My husband and I are at our wits end with our almost 8 year old daughter. I’m guessing she is just bored (summer time) and is not getting enough individual attention. We both work fulltime and so she stays home with Grandma and baby brother or is at a day camp. She just came back from an overnight week camp in Bailey and LOVED it! Now she sits around moping wishing she was still there. We have her enrolled at a day camp but she does not like it as much and doesn’t even want to go. We just never know if she is going to wake up happy or grumpy. And lately she even talks back or has an attitude and questions everything we ask her to do. And when we do things with her like riding bikes or soccer practice at home she wants to quit. If she doesn't get her way she starts to cry. She's acting like a spoiled brat. I think she'd be perfectly happy watching TV for the rest of her life. And our two 2 year old son isn't helping the matter either. I think she is tired of us spending so much of our energy on him. We make sure to take her to movies or out to eat without him, and she seems happy. But then when we are back at home she is back to being sad. Are we not providing her enough attention? It's frustrating to do anything “active” with her because she wants to do everything her way and doesn't want to listen. With taekwondo all she wants to do is rush through everything so she can move on to do something she wants (like TV). I try to put myself in her shoes and remember when I was her age and feeling bored all the time, but I always had friends or cousins to play with. Now a day’s kids are so busy that a play date is so hard to schedule. HELP!
Personally... I'm a FAN of boredom. Boredom breeds creativity. It's too bad that someone can't stay home with her for a week or so of NO activities so that she can get bored enough to actually start finding fun things to do instead of insisting on being entertained 24/7
It sounds like she is getting enough attention. I would say, get rid of the TV for a while. Take her to the library and get her some books. Kids who become tv zombies get bored and seem to forget that anything else is fun!! She may whine and complain, but cut off the Disney channel and Nick and I bet she will find other things to do!
The whole 7, 8, 9 yr old ages are such a tough time - I call it the screamy, whiny, must get my way years :) Having been through it with 6 kids (my youngest is 9), I think my patience has somewhat worn thin when they get this attitude.
We have scheduled TV time. If it isn't time, the TV is simply off. Those who complain, just get sent to their room. Otherwise, I mostly ignore the whole attitude. Bored? Not my problem, find something to do. Sassy? Fine, go to your room so I don't have to listen to it. Don't want to do what I ask? Loss of privileges and 30 minutes earlier bedtime.
You are doing all the right things - spending time with her alone and doing family things. That should be enough. It is healthy for her to be able to entertain herself and attitude should be kept in check - if for no other reason that before long, it will start wearing off on the little brother and you will have two demanding kiddos :)
Good luck!
Just some thoughts:
1) its her age stage & development.
2) yes, not all kids are that way...
3) she seems to have no 'interests.' Meaning, she has no idea, within herself... on what to do. Are her activities things that SHE is interested in, or things that you signed her up for????
4) It is good being 'bored.' It makes the brain work and allows a child to get in touch with their feelings... even when doing NOTHING at all... it can help a kid.
5) She has to be taught... HOW TO get along and be a "sibling." Do you all teach her about how to get along? She seems to perhaps.. NOT have adjusted to having a little brother. Do they even play together? I have 2 kids... a 3 year old boy and a 7 year old girl... they are 2 peas in a pod.... they LOVE playing together, get along, love each other and really 'understand' that they are siblings... and we are FAMILY.
6) Your girl seems to be lonely.... you said, she seems to get "tired of us spending so much of our energy on him...." (her brother).
7) There are 2 types of people: "internal locus of control" and "external locus of control" type people. Look it up online.... your daughter 'seems' to be the type, that goes according to EXTERNAL based expectations and reasons. But a person can be taught... to be more self-reliant and fulfilled.
8) she's a kid... their every waking hour does not have to be an orchestrated symphony of "things" for them or for them to do. I would.. have her 'study'... read/do projects/write in a journal/do artwork... ANYTHING that will keep her school skills practiced.
9) She can also learn to cook. Over the summers, my Mom would teach me how to cook. Or teach me how to sew. I LOVED it.
10) ASK her... "why" she is not happy.... maybe it is her age, maybe it is because she can't do anything on her own, maybe she can't think of anything on her own, maybe she doesn't even know herself... maybe she needs more structure... not just "activities....."
11) Maybe, she needs to have a relationship with you/her parents etc. She just seems to do stuff or not do stuff... and entertainment or be entertained. But, does anyone really know her or understand her or have a relationship "with" her? Most times, kids are just told what to do/scolded/punished/given orders all day. But the parent does not really have a 2-way RECIPROCAL relationship or communication with the child. For me, when my 7 year old girl is fussier than typical... I sit down with her... we talk stories, I listen to her, I ALLOW her to express herself without my judging her... I laugh and giggle 'with' her... I ask her what she thinks... and I spend time with her directly.. not just having her "do" things or "go places" or join things. Not 'external' type things... but I spend time on HER.... and she feels "bonded" to me that way and we learn about each other. We are really close. THIS alone... affects my daughter positively... and makes her more grounded and even-keeled. We have a 'relationship'... not just a parent/kid do this-do that rapport.
12) Your girl seems typical. She is 7. She doesn't know what to do with herself. But.. you said that your 2 year old takes so much energy. Well... most kids do. And boys are active. I know, I have a 3 year old boy. BUT... I have always emphasized "family" and their relationship... and they thus get along well and with each other. We do not just focus on my son... just because he is younger. An eldest child... needs a TON of 'attention' too... even more so.
13) I would create a routine/schedule for her, daily. Have her practice school work too. Do chores and allow her fun stuff too. But have a routine daily. Or have her friends over and have play-dates for her.
Not all kids, can entertain themselves. But they can, if they try.
Just some quick off the cuff thoughts.
All the best,
Susan
If this is new, ask her what is making her so upset. Ask her what she needs to feel better. Ask her to make a list of things that would be fun for her to occupy her time with this summer, then talk about the ones that will also work for you.If you need to, cut down her tv time.
If she starts to cry when she does not get what she wants, that is just fine. That does not mean that you have to get it for her. Also, instead of just "No", give two other options that would be alright for her to have or do.
If she is not the outdoorsy type maybe an active inside activity would be good like wii sports or something like that.
Help her make a bored box or bored list of things that she can do when bored.
Keep up the communication and you will find the solution
B.
www.ChildAndFamilyCoaching.com
Because nothing is more important than family
A wonderful book will help you, and your daughter, address her problems/boredom/attitude. Read a practical and effective book by Faber and Mazlish, How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk. You'll all be surprised at the leaps forward your daughter can make in finding her own solutions, with the proper support from you and Dad.
I'm not in your situation, so I can't relate. But I remember being her age and NEVER being inside. I was out playing all day everyday, either alone or with neighborhood kids. Given that it's hard to schedule a "playdate" (I think she's getting a little old for those), do you live in a place where you feel safe lettering her go outside alone for awhile?
She probably watches TV so much because she has the chance. I would get her out of the house in an unstructured kind of way. Even if she's just playing in the yard or riding her bike around the block. Force her to use her imagination - and give her a little help (or chore that you don't care about getting finished) if she's stuck.
Just my thoughts.
I agree with Starr 100% You and your husband sound like wonderful parents. I also think day camp or vacation Bible school are good summer activities. She may not be motivated to get up and go, but when she gets there, she'll have playmates, activities and learn good habits.
Blessings.....
Oh my gosh! My daughter is almost 8 as well and I am having the same exact problem! Not so much with being bored BUT when we are home all she wants to do is watch TV. And the back talking, OMG. I just read Starr B's advice and I love love love her approach. I am going to steal some of her ideas :-)
