Morning all,I know 16 months may be a little young,but how do the rest of you handle discipline in a child this young.I feel like my day consist almost entirely on the word NO!It's the same things over and over and over(you get the picture)again.I've been down this road before,I'm sure,because I have an 18 yr & a 15 yr,but.... it seems so new.Although she's very good at leaving a lot of very dangerous things alone,ie.woodstove,strange dogs,etc..,it's the everyday things that seem to pique her curiousity,books(constantly tearing pages),phone lines ,computer,dogs BUTT(go figure),she just doesn't seem to care about the word-NO.Time outs are a joke,'cause I really don't think she understands that concept,a little pop on the hand-haha,I think she enjoys the feeling of it,so I'm left with sounding like a broken record "No Devon,Stop Devon,Quit it Devon" I'm really starting to hate hearing my own voice!I've tried removing some of the 'problem' items,but she finds more.HELP
Thanks to everyone who responded.I found some helpful responses as well as a little assurance that I'm not the only one who 'pops'the hand.With the exception of,maybe,a hour a day(combined time,10 mins here-5 mins there)this little critter-and I use this in the most loving way,gets ALL of my attention,she demands it,if not,shes a real 'hell-cat'.I do realize this is normal behavior,but for the life of me,I cannot remember my boys being this demanding or,for the lack of a better word,obnoxious!!But I do love her with every breath of my being,I'd just like a little "ease" in our dailey routine,god knows,working outside of the home was not nearly as tough or demanding,you could ALWAYS walk away from those probs/situations if need be! Thanks So Much,Have a Merry Christmas,R.
I think you would find a lot of help in Dr. Becky Bailey's book, "Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline." She has a website at www.consciousdiscipline.com, and you can click on the tab "Free stuff" to get an idea of her methods. Blessings to you!
Hi R.! I have found that if you use more possitive words toddlers respond better. Things like No and stop just get ignored (or seem to be) because your baby is pushing those limits with you (and yes it is perfectly normal). An example of this is: Lets say your baby girl is tearing pages from a book. If I were you, I would walk over to her and quietly pick her up and tell her that books are for reading. Then show her by reading the book to her (and with her). This redirects her attention to the pictures, instead of the sound of tearing paper (which is always fun!) =) This is something that I had never thought of until I started working in day care and one of the first teachers I worked with used this technique. It has worked on most of the children I have worked with over the last two years. You have to always remember that she is learning from her daily adventures and she is not always trying to annoy you, but instead she is trying to see how far she can push you before you react to her. Choose your battles wisely with her, sometimes it is better to stand back and let her do things like tear paper (I give the children in my class a peice of paper to tear and that works too).
Good luck with your little rebel!
My little one is only 8ths old, so I am not the greatest advice giver on this. Everything I have read states that children lack empathy until around 18 mths. Until this time, they know how to tell you "no" and they know,to some degree, the meaning of "no", but are unlikely to obey. It is best to be consistent but also understanding and gentle.
My sister has a son a little older than your little one. If her son pokes someone or hurts someone, she gently grabs his hand and tells him to be gentle (she then may guide the hand to pat the person softly - correcting the action instead of just saying no). If he gets in to something (example - outside), she tells him no and explains that if he does it again she will have to take him elsewhere (example - inside). If he keeps at it she will take him inside and explain why again.
The key at this point is definitely consistency. Start out as you mean to go on (respond to these issues the same way you see yourself responding 5 years from now), but, at the same time understand that it is an ongoing process and that, at this point she is likely not capable of "obeying" you.
Also, think about how you like to be treated when your spouse or someone else corrects you and try to treat your child with that same type of respect. It won't be right away, but they will eventually learn and treat you with the same respect that you treat them.
Pick your battles! If she is in no danger of harming herself or someone else, then simply ignore the behavior, and find little ways to reward her when she is behaving. it may be that she is only misbehaving to get a certain reaction from you. so what if she tears the pages of a book? unless it is a priceless family heirloom, let her have at it. eventually she will want to do something else with those books, other than destroy them. my little girl (20 months) is obsessed with the computer as well. i just unplug the mouse and the keyboard and let her play until she is bored with it. phone wires and dog butts are different! but if you only use "no" when the behavior is really bad, she will reilize the seriousness of the situation. you can also try to redirect her attention. if she is doing something that is bothersome, then make up a new game to play, or turn on the radio and start dancing. she will always want to do whatever it is that you doing, if you seem to be having fun without her!
I probably don't have much advice for you but I wanted to let you know that I've been there over 6 yrs ago and I also have an 7 month old son that military crawls all over the house and gets into things!! He loves to get at the DVDs on the shelf below the TV so I tell him no and move him away from them. If he goes back I tell him no and put him in his swing or exasaucer-totally pisses him off!! He hates confinment now that he can move around the room. But with my daughter (when she was about your DD's age) I would pop her in the hand and tell her no two times and if she still went for what ever it was I would put her in her highchair or crib (with out toys in it) for a minute and then let her back out. Nick nacks were called pretties and I taught her not to touch pretties and after a while I'd just say no, that is a pretty and she'd leave it alone. I never child proofed my house either. To me that just makes them want at it even more. Just try to stay consistant and good luck!! I'll right behind you with my little one and will be trying not to loose my mind!!
S.
hey R., my name is R. and i am a single mom of 2 young girls, one of which is 16 months... and she is into all the same things! i've learned that the only thing that really helps is time out (which never worked with my other daughter, so it was surprising). if i have to tell her twice to stay out of something, she gets a one minute time out (she gets sooo mad cuz she cant play with her sister!) usually after one or 2 time outs she gets the picture, and doesnt bother with it again b/c she doesnt want her play interuppted! hope this helps! (it works particularly well when shes screwing with the christmas presents under our tree!)
This is normal toddler behavior, everything is new to them! I think you do need to get the most dangerous items in the house up and out of her way. But there are certain things you can't put away, and she will learn eventually to leave them alone. Just be consistent, tell her no, and redirect her to something that she can play with. So if she's going for the phone wire, say "no-no, danger", lead her to the other side of the room, and hand her a toy she likes. (This will happen about 45 times a day, so hang in there!) That's about all you can do until she learns, and she will learn, be patient. Also, what she really needs is a space that's 100% safe, with only her toys where she can play safely. If possible, you should try to find an area in your house to do this, it doesn't have to be huge, but it would make life easier and more pleasant for both of you!
hi. I personally do not think that you should ever punish a child this age by putting them in an exersaucer or high chair or anything else like that. She is not trying to disobey you or anything like that. She is doing what a healthy child her age is supposed to do. If you hit her hand or yell at her you would be hurting her development. Those are the children that run around hitting everyone. I believe the ONLY time a young child should get a hand popped is if they are touching something that may hurt them- for instance if they keep going to the outlets- even if they are covered the child needs to know that can hurt them- however children do not understand what that means so I think THEN and only then you could pop their hand before moving them and firmly tell them "that's not OK!"
I agree with Teresa. Redirection is a wonderful thing. Instead of yelling "no" to her show he what you are supposed to do with the object. Use phrases like, "that's not ok," and "please walk away" and then show her what that means- when you say, "please walk away," take her hand and walk her away. Then show her something else to play with. Play with her. I have a one year old girl and this is what we do. Sure she will go back to whatever it was I didnt want her near and I will just move her again and we will play something else. However I do let her play with the CDs and DVDs. She likes to pull them out and try to put them back. As long as she doesnt open the case I dont think this is a problem. She is curious. I think it is good to let children explore.
Try a more positive approach. The word "no" hardly ever works!
Good luck!
Hey R.,
i know what youre going through, I have a 16 month old girl too! Im not sure if you have one but my life saver has been this gate that i bought at babies r us! it unfolds to create a safe play area thats bigger than just the portable play pins! Its great because she can still walk around but shes not getting into anythibng i dont know about! Theyre about $65.00 and well worth it! I also take her on an hour walk every morning. that helps her get her fresh air and not be as wound up. Good luck!
Hello R.,
My name is T., and I just signed up with Mamasource. I have a son who just turned five last month, and I'm sure you know how fast time goes. I feel like I was just doing the "no" routine. I asked a lot of friends and family how to deal with this situation, and even though you are getting tired of saying "no," you need to just keep saying it, even if it's over and over. I learned that my son was testing his boundaries--even when they're that young, they know how to test us. They keep doing something over and over until you say "okay" or you just give up. If you keep saying no, even if it feels like you've said it ten thousand times (or more! lol) you must be consistent. Consistency is the key. And consistency is the most important thing when raising our kids. I know it gets tiring. My son is five, and I still get tired of the "no" speech. But I keep in mind that I have to be consistent. (Have I repeated that word about a thousand times? lol) Sometimes we do need a break--or else we'll get completely exhausted. I suggest if you have a trusted family member or friend, you should also take some time off for some "you" time. Also, it helps to get out and spend time with other adults. I know that being around other grown ups, even for just an afternoon, helps re-energize me. I come home refreshed and ready to face the "no" routine again. Stay at home moms especially need time off! I'm a SAHM too, so I understand what you're going through. I hope this has helped at least a little bit. Good luck and hang in there! :)
