Donating Eggs

I personally wouldn't do it if my husband didn't feel good about it. There are so many other options out there....adoption is good. That's awesome you want to help her know a joy that you know, but maybe she's supposed to take a different route than you did to find that joy.

Respect your husband, and don't underestimate how it may feel in the future knowing that child is yours. I have been married 20 years, and one rule we have is that for big decisions, we have to both agree.

Your body sister!!! Do what you feel is right in your heart. I would donate to my older sister regardless of what my husband says. I don't see how this would effect you conceiving another child in the future. You have so many eggs!!!
Good luck!

That is really great of you to want to donate and a tough situation you are in. First of all, I did in vitro twice and the second time got only 2 eggs and 2 embryos and had one beautiful daughter 9 months later just before I turned 42. I know the odds were not in my favor, but God blessed us despite the odds. So your sister, if she can handle it emotionally and financially, might want to give it one more shot as 40 is not too old. Women have gotten pregnant at older ages, including both my sisters at 41 and 44 on their own. I would also not want to donate without my husband's agreement. However, sometimes I find when other people talk to my husband about things, especially other men he is friends with and respects, he more readily sees another opinion besides his own. We have good friends from church that help us out with disagreements, which is a blessing, as we all know our men don't always listen when it comes from us, unfortunately. I don't know if that's an option for you, but maybe if he had more info on egg donation and/or your sister's situation, maybe he would be more openminded about it. I've seen men change minds on things like having kids, etc., so you never know. Worth a shot. God bless you and your sister - I can relate to how she feels after having been in her shoes at 40.

Hi M.,

I believe this is, indeed, the greatest gift you could ever give your sister. I also believe that the decision should be yours alone. Believe me, I would do it for my sister, if I could. Unfortuntely, I had to have a hysterectomy so that is not an option and we each have 2 children. I think you should try to explain to your husband how you feel and what you are giving your sister. I wish you the best of luck! You are a very special person!

L.

I have to agree with everyone about making sure your husband is on board with this decision. I'm sure your sister would understand. Has she ever thought about adoption. There are so many needy children in this world and that option is a much more sure way of having a child than the obvious risk of IVF. My husband was the infertile one in our relationship and we adopted! Best decision we could have ever made!

Best wishes!
C.~
http:///www.HelpUStayHome.com

For the sake of your own kids you need to have your husband on board. Your little girls need their mommy and daddy together and not fighting. This is a big one that could possibly tear your marriage apart.

I understand your heart for your sister as my sister had a similar problem but as these things sometimes happen, my sister gave up, they resolved to have no children and a few months later she was pregnant. I also have a dear friend who tried to have a baby for 21 years before adopting through the foster care program. Their little darling is now the light of their lives, smart, healthy and even looks like them!!! Hold your sister's hand, love her and let her come to her own conclusions in her own time. I know you want to help, don't forget that being a good confidant can be an incredible gift.

I'm pretty sure that donating eggs won't affect your fertility, but you should really talk to the IVF clinic to get more information.

Most IVF clinics offer a counselling service, and I'm sure that they regularly deal with all of your concerns. It's obviously not a decision to be made in haste, and getting more information from the experts may help to make things clearer.

I didn't have my daughter until I was 43 yrs. old. Who said your sis's eggs are "just too old"? Could it be that the man she is trying to conceive w/ isn't fertile?

Awesome that you want to donate for your sister! My daughter did for me! I don't think your sister is too old to "harvest" her own - I was 49 but we were concerned about the quality rather than quantity. IVF is expensive; but worth it - she should go through another cycle & try to get more of hers; fertilize them & then have one insertion of just her eggs; implanting 3. We implanted 3 & have two beautiful twins. If my husband didn't want me to donate...I wouldn't, you do have to put your relationship with your partner first and you may end up arguing over this down the road when it comes to "neice & nephew" birthdays. It will not negatively impact your chances of having more kids; you are still at a fertile age & you have plenty to donate. You can meet with the Fertility specialist the get ALL of your questions answered & you should get a 2nd and/or third opinion. And....you don't EVER know if you want more children - I didn't think I did either, but......my husband wanted children of his own....and, there you have it! You just never know & you should keep that door open. Good luck; and good luck to your sister. I was 40 when I was told I was too old, get a doner & use a surragate - at 49 my eggs were fine & I carried to full term!!

I went through IVF 6 years ago and I was grateful I was able to use my own eggs. However, if I had to use donor eggs I would never have done it if it would have caused any strife or problems in the home of the person wanting to donate. Your heart is so generous to want to give something so personal of yourself for the chance to make someone you love so happy but it would not be wise or loving to the man you love to donate if he is against it. The problems it could cause later down the road with your relationship and that of your family are not worth it even though it is a worthy cause. There are so many resources these days for those struggling with infertility and other ways for your sister to get donor eggs. Perhaps she could talk to her infertility specialist to explore those options. As far as impacting any future children for yourself, you would need to speak with a specialist about the harvesting procedure and all of the possible risks involved which there always are. Gods grace and wisdom to you and your family on this difficult decision.

Hi, M.. Wow! If I were in your situation, I would feel the same way and want to donate to my sister. One of my sisters is 40 this year and when I got pregnant with my oldest child (out of wedlock) she and my whole family helped and she offered to adopt her, but I wasn't to the point where I couldn't take care of her so of course I kept her. My heart does go out to my sister, but in your situation, I would not do it if it will cause strife between you and your husband. You have to respect his decision as well and if your sister was meant to have a child, she will. God will allow her to have one. I know your sister wants her own child, but has she considered adoption? There are so many kids out there that would love to be with a loving mother. Anyway, good luck to whatever your decision will be.

I.

That is very generous of you to consider this for your sister. But it does affect your whole family. That fact that your husband doesn't feel comfortable about says a lot. But discuss it with him and figure out why he's opposed to it and let him know why you want to do it. Neither one of you will feel as good if you both don't have an understanding.

Also, you may not look at it this way, but you would actually be the biological mother to another child that your husband didn't father. You will also be involved in this child's life. I think that it is one thing to donate an egg anonymously and another to donate to a family member. This is very different than surrogacy.

I'm sure whatever you choose, as long as there is great thought and consideration, you will make the right choice. Ask God, He'll give you the answer.

Have you ever had your sister look into the Snowflake embryo organizaion? It is a Christian organization that accepts frozen embryo donation to be used for infertile women (or couples) such as your sister. People donate their frozen embryo's instead of destroying them once they have achieved all the pregnancies they want. The following is a link to the website. As a labor and delivery nurse, I have had many patients deliver babies thanks to this program. Good luck to you and your sister.
http://www.nightlight.org/snowflakefaqsap.htm

First, I agree with the others that your husband needs to be completely on board with this. I would look into everything that is involved and make a decision from there. My friend and her sister recently went through this. I think it is the greatest gift one could give and fully support it but I do know the donating sister and her husband had major lifestyle changes for the time they were "harvesting" her eggs (ie no sex for a few months, stringent eating/health rules, etc). Of course you would do anything for your sister but it's definitely not a decision you can make on your own. Your husband is a part of it too since it will impact his life drastically. Plus, like another person said, you do have to consider the idea that the child is biologically yours although he/she will be your sister's child. Just things to think about...do your research and I'm sure you'll make the best decision. :o) Good luck!

I would not proceed unless you had your husband 110% approval.

M.,

What a wonderful gift you are trying to give your sister. Maybe your husband's concern is about your health. The process of getting eggs is pretty invasive and from what I understand not so much fun. I recommmend you find out what's involved and how it's going to affect you and in turn your family (hormones, shots, etc.) I hope that something works out for you all! You are amazing!

If you have a good husband, who is supportive, thoughtful, and loving toward you all of the time, then there would be reason to suspect he has valid concerns about why you shouldn't do this. I know my husband is an awesome partner in life and although my heart would want to do that for my sister, there are some real life issues that would make it a bad decision for me. I would NEED him to talk me out of it, and he would, but I would still have a little heartache, but heartache and good decisions sometimes go hand in hand.

Now, if your husband is just a giant donkey about everything you do, good or bad, then that's a different situation. Maybe he's just being a jerk for the sake of being a jerk, and there really isn't any valid reason for you not to make the offer to your sister.

It just depends on the dynamic between you and your sister. If you can "butt out" while she raises HER child, and do this graciously, and without drama, then go for it. Divorce is real, so be prepared for that and any other differences in the way she raises HER child and the way you raise yours. Your egg is not a license to preach, control, or give guilt trips. Also, if you are prone to depression, excessive dramatic emotional scenes, guilt trips, self pity, whininess, etc maybe that's what your husband is concerned about. Maybe he just doesn't want to put fuel on the fire, so to speak? If you want to walk around and gloat with an "I gave an egg" badge on your shoulder, maybe he doesn't want to be sick to his stomache every day. If you do none of the above, then it goes back to your husband. Great partner or Donkey?

Please think this through M.. If your husband objects, the answer should be no. What if you do and it is successful? How will you ever be able to forget that it is your bio child? What if you disagree with her parenting decisions? Please encourage her to consider adoption and help a child who is already born and needs to be rescued. There is also the Snowflake program to adopt frozen embryos that would otherwise die. That might be a wonderful thing for her.

Hi M.,

How generous of you to want to be so giving to your sister. Can your sister try and have more eggs harvested? I have a hard time believing that at 40 that her eggs are too old. Many women have children in their 40's and IVF too. My opinion is that you are still 30 with two children, you might change your mind about wanting more children. I would ask a Dr. about any negative consequences to you or your female organs regarding the harvesting from you. I can understand your husbands concerns...it could have health issues for you. If health issues came up because of that, who would take care of your two children? You sound like a very giving person but it sounds like to me that you need to speak to some Dr.s about your potential health risks and is there pain involved. Do you have other siblings that could contribute? What about your sister adopting or fostering a child? I think that you need to talk more with your husband and try to understand his reasons for you not donating..is it health, or concern for your two girls or possible other children? Or is it just the fact that the child will actually have your DNA...your sister would be raising your son or daughter.

Best wishes
T.

Hi,

Your second question is the easier one--no, donating eggs in no way affects your own fertility. I've donated eggs twice, and as I hadn't had any children of my own yet, I was very careful to research any possible negative effects on my own chances of conceiving later.

As for your husband not wanting you to--are you sure he'd be against it? Sounds like you might not have discussed it yet w/ him. That's tough, if he really feels that way though. I'd just explain to him why it's so important to you. Good luck!

This is so weird .
If I cannot conceive children , then I try to adopt , no ?

God Bless You & your Sister !
Please try NOT to start a war with Your Man .....
if you know what I mean ....
Peace
Love
N.

Talk to your husband. I've talked about this with my husband my sister is a surrogate and due any day for a couple they want a sibling and I told my husband i would be willing to donate to them but he's not so sure and said if it was for your sister it would be no question so your husband may surprise you and say go for it. YOu can explain you have a lot of the same genetic code so you are truly her closest chance of having a baby that she would have had. Good luck