Daughter Needs Help Growing Up

J.,

Look into a social skills class, they are frequently run by speech and language therapists, and are quite affordable. A small group of high functioning kids with social issues work together, learn skills, and have support within the group to try new things and know that they are not the only one with the same issues.

M.

Boys.

At least that's what happened to me when I was 11. All my girl friends ditched me to TALK about boys, all shut up in their houses... so I spent all my time WITH boys playing outside.

The nice thing about guys... is that, well, gosh. So many nice things about them. Probably the nicest way to say it is that they just don't have very many social skills either. They like DOING things. So as an ADHD 11 year old I was climbing trees, playing ball, going on "missions", catching frogs, riding bikes, and getting skinned knees with the boys. Thank heaven for them. They also notice girls usually a few years AFTER girls start noticing them. So there was nothing weird between us until highschool. At which point the girls' hormones had calmed down a little bit.

For a year when I was 10 my dad really forbade me from hanging out with boys all the time (because by 10 we were pretty independant... going to the parks and in the woods on our own, and my dad didn't want me spending that much time with boys). It was a lonely year. I got a cat. By the end of that year when my dad was sick of me being on my own I had actually trained the cat to come when I whistled, follow me as if on a leash, obey commands, and how to open the sliding glass door.

I don't know if my solution my work for your DD, but my dad was more horrified of the idea that I might grow up to be the "cat lady spinster type" than that I might get a few stolen kisses. He shouldn't have worried. Once you're "one of the guys" you could do a strip tease and they still wouldn't notice you're a girl. I was modeling, and they thought it was hilarious. Did I have to wear "makeup"??? Sigh. I'm a GIRL! Girls wear makeup!!! "But you're one of us. WE don't wear makeup. It's just... weird." I had to move away to realize I was actually pretty.

I honestly think that girls are growing up too fast these days. At 11, she should still be interested in playing. I'm glad I don't have girls and that I can homeschool my boys and keep them away from the fast little "prosti-tot" girls in public schools (I wouldn't classify ALL girls in public school that way, I'm just saying they are there and they are bad news). Your daughter isn't backwards. She's exactly how she should be. The other girls are growing up TOO fast. Enjoy your daughter the way she is. I'll bet you're not going to face raising her child for her a couple of years from now either.

This subject really drives me nuts. My son (8yo) has a friend the same age as him that is in public school and brags all the time about kissing his girlfriend. I was shocked that his mother allows this and even thinks it's cute. What are we doing to our children these days? Childhood is so brief already. They have the rest of their lives to be adults. Let them be children now, for goodness sake! I think 14 is a good age to start worrying about make-overs and boys. 11 is still way too young if you ask me.

Anyways, just my opinion.

I'm sorry, that is hard. My almost 11 year old is the same way. She has no interest in boys. She still likes to play with toys, dolls, Little Pet Shop, American Girl, legos. I actually just love that about her. Today I found a restaurant and tea party set up in her room with dolls, little cups of water, and plastic food toys. She spent most of today happily playing with her 8 year old sister. They spent the morning spending their allowance on plastic food for their dolls at Target. Then when her little sister's frirend called her over, my oldest was sad. She's found a few of her old neighborhood friends are growing in different directions too. She isn't good on the phone either. I coach her all the time on basic communication etiquette. We continue to work on making plans in advance, because she gets frustrated when friends just aren't home and available at 2:00 in the afternoon. I finally convinced her it was OK to go to the local pool with just her sister and me later in the afternoon, and it was OK just to go and play with whoever was there. And thankfully, she did find a really nice friend from school to swim with. I wouldn't rush her growing up. Keep her close to family and younger family members if you have any siblings, cousins, neighbors, friends with kids who play on her level. Keep her busy with people and activities so she isn't focusing so much on the girls fully shifting into more teenage interests. Good luck!

If I may, I want you to look at this 'behavior' as a positive thing. What I'm trying to convey is that I honestly & personally think it's exilerating that she is still "playing" so often society puts so much pressure on "growing up" way too soon. With not only the clothing, language, movies & music that often by the child is 16 they 'think' they are grown and they for the most part are from from it in more ways than one.

I really think as it sounds that she is still obedient to you and not challenging the things you say & do all that is good.

I really think you have a "confident" child who feels comfortable in who she is rather than conforming to what "society" thinks she should be doing.
She's not tring to be someone other than who she is. Feeling confident in her choices & her interests rather than pretending to like something she doesn't.
At this tween age that is incredible as so many children feel that they have no friends and look negatively at themselves which all leads to poor self esteem= other issues.

Embrace the fact that you still have your little girl the rest will come on due time I personally think today's Tweens think they "need" a boyfriend to ne someone.... You & I both know they don't.
I have a grown son,(21) & a 7 yr old daughter I've been teaching her for years that it's good to be 'sweet' ( like) boys but you do NOT need a boyfriend to be someone. It's so important for girls & boys to be confident
in who they are instead of the unhealthy baggage that comes from making your life around someone else at this tender young age. Think about it
do you really want an immature boy breaking your daughters heart now...?
We know God made boys/men to be visual are you prepared for what conversations or possibilites that come when the girls are interested in boys when they're young..?

I'm not trying to imply anything I'm just trying to have you look at things from a different perspective and embrace this special time with your daughter as a positive opportunity. :)

I'm a firm believer in doing what's best for you & your family even if that differs from what I may do.

She is 11, not a tween. She is still a little girl. I think the other girls at this age having makeovers are the ones growing up way to fast

She may start all this stuff next year, she might not be ready for boys or even like them at this point and that is ok.

I do feel bad for her watching them and being upset. This does not mean she is lacking social skills at all. All this will come soon enough. I would encourage her to be who she is and love herself the way she is. She does not have to be like everyone.

Encourage her on how proud she should be of herself. She is a wonderful girl who still like to play. Find friends who are interested in the same activities. The YMCA is a great place. I would not help her over the hump. She is just fine where she is.

As a mother of a slow maturing daughter I can appreciate your concerns. But the fact of the matter is, too many of our children are growing up way too fast! We need to encourage maturity but on a different level than the social norms. As I said, my daughter was a little slow getting into the swing of things, but now that she is 15 yrs. old I have to constantly tell her "Honey you have the rest of your life to be grown up, slow down and just enjoy being a kid for awhile".
Keep in mind, our children have so much pressure on them from school, to finding new friends, finding his or her own style, fitting in, getting good grades, being the pride of his or her parents, etc.
Allow your baby girl to grow and mature at her own pace, enjoy this time with her because for sure, it will be gone before you know it and you will begin to wonder, where did my sweet baby girl go?

You are so blessed to have a girl that wants to be just that. She is only 11 and it sounds like she is completely on track. I will encourage my daughter to stay little as long as she wants to. Help your daughter to find a good friend who shares her interests. The 'tween' stage is a marketing ploy by the way. That word didn't exist 15 years ago. The best thing you can do for her is to help her stay who she is. Forcing her to grow up tells her she isn't good enough like she is and that her she needs to be like everyone else. Exactly what you shouldn't want. Let her enjoy her short childhood and seek out a good playmate. Maybe you?

Is she involved in a summer camp program?

What's wrong with being "behind?" She gets to enjoy her childhood longer.

Is talking on the phone such a great thing to do?

My daughter was a little "behind" her other friends, and she had some tearful moments because of it, but she caught up.

How great that your daughter can be a kid longer.

my daughter too has adhd and i know how you feel. introduce her to kids her own age. my neighbors daughter who is 12 plays with my 6 and 3 year old and they are like best friends (she too has adhd) let her find people she is comfortable with

Maybe you can introduce her to some kids in the neigborhood that are younger than her and like the same things she likes. You can tell her she can be like the big sister. I agree with everyone else that kids grow up too fast nowadays. Her interests sound age appropriate to me.

If you really think she is lacking in social skills, ask local counselors and psychologists and see if they have social skills training groups for her age.