Feeling Guilty - Minneapolis,MN

Hi Ali,

I know you are looking for support to not breastfeed, and I'm sorry but I really think you should try to stick with it for a little while longer. I know it is so hard at first, but it really does get easier (as you know since your on #2) Its not just the bonding your new little bundle of joy will be missing out on, but all of the all-important antibodies that only your breast milk can give her. If you stop now, you are really increasing the risks of irratating baby sicknesses like ear infections and GI problems. There are unlimited benefits to breastfeeding- some we probably don't even know about yet. There are studies that even link breastfed babies to higher IQs as adults. Your baby deserves the best. Hopefully you'll find a way to stay strong and pull through this. I sincerely wish you the best of luck with this for you and your new baby.

R.

I am a mom to 22 month old Charlie and 2 month old Joey, I breast fed Charlie for just over a year (I was pregnant when we weaned) and will do the same with Joey.

I will say that nursing for me the first time was easy. BUT, the first week home from the hospital this time with a 20 month old and newborn was EXHAUSTING, and frustrating!!! I had lots of support (husband and my Mom both home) but It was still hard to keep my toddler happy, and I had forgotten how often a newborn baby needs to eat.

Now that we are 2 months into it, and have gotten a bit of a schedule, things are much better. Joey sleeps pretty good a night and can go longer during the day between feedings, and we can actually get out of the house.

I can only suggest you wait a few more weeks before deciding for sure that you want to stop nursing. Most lacation support will suggest waiting 4 weeks before introducing a bottle anyway, because it may lower your milk supply.

Ali...My first daughter and I struggled with breastfeeding for 3 months, when I finally gave it up. I struggled with guilt for 1-2 months!!!! My second daughter and I made it 5 months, but we started having some issues, and I just gave it up. I can assure that both of my girls are HEALTHY, HAPPY, AND VERY BONDED TO ME AND THEIR FATHER! There is so much pressure to breasfeed, and it's great if you can do it as long as possible. But, for example, my first daughter is unbelievably healthy. She goes to preschool 3 days per week, and while her friends come home with flus/fevers, she has missed NOT A DAY because of illness all year. I think there are a LOT of benefits to formula feeding that no one is "allowed" to talk about: scheduling is easier, sharing feeding responsibilities, feedings in public (I was never comfortable feeding in the mall or a restaurant, etc.), don't have to pump (I hated that). Just accept you will have some guilt, work through it, and try and look at the positives of formula feeding. I was raised on formula...in the early 70s mothers weren't even offered the chance to breasfeed. I love my parents so much, and am still very bonded to them. I am a highly educated, and highly successful woman in my 30s who has recently decided to stay at home. And, I'm sure the formula back then wasn't as good as it is even today!!! It will all be OK!!! Good luck, and let us know how you are doing.

I struggled SO much with breastfeeding. I felt like I HAD to do it even though it really wasn't working out. I ended up pumping and bottle feeding for a long time - not fun!
It sounds like you aren't quite sure so I'd wait before deciding. I know the reason I didn't like breastfeeding is because I exclusively used the pump (she just wouldn't nurse!). I think you should think about why you don't want to continue and why you do want to continue and go from there. Your hormones are probably still out of whack and I know that can make things SO hard! While I was breastfeeding I just took it one day at a time. When I wasn't producing enough milk I supplemented with formula which I had convinced myself was horrible for her because I felt like I was failing. There is nothing wrong with formula!!
Good luck!!

Hi Ali,
Since you are torn on what to do, perhaps you can have your husband give the baby a bottle "x" amount of times each day. That way he can help out with the feedings and you can get a break for yourself.

Since you are not certain about your decision, maybe set a time in the future that you reevaluate your decision. Say 6 weeks and then decide what you want to do. You just got home with the baby and have so many other things going on right now (I totally understand. I just delivered on 1/22!). Perhaps setting a future date will allow you to relax right now and not focus on whether or not you are making the right decision for you and your baby.

Good luck with your decision and enjoy that baby of yours!! Time goes by way too fast.

Ali, I understand somewhat of what you are feeling. I tried to bf my son and went to the moon and back trying to make it work. Biology was not in our favor, I was exhausted, and even the lactation consultants said I should stop trying and formula feed. I feel that I lost the first two weeks of his life trying to do something when I could have been bonding in that time instead. You and your baby will be fine if you are emotionally and physically present.

We spent a lot of feeding time skin to skin to substitute for the lack of breast time. Also I remember seeing a tube gadget you can use to have babe at breast but the baby is actually eating the formula. I think it was at Babies R Us. Good luck

Hello...I know everyone here is very pro breastfeeding but I disagree with what most people say about it. BOth of my children were never a day in their life breastfed and the bond between my children and I is great. Neither of my kids are sickly. So the decision is TOTALLY up to you and what works best for your family. I know families who do both. She breatsfeeds one of two times a day and they do formula for the other feedings.

Don't feel guilty! You need to do what is best for you and your family. There are plenty of children who are not breast fed and they are fine. I breast fed my first daughter and it was very difficult. She was premature and would not feed from the breast so I was constantly pumping. She had feeding difficulties and it was just too much for me to take! When my second daughter was born (premature) I did not breast feed. I felt guilty for a time but I got over it. My husband was very supportive and so was our peditrician. Good luck.

I gave birht to my daughter in September. I breastfed her for a month. The whole time I wanted to quit. I would get on the internet, and look for advice, and see what other mothers had to say. This just made me feel even more guilty about quitting. Many women out there that breastfeed feel that they have to make others feel guilty for not wanting to, or not being able to. I had a good milk supply, my daughter latched on just fine, etc... The truth was, I hated every minute of it. With the support of my partner, I started bottle feeding her. We both felt that we should do what was best for the family. I do agree that breastmilk is best for your baby, but I don't beleive that your baby will have a higher I.Q., and less sickness because of it. Take my 6 year old son for example. I started bottle feeding him at 1 1/2 months old. He has had ONE ear infection in 6 years. He is in kindergarten now, and is so advanced they wanted to move him up a grade, and he is in extended learning, and reads at a third grade level since he was five. Does that sound like a sickly child with a low I.Q.?

I know a couple of mothers that stay at home with there children, breastfeed exclusivly, and their kids are sick all the time!

My daughter is four months old now, and is healthy and thriving. It took a couple different formulas to find out what was best for her. Carnation good start turned out to be the best (with help from moms from this website) Thank you to those that suggested that brand.

Do what you feel in your heart. Your baby wants to be warm, and cuddled and loved and fed. Whether you are feeding her from your breast or a bottle is your decision. Don't feel guilty. Iv'e been there, and it's not worth it.

Ali,
Your bond and commitment to your daughters is so apparent in your request. You will find that breastfeeding is just one of the things that was so much easier with the first (only) child than the second. Breastfeeding is not the only way to bond with a baby. In fact, many people can breastfeed and still be unbonded with their baby. And, the formulas today are very healthy. Also, you have given her your first milk which is great, great stuff!!

The absolutely BEST thing for your baby is a happy mama. There is no right or wrong answer here: only what works for the FAMILY. It's tough because there is SO much pressure to breastfeed and then even pressure to breastfeed longer and longer.

I think you already have your answer so you shouldn't feel guilty making an alternately healthy decision for your baby. Women like to know they are supported in their community so let me just tell you that I support you being the expert on what choices your family needs to make to ensure everyone's needs are being met. It is admirable of you to consult other sources before deciding but, ultimately, you and your husband get to pick what works for you.

Practice up because there are lots of opinions out there on sleeping, feeding, toilet training, discipline - it goes on and on! Find a few sources that you believe in and trust and a few people who you know believe in YOU and trust that you can parent your own children and then believe in yourself!

It's totally okay to formula feed! My daughter is one year old and we are just taking her off formula and switching her to milk. We had a horrible go at breast feeding, so she's been on formula since birth. She is at the 99% for height and is a completely healthy, wonderful baby. A co-worker had about the same experience with breast feeding and didn't even attempt it with her second. Her children are now about school age and have been absolutely fine. Do what works for you and feel good about your choice, whatever you decide.

Hi Ali! Please don't feel guilty! I think you need to do what is best for you guys as a family!!! If it's not working and it will help if your husband can feed her too, then that is what's best for everyone!! I am a mother of a 2 year old that I breast fed and I am due in April with a boy and I am going to do the same thing. I will try but if it doesn't work it's o.k. I'm anticipating that it's hard to have to get up all the time and have to be "tied" to the baby when you don't get to sleep when the baby sleeps this time and you have another child who needs your love and attention too! If your miserable it will affect everyone and it won't be the right thing. I have a girlfriend who had twins and breast feed them and still cries to this day about how awful it was and they are 4 yrs. old now and I think was that worth it if it was so awful she still cries from the thought of it! Who wants to remember that time that way! Enjoy your beautiful family and this time together!

You have to do what works for you and your family. I tried to breastfeed my preemie, didn't work and she wasn't gaining any weight off of my pumped milk supply so she went on formula which plumped her up and she gained her weight. I felt horrible that I stopped pumping but atleast I gave it a shot and tried. I think it's great when Dad can bottle feed and also share that bonding experiance. My daughter and I bonded just fine with her plastic bottle. Just do what works for you, look at your personal pro's and con's. If you don't want to breastfeed that is YOUR choice and noone should judge you for that and you should not feel guilty. Just be thankful that we live in modern times where they have scientifically manufactured excellant choices in formula these days. My friend breast fed her child til she was over two years old and recently stopped. Her child has always been sickly, looks very thin and malnurished and was so obsessed with the boob she never learned to like table food and now lives off of sippie cups. If I had to compare my kid to hers I'd rather have my non picky good eater who doesn't get her nutrtion mostly from liquids. Her daughter has alot of emotional problems as well from being glued to the boob for so long, she has MAJOR seperation anxiety and still wants the boob.She has emotional problems up the ying yang from having a boob shoved in her mouth everytime she whined or wimpered that now she freaks out and doens't know how to self soothe, relax or calm herself down. I know most of this kids problems is her mother's parenting but I also think being glued to the boob for so long has inhibited this childs emotional state.So yes breastfeeding is preferred but it's not always the BEST and you are not a bad mother if chose otherwise. Just like organic food is better for you but realistically it's not in everyone's budget or convienant for everyone.

I remember how you feel years ago when I had my second baby I breast feed and it seemed that their dad got out of the bonding and getting up with her. What I did was both she got at least one bottle a day that way if I wanted to go shopping take a nap anything I could I felt bad that I was doing that but she was able to be fed by Daddy and anyone else who wanted to help If you only breast feed once or twice a day your body will a just to that good luck mommiebrown

I totally understand what you are going through. I also gave birth on 2/3/07. Our first son didn't ever latch on so I pumped for 2 months until my milk supply ran out. I fetl incredibly guilty when I could no longer give him breast milk and switched exclusively to the formula. I was determined to try to breastfeed this time. But when we got home on Sunday I started having the same second thoughts as you. I have since decided to stick it out and do my best to breastfeed my new son. You just have to do what is right for you. Formula is obviously not as good as breast milk but if that works better for you and your family then don't let anyone else tell you otherwise.