Do You Allow Your Children to Have Toy Guns?

Updated on February 02, 2013
T.M. asks from Tampa, FL
33 answers

I got a call from my 1st grader's teacher saying that he had been caught with a toy gun and was showing it to other kids while waiting for the bus to pick him up. I DO NOT allow toy guns in my house. Come to find out, another little boy in his class had given the toy gun to my son. With the exception of a few red pieces of plastic, this toy could have been mistaken from a distance as a real gun.

The other mother was called and said that she allows those type of toys in her house, but never imagined that her son would bring them to school. I am mad as hell. My son could have gotten in a LOT of trouble over this. I am pretty thankful that the school didn't overeact here. I have heard of kids getting suspended for much less. I also understand that the schools are hypersensitve about this.

It angers me that this mother clearly did not teach her son could he have not known that this was not an appropriate toy to bring to school (In fact, no toys are allowed.)

So do you allow these types of toys in your home? I have polled another Mom group and the answers are split on either side.

ETA: I do NOT think that millions of Moms are bad parents because they allow their children to play with toy guns. That is their choice. I am mad that that little boy obviously had no idea that he wasn't supposed to bring toy guns to school. THAT is what I fault the mother for...It caused a bad situation for my son. And, YES, we did get all over him for accepting the toy and not telling the teacher.

What can I do next?

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answers from Washington DC on

My boys have toy guns (NERF) and real guns - BB and rifle.

We have specific rules for use. Even for NERF guns...if they do not follow the rules, they lose the gun.

In Fairfax County, children in elementary school are told NOT to bring toys to school - even balls for playground use.

I'm glad that things didn't get out of control!

6 moms found this helpful


answers from Minneapolis on

My kids have guns that don't look like guns... example - squirt guns or nerf guns that shoot little disks or torpedo things. None of them are black or really look like real guns... they look like toys.

That said - if they didn't have toy guns, they'd make them out of legos...

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Springfield on

In light of this conversation some folks might be interested in the book "Under Deadman's Skin: Discovering the Meaning of Children's Violent Play" by Jane Katch (

1 mom found this helpful

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answers from Seattle on

Not just toy guns... Also real ones.

Our school has a no toy rule as well. They're little kids. They forget the rule. They forget that its IN their backpack. They sneak (not just toys but food, electronics, PETS, etc.).

Most parents (including myself) do not empty out their child's backpack every day before sending their kids to school. We're far more concerned with getting stuff IN it (homework, lunches), and some mornings just GETTING it ("Where's your backpack? Your. Back. Pack. Gooooooo get your backpack. C'mon! We're going to be late!").

In fact... I'll make a long term bet with you:

At some point, in the next 6 years your child will either bring something to school he's not supposed to (toy, food, plastic butter knife, frog, etc.) AND will act clueless about something he knew at one point and forgot, or will play clueless to avoid getting in trouble. At LEAST once. But probably more often.

I'd really cut the other parent some slack.

25 moms found this helpful


answers from Detroit on

I haven't read any responses and I am not going to get into a debate about toy guns. But I think you are being really judgmental of the other boys' mom. For all you know, that mom has told him that bringing toy guns to school is not allowed - and he tried to sneak one with him anyway. A friend of mine has gone through this with her son at 5 and 6 - and it's not even a toy gun, but Star Wars toys and other action figures. She's told him time and time again she doesn't want him trying to take them to school, because they get lost, they are a distraction, toys from home are not allowed, etc. - and he still tries to get away with it, by hiding one in his jeans pocket. Some kids just try to get away with what they can, regardless of what Mom and Dad have told them. He is just one of those kids that right now, no matter what the rule is, he wants to do what he wants to do. I say, give the other mom the benefit of the doubt, and hopefully she, and other parents, will make sure it doesn't happen again.

16 moms found this helpful


answers from Austin on

Was the other child also 6?

I am sure he was told the rules at the beginning of the school year, but now that it is Feb, I am sure he has forgotten, no toys at school.. NONE.. . Young children need to be reminded from time to time..

They see these things as toys.. Not a symbol of killing machines.. like adults.

I think you are way over reacting. These are young children, why was your son in possession of something you are so opposed to? Have you told your own son to never touch a gun even a toy gun , no matter what? Did this other boy knock your son down and force it into his hand?

It goes both ways..
Again, they are 6 yrs old..just young children.. and I know I will get blasted, but also boys..

The only gun our daughter ever had were water guns and a bubble blowing gun.. All of the families we hung out with had these same type of "guns" for the kids to play with.. I can just imagine any of the kids forgetting and taking them to school.. Maybe they did, I do not even know..

14 moms found this helpful


answers from Washington DC on

heh. i went through a brief silly period of forbidding guns. like the world isn't full of sticks and paper towel rolls and shoes and brooms and ........
then it occurred to me to actually TALK to my kids about guns, their uses, their dangers, the necessity for them and the necessity to know about them (we don't. so we should not touch 'em period.)
yes, the schools are hypersensitive. so are you. these are LITTLE boys. they like guns. you have no idea whether or not the mother 'taught her son better.' has your child always obeyed you 100%?
they don't get the hooplah over guns right now. they just see toys they like.
the schools aren't going to unwad their panties, but parents don't have to act as if the children are criminals for playing.

10 moms found this helpful


answers from Miami on

I'll preface this with saying that I believe in gun control and limits on gun ownership (for the life of me, I don't understand why people think it's their God given right to own the kinds of weapons that's only purpose is to massacre people, no matter how many excuses they give...)

That being said, you are wrong that this mother "didn't teach her son better." Guns are legal in our country. Toy manufacturers LEGALLY make guns. They have red tips to differentiate them from real guns. The teacher certainly doesn't want toy guns at school considering the terrible things that have happened at schools in recent days. She has that right. The school needs to send out notice to ALL the parents that their children must keep their toy guns at HOME and not bring them to school.

I will tell you flat out that boys love their pow-pow noisy little weapons. If they don't have them, they will MAKE them, even using pizza slices, and make the sounds with their mouths. Your dad and grandfather's generation played cowboys and Indians. The next group played "Star Wars". The people who own guns and have collections of guns in their homes usually teach their children gun safety and responsibility. However, even if there is NO gun in the home EVER, boys will STILL pretend to shoot with guns.

You have no right to blast the other mom for allowing her kids to play with them at home. She is not a bad mother for this. However, she has to make him understand that he may not bring one to school if it is a rule that the school has. If he breaks the rule, the school needs to give him a big consequence. Making him stay at home is NOT a good consequence. All that does is give him a day off. A child this age can't see past his nose to the end of the quarter grades.

You end your post with saying that you have polled moms and they are split on both sides. Do you think that the OTHER moms who let their kids play with toy guns haven't "taught their kids better"? Do you think that EVERY mother who allows her kids to play with them fits this category? If you do, then you are basically calling millions of mothers bad parents.

Schools are hypersensitive. But schools have knee-jerk reactions to all kinds of things. Suspending a little boy (first grade, I think) because he kissed another first grader on the cheek. A teacher's aide saying that a 5 year old boy's hug from the bus entrance was sexual because his face was in her huge chest is one of the worst ones I've read. A senior girl who was a week away from graduation, was moving into an apartment and had been carrying stuff from home to her apartment in her car, drove her car to school, and while it was in the school parking lot, a security guard looked into her car window and saw a cutlery knife in the floor of her car. The school told her that she couldn't have her diploma. She was scheduled to go to college. This happened a week before graduation. This was draconian treatment of a girl who did NOTHING wrong except not notice that ONE CUTLERY KNIFE didn't make it out of her car into her apartment. Talk about idiotic and cruel.

Meanwhile, every day there are mean kids who bully other kids and schools do nothing about it.

If you don't like that toy guns can only be differentiated by a little red plastic, work to change the law requirements. If you want to think that half our population are bad parents because they allow their little boys to play with play guns, then you can live in that fantasy if you want to, but it's a foolish fantasy.

There isn't a single child on the planet who hasn't made a mistake in childhood. This kid made a mistake bringing his toy to school.

And to answer your question, I did NOT allow my kids to play with toy guns.


9 moms found this helpful


answers from Washington DC on

What do little boys do when they get in trouble for bringing a toy gun to school? They act like they have no idea they weren't supposed to bring toy guns to school! Kids know about lots of things that are inappropriate, but they do them anyway. I truly hope that your son doesn't do something "wrong" in the future, causing another mom to be all "Can you BELIEVE that mother?! Sheesh." Just trying to think of the other mom. She might not be all that bad.

9 moms found this helpful


answers from Chicago on

A few years ago my husband came home from a conference at a frontier-type location, and brought my boys dart guns, that look like little hunting rifles. I kinda freaked out, and came here to vent, only to be reassured that it is not the worst thing in the world, and that boys will turn ANYTHING into a gun if they don't have an actual toy gun. Just a few months later my son was chewing his sandwiches into gun shapes.

I still don't allow most gun toys in our house, with the exception of brightly colored squirt guns.

I wouldn't fault the other parent too much for her son bringing a toy gun. No, it is not ok, but I am sure the kid knew and snuck it out, just as my son knows he can't bring ANY toys at all, but last week smuggled in a Luke Skywalker LEGO that ended up confiscated. Sometimes our kids do things even though they know it's against the rules, right? I'd give the mother the benefit of the doubt and chalk it up a child breaking the rules.

8 moms found this helpful


answers from San Francisco on

Oh T. why do you assume the boy "had no idea" that bringing toy guns, or any other play weapon to school, was really that bad?
Kids are kids, and even though some respond very well to rules and such, others do just what they want.
Kids don't always listen to their parents, and/or teachers. Even AWESOME parents and teachers, and even good kids. Sad but true.
I am a mom, a scout leader, and an aide in our local school and I know for a for a FACT that some kids just do. what. they. want. In fact, some of the brightest kids are the most difficult.
So use this as a learning opportunity for your son, make it about following the rules and have a real discussion about what your family really expects, and values, which includes following school and society's rules re toy weapons and any other kind of mean or bullying play at school.

8 moms found this helpful


answers from Pittsburgh on

Yes I do allow my kids to have toy guns. They have a ton of them-Nerf, Vortex, Waterguns etc. I see absolutely no harm in them and almost a part of being a little boy. When the kids are all over they have a blast with them. My kids know not to take them to school because I have specifically told them what would happen-with examples. But I can imagine that there would be instances where if a parent did not explain this correctly a kid might take it upon themselves to bring a toy gun into school. IT happens. I am interested to know why your son-who OBVIOUSLY has been schooled by a mother who hates toy guns-chose to take the gun? Maybe you didn't teach him well enough? Or maybe its proving my theory that if you take away something like that it will be precisely what the person will go crazy for -esp later in life. At any rate I would leave it go and be thankful your school was understanding.

8 moms found this helpful


answers from Grand Forks on

Yes, my boys have toy guns. Lots of them. They have also made their own toy guns out of Lego, sticks, fingers and grilled cheese sandwiches. Our school has a no toy rule and a no gun play rule as well, and my boys do not bring any toys to school (that I am aware of). I do know many kids that never leave the house without a toy, regardless of the no toy rule, so it is not unusual to see all kinds of toys at school. No big deal, they are just told to put them away. I've known a few six year olds in my time, and some of them are known to not do as they were told from time to time.

7 moms found this helpful


answers from Chicago on

Wow, what an innocent situation turned into Mount Olympus. I do allow toy guns in my house, along with gun safety and general knowledge. When my son is old and mature enough to handle a gun he will. Honestly I think everyone should know how to handle a gun properly. If your son is not to play with guns then I think he should have had the backbone to stand up to that other child and say "No Thank You." It is simmilar in a situation where my kindergardener has a reduced sugar diet and if offered an obviously sugary treat declines saying, "No thank you, I can not have that much sugar."

7 moms found this helpful


answers from Jacksonville on

Yes, they do. Just took them to Target on Monday (after karate) so they could buy "Exploders" as a matter of fact. (Some sort of gel/water pellets that you soak and then they dissolve after they shoot them).

Anyway... my kids are older. I recall distinctly at ages 4, 5, 6, 7, and possible even into 3rd grade, having situations where my child would take something to school or bring something home that wasn't his. Trading with friends.
Until it happened the first time, I never gave it much thought. But it would happen again periodically, usually a slightly different scenario with a different type of item. All toys, nonetheless. He and his friends were generous and didn't mind trading or borrowing toys with each other! He actually got in trouble in 4th grade for having a small stapler in his pocket (brought to school by a friend). That was probably the last time we really had any issues with that sort of thing.
He's a boy. They like to collect things in their pockets. Once, I found a big chunk of broken glass in my washing machine. He had picked it up out of the dirt on the playground and put it in his pocket. It was old enough that it wasn't even sharp anymore... the edges were rounded and smooth, lol.

I would say try not to make too too big a deal out if it. And don't freak out on the other parents. I'm sure they have told their child not to take toys to school. But kids do try to stretch the rules... Maybe he felt sorry for your son, if he mentioned that he didn't have any toy guns at home. Who knows? It's something a 7 yr old kid would try to "remedy", no?

And, it's pretty easy for him not to know it was inappropriate, really. A blanket, "we don't take toys to school" SHOULD cover it. But he ignored it or forgot. That is what kids do. And probably his parents have talked to him about REAL guns many times. What the boy had was a TOY and thought of it as such. Not as something evil or deliberately malodorous.

I bet the little boy knows NOW that he isn't to bring those kinds of toys (or any toys?) to school.
But it happens. I wonder sometimes how many kids have been accused of stealing, when a parent didn't know that their own child GAVE the item away?

7 moms found this helpful


answers from Seattle on

I don't think it's so "obvious" that he wasn't taught to bring his gun to school. Of course he's going to SAY he didn't know he wasn't supposed to! My daughter's favorite phrase when she does something she knows she's not supposed to: "Oh, I forgot that rule." Riiiiigggghhht - she's full of it! My daughter is overall a very well-behaved rule-follower, but all kids test limits and he probably couldn't resist that favorite toy! I still catch kids, "good" kids, with toys in my classroom - they are 10! I don't blame you for being mad about the situation, but can't you think of a time that you/your kid has messed up and disappointed you? The reason the school didn't overreact is because stuff like this is not as uncommon or huge as you're making it. You're just in the moment right now. I think once you've had a chance to process you'll be less upset with that other mom. We moms need to stick together.

6 moms found this helpful


answers from Boise on

You seem to forget that children sometimes do what they want to do. Not cause they are bad, but because they are kids and not always the best at controlling their impulses.

The way you have worded this is like the other child is solely at fault. Well if your son really new how you felt he wouldn't have touched the gun to begin with. It's the same principal.

Then add on the fact that your son had a chance to do something you do not allow, and at 5/6 his reaction was normal. Chalk it up to a learning experience and call it good.

And to answer your question. Yes, we do, we have rules about gun play. We firmly believe respect for the power of a weapon, even a toy, should start early, so we don't have to worry about them coming across a stray gun sometime in the future. We also teach the first thing to do is to check whether or a not a gun is loaded...before they do anything else. It's so ingrained in them that they do it out of habit. We're a hunting family, so they learn early.

5 moms found this helpful


answers from Los Angeles on


My boys have a whole huge 'weapons bunker''s husband's old metal toy chest from when he was a little boy!

No Toy Guns at school is a pretty standard rule and that Mother should have known it and talked to her kid about it, for sure. At least your child did not get in trouble...I have heard horrible news stories about schools and parents alike going bat sh*t crazy with punishments for kids bringing toy weapons to school.

~Have you heard about the crazy woman working backstage at one of Justin Biebers concerts who is now suing him b/c she was 'assaulted' by a Nerf gun bullet...apparently Justin was playing w/a Nerf gun with his siblings before a show! <People can be SO stupid>

5 moms found this helpful


answers from Kansas City on

i didn't -until about the age of 4-5 when it became apparent that there was no escaping it. he has several nerf guns now.

the realistic-colored, cowboy-style "rifle" and "six shooter" with the fancy holster belt that my mom got him for christmas? THAT stays out at "the farm" (her house"). it was too soon after Sandy Hook for me to stomach seeing him with those. but in general, he has been taught respect and does not "shoot" living things. so i am ok with him playing with them.

our basic rule is, and always has been, no toys go to school, period, unless it is a show-and-tell day. and we have talked about no "guns" at school, because of halloween costumes and such. these are school rules (and were preschool rules before that), so i agree with you - the mom should have been more on top of things as far as the rules go. but on the other hand, as many have pointed out - no kid is perfect, and she could have told him and he chose to "forget". who knows.

4 moms found this helpful


answers from Rochester on

I don't have a rule on this one because it hasn't come up. My two girls haven't ever asked for a toy gun. We have a plethora of pirate swords, though. :)

I really don't think I have an opinion on this one, honestly. I'm more upset when I see the neighborhood children out in the yard pretending sticks are guns and poking eyes out with them (and really happened.)

Give a kid a plastic gun, don't, whatever...if they want to play guns, apparently they'll do it with sticks. Which turned out to be far more dangerous.

4 moms found this helpful


answers from Philadelphia on

I guess that other mom will be checking her kid's backpack more closely for a while. With the potential overreacting going on in the schools right now (really, the little 5yr old girl was suspended for playing with a toy Hello Kitty pink plastic BUBBLE gun? Really?), your son could have been in a heap of trouble. You got lucky.

My kids were never *into* toy guns, but I guess I would have let them, if they'd asked for them. But toys, guns or otherwise, never went to school.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Honolulu on

At home, yes.
My son has some.
At school, NO. It is a school rule, of course, NOT to bring anything like that to school. And you cannot bring it to school. A flier goes home to the parents EACH year, stating it.
It is understandable.
AND my kids KNOW this rule.
My kids are 6 and 10.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Phoenix on

My 10 yo son and the neighbor boys all have nerf guns they like to play with. And of course we live in AZ so we have a slew of water guns in the summer.

When my daughter was in K, she drew a pic of a gun and was nearly suspended. There is a ZERO tollerance for any kind of weapon in our school district. Your son would have been suspended for sure if you lived here.

Guns are a realistic part of our lives. Although we are not gun owners, I do believe in the right to own and bare arms. I think everyone needs to teach their kids about gun safety and the seriousness of guns. You never know when they will encounter one and will need to know how to handle it. JMO. Good luck.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Dallas on

I began with my eldest, doing the whole "no guns on TV, no guns in the house" route. He BUILT guns out of legos. He used the hair dryer, the brush, a sock...anything. He had so much fun at someone's party where they had waterguns that he was beside himself. Not "killing" anything, just shooting with water and getting wet, and it was awesome. Then I realized that boys are different and will just enjoy that, whether I give it to him or not. Then I realized that I'm a "girl" and I loved them too, and have never hurt anyone, have good morals, and never got into trouble with anything gun related. Then I realized I'd rather them just be something we learn about than the forbidden fruit where I have no input and he's just learning from peers. Now with my 2 guys: they absolutely have guns, lots of them, but NONE of them are the kind that look real. I don't feel comfortable with that, I think it adds some danger that my very young guys don't need right now. They have blue, orange, green, yellow, purple waterguns or laser guns. We have lazer tag sets for everyone in the family. We have those little "silver" Lone Ranger style guns, and 6 year old sized "rifles" for the back of their "horses" (anything they can straddle is a horse). They had a little machine gun and army helmet (he saved up his 25 cents a day allowance and bought it) but it broke. So yes they have guns. Recently my brother (their awesome uncle) took the 6 year old out with a BB rifle and gave him safety lessons and rules on all guns (think and act like it's loaded, even if it is not, no matter to hold it, never point it at a person, etc, etc) and they shot our old trophies we found in mom's attic. My son was beside himself, he had so much fun target shooting those trophies. Now in addition to our family nerf dartgun wars, we also line up figurines and random toys to do target shooting too, and he has to help us make sure we follow the gun rules he learned from my brother (except when we're having a war and purposely shooting at each other). It's fun, it's innocent, and that's all there is to it. I don't allow ANY toys to go to school except on a show and tell day, and I do check his bag/coat before hanging them up, and he doesn't get them until we're in the garage getting in the car, because that's where they're stored: in the launchpad in the garage. At some point, I'm sure he'll be able to smuggle stuff to school, but that's because he's a child. At least it'll have to be pocket-sized (hotwheels? snails? etc)

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Portland on

First, yes, parents need to know what their kids are taking to school, and kids need guidance. When my son has his 'sharing' day in kindergarten, I make sure we know what he's bringing and talk about the item beforehand. They're very clear 'no violent toys' and I've conveyed this expectation. Maybe this will change as he gets older? I snuck my Little House on the Prairie books to school... we all want what we want when we want it.

In regard to toy guns: he has a couple crappy bright orange plastic foam disc guns he really never uses. (Because they are crappy and troublesome---they were arcade prizes.) He was saving up for a Nerf dart gun, but then saw a Lego set which he wants more. Our rules around any kind of gun play (even imaginary guns) is NO aiming at living things, period. No gun play (even pretend) out in public. And he has to save up his allowance money to buy any 'weapon' toys. Last year, he used money from a garage sale to buy a bow and arrow set, which of course were lousy compared to the bow and arrow we made from two sticks and a string, go figure.

As long as he wants to spend his own money on the toy guns, and as long as they look VERY MUCH like toys, he's welcome to play this safely. I think that by allowing this, he's less interested and fascinated with them than he would be if we'd forbidden it. And considering his other toy guns are crappy and that he creates much better working 'guns' with tinkertoys and springs, I am not worried that this will get out of hand.

And Dawn-- Star Wars has come around again! I have so many iterations of lightsabers in my house now! Paper, tubes, flashlights--- and one 'real' one that he rarely uses.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Tampa on

I'm going to go with DMVMOM on this one. My son has put toys and stuff in his bag right before leaving. It happens. Just be glad your son didnt get suspended or something. I've read a few news reports of kids getting in serious trouble for pretending their fingers or sticks were guns.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Chicago on

Hi T., I am so glad your little boy didn't get in trouble for something he wasn't responsible for! I would be LIVID if this happened to me!

I do not allow my kids to play with toy guns or squirt guns. I have a personal hatred of guns due to my younger brother's accidental shooting death 23 years ago. My kids know that they are not to play with toy guns at other kids' houses, not to turn other objects into guns, not to make shooting sounds when playing, etc...etc...etc...

Guns are killing machines. I've never understood why people buy toy imitations of killing machines for their kids.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Nashville on

We do allow our son to play with toy guns but there are rules involved. he is NOT to take them to school, he is NOT to point them at ANYONE especially their face or head, etc he runs around our yard with the other boys playing military or cops and robbers, like we did as kids. It is true that everyone is hypersensitive these days, and for good reason, but I also do not believe in being TOO sensitive to where children lose out on their imagination and childhood b/c someone might get their feelings hurt. I think that if the parent teaches the child rules and manners, etc They will actually 'play' and not even try to sneak a toy gun to school. My son wouldn't even think about taking his gun to school without asking. some parents are not involved enough and don't pay attention to what their kids are even doing. If I were you, I would be mad too. Good question.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Austin on

Yep... my kids were allowed to have toy guns.... as they got older, we also got one daughter a BB gun, and got our son a youth size 410 shotgun. We also had paintball guns, and airsoft guns. They had nerf guns, and water pistols.

I have 4 kids... 3 girls, and 1 son. The son is the youngest. The girls, at various ages, had water guns.

We believed that you need to teach them at ALL times appropriate use of guns, either toy or real.

My neighbor, however, didn't want ANY guns for her son... but then realized that he was picking up sticks and pretending to "shoot" things. I don't remember if she relaxed her stance on guns, either toy or real, in the home. (They moved about 15 years ago, I think.)

I will say, however, my kids now range from 30 to 21... so they grew up in slightly looser gun "restriction" times.

Everyone has different rules for their homes.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Pittsburgh on

Yes, we have assorted toy guns, Nerf guns and an air soft gun.
You're lucky your son and her son didn't get expelled. Google "child expelled for toy gun at school" and you'll feel lucky!
Most schools are pretty clear that NO toy guns, swords, etc are EVER allowed at school.
Would have been great if your son, upon being given O., would have given it to a teacher. Bit he didn't. And the other kid brought it on because wait her a.) he snuck it or b.) his parents are clueless.
I'm sure your son will remember this and thankfully, the school is letting it slide...

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Baton Rouge on

My daughter was never interested in toy guns, but it would have been okay with me if she had.

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answers from Missoula on

Nope. We don't do toy guns. I have two boys.

Guns are not toys. I don't like to do anything to blur the line between the two.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Tampa on

Water guns, only. They do not resemble a real gun in any way and are played with outside when it is warm. I will not allow any other type of toy gun in my house.

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