Daycare Question - Dayton,OH

The things I've heard at my son's daycare (he'll be 3 July 31st) are, 'Please stop that. He/She doesn't like that. Can you say sorry please? How about we share.' Those are all things I've heard... Not any different than I say to both of my kids at home! I think it's wonderful that they're teaching kids how to or not to treat each other like I do.

The few times my DS was a little 'off' from his normal self (which since we're going into the terrifying 3's is more often), the teacher will say something along the lines of, 'C has had a bit of a rough day today mom...' Or if he'd been whiny or crabby something like, 'C was a bit on the tired side today mom.....' All of this triggers a nice conversation between me and the staff about what happened and how it was resolved.

And kids will repeat. I didn't know where mine got the 'You're NOT safe!' from. I heard one of his favorite teachers telling another little boy that what he was doing isn't safe... Hence my son telling me, 'You're NOT safe!' when I climbed on the counter.

I would recommend a drop in observance too. I have worked in a daycare (though several years ago). One of our biggest jobs as teachers was to communicate with kids in a positive way. They will, especially at his age, speak to one another the way a teacher speaks to them- and it may be causing some of the issues. Plus, if the focus is on the negative all day long, how is any kid in the class going to be happy, "good" and well-behaved. You may also want to ask the teacher (or director) if they could try working on some more "positive talk" and see if that helps.

Here's my 2 cents..

I believe that I should handle most of these issues in my daycare without bothering the mom and dad. As you say, it's hard to hear and there's only so much you can do.

As for negative communication, it sounds like great communication to me. How many times in life have you wanted to say no but you said yes instead? Many of us struggle in this life with wanting to please everyone all the time and we can't always do that. We need to learn how to say no when we need to. Your child needs to say NO emphatically when someone is hurting them. You want them to say NO to drugs. You certainly want him to say NO to someone trying to take him away or touch him wrong. No is not a bad thing all the time. Also if something isn't nice, it isn't nice. They depend on us to teach them what nice is. Otherwise, they would never have a concept of what is right or wrong. They are not born with empathy or a good conscience.

You sound like a mom that's stressed about this stage which will last a very long time and maybe you should tell them that you would like to hear about it a little less since you can't do much when you are not there. One problem providers have is that many parents want to hear every little thing and they get irritated with us if we are vague about their day.

I do not have a background in child development so I don't have a textbook solution, but I do have kids that have been in daycare. The teachers always told them what they "should and could" be doing rather than what they shouldn't and couldn't do. Seems like kids that age need constant positive direction, and I would be concerned with your teachers' comments, too.

If it were me, I would ask for very specific feedback (notes) from the teachers; make it sound like it would help you, too, to know more information about your kid's behavior. I always said things like "I want to follow your lead in handling X behavior". Also talk to the director about the policies and how these things should be handled. And voice your concerns, definitely.

Good luck!

It may just be that the dynamic in the room has changed and the teacher is not dealing with it well. I am a childcare provider so this is not a judgement of the teacher personally, but we all get a little overwhelmed by our jobs sometimes. Sometimes when you get frustrated with the situation is easy to decide that it is the child's fault and develop hard feelings, but all it takes is someone to point the situation out and then it can be fixed either by the teacher getting help with correcting the problem or maybe even switching rooms.
I would suggest you set up a meeting with the teacher and possibly the director and tell them how you are feeling. This is your child and you have a right to be concerned about his care. Children will go through mood swings and phases that can be very frustrating, but childcare providers should expect this and find a way to work through it with the parents help. Please give the provider the benefit of the doubt and listen to her side too though. Childcare is the third most stressful profession in America, (right behind air traffic controller and race car driver), so it is a given that she gets a little stressed and could use your help in finding a good solution.

Good Luck and remember that even if she is in the wrong, she still has your son's welfare at heart and nothing she is doing or has done was to make your son's life harder.

Can you pop in an observe on day to see what is happening before your scheduled pick up time? Also, if it is a lot of negativity, can you speak directly w/ the teacher or director?

I feel very strongly about this, as well. You don't need to hear negative every single day. When you meet with them, I would thank them for their feedback, but just be honest & say that you don't want to hear negative every day. If he's done something specifically wrong, of course you want to hear it. But if it's every day two year old behavior, remind the teacher to share something positive. She's probably just in a routine and hasn't thought about how it affects a mom. It sounds like a daycare you are comfortable with -- the teacher just needs a reminder to help the parents be excited about picking up their kids instead of dreading it! :)

Teachers can get in a rut just like anyone else. I would simply ask them to let me know if he is continuing to not eat, he may be constipated or just not feeling well if he has any drainage going down the pipes to the stomach. I would also ask them to make sure they let me know if he is acting different or has hurt someone.

Otherwise they need to keep their opinions to themselves. I would say next time, "oh, wow, do you think I should take him to a different center? If he's not happy here I probably should drop him from here and find alternative care right?"

Let us know what happens tomorrow.

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I had the same issue with my daughters teacher when she was in the 3's class. The teacher always had something negative to say when the previous teachers always said positive things. She started at 18 months as well. I thought it was just my daughter but then I started hearing the teacher say the same thing to other parents about their children. My mother was a teacher for 34 years and didn't like this teacher. She said she should have better controll without complaining about the children all the time. It could be his age as well. When he gets away from that teacher you will probably hear a different story. My daughter is in Pre-K now and I haven't heard the negativity from current teacher as I heard from the last one. Good Luck.

If he's not eating his snack anymore, maybe his grumpiness is something as simple as being hungry.

Could his 2yr molars be coming in?

Is it a school or daycare? You said daycare but then you called it a school. If it is daycare, you should be honest with your son and tell him he is going to daycare not school, they are different places.
If it is a big setting, then maybe it is time for him to go to a home daycare instead of somewhere soo big, maybe there is too many children there for him right now and he isn't ready for them. Good luck.

I just recently had an issue with my sons day care. hes 3. ive been with this daycare for 7 yrs (since my other son was 3). but ive noticed that all the nice staff has left and that my 3 yr old is no longer happy to go there. he comes home completely starving and dehydrated and they tell me every day that he has napped which i highly doubt because he hasnt napped at home in months and he acts very tired when he comes home. i asked around and switched daycares. found one where everyone has a degree of some sort in early childhood education. Im thrilled and he loves going now.

~Shell

Well:
1) they are telling what you what goes on with your kid, while he is there.
Most parents do want to know how their kid does, daily.

2) it is mostly negative. Do they tell you anything happy or good about your son? Or that he did?

3) he is 2 years old. Kids this age do not have fully developed impulse-control, NOR do they play interactively. At this age they do what is called "Parallel Play." You can look it up online.

4) at this age, they do NOT know, about social nuances or abstract ways of understanding. They are 'reactors.' They are not fully skilled at social manners. Yet.

5) Teaching a child can be done in negative or positive ways. So, if you do not think they are handling the kids well... you can opt to look for someplace more nurturing.

6) If the teachers are just irked, about normal kid behavior and age related behaviors... then, they are not managing themselves, well. Because, no kid is a robot, nor perfect. Age stages and phases DO occur.
7) is he napping while there? Because, over-tired or over-stimulated kids, get fussy and not at their best.

8) At this age, distraction and redirection works best.
Kids this age have no impulse control.

9) kids when hungry, DO get fussy and moody. AND if they are also tired at the same time, their reactions gets even more pronounced.
A care provider, should know this.

10) what is the kids routines all day? Maybe your son is simply getting over-stimulated? And plus if tired or hungry and him not eating his snacks, well this all creates a fussy child.
Do the kids have any downtime?

11) Again, kids this age do not play interactively. They Parallel Play. They DO get territorial and don't know how to 'share' yet. It is a learning process... not an immediate reaction or mastery. He is 2 years old.

12) Is he teething?

13) telling him to be nice to his friends, sure, mentally they can probably know what you are saying, but it does not mean, they can then do it. Again, expectations has to be in line with per a child's age-stage and development.

14) Toddlers: they have in their minds what they think they can do. But it does not mean they can actually do it. Hence, Toddlers often get frustrated. Their 'emotions' are not even fully-developed yet. They don't even know how to say how they feel, nor the 'names' for their feelings. For a toddler, everything is either good/bad, or happy/frustrating. They don't fully understand the 'gray' or nuances.

At this age, it is all about them being like a rock collecting moss. Not them being fully mastered at all social parameters. Yet.
It is a practice time, and trial and error. That is how they learn.
And it is a time of many mistakes and learning.