"Exchange Services" for Pickup/drop off of Kids Between Parents

What about exchanging the kids at a police station equal distance between the two parents? No one is going to get abusive in the lobby of a police station...nobody with any common sense. The parent picking up the child(ren) leaves first, the other parent stays behind a few minutes to give the other parent time to leave. They do that here in SoCal, no need to pay for a service.

The only way ever suggested is to exchange at the police station. I never could bring myself to put my kids through that so I just sucked it up. After a few years he stopped with the drama.

Sorry but your friend married him, her kids didn't. Stop trying to think of ways to deliver them without getting her hands dirty. This is her responsibility.

Am I the only one who is looking at this through the eyes of the kids. Imagine mom and their nanny don't want to deal with dad but they are being sent there anyway!!! Think about it! Can you even imagine how that would make them feel?

Lord people, he is annoying, not dangerous!! That is why the court isn't taking away visitation!!!

These services do exist. She may need to go through her lawyer to get this ordered. If the father is being abusive I doubt he will just agree to this kind of change without negotiating it through lawyers or being ordered by a judge.

I'm in CA. Tell your friend to google Safe Exchange. They offer this service. Not sure how many locations they have or what the fees are, but the service is available.

Wow - I just posted a question about nannies. I can't imagine a nanny telling me she won't deal with my children's father. I guess I don't know the whole story but I have to agree with Jo that they all need to suck it up. The children are already dealing with 2 different households and in one of them a nanny and now they want to introduce a 4th party bc no one can be civil for 5 minutes? I'd find a new nanny or take the father back to court or just ignore him at pickups. Sorry - I know this isn't what you asked. But how sad for these kids.

Yes, there are such services. I suggest that she talk with the court and ask for names and phone numbers. Using such arrangements is not uncommon.

I've heard of exchanges done at a police station and at a local children's home. There are counselors who provide such services.

yeah its called a judge! and its free. Tell her to go to her lawyer and that she wants that behavior stopped! Call a hearing for the judge to warn him to be a better co-parent for the sake of the kids. They can order him to go to classes and pay for them and waste his time, on how to be a better co-parent, hopefully that will make him stop because they have to learn to just not say nothing and exchange the kids! What's that saying if you can't say nothing nice don't say nothing at all...What could he possibly be saying to the nanny?! There's more to this story...

I agree with Jo. Honestly, I think it's sad that they were able to be around each other long enough to make the kids, but can't stand each other long enough to raise them. That's seriously not ok with me. The kids don't need to be exposed to that kind of thing. Divorce is hard enough on them. Not that it's any of my business, but that's my two cents anyway. :)

She might simply find out if the school has an after care option. When my SD was younger, her mom or then-SF would pick her up from there on their weekends and we never had to see her. We would give the after care people the basic schedule and try to inform them of any major changes. They had DH's number to call if they needed to confirm anything. SD needed care after school anyway, as DH was a single parent. The mom may want to look into PT options so that the child only goes on days where it's needed. If taking the kids to school is not part of the schedule, then he can do a quick drop off at the house or at a third party exchange area.

Or, change the time and place of the exchange. If the nanny doesn't want to deal with him, then make a meet up point somewhere public where the mom or a relative drives to meet him instead of the father going to the home to pick up the kids. Further, unless there is a real need, he can wait for the kids on the doorstep vs coming in and having much interaction with the adult who is home. Just have their bags ready to go. Things like that can minimize her interaction with him.

I would suggest to her that she find ways to deal with it because an exchange place may be stressful on the kids. The after care option would give the kids a chance to do HW, play, etc. and usually it's right at the school. So it's a place to exchange vs an exchange place. Follow?

ETA: http://www.occourts.org/directory/family-court-services/k...

It looks like at least in some areas, the service is free.

You can always drop off in a public place. It's easier that way. I belive it can be put in divorce papers that way. Also you can use family or friends as a go between which will make it cheaper. I am unsure of services.

I don't know of any service like that. They (the mom and nanny) need to go through the courts so that if he continues this behavior he loses visitation. They should also only be doing the exchange in a public place that should help. The mom and nanny should have a tape recorder or something to record any and all exchanges.