell him to say please/thank you each time a please or thank you was appropriate. Now he is extremely polite and almost never forgets his thank you's. We are still working on the pleases though he does forget those here and there.

My choice of words is always What do you say? and then give them a second and when there is nt response I then say " say Thank you" or "please". It gets them used to hearing it. I now do the same for my daughter who is 17 months. Just be patient it will come as long as you don't make a big deal out of it.

Dont make him say it. You and your husband keep saying it and smile when saying it. Your boy will come around, turn it into a game, with no pressure.

Hi J., My step son had the same problem at that age, I wonder if it's a boy thing. What we did was teach him the sign for please and thank you. You can go to http://www.masterstech-home.com/ASLDict.html to learn basic signs, it took a few weeks and we always said the word while signing it, but it stuck, he is three and still does the signs.

Although my son isn't quite old enough for this yet, I know several parents who use sign language to teach their children to say please and thank you even before they can physically say the word. Perhaps you might try teaching him the signs for please and thank you. The ASL website has videos that show you how to do both. http://commtechlab.msu.edu/sites/aslweb/browser.htm

My friends who have done this have had success with it leading into children who habitually say please and thank you later on.

Stop struggling with him about it. Instead, just model the behavior. For instance, when he says "Gimme drink" You model by saying "Drink, please". Don't force him to copy you. When he gets a bit older, he'll start using the manners that you are modeling for him. Also, remember to use your manners when talking to him. That is a very important teaching tool.

If your not comfortable with that method and feel that you must make him say it, try a more gratifying approach for him. When he says "Gimme drink". Get a drink ready for him, hand it to him and say "please", to him with the intonation he should use when asking. Do this with a pleasant look on your face and with out looking angry. From here you can approach it two different ways, early on, you could just let him have the drink at that. After a few weeks or so, hold the cup and say "please" in that same pleasant way. But this time don't let go of the cup. He will undoubtedly tug and the cup and maybe grunt and will look at you as if to say "What's up with that?". Repeat "please" with pleasantness. Do this until he says please. My guess is that it will not take him long. From there, you can teach him how to ask with please. You could also use both of these methods together. Good luck!