Gift/ Help Ideas

What about paying 20.00 per girl for lunch at school? Gift cards to a movie rental place, gift cards for gas in her car, groceries,walmart, target, paying some of their utilities.
Last christmas a friend and I played secret santa to a family that needed a little boost and bought lotions, shampoos, dishsoap, laundry soap, clothing, sheets, blankets, toys, gas cards and grocery gift cards, etc and wrapped them and put them in a big red sack and when christmas eve came my friends husband put the red sack on the porch rang the doorbell and ran. The family was very thankful and the kids still talk about the "santa" sack that was left on their door step.

There are great ideas here from many people! One I would consider because we always seem to be on a budget is the gift of time. She may really need some time to herself with all of the responsibility of school, 2 jobs and her sis. Maybe arrange to take her sis to a movie or pizza, or both, and give her time for a date, a haircut, or even a bubble bath!

Just being available if she needs you would be a great thing. Having someone to talk to, especially as her sis is going through teenage years could make a great difference to both of them.
Bless you for thinking of this family!

I would get her a gift certificate to like Aveda or something. She deserves some time to get her hair done or treat herself to a spa treatment!

I grew up in a large family, (really large) and we didn't have money for Christmas many years, but because of people who would get an inspired feeling like you have, we never went without. One Thanksgiving there was no money for a turkey--a box was dropped off the week before thanksgiving on our porch with a turkey, all the things neccessary to make a thanksgiving meal from the stuffing to the pies. and some money in an envelope.
One year I had gotten in a fender bender and it had cost us the money my parents had put aside for Christmas. I felt so guilty, so horrible about it and I would just pray that there could be a way to get the money back so my little brothers and sisters didn't have to go without christmas. our Clergy came by with an annonymous donation from someone in our congregation...with the exact amount of money in it that was spent to fix the car.
These girls might be praying for something--and you can be the answer.
we were sub-for santa'd several years as well.
one year my dad's family had taken up a contribution. it was the largest christmas we ever had. I didn't feel like a charity case, I felt honored that we had people who were looking out for us, especially for my younger brothers and sisters.
I make it a point each year for our little family to give something to someone, wether it is from the Angel tree or we hear of someone. anyway don't listen to your son, it isn't weird. it is heart felt and wonderful.
think about an 11 year old girl and something that she probably doesn't get to have since her sister is working 2 jobs to support them. think about a teenage girl who is having to give up her childhood to be a mom.
gift cards to help ease the financial burden are good,but also with it being Christmas having some of that Magic alive to get something that you wouldn't normally get, or couldn't normally afford.
a gift card for the young girl to Toys R Us instead of Walmart for example would give her the chance to get something and not feel like maybe she should put in money to something for the house. etc.
sometimes even just saying to someone look, I am going to do this for your sister, so it would really help me if you would let me know what she really wants. I bet the older girl would open up for that if you want to go that route, and then get creative for her. Does she have a yearbook? was she able to pay for that? for graduation stuff? or is she giving those things up for her responsibilities? a prom dress? (thinking outside the box a little)
Dinners from one of the prepared places like my girlfriends kitchen
Lotions from Bed Bath and Beyond
Bath Soaps
A gift certificate to get a massage
or for a pedicure
Deliveries from a local Dairy that come once a month
(I don't know how much you are wanting to spend so just throwing out ideas on all sides of the spectrum)
too fun.
Jewlery...there are lots of boutiques and things this time of year you can get some really original pieces for not too much money
chapstick
I think giving gifts is one of the funnest parts of the season.
have fun with this--and God bless.

Go for it! Go over your son's head, straight to the school. Talk to the guidance counselor or to one of the teachers who knows this girl. You will probably get better help there; they might know what she needs most and how you can give it to her without embarrassing her. When your son is older, he will better understand this sort of situation, and even though he may never say so, he'll be glad he has a mom like you.

F.,

I don't at all think this is weird. You really need to make sure your son learns from your actions! I commend you for sharing this story online & can only hope other families will do the same this holiday season, as too many Americans are in need more then ever this year.

My mother every year around this time would sit us down and we would discuss all the families we knew that were in need or having troubling times. We would pick a different family each year. My mom would spend as much as she could & have us help her pick out the gifts. We knew some families better then others, but that didn't make a bit of difference. My mom would convey how important it is to help others whenever you can. I am glad she raised me this way, as many Americans are overly selfish & materialistic these days...

Now to answer your question. I would deliver some wrapped up gifts for the younger sister or you could do a gift card to the mall & in a note it's for her to buy her sister gifts. I can guarantee you any effort you make to help her will be something she never forgets for the rest of her life. For the older sister you could purchase household items you know you use regularly? You could also bring a bag of groceries with stuff for a hearty & good holiday dinner. Stick a recipe or two in with the groceries so she understands what it's for... I am sure a gift card to the mall, would be appreciated for her too? If you want to do more gift ideas versus practical, you could send them to a salon for a day or at least the older sister. You could send them to a nice restaurant for dinner or a movie? Just some thoughts.

I hope this helps! And remember how special you are for doing this! And continue to spread your kindness!

Hugs - C.

There have already been a lot of great ideas posted. I would probably suggest maybe get together with a few people and give them a tree and other Christmas stuff anonymously. But most importantly, I would suggest inviting them to spend Christmas Eve and Christmas day with you. If it was just last year that she lost her father, Christmas day is going to be very tough. Not having to spend it alone, and especially not having to worry so much about making sure her little sister has a good Christmas would probably be one of the most helpful things you could do. Have some gifts for them there (even if it was gift cards or something), so it's really like they're part of a family. Have some stockings and everything. Include them with making cookies or other treats, singing carols, etc. Also, expect some grief to come out. (Sorry, I'm a therapist so I see things this way). Christmas day is going to bring up a lot of emotion. But just give her some love. That's probably the best thing she could have right now.

I don't think it would be "weird" at all! I think that anything you give, with a nice note saying that you're proud of her and that she's doing a great job would really be a boost for her, especially at this potentially sad time of year.
What are YOU good at? I was thinking about a lady we know who is the Coupon Queen. Couponing is getting popular now, but she has been doing this for 30 years +. It's a bit of an obsession, actually, because her house is full to the ceiling with the stuff she buys. But she's also very generous with her finds, and she gave us two big boxes of food for our wedding! It probably cost her less than $10, but I didn't know how to get that much food for that little money, and it was a huge boost for our poor little newlywed pantry. You could get some great deals on some basic foods, put them in a big basket, and wrap it up like a gift basket and make that girl's day, I'm sure. I bet she's under a lot of pressure to keep them fed. And by wrapping it up like a gift basket, then it doesn't look like a charity donation. You could also include things that you think she might not normally buy, fun things that aren't essentials.
If you want to find some great deals, go to PinchingYourPennies.com and you can find the deals by your state.

Is your son friends with any of this girl's other friends? Especially girl friends? They would probably have some great ideas, and would probably love to conspire with you. They would know if Lila has no curtains or needs a new comforter for her bed or is in desperate need of shoes. The same goes for her sister. I'm sure Lila would appreciate help in her heavy role as provider for her little sister.

Good luck. I'm sure anything you come up with will be hugely appreciated!

A gift card to somewhere practical, like a grocery store is always good. I lived on my own during my senior year. One of the best things that happened that year was I recieved a gift certificate to a photography studio to get my senior pictures taken. I would not have had pictures if I did not recieve this gift. The other things that were difficult to pay for my senior year was my graduation gown and cap and my graduation invitation. The invitations were important because I recieved gifts for graduation that gave me the money to move to the town where I attended college. Don't be afraid to go talk to the high school counselor to see what this girl needs. And by all means, give until it hurts. May God bless you and bless you.

T.

I think it's wonderful of you to think of her!
When you give the gift, you explain that you were a ward of the state & you have even more appreciation of what she's doing for her younger sister. I'd do it. I think you could do a Visa gift card-she can spend it where she sees fit that way, or a few gift cards for different places (depending on how much you're able to spend)... maybe Walmart or Supertarget-she can get groceries or a shirt at the same place, a bookstore if she likes to read, offer to hang out w/her sister so she can go out w/her friends for a night, a dinner out for the two of them..
I think if you put it out there as "Here's my situation, you're doing such a great job, I can't imagine how hard you must work to keep this all going & though I don't know you well I wanted to make sure you know your hard work isn't going unnoticed" she will be okay with it. Tell her you think she's amazing & should be commended, who doesn't want to hear good about themselves? If not, you tried. You can always send it to me lol
*after reading everybody else's responses, I think if you can afford it, do one responsible something (grocery certificate) & one frivolous one (what mom doesn't pay bills & then spend on the kids & hubby, saving her needs for last?). Get a certficate just for the frivolous, rather than saying "spend some on yourself", so she's/they're forced to treat themselves.

what you are doing is amazing, may God bless you.

have you thought about writting to ellen degeneres
, she is always doing things for people, she may even give her money to go to college, its worth a shot!

there are tons of ideas people have suggested i think all of them are great.

Wow! What an amazing girl! I am like you, I would want to give her something too. I really don't have too many ideas as far as a gift for her. I wonder if she has anywhere to go for holidays. Sounds like her and her sister are all alone in the world. Maybe you invite her to celebrate with your family. I am sure gift baskets, gift cards and such will also work.

Since your son is her friend, maybe you can encourage him to get some friends together to put a card with all of their signatures and a thoughtful gift to let her know they understand how hard this season is going to be for her and her sister.

Since I am brainstorming, I wonder if a good gift would be to have a little holiday celebration for your son and his friends. Do a Secret Santa, make sure this girl can bring her sister and just do it up like a big Christmas Celebration. This will open the door for you to give a little something like a card and a holiday plant or something.

This is a hard one, but you are right, this girl needs to know that not just friends are out there, she needs adult support too.

Good luck and let us know what you did for her.

I think it's really nice that you want to do this. Lila sounds like an incredible girl and I imagine it would mean a lot to her for you to recognize what she is doing.

If you don't know what she would need or want, you could always do a gift card, like a Visa gift card, that she could use however she chooses. I suppose you could also offer to help somehow if she needs it - for instance I have to imagine that there must be times it's hard for her to do keep up with everything, and might be able to use a break, or a special afternoon out at the movies, or something like that.

Wow!!!what an amazing girl. I bet she doesn,t do alot for herself. Every teenager likes new clothes,how would you feel about a gift card to a place like the Gap or JCrew? or just visit with her a little more and try to find out her likes and dislikes- of course I am advocating being a little sneaky about it, but its for a good cause :-). I think it is wonderful of you to be thinking of her!!! You rock. Anything you would give her would be an act of kindness she probably won't ever forget.

Many blessings,
Lindy

Do a "secret santa". Gift cards are a good idea when you don't know what is needed. That way they can buy what they need.

What about a scrap book that's set up for them to add their own photos and other momentos?

Xcel energy has a program where you can pay money toward anyone's monthly bill. It can even be done anonymously. I think this is such a great idea, especially with winter coming. Not glamourous, but helpful and practical!

I know that when I was in her shoes I would have loved it if someone had given me a gift card for the local grocery store. Being given food is nice but its even better when you can buy your own because then you can get what you know you will eat. Offer to pay for a field trip for the 11 year old, they are always hard to come up with money for. Clothes are great, but again very personal and a gift card would be the way to go, so find out where the young girls are shopping these days and get a gift card for that store. Haircuts are always needed and EXPENSIVE, you could find out where they get their hair cut and pay for a salon day for them. Its also cold and flu season so if you wanted to do a basket, it might be a nice idea to do a cold/flu season basket, since she is so young the motherly basket may be just what she needs. You could put a thermometer in it, a bottle of tylenol, ibuprfen, cold medicine, cough drops, hot water bottle, bath salts, hand lotion, herbal tea, vicks vapor rub and chicken noodle soup. This is also expensive stuff and not usually stuff that young people have in their apartments but at this time of year its good to have around. I love doing stuff like this, it makes a person feel good!!

The world needs more people like you!

S., also a mom of 4

Precious idea! Glad you're thinking fo them. I'd think groceries would be great. This could be in the form of several bags of groceries with bows, or a gift card. Or several smaller gift cards to a variety of fast foods. Since the girl works, meeting their physical needs might be really appreciated. Or making a few meals for their freezer, along with cookies and fun Christmas treats.
I'm sure anything you come up with will be great!
A.

I bet a gift card for the grocery store would be much appreciated. You also may be able to help pay her rent for a month or utilities (you'd have to call the utility companies to find out how...they may not give out info for that). I bet anything you could do for her monthly expenses would help tremendously. When giving the gift share your story with her so she knows you can identify with her situation.

She may very well LOVE having someone to mentor her too. Have them over for dinner. Have the older one over for coffee. Offer some babysitting time to give the older one some time to be a kid and hang out with her girlfriends.

Christmas is coming...maybe set aside some money to buy them a tree to decorate.

I would suggest 2 things - a gift certificate for either walmart/target to help with things they need and a gift certificate for something like Bath & Body or for a manicure if you've noticed she does her nails. I think if I was in her shoes, I'd iike to be able to spend time on something just for me because as most moms know, there's always something else to spend your money on. If your son is concerned that it would be weird, you might try sending it to her in the mail or dropping it off. I'm sure she'd feel awkward having you give it to her at her door, she probably doesn't want the attention, but an anonymous gift, or a card with gift certificates and a note from you would be great.

If you can't figure out what to do King sSoopers Gift Cards are always nice because everyone needs groceries and household supplies. A previous employeer of mine gave those out for Christmas one year and I will tell you it was one of the most useful and appreciated gifts I had received.

I also don't think its wierd that you want to do something special for these two. I think it will be much appreciated.

Hi F.,
What an amazing idea! I don't think it matters what you do for her, I am sure that anything and all would be greatly appreciated.
I can't belive the courage it must take for a senior in high school to not only maintain a 4.0 GPA, but work 2 jobs, run a household and raise her 11 year old sister.
Thank you for thinking of this sweet girl, I am sure it will mean more to her than any of us could possibly imagine. We need more people like you in this world, what an amazing example you are being for not only your family, and hers, but all of us reading this too.
God Bless you and please let us all know how it turns out!

How thoughtful of you to think of her.

I would definitely say something practical, like a gift card for groceries, Target, gas and then something fun for both the girl and her sister, that they wouldn't probably do or get for themselves.

Even if you were a complete stranger, which you are not, there would be nothing weird about reaching out to this responsible, hardworking girl. Blessings to you and your family!

Wow, I am overwhelmed at the thought of this whole situation! Good for her and bless you for thinking of helping out. How about a "meal of the month club" certificate? You could cook something for her on the first of each month and drop it off at her house? Maybe write her a note asking if that would be OK, letting her know that you know she is really busy (or something, so she doesn't feel like you are going to want to get too personal), maybe letting her know you were in a tough position as a teenager, too.

I'd go with a grocery store gift card. If you son would be too embarrassed, you can always just mail it to her. And thank you for being a wonderful, thoughtful person.

what a great lady to want to help! I don't think it would be weird I think you should go for it. I think that you should send their story into the folks at the Extreme Home Makeover show- this is the kind of thing I'm sure they could help with! Also, I think maybe Gift cards for groceries, needed clothing and such would help so much as the weather changes. Is there anything else we can do to help as well?? We'd love to do a secret santa thing for a family this year and we'd love to help this family: email me at ____@____.com Thanks!

One year when my parents were really struggling, a neighbor or someone did a 12-days secret santa. They gave us a tree, the turkey & fixings for dinner, and presents. They would leave them on our porch and knock and run. I know that my parents appreciated the thought. It might make your son feel more comfortable doing it secretly.

Also, you could invite them to dinner either Christmas Eve or Christmas Day. If they don't have anyone else, I think they might really enjoy being around the company, and also not having to cook or anything!

Wow, what an amazing person! Already!! I think that's a wonderful idea, whether she's asking for it or not, I imagine even just knowing how much you admire her and support her will give her a lift. Maybe extra sheets for beds, kitchen towels, soaps, etc... little things that may be an extra for them that they would never normally splurge on... even a grocery store gift certificate is wonderful! And thank you for taking the time to support such a tremendous 'family'.

How thoughtful of you! My first thought was gift cards for maybe the grocery store or for gas. You could even make her a cute gift basket with some food items, and a gift card for a restaurant, so the two girls could splurge on something they might not normally get to do. You could maybe even get a gift card for Kohls--if the younger sister is in need of clothes or shoes. I think anything you do would be greatly appreciated by the girls.

Thank you for thinking of this girl's needs when she could so easily get lost in the shuffle of the holidays!

I like the ideas other people had about inviting her to dinner over the holidays so she has "family" around her and doing the grocery store/Walmart gift cards to help with groceries and the such or even a gas card with enough $$ on it to last for a few months.

Here's an idea that I didn't see mentioned. I've read about this being done but with privacy issues, I don't know how easy it would be to do, but if you aren't hurting for money yourself and can afford it, maybe annonomously pay rent for a few months for her (or a year of utilities???). Her landlord (if you explain your idea in detail) can probably find out for you where she gets electricity, water, trash, TV, etc. If I was down on my luck, that would be where my need would lie the most...maybe if she didn't have some of these bills, she could go down to just 1 job so she can be home more with her sister. Also, health insurance costs?

So this is not just a one time gift for the girl, you also might consider, each time you go grocery shopping, consider buying double of things...especially the more "luxery items"- toilet paper, paper towels, paper plates, nicer foods, fruits and veggies...more expensive items she may be trying to skimp on to save money or some of the staples all families need and then drop it off to her on the way home and you can "see how she's doing".

Sorry...lots of ideas, but what about a "coupon book" you make for her with little needs like..."good for week of deep cleaning your apartment" or "good for childcare for your sister so you can have a night off" or "good for your favorite meal made hot and delivered directly to your door".

As you get to know her more, you may be able to discuss with her about some of her needs and some of the local programs, such as Medicaid insurance, WIC for help with groceries, things like that and offer to drive her and go with her to these places. You can step in and be "mom" when she needs it- I had several of these type of women in my life and still remain good friends with them and remember all they did for me, the meals they invited me over for, the conversations we had! Don't let your son make you feel "nuts" about this...it is a wonderful thing to do and your son should consider doing a "secret santa" for her with some of his buddies or clubs at the school!