Haircoloring

I think black hair on porcelain skin can be quite pretty in a gothic way.

You've gotten lots of wonderful advice, stories, opinions, etc. I'll just add my bit

When I was 13, I was very into coloring my hair and trying to be different. It was about self-expression and just enjoying experimenting with my "identity". My mom fought me initially, including dragging me to a salon and forcing a short, short haircut on me (to get out the black and lime green!) and then proceeding to select my clothes for a few months. I was SO sad. Not angry, just sad that she didn't "get it". I wasn't acting out, I wasn't rebelling, I was simply trying to let the world know that I really do think differently of myself and I really was my "own" person.

Finally, she realized that I was a good kid who liked funky clothes and hair. She set some ground rules for me (no shaved spots/mohawks, this was the 80s after all), and let me continue my exploration. It was a phase. By the end of my freshman year, I was wearing a "normal" hairstyle and dressing more like my girlfriends who were just not "funky"

I think what's MORE IMPORTANT than her appearance is her socializing. I didn't hang around druggies, kids who had questionable home lives, delinquents, etc. I was friends with other girls who came from mostly-stable homes and were decent students. I knew my parents expectations for my BEHAVIOR when I was home and not at home. The appearance issues were just a phase that I enjoyed tremendously and remember fondly now.

For the record, in my 30s I have normal UN-dyed hair, I wear sensible yet fun clothes (anthropologie-ish styles) and I have a tiny little piercing on my nose--something my mom totally approved of when it happened ;)

I can tell you from experience that I did the same thing when I was 14. I can also tell you that as a former cosmetology student the only way to remove black hair color is to use this very harsh chemical which strips the color out and will cause her hair some damage if not done properly. If she's willing to change the color I would take her to a salon. It may end up costing quite a bit, but her hair will be in tact still. Otherwise in about 9 months her hair will be back to normal :) Also, unless she's allergic to the dye it wont make her sick.

Hi N.,

If you make a big deal of it she will rebel even more by dying it more outrageous colors. I did the same when I was a teenager and even went so far as to dye it two different colors when my mother complained. My advice is to act like it doesn't faze you and she will probably grow out of it much sooner. I don't think the hair dye will make her sick.
She should be prepared to have to have the color stripped when she decides to go back to blond though. When that time comes I suggest you take her to a professional. If she tries to apply blond dye over black it won't work and she could damage her hair. Take her to a professional and they will do it correctly without her hair falling out.

Good Luck. I know having teenagers is a challenge.

My former foster daughter did the same thing during her 'angry' period.Could be that your daughter is just experimenting or influenced by friends. Instead of me telling Kayla that it wasn't her color, I took her to a department store for a mini lesson in skin care. The lady behind the counter had been coached with a prior phone call. She did the skin care, then said, let's put on a little lip color. Then she proceeded to tell her than if her hair were a more natural color that her lips and eyes would just pop and be such outstanding features! We left the store and she asked if we could stop by my hairdressers and see what color she would recommend. That's all it took.....someone else other than an authoritarian mother figure. Give that a shot!

I'd tell her how beautiful it looks! Seriously, there's nothing like being 13 and wanting to do exactly the OPPOSITE of what your mother thinks.

N. - I also hae blond hair, I like to call it dirty dishwater blonde. When I was 15, 19 and 25 I did some extreme colors as well. (Think DARK purple, Bright RED, and BLACK). My poor mother probably had a heart attack everytime I walked in the door with wierd colors. She also hated it when I came back with each of my tattoos (sp?), and I have four.
BUT, I never went drinking, never tried drugs, was involved in the church, and played in the orchestra and Jazz bands.
There are so many other things to get on our children about (safety, drugs, drinking, boys) that I don't think hair is going to be worth the struggle. I would say that as long as her grades are good and she is respectful of you and the family rules that there is really not that much to be done with her hair.
Have fun! L.

Hi N.,

I don't know if dyeing her hair black means she's acting out, but I know she's not too unusual! I'm not sure if you mean "How can I convince her" to take the dye out, (now that I reread your question,) or "What will we have to do to get it out." I really can't answer the first question--I have three kids, and my gut instinct is to say that you are the boss--you can tell her black isn't okay--but I have a son who informed me when he was about 8 that his hair was his business and he'd be wearing it as he wished--and he was right; I couldn't quite bring myself to bring his hair into play--too associated with his identity. (It wasn't color, it was length, in his face, etc. Just recently, he buzzed it all off--as he pointed out, the difference is that it was his choice.) So. . .that's a tough one.

I'm writing because I'm a hairdresser and I have seen my share of young girls (and some adults) coming in wanting to have their hair lightened after they've colored it very dark or black, and that's where I feel like I might have two cents to throw in. You may already know this, but if she put permanent color on her hair, she can't just put another color on it and change the color--she has to get the black out, and then put another color over the top, because her hair will literally have been decolorized. This is a very damaging process, particularly since she has hair that has been lightened underneath the dark, so--most hairdressers recommend not attempting to lighten the whole head of hair at once, but to highlight it (with a decolorizer/bleach,) then tone the lightened strands to a color somewhere closer to her natural color. This isn't something you want to try at home, and the hair that's been lightened could still break--it's kind of a dicey process when the hair has been through processes already--but it can end up looking really quite pretty and it's better than slapping bleach or a blonding product over the whole head. (I've seen that before, too--what she will get if she does that is light, bright yellow at her roots (the grow-out,) light, bright orange next (where there's less build-up of the artificial color,) to--depending on her hair--darker orange toward the ends, or possibly even lighter--you can kind of tell what will happen by looking at her hair now; if her ends are really dark, they'll be darker after they're decolorized too, but as she started out as a blonde. . .it just depends on how much product has built up along the strand. Either way, that's actually harder to fix, in my opinion.)

This can also be a fairly spendy process, unless you know someone. I really did not start this response as a way to throw my name in the hat, it was more, "gosh, there's something I actually know something about," (and to be really honest, I don't know nearly as I wish I did--I've done hair for four years, is all,) but if you do decide (if she decides!) to get it lightened, my prices are pretty reasonable and I've been known to work with people who are having financial issues. You can check me out at www.thesalondownstairs.com. I work from two locations now, but I'm still generally northwest.

Meantime--good luck!
C.

My daughter started this about a year ago. She's 12 now. I dealt with it by doing it WITH her. Not dying my hair black mind you but being involved with her fun with it. I told her as long as I had a part and a say in it that was fine. I didn't allow black but I've let her go VERY dark brown and on their blonde hair it looks dark enough. Plus she wanted to the colors (wait for it, she'll want that soon too). Talk to her about your concern and ask if you can be a part of it. I found w/my daughters fair complexion and blue eyes doing a very dark dark brown was more complementing and then I bleached out her bangs and bought a few of those colors at Sally's Beauty suppply (the ones in the squeeze bottles). That way she can have fun with it and they last about a month and you two can have a hair night while she has fun w/her bangs changing colors. My daughter has decent grades, is a black belt in Tae Kwon Do and has a big heart and a decent attitude. I told her as long as her attitude didn't start to reflect her new style (know what i mean?) that I'll go with it. But the minute she becomes obstinate or rebellious about things its done.

Like I said, go with it and try to be a part of it and make it a fun time to do it with her rather than criticize her about it.

Good luck!!!
L.

Yes this is normal. So is purple, pink, blue, and red.
I have a 15 and 12 year olds that love to change their hair color. The 15 year old does it more often, and more colors.
I look at it this way, choose your battles. And hair color is a battle I am willing to loose.
I am sure that the black is a phase.
If you honestly don't want it black, then you can bleach it out.
One of the things about hair color is that it is one thing a child can do to step out and try being who they think they want to be. It is something they have control over.
Choose your battle wisely.
Hugz, one mom to another
B.

I know I'm going to come off sounding judgemental, but a 13 yr old shouldn't be dying her hair, blonde, black, pink, purple... whatever color is in, no. 13 is just way too young to messing with your appearance. She should be learning to accept herself as she is. Depending upon what sort of hair dye she used, it could be quite difficult and the results could be pretty ugly. I would spend the money, preferrably her money or the lesson will be lost, and go to hair salon and have them change her color back to something more natural for her. But you need to look at her friends. Check out her clothes. Talk with her and find out what she's interested in. She may be into the goth look. Not really very pretty at all, but talk to her about getting a wig to achieve the look with her hair rather than damaging her hair. Some hair dyes are known to cause problems down the road. Again, your hair dresser can provide that back-up.

Again, bleaching and dyeing her hair at such an early age isn't the norm for 13 yr old girls. And it sounds like she was doing this as young as 12. Talk about the beautiful girl she is without the color changes, without the make-up. Watch her eating habits, make sure that she's eating well balanced, healthy foods. Dieting to get just that much smaller, as thin is in. Next time she goes for her physical at the pediatrician, have them talk with her with you out of the room. Make the call ahead of time to tell your dr. what your concerns are, but sometimes our kids hear messages better when they come from a non-biased source, such as a dr., a neighbor, a teacher, an extended family member (aunt, cousin, etc) Dad could/should compliment her on her natural beauty. And maybe a well worded comment from Dad about the goth look could help you out right now.

I wish all of you well. The terrible twos have nothing on the teenage years. They are a period of constant and rapid changes, emotional and physical. And those changes are difficult for our kids and us alike.

N.~ When I was growing up I was always changing my hair. And even now as a 31yr old adult, I still change my hair color. It is nothing more then a fun change. I am a mother, volunteer and run my own business. I go from blonde to soft black and just about every shade in between. Coloring her hair can be just a fun use of a great accessory. Today's society is so focused on image. This is even more true for females. Your hair color does not determine your inner self. Let her have what ever makes her comfortable with herself. If you are worried something else might be going on, just ask her. Talk to her and if something comes from that you can help her resolve the true issue. Making her change her hair will do nothing other then make matters worse, if there are any. Other then that, let her have fun. She is 13, hair color isn't going to ruin her life. It would be a shame to turn a harmless change into a judgment that could sculpt her future based off what society considers "acting out". Best wishes!!

I have a friend who is a hairdresser, and her son wanted his dark hair platinum blond. I was horrified, but she said that it was a good way to let him experiment without lasting consequences.
I experimented with hair at that age, I think many girls do, trying on identities, figuring out what they like. I'm not sure what you mean about the dye making her sick... it would be better to let it wash out than try to strip her hair, I think.
And if you stay as neutral as possible, she'll be more able to see for herself what looks good and what doesn't, which is part of the growing up process.
You've got a teen and a 2 year old, just realized you are the recipient of both ends of the spectrum. Hang in there!

I don't think she can get sick because her hair is black. She may just be expressing herself of trying to get a raise out of you and her father. I would make it known that you notice her hair but I would not make a big deal out of it. i have 3 teens and believe me dyeing her hair is the least of what teens can do. Pick your battles and this is not one of them!

i was a really good kid and experimented with hair color a lot from about 13-16. i think it's one of the 'safer' options to express yourself.
and at least it grows out... tatoos and stretched open ear holes are much harder to get rid of. :) i'd try and keep in touch w/ her world as much as possible- why she wants black hair, what things she needs to discuss with you first (while still being the mom, not as a friend)
these are hard years she is entering. She's defining who she is, inside and out. as far as the outside goes, it's a good chance to start talking about looking fashion/expression/culture and take from it what is right for her.

My kids are still little, but I always tell myself to NOT forget was it was like to be a teen. It's a hard time - the emotions, the lack of freedom, learning how the world works and the social pressure. I want to be a cool mom to my teens!! But Yes, it's alarming when they don't look right and all you should do it take it in stride and smile and nod. My husband dyed his hair black in high school and his mother promptly dragged him to the salon and had it stripped, resulting in an ugly orange. I think he'll resent her to this day (he's turning 40!) My advice is to: Be a cool mom. Spend your energy on things like getting involved so you can influence her on who she's hanging out with. If she gets in with a bad crowd, be her friend so she tells you about it! Have the house the kids want to hang at so you can keep an eye on her!!

Much luck!
D.

N.,

Like others have said here, this is temporary. Hair grows out. I remember when I was younger wanting to have long hair, but my parents made me cut it short. I hated looking like a geek. My lovely daughter, who is now 21, has dyed her hair different colors, including coppertop red. She went thru a "goth" phase when she dyed her hair black. It did look weird with her pale skin, but it faded eventually.

She is now a pre-med student, and is doing well in college. She has "normal" light brown hair, and she has only one piercing in each ear. I am grateful she didn't do the piercings or tattoos, but I also refused to pay for them. Hair dye is cheap, and in the grand scheme of things, it's not that huge a deal.

Your daughter will go thru this phase as well as others. This too shall pass until the next "fashion" becomes popular. Something I learned is that the more attention I gave to my daughter's weird looks, the stranger she would try to look. If you don't make a big deal out of it, she'll eventually figure out she doesn't like it and will change.

Good luck!

I did the same thing when I was about her age (am 27 now and b/c of my job still can do crazy things with my hair every now and then) and at least for me it wasn't a way to act out at all.I just wanted to experement with other hair colors.I didn't do just natural colors either..at one time my hair looked like Rainbow Brights clothes.lol It was my way I guess of letting people know that I am my OWN person and not like everyone else.There was nearly 3000 students in my high school so it was nice to stick out a little.With teachers seeing so many students daily I think sticking out actually helped me a little because my teacher always remembered my name...and I was a good student, did my best in school etc.

I personally would just let her keep it that way.Black is a lil harsh of a color for someone with a fair complexion, specially when it's not thier natural color (I'm fair skinned also) but after a week or so the black will fade a lil and look a lil better with each passing week.As someone who died thier hair A LOT as a teen I would say if u really want it out to pay for it to be professionally stripped or u could possible damage her hair to the point it would just be better to cut very short or even shave as I did.

My daughter is 2 1/2 (3 in June) and she too is already showing interest in coloring her hair (we use the wash out ones and do just streaks) and piercings and even tattoos (her uncle used to do it professionally but still does some for people he knows so she's seen it done).When she is a teen and wants this to become a lil phase of hers then I'll gladly let her go about it, with limits of course and when she asks about my tats I tell her that her uncle can give her something small when she is 16 and doing good in school.I just don't want her running out and rebelling so much she gets into drugs or something that could cause me to loose her.

Good luck :)

Unless it is accompanied by other behavior that worries you I would not let the hair color bother you. When I was in high school I also liked to dye my hair black, and red, and burgandy ... even shaved the bottom half of my head (top half was long down my back). And for a couple of years around 12-14 I would wear balck almost exclusively. Teenage years are for experimenting and discovering who you are. I still did well in school, went to college, got a good job, have a happy family, etc. and don't dye my hair black now because I realize it looks awful with my complexion! I think the more you fight her on the little things like that the more she will want to rebel on others, so if you can bring yourself to accept it, let her experiment a little before she is out in the "real world" and has to look "normal". Good luck, even good kids can put their parents through **** during the teenage years!

Starting at a very young age my mom let me dye my hair any color I wanted. Mind you, I grew up in a strict Christian home and went to a private school. I was not allowed to do many things (for which I am now greatful :-) but that was the one way I was allowed to express myself. It was so incredibly important to me at the time. I now have two girls who are not old enough to be opinionated about their hair but I fully intend to let them do whatever they want with it. BECAUSE...its not permanent. And its not hurting anyone. I responded only because its something I feel strongly about from personal experience. And think of all the other things you will have to deal with in the future. Surely this isn't worth a hassle over?
Good luck no matter what you decide though. :-)

the black hair dye is not going to make her sick any more than the blonde did. I think you have to take a breath and realize she is 13 and trying to figure out who she is. If you try to stop her or force her to change her hair color she will just rebel in other ways. Hair color can change and is a minor inconvenience for you compared to some other things she could be doing to act out. Remember you were a teenage once too. Don't make a big deal out of it and she will move on.

Hi there! :) I have four teens in my household, (ages 13, 15, 18, & 19,) and it was helpful for me to read your responses, too! It is so doggone easy to lose perspective of how temporary some of these stages are when you are in the middle of them, I think. (At least it is for me!) It is bizarre to see my daughter that was a lovely little girl just a few years ago with hair that is dyed bright red now. She is still lovely, it is just hard to let go of my former position as the one who chooses her look for her. (Of course, that stage was VERY short... by early toddlerhood she had her own ideas.) I don't know that I have any better advice than the wonderful advice you have already received, I just wanted you to know that you are not in this alone! Please feel free to talk about this on this forum so that you can get it out of your system and appear calm, cool, and collected with your daughter. :) We're going to get through this! I keep thinking, if they did not have the teen years, wouldn't it be impossible to EVER let them go? I think so. Blessings to you and yours! :)

Hi N.,
I understand your concerns, however if you force her to take it out it might cause her to rebel further. In reading your post you mention all the psychological reasons why you do not the color then end with the fact that it may make her sick. If you went to your daughter with that line "I think your hair color could make you sick" your daughter will see right through it. It could cause more unnecessary strife. Even if your daughter is "acting out," having black hair is about the most harmless things she could do. You can gently let her know that you don't think it flatters her completion, but allow her to experiment with her hair color since is really harmless to her and others. When you step back from it and think of all the other things a 13 year old girl could be doing, hair color should be a welcome relief as apposed to all the other issues other mothers are facing with their teens.

Hi N.: Here's my 2 cents on the issue you brought up about your daughter's hair color.(Although I'm a self-development coach that specializes in adults, I have a bunch of clients with teenage girls, and I have one myself.)

I understand what a shock that black hair on your fair daughter must look like to you! AND, since you were okay with her dyeing it to begin with, this would be a good time to let your concern go and just let her have her time of experimentation with it. (If you are truly concerned now with the toxicity of hair dye, help her choose more healthy brands or ingredients for her next shade!)

She'll find out soon enough how difficult it is to manage hair dyed that dark, and what it looks like as it grows out, and etc, etc., but the thing is, that this is something that is hers...her choice, her hair, her look...as she begins to grow towards being an adult, with all the more important choices that await her. She might like the macbre look....perhaps it gives her status at school, or perhaps her friends take her more seriously, or perhaps she's exploring that side of herself that feels that way inside. For whatever reason, you let her go down this road this far...don't take it away from her now.

Deal with your own anxiety in a healthy way. Look at it this way...there are lot worse things out there she could be experimenting with! Ask her why she has chosen this particular shade (take out the judgement in your voice...just use curiosity ONLY) and it might open the conversation more, and you might learn some things. It might also be a great time to talk about experimentation in other areas, and the dangers of the more serious ones. But overall, let her have this part of her life and body to play with...and she'll learn for herself what works and what doesn't for HER.

I hope that's of some help!

I would say her hair, her choice. She is just trying to express herself. Next it could be blue or green, but non of it is going to end the world. She is just trying to say "I am my own person, even if I have to live in this house and follow your rules, I can still control my own body". She needs that seance of control since, as a young teenage woman, everything else in her life (school, boys, parents, her changing body)are so out of her control and can seem overwhelming. Let her be who she wants to be, that's my opinion. I think it helps foster independents and a seance of freedom.

N.,
I can completely relate to this situation, I myself dyed my hair black when I was about your daughters age, and the more my mom fought with me on it, the crazier my hair looked, I started adding neon streaks to it. Honestly let it go. As a 13yr old your hair is one of the only forms of personal expression that you have. I know for a fact I would not have done half the things I did to my hair had my mom not been so agressive with voicing her distaste for it. I too have a very fair complexion, natural red head, and looking back I really kick myself for that choice, however it took me several years to get there. Just remember, it is only hair, and it will grow out, and eventually she will see just how silly she looks

Bummer...I did the same thing as a teenager, it wasn't acting out or rebelling it was just experimenting with my hair and look. Unfortunately I didn't like it ...no one did, and guess what....You can't get black out. My mom took me to two different salons. The first one tried to get it out but all the did was TOTALLY FRY my hair and make it a reddish black. The second one was honest and said the only cure for black hair is to let it grow out. That was a long and painful process and I looked pretty dorky for about a year or more then got a cute short cut and vowed never to do that again. Good luck maybe hair technology has gotten better in the last 18 years but I doubt you can get it out.

I have to agree, if you make a big deal out of it, she will like it even more. Likely it is just a phase, and will probably choose another color shortly. Maybe some you will not like as well, but regardless, she will outgrow this eventually.

It is absolutely normal to want to look this way. I spent most of my teen years going between (blue)black & purple (deep burgundy). My senior year in HS I acquired the nickname Raven, which I still use even though I havn't been black in over 10 years. I was flattered to be called Snow White... who is praised by the magic mirror for her ebony hair, red lips, and snow white skin. I was also teased in elementary school for my fair complexion, often being referred to as "ghost". By my teen years someone had changed my perspective by complimenting my alabaster porcelin skin. Dying my hair black was a way to accent that as well as experiment with my identity and independance. You are well within your rights to not like it, but please don't force her to change it. For one, black is pretty impossible to get out. The dyes used for black aren't any worse than the bleaches used to blonde. I don't think she's gonna get sick. For two, a move like that is a quick way to lose trust and confidence. As you know, she is embarking on a major identity crisis (aka adolescence) and is going to need all the support and wiggle room you can handle. Find ways to help her figure out who she is and who she wants to be. Ask her why she likes it. Its fine to tell her what you don't like about it, as long as she knows you still love her unconditionally.

I wish you luck, and do not envy your position of toddler and teenager in the same house. Research has shown that the same rewiring of the brain that occcurs in toddlers happens again during puberty and adolescence. The biggest difference is that the older ones can talk and express themselves more fully, and hopefully in more appropriate ways. Its a tough time for parents and child. Enough about me and my rant. Good Luck and happy bonding.

lots of good advice, I agree it's quite normal at this age, I just wanted to add my daughter started dyeing her hair black when she was 12, did it for several years, and she (we) lived through it! (she's now 27 and has her natural color back). I wouldn't let her get a tattoo or pierce her tongue, and I think she's now glad of that. She did do lots of drugs though. Anyway, I'd encourage you to "pick your battles" (decide what issues are really important to you), do your best to understand what she's goign through, and continue to keep the communication flowing.

Its a normal part of growing up my 13 year old also has done this. Its a pseudo "emo" trendy thing that they are doing now. The dye wont make her sick its no different than any other hair dye. Children at that age don't have a lot of control over their lives and giving them the freedom of hair color or clothes is there way of showing their little piece of independence. When the dye starts to fade maybe suggest a more subtle color for her.

Hi

i can never decide if kids do things because we do them or because everyone else is. I dont have a teenager yet, but i do remeber being one and i was raised by an old-fashion mom who wasn't really into make-up ,hair-dying, or fashion. So i was did most of that stuff to experiement. Now my daughter does that stuff cause i do and i know it will get worse as the years follow. Until she figures out who she is. Im sure that's what your daughter is doing. But the postive thing is when your little one does it later .you will be more ok with it. Good luck.

I agree it is just her being in control of something in her life. Think about it, there is nothing she has alot of say about in her life. I would like the other lady said prefer black hair to drugs.

I can almost guarantee you she will get bored of her hair being black. Curiosity probably got the best of her. Just wait until those blonde roots start to show too. She will most likely be dying her hair different colors or shades to find out what she thinks makes her her. Eventually dying your hair gets to be an annoyance and you let it grow out back to your natural hair color because you forgot what it looked like haha. Just remember that it's just hair and hair dye is not forever. And, don't forget to compliment her on how beautiful she is... when you see her smile you'll forget about how much you don't like her black hair.

Black doesn't exactly come out.

It's the fattest of the color molecules, and it does not BUDGE from the hair without a LOT of chemical...and then you're looking at fried burnt orangy hair with black lowlights. Hideous, actually. You CAN spend 5-600 dollars to have it done professionally...but the best I've ever seen was still pretty terrible. Even really dark brown doesn't come out very well. If you really want it gone NOW you're either talking about ruining her hair (melting it), or shaving her head. Sorry.

Fair warning...since black tends to be there for "good"...people usually end up bleaching the heck out of strands or chunks of their hair...and then coloring those strands a different color, pink/blue/purple are pretty typical. All of those colors are "weak" & come out over a couple of weeks with shampoo...but they hide the hideous melty platinum-burn orange thing that happens with bleach over black. Eventually they tend to get rid of enough of the black to go a different color.

Anyhow...it looks like the eighties are coming back style-wise...so at least the rocker-type hair isn't going to label her in a negative fashion. Be there for her if you can. I'm sure she had no idea what she was getting herself in for. Bleach is very forgiving...black is NOT.

As someone else said (reading through)...if you can bring yourself to be there for her you might go one step further and have some real bonding "big girl" time. With a little sister who's 2...she'd probably love the attention. And that way you can get and keep major "cool mom" points over something pretty trivial (albeit super important to HER), while being stern and holding fast to the REAL important stuff...like grades and interpersonal relationships and behaviors and life planning.
Z

N.,

I think this is part of her teenage rebellion. I have a niece that is 13, and a brother in law that just turned 16, they both are into the monotone wardrobe. I would try not to make a big deal out of her choice. Yes, it's different. Yes, it's a lot creepy right now, but she's experimenting with what you will allow, and won't allow.

If you're really set about her hair not being black I think the only way to have it removed is to take her to a salon and have a professional strip her hair. She will also most likely not like you for a while if you do this.

My kids are 5 and 2, so I have a ways to go before I hit your stage, but I'd rather have either of them experimenting with hair color than drugs and alcohol at 13.

Hope this helps,
Melissa