Daughters Attitude Since She Got with This One Boy

I don't have to deal with teenagers yet as far as them being my children but I do have siblings who are teenagers and I am just out of the stage of being a teenager myself as I am only 24. The best teacher is experience and it took a long time for my mother to grasp on to that concept because she tried to tell me that I was getting into trouble with thte wrong crowd and that I was doing things the wrong way and I always did the opposite of what she asked me to do now I have 3 children to show for it. Granted I love my babies to death and I wouldn't trade them for the all the gold in the world but it always makes me think what if I had done things different. So the only advice that I can give is tend to your husband who needs you the most and let ewxperience teach her lifes great lesson. Never stop loving her and letting her know that you love her and once she is done with thte experience that the world has to offer she will appreciate you more as a person and as her mother and then the hurtful things that she says she will apologize for them because I know that i had to. Good Luck!

I was the same way when I was 15. I grew out of it. Maybe you should pretend it doesn't bother you. I'm sure you're daughter feels like it's her and this boy against the rest of the world type thing. When he calls ask him "what's up?" before you hand the phone over to your daughter. Kill him with kindness. He'll probably break your daughter's heart and move on. Lesson learned. She probably just wants to save this boy. Or thinks she needs excitement in her life. All you can do is be there for her. It is tough with your husband being sick as well. Do what you can. Don't lose yourself in all of this. You're still a person too.
You take care
E.

Very difficult situation, and I know you are having a very difficult time of trying to get everything done that needs to be done. I honestly feel that your daughter really needs time with you on a one to one right now. Please understand I am not preaching, this is hindsight for me.. you know the old saying its 20-20. My daughter is 19 and my son 20 so I have already been through these "teen attitudes", and made a lot of mistakes with my son. My daughter I tried to keep an open road with her, let her know I was there, listened to what she had to say (even though sometimes it was more information than I wanted to hear). Talk to her tell her you love her no matter what...let her open up a little and without either one of you yelling. Yes, its hard, but not impossible. Good luck, and keep praying.

Welcome to the teenage attitude. It sounds like to me she has probably had some sort of sexual relationship with him. She probably is feeling so attached to him that no matter what you say or do, she hates you for stripping away her one true love. As I have said to many moms on this site, "YOU ARE THE MOM" you are the boss here. Get her involved in a youth group at a local church. You're whole family would benefit, the health of your husband would probably get better, your family would grow together. Your teen would be able to safely interact with her peirs in a way that will be positive, and monitored. Teens can be really nasty, especially females. The new hormones, and the stress of her peirs. Her fathers health is probably causing her to act out as well. She is jealous of all the attention he demands from you, and also looking for male affection because he cannot give her what she desires right now. Both of my little sisters, at her age, went through this. I was there for them, and was tough as nails! My step-monster, she didn't act quickly enough. I was the "bad-guy", but they always talked to me, and by dragging them to church, taking away their phones, dragging them out of their "boyfriends" houses/cars...threatening! If I would have had the authority of a parent, I know that things could have turned out better for them. Protect your husband, and continue to be strong for him...but you must fight for your daughter. Take her to JUVI, or an all girls home for pregnant moms. Let her talk to the kids and find out the grass IS NOT GREENER on the other side. Email me personally. If you live in near, I will mentor her. If you do not, You may put her in touch with me. I have some stories that may just set her straight.
I'll be praying for your family.
You stay strong
B.

Hi L.!! I used to be just like your daughter. Always falling for the wrong type. I just know the harder you try to keep your daughter away from him the more she is going to try to stay with him. You and your daughter need to do something together where you can talk to her without her getting upset or angry at you. like a mother daughter day. Ask her questions about sex and make sure she is being protected maybe offer to take her to get birth control would be a good thing in this situation. Your daughter needs to know that she can trust you and that you can treat her like an adult. But remember you are still the parent. I hope this helps. Good luck.

She feels more loyalty to this boy rather than you. She cares what he says and thinks about her but doesnt for you. Arguing has never helped in this kind of situation and never will. She's painted a bad mental picture of home and that is drawing her and this boy together. Truthfully nothing you say or do is going to keep her from seeing him b/c she actually thinks she knows eveything and feels she knows herself better than anyone. She doesnt realize that you are old enough to know what's going to happen and trying to help her, to her your just trying to keep her from having fun. My advice is to try and coax her into seeing the boy mostly at ur house and forbid her going out with him alone alot. Its also probably a fact they've had sex.I wish I could tell u a sure fire way to stop her from rebelling but b/c of her hormones she belives she's in the right and no one understands her but her b/f.If u know she's having sex then if I were u I'd take her to get a birth control like mirena, Ive had it after my first son. She cant remove it without hurting herself, it last 5 yrs and 99.7 percent effective. Atleast protect her from her own stupidness and keep her from getting pregnant. At 15 when a girl has fallen in love, even before marriage now a days they think babies.Try to set a few boundires and get her some birthcontrol.

Hi L., perhaps by now your daughter has discovered what a rat he is. My son is 16 with his first girlfriend. I don't have anything against her per say, but she takes up entirely too much time! It's a little different situation with my son because his girl friend isn't dangerous. We hear she is 'fast' though. she's 15 and her last boyfriend was 19. Don't know if its true, but it worries me none the less. Let me know if you found something that worked. Jule

Hello L.,

I was also in a situation like your daughter when I was younger and I must say that I wish my mom would have talked to me a lot sooner (before I was really into boys). I think it is important to talk to your child at an early age and make her feel comfortable about talking to you about anything. This way, she won't feel like she have to hide things from you. Since your daughter is already into boys, the best thing is to try to talk to her about the pros and cons. Also, educate her about sex, std's, pregnancies, etc. If she does not feel comfortable talking to you, then give her resources that she can read or information about teen clinics that she can go to own her own. Also, the more my mom and dad tried to keep me away from boyfriends, the more I was drawn to my boyfriends. Right now, your daughter thinks that she know things about this guy that no one esle can understand. But in time she will see the difference. The best thing is to make her feel like she can come to you so that you can stay informed of whats going on in her life. I had to find out the hard way. I did not feel comfortable talking to my mom until I was almost an adult. I found a teen clinic when I was a teenager and I went to the clinics for b/c's, condoms, and exams and my mom did not know. Even if you don't want to except that she is interacting with boys, it is probably too late and it is better to start reaching out to her now than later. Just make her feel like its okay for her to come to you. I agree with the other mom, invite the boy to your house and let them meet there. The more freedom she thinks she have the less sneaking she will do and the more you will know. But it still important to set boundaries!!

I think the other moms have alot of good advise. I too was a rebel when it came to boys and ended up pregnant at 15 by an 18yo and honestly the only reason I was seeing him is b/c of my parents divorce and i knew it would make them mad. He ended up abusing me and I left when my son was 10mo. She may have some deep down issues with her dads illness and maybe just doesn't want to show them or is afraid of them. I also had a sick dad and almost lost him. He had a liver transplant and it was really hard conveying emotions. I felt alot of anger during that time too. I'm only 25 and i've been thru alot so if you need someone to talk to her let me know i'd be glad to. Or if you need to talk I'm here too.:)

hello L.,my name is I.,your story with your daughter sounds just like me when i was younger, but i always feel for the wrong guys.my mother tried so hard to get me to see what was going to happen to me if i kept going with this guy.for me nothing helped,it wasnt untill i got my heart broke that i finaly understood what my mom was talking about.and of course as teenagers we are always right.but now that im older and have children of my own,i thank my mother for sticking with it and makeing me see the truth,so my words to you are just keep trying and it will click one day it will and she will thank you and love you so much. take care and may God bless you