Frustrated with Picky Eater

I have been through this issue 3 times already with my first 3 children and expect to go through it again with my last. It is something that happens with just about EVERY child at that age. It is their way of gaining control over their life.

I know you said that you have tried giving her what everyone else is getting and then, if she doesn't eat it, she goes to bed hungry. I honestly believe that approach is the strongest way to get through this time without having problems later.

Each of my kids knows that they have to eat what I put in front of them or they do NOT eat at all. They also know that if their dinner is not completely gone, they get NO dessert. To some people this may sound harsh, but it WORKS.

Yes my kids wake up extremely hungry in the morning and yes they do realize it is because they didn't eat their food. After a week of this, they each learned that eating their dinner (or at least part of it) helped them sleep better. I am not one that sets their uneaten dinner in front of them in the morning, but I have been known to give them that same dinner the following night.

I hope that I have given you some insight as to how I approach it. Good luck!

S.

I have a 2 1/2 yr old and a 14 month old who are very picky eaters but will eat very good when it is what they want. I have seen a nutritionist, my pediatrician. My children are on the low weight portion, so it is a concern of my ped. I am very tiny and my husband is not very big himself. I know my mother said I was a picky eater, and my husband still is, so there is pretty much no chance of them not being picky. My friend's ped told her not to look at the amt of food she intakes on a daily basis, but on a weekly basis. It is a better way to measure what they are eating because they could eat good one day and not eat again for three days. When I say not eat, I don't mean they don't eat anything, but they don't eat well and they may just snack or graze. The nutritionist said to not make a separate meail for them, but to serve what you are having and put one thing on their plate that they will eat, preferably something of protein. My son when he wouldn't eat anything and just wanted cheerios, I thought it was ok, but they have little value calorically. But he loved cottage cheese which was a good source of protein. So I would serve him the same thing that I would eat and give him cottage cheese on his plate. It doesn't always work and I didn't have the willpower to keep it up. Now that my daughter is also eating table food and they are both picky I just make them a meal usually, mac n cheese, chicken nuggets, pizza rolls, yogurt, grilled cheese, tuna fish. It can get to be boring but it is better for me to have them eat what they want to eat than nothing at all. They eat very little veggies, and I give my daughter pediasure as a supplement. I was giving it to my son, but he eats better now, just a very limited menu. I hope this helps! I am just as frustrated!

Hi S.,

I completely understand your issue. I have an autistic daughter with a very limited diet. Now that she is four it is expanding some, but nowhere near normal. First talk to your doctor after keeping a log for a week or so of what she actually eats and what she refuses (could have a sensory issue, one of my grandchildren does, and no she isn't autistic). Many parents will probably recommend pedisure, very good product but also very expensive. I give my daughter two cups of milk per day (more can impede their diet also) with Ovaltine in the jar with orange lid, it provides much needed nutrition. When we have something new she must try one small bite, if she doesn't like it we don't make her eat it. About once a month I get her to try a bite of something she didn't like before, then don't push beyond that on the known dislikes. Sometimes brand makes all the difference, my daughter will only eat one kind of popcorn chicken, one brand of fish, one type of pasta sauce, etc... In the meantime, she takes her meals apart from us about 75% of the time and I just roll with it as I feel it's more important she eat than be "socially acceptable". When we are going somewhere else for dinner I know what to order off a menu so that isn't too much of an issue and we tend to stick to family places. Going to a friend or relative, I make sure she eats first if possible, if not I take a container of food she will eat and just microwave it there. I too was concerned about nutrition and and an unbalanced diet but all of her blood work comes back wonderfully each time the doctors do it. I have to worry more about her being underweight because she is so picky she would rather starve that eat something she finds unacceptable. Hang in there and know you are not alone, MANY MANY children have problems in this area, some outgrow it, and some don't.

Buy baby food in the jars that are just the single veggie such as green beans or whatever. Add those to the foods that your child do eat, such as spagetti. She won't see it, or know it and won't expect it. Try getting a blender and puree cauliflour then add it to her rice. She won't see it cuz it's the same color. Make sure you either blend it very well or slightly cook it first. But just to make things easier, I would stick to same color baby foods being added to what she already eats. Then you aren't having to double prepare foods.
Jen
Mom of 3 boys, 5 yrs, 2yrs, and 1 yr.

Guess she started her terrible two's a little early...Don't be frustrated; look at all the good things she eats: yogurt, cheese, the multigrain bars plus she drinks milk and juice. Her weight is good. Maybe her limited choices seem boring to you but on the whole, they're OK. Try making meatballs, or cutting up chicken into bite sizes. She could be more interested in these if they're on your plate and you offered her to "try" them. Turn it all into a game, her curiosity will win her over. Good luck.

My 3rd child was/is the worst at this! It still drives me crazy on a daily basis. He just turned 4 a couple months ago and he has improved. Some days he'll try things, some days not. And the little brother, 2, has learned this pickiness too. It's just a part of who they are. I know this. I know what they refuse to try and I don't push that. There are some things that they used to love, but stopped eating and I do continue to offer that, even though they rarely touch it. I will always make them a plate of whatever I have made for dinner, but I also make something I know they'll eat. Every once in a while, they'll try it.
With the older one, about a year ago, we had a step process that he would do. First he'd smell it. Then he'd touch his tongue to it. If those two passed, then he'd take a tiny nibble. Sometimes it would lead to him eating it, sometimes not. You can't give up offering them foods, but you also have to try very hard to not make a huge deal out of it.
Mine would rather starve than eat something they didn't like. I tried that advice on holding out and only making one meal... he went to bed hungry several times. And still refused to even try it. Whose sanity was being lost over that? You do what you need to do to just get her fed and get her along her merry way. As long as her health isn't suffering, don't worry too much about it. Keep offering, but don't take it personal when it doesn't work. Keep the foods you know she'll eat readily available.

This is a battle you cannot win. You cannot make her eat something she doesn't want to eat. If her pediatrician says she's fine, she probably is fine, so you can relax. Milk is a healthy, fairly complete food, so if she wants to drink a lot of milk and not eat much you should be ok to let her. I refuse to make more than one dinner, and my two-year-old eats what we eat. Sometimes she doesn't eat it, sometimes she does. Sometimes she eats a lot, sometimes she eats hardly anything. Her options are healthy, and she can choose among them. She is allowed snacks, but generally only in the car. Sometimes we've had to offer the same thing 20 times before she'll taste it, and then other times she'll go crazy on something and eat it like you wouldn't believe, and then not touch it for a few months. She doesn't have underlying health problems, so you have the freedom to offer her choices that you will allow her to eat, and if she picks at stuff and drinks a lot of milk, that's still probably OK. For your own sanity, accept that you cannot win and feed her the same things you eat. One concession I used to make and just recently stopped is that I would separate out the types of vegetables and I wouldn't put sauce on her rice or pasta, so it was easier for her to pick and choose what to eat. Now it's all mixed in and she picks out what she wants. And sometimes she uses utensils and sometimes she doesn't bother with them. That's ok too.

I've been through this with both of my sons and I'm going through it still with one of them. For my older boy, when he was around 8 he was realy skinny and not eating well and had a hard time recovering from a stomach bug because his body didn't have the fats/minerals/vitamins in him that he needed, so at that time the doctor recommended Ensure. Ask your doctor if you should try Pediasure for your little guy. Once my 8 year old was drinking an Ensure DAILY for over a year (my husband insisted he continue long after the stomach bug was gone)because it really seemed to help him, I asked his doctor about if it was OK and he said it was fine but it's better if he would drink something more natural like a smoothie. Well, he won't -- but I used that advice for my little guy. He only eats a small variety of foods and will rarely try anything new, but fortunately he loves smoothies. The doctor recommended flax seed. I actually bought the ground up seeds and it changes the texture of the smoothie so he doesn't like it, so I need to get the oil instead. Anyway, you can add a lot of good stuff to a smoothie that you make yourself in a blender-- including yogart, where he can get some protein-- be sure NOT to buy the lowfat kind unless his doctor recommends it. In the meantime, realize that this IS a faze, so even though he refuses it, keep offering him new foods every single day because one day he WILL try something new and like it

I don't have any advice for you but just wanted you to know that your NOT ALONE!!!! My son is a really picky eater as well and he's 27 months old.. He doesn't eat "meals" either, just picks.... If I hide something in something he likes, he IMMEDIATELY spits it out and says "don't like mommy" without even giving it a chance.. Banyan (my son) is only in the 40%percentile for his weight and doctor told me NOT to worry that MOST children go through this at some point... I do give him Pediasure drinks once per day as a meal replacement. You said your daughter likes to drink, so does my son.
Good luck, I totally understand!

Hey there! I don't have much advice but I can certainly sypathize! My son is exactly the same. What I have been doing just continuing to offer new foods but I make him what he will eat (like you said, rice and noodles are his main foods). I was told too to not give him anything if he won't eat and had the exact same problem with going to bed hungry and waking up all night. My mom told me that we were the same, but eventually we just started trying new things. I did notice that with my niece, who is 3. She was even worse at this age if you can believe it, but now she will eat a wider variety. I think she just started eating what Mommy and Daddy were eating and realized it was good! I am hoping the same will happen for my son (and your daughter). Good luck!

Sounds like a toddler power struggle. She's at the age that she will push anything she feels can have power over. In your daughter's case, it's food.
You are not doing her any favors by allowing her to only eat what she wants - you already know this. Stop buying any junk food and bringing it into the house. For snacks give her cheese cubes, mozzarella sticks, baby carrots, or fruit.
If she refuses to eat her dinner and goes to bed hungry it is not going to hurt her. If she wakes up, only offer her the good snacks. Trust me, she won't starve. Do not give her the usual snacks and do not offer her a choice. She eats what you offer her or nothing.
You need to get a handle on it now.

My son is just over 3 and we have had this problem for a year now. At first, I tried to make him eat but that was very frustrating for us all. Then I decided to let him eat at his own pace and not push him at all. Well, that led to him eating NOTHING. So, we have finally figured it out. I make a plate for him with about 5 or 6 choices. A bit of whatever we are eating, some cheese cubes, or raisings, or a boiled egg. I always put something that I know he will eat and I always put a bit of fruit. It doesn't seem like I am making him a special meal because I do put whatever we are eating. I only put a small amount of everything - maybe a tablespoon - and he has to try a bite of everything. If he doesn't like it he doesn't eat it. If he wants more of a particular thing then he has to compromise and eat most of what's on the plate first.

Make the plate look like a snack and make everything small so she can use her fingers. Worry about the fork and spoon when you actually have her eating.

I definitely feel your pain. My 3-1/2 year old is the same. She prefers to graze all day, rather than sit down to eat a "meal". I just make sure she has plenty of healthy snackable foods. Also, at dinner I just put a tablespoon or so of everything we are having on her plate. If she wants more of something she loves, like mashed potatoes, then she has to at least attempt to eat everything else on her plate. Aside from that, as long as she is at a healthy weight and height, and her iron is good I don't worry.

Good Luck!

HI, I can really relate to your problem. My son is almost 4, at 2 he was EXACTLY like your daughter. Except low in weight percentiles -not so low to be worried but under 50% and high on the height ones. He is about to turn 4 and is just starting to really try new things (popcorn and salsa are hislatest adventures). Somewhere around 2 1/2 he started liking vegetables and peanut butter which I was very thankful for (a non dairy source of protein, finally!). I am not sure we did much besides really encourage him to try new things but I want you toknow it does eventually get better. We still only have one restaurant meal he will eat (grilled cheese, fries and broccoli), and if we go somewhere that doesn't have it (or makes it 'diiferent'), etc. we have trouble. My son would have happily drank up allhis calories inmilk and yogurt -it was hard to do but I have finally gotten to the point where he has milk or yogurt 3-4 times a day and that's it. It does make a huge difference in appetite. For us trying plain things worked best, plain baby carrots, plain soybeans, not a mixed meal (like meatloaf) -I have read abiout something called a NoThank You Bite. The kid has to try one bite of everything before they can say they don't like it. Your daughter may be young enough to try this rule? My son is way too set inhis ways to get him to trythis but our next child will hear about it from day one!

We joke that my son eats appetizers for dinner, or a crudite platter. He still only likes on brand of mac n cheese, no other noodles or rice, no meat, etc. But he is slowly starting to become willing to try new things. Another thing you may try (it didn't work for us but I have heard it has for others) is saying she can't eat whatever the food is because it's special just for daddy -then theoretically it makes her want to try it. I make grilled cheese only on certain kind of whole wheat bread -almost everyday of my life -it took him a loong time to deal with white bread at restaurants (can youimagine having that as a problem??? :). Good luck, I feel strongly it will get better over time -I also noticed when we stopped worrying and making a big deal out of eating, it helped our son relax about it too and start trying things.

Good luck -sorry this got so long!

you could 'just' go bay everyone's advice, but if this were my childs, I'd want a medical opinion. there is a FAMOUS feeding center called KK in Weston florida- I am SURe it has a LONG wait list, so I would google it, find out about it & get on the list. even if Weston is far from you (or ask them if there is something closer to you!), your child's health is worth it and, hopefully by the time the appointment gets closer, things have improved and you can cancel it. In the meantime, I would have her allergy tested just in case there are allergies at play. I would also look into getting her checked out by a SLP that's Speech Language Pathologist- this term sounds 'weird' bcse I am NOT saying to get her SPEECH checked out- there are certain SLPs who specialize in feeding and can perhaps do an evaluation.

also in the meantime, go to Whole Foods and get some probiotics and even some enzymes- talk to someone there about what kinds are good for children- google 'probiotics enzymes toddlers'
you'll be AMAZED at what comes up!

I Know you have probably tried this, but mac & cheese make it with spaghetti noodles if need to. Have her help you make her dinner. Yes she is two but she knows what she wants. Work with flavors like boiling the noodle or rice with broths (vegetable, chicken maybe beef) asks her to try Mommy big girl food. She’s two so talk to her like she your big girl. I think two’s are great for us parents, but they know want they want, But do not always know how to tell us. Have a tried milkshakes with a little bit of protein in it. Make eating fun she’s 2. Peanut butter on apple slices, make a cheerios mix with goldfish-dried fruit (let her put it together with you in baggie put her name on it for example: Katie’s Mix) do only one thing a day. Tell her something like Katie such a big girl we will make Katie big girl food . Ask her want she would like went you go shopping. I hope something help you. have fun with her.
and if this does not work keep tring. it will.
Good luck! have Passion she leaning.
C. S.

I am sure I can't add much nutrition wise here. My now 3 year old eats less then that. We do Usana vitamins and Juice Plus. My Ped said to do vitamins in the morning in an effort to trigger hunger and then Pediasure (we do off brand Boost) at night. He is underweight though - if she is a good weight maybe not. I really wanted to chime in and say it is worth talking to your Pediatrician about. It may be behaviorial - if so, you are welcome to message me - I can give you some of the stuff the therapist gave us to try - it worked pretty good. However, it could be a lack of certain nutrients that are keeping hunger at bay. If nothing else - the doc will help put your mind at ease. I talk to him about it every time I go just to give my self peace of mind. Good luck Mama. I feel your pain. I just started being able to tell him no at night when he is hungry - and if I genuinely think he is hungry or has not really eaten at all that day I give in! Oh and another thing - they told me to look at the week not the day - make a log of what she is eating - and then look at the whole week - some days they may not eat but may catch up on another day.

Hello S.,

I study holistic nutrition and will be a Dr. Sears certified L.E.A.N. Coach by early February. The L.E.A.N program is designed to teach parents how to shape their child's taste buds toward healthier whole foods, how to overcome the obesity epidemic in our children, as well as how to prevent cardiovascular disease and even cancers. I would be happy to share some ideas with you if you want to email me, and I would be happy to call you as well.

I am a mother of 2 toddlers who eat a very wholesome diet, but I know how difficult it can be trying to get those healthy whole foods, especially fruits and veggies into them when they just decide they don't want them.

One piece of advice my pediatrician gave me was to give the children a whole foods supplement made from fruits and vegetables. It was great advice. It helps to bridge the gap between what my children should be eating ALL the time...tons of fruits and veggies, with what they actually are eating. I also give my children an omega 3 supplement because their developing brains need those fats, and I give them probiotic rich foods which help to keep their immune systems strong.

My email is ____@____.com
I would be happy to share ideas and info on the products I use

Hi, S.. Well, first of all, I'm giving you a HUGE amount of credit and applause for not caving in to candy. All the things you mention that she eats are basically healthy foods. What you need to remember is that a 2-year-old will not allow herself to starve to death. So you don't have to worry too much about what she's eating just yet. If she is at a healthy weight, her skin is in good condition, she has energy, is not anemic, and so forth, then she is OK.

She is still at that stage where Nature takes over when a kid needs a certain kind of food to do a certain task in the body. If and when she needs the stuff that's in meat, she will start to crave it. However, almost all of the stuff that's good in meat can be gotten from peanut butter, cheese, rice and beans, milk, etc.

Now, I have a couple of suggestions. #1, if she wants to drink and not eat things, then maybe she is thirsty. Especially in Florida, kids need water. Try giving her at least a couple of cups of water every day in between meals. That may keep her "wet" enough so that she will be less interested in drinking and more interested in eating.

Second, I would take her to the dentist and get her teeth checked out because it sounds like she doesn't like to chew very much. She might have cavities in those nice new teeth, or she may have some problem with her jaw or throat.

As far as the vegetable problem: They now have these wonderful juices from V8 which are a combination of veggies and fruits. She can drink this stuff and never taste the veggies, and you can feel good about sneaking her veggies. Also, if she likes tomato juice, you can give her straight V8 and just not tell her it has the juices of spinach, celery, etc. in it. Just be careful, because I think it's V8 Fusion that has artificial sweetner in it, and this stuff can make a lot of people sick. I myself am allergic to all artificial sweetners, so read the labels carefully.

You also have the option of making her smoothies in the blender and just not telling her all of what's in it. Of course, you don't want to put meat into that because it just won't taste good.

Seriously, get her teeth, throat and gums checked out. She doesn't have the vocabulary to tell you why she doesn't like to eat what the rest of the family eats, and she might have a very good reason why she just CAN'T eat it. And you're right -- she doesn't deserve to go to bed hungry, especially at age 2.

Above all, don't make food a power struggle. How much you feed her is not a measure of how much you love her, and how much she eats is not a measure of how much she loves you back. Let's face it: if our husbands and boyfriends don't like to eat vegetables, we don't try to make them eat their brocolli, do we? In the case of our kids, of course we don't give them desert unless they've eaten a proper dinner. This can all be done without drama.

I hope everything works out just fine for you and your daughter, and that she remains healthy and happy.

Peace,
Syl

Yep, I go through this with my 2 year old. He is as picky as picky gets. Everything you've described with your daughter, is what I go through and have been going through for a few months. Yes, it's frustrating as heck BUT your daughter is gaining weight so don't worry. It's a phase. All babies go through some sort of phase and this "food strike" is no exception. The ONLY thing I would suggest is to not give your baby peanut butter. Babies under two should not be given peanut butter for two reasons: (1) many babies will develop an allergy to peanuts as a result of introducing peanut products too early, and (2) peanut butter, no matter how thin a layer is a choking hazard for young babies. I didn't offer peanut butter with my children (I have 3 children) until they were at LEAST 4 years old and even then, it was the thinnest layer.

As for food to serve your baby, don't bother making separate meals. Just keep offering what you make. If your baby refuses to eat, then just before bedtime, make a bowl of oatmeal or a bowl of Cream of Wheat to fill her belly so she doesn't wake up hungry at 2 A.M. I know, I'm going through this too. It's annoying. It will pass. Good luck.