Concerned About My Step-daughter

whatever is going on, i think you have to let her father deal with any concerns. have you brought it up to him? if so and he's worried as well, then call the department of education for the area and figure out who to talk to. once you know who to report concerns to, let him do the talking, he is the girl's parent even if he's the non-custodial one. then if there's nothing he can do through the system or if there's no way that the system can check what she's learning, then consider your legal options as far as getting custody or getting a judges order to put her in a proper learning enviornment.

L.
My mother-in-law homeschools my brother-in-law and there are guidelines you have to follow. You should check with your state(not sure where you live) Board of Education for the guidelines.

Does your husband seem worried also?

Dear L.:
In Texas, they have certain standardized tests, for example TAKS at the end of the third grade. I am sure there are other guidelines on an ongoing basis, or I could give my child a 4.0 GPA in movie-watching, popcorn-eating and candy-sucking.

It is great that you are concerned, because a mom who thinks math is not necessary for a child should not be homeschooling. However, check your facts first. A child may say something that is not exactly the truth. I am sure the local (public) schools can give you the information. Furthermore, I would try to research the web for your state/county(or parish)/city with the keyword homeschooling. Even if all is legal, think about the poor kid when it wants to go to college one day...

Later on, I would also let the child take a few standardized tests outside of school, like GMAT or SAT. Even if it does not need them directly, it will offer a great comparison to publicly educated children and to those who went to private schools. While there may be good examples (e.g., in a bad school district), I have the suspicion that it does not offer the same contents that trained teachers provide, it does not foster the same social skills, and it certainly includes some bias in the grading. Can a parent really flunk his/her own child and make it repeat a grade?

Ciao,
W.
P.S.: You may even need to involve CPS, if you suspect that the lack in education is a form of negligence.

If I was you, I would call one of the elementary schools around you and ask some questions and tell them your concerns and then they can look into your SD's mother and see what your SD knows so far. She should be learning everything including math, homeschool is supposed to be taught just like they were going to actual school. They don't get to choose what they want to teach or what the child wants to learn. They do have guidelines and they do have tests each week to show how far your child has gotten. I would just call the school that is by your SD's house and ask them some questions and see if they can go look into her mother's teaching or they can tell you who to call. It sounds like to me that she isn't being taught at all at her grade level.

You don't HAVE to be registered to teach your own child. It is unfortunate that your SD's mother is doing what appears to be a half-baked job, though, and I would suggest doing some research on home school curricula (there are many options online), then suggesting those to the mother. Good luck!

I moved out here from Los Angeles a while ago and when I was in LA I worked for Child Protective Services. I know that even for homeschooling the child had to be registered in a program. The school provided the homework and I believe the kids even had to go to a class or two once per week as well. Homeschooling is something the parent had to register for it wasn't just a matter of let me keep my kid at home and I'll teach them myself. It is a structured program. I don't know if you would want to report it to CPS but they could see if she is in an actual program and if not they will make the mom register her because by law every child has to attend some sort of schooling until the age of 16. At least that's how it was in LA. I know you can look things up at the CPS website in just about every state so you may want to take a look.

So I just finished reading your update and I went to the unschooling website. I am horrified, I worked for CPS in LA for 8 years and filed many petitions on parents for educational neglect and I have never heard any attornye use unschooling as a defense. I would definately check with CPS because it sounds pretty shady to me. Don't believe it is perfectly legal just because their website says so. If your husband has joint "legal" custody that means that he and his ex have to come to an agreement about the child's upbringing and that includes schooling. He could probably take her to court to have the court order a more traditional education or you could contact CPS and get more information regarding your states guidelines.

Being a step mother, you are in a tricky spot. If you become too pushy about the topic you could push a wedge between you and your stepdaughter or create further friction between the child's biological father and mother putting the child in an even further bad situation. By constantly asking your stepdaughter questions about what her mom is teaching her, she may feel you are, in a sense, intruding or insulting her mother and as a result, may not be honest with you.

There are guidelines for homeschooling and testing that is required. If you can't help yourself but to investigate, please do so in private without stirring up much of the hornet's nest.

Good luck and make smart decisions!

L.-

I live in Metairie and I homeschool my sons (8 and 2). As for the 8 year old I had to file paperwork to the state which was basically creating my own "school" right down to giving it a name. I also have to submit my cirriculm for approval (I use ABeka)every year and submit grades and reports to the state periodically. Homeschoolers have to basically follow the same guidelines as a school does. However there are many cases of people who either don't know this or they just don't want to deal with the hassel of it. If you are caught you are delt with but unless someone turns you in it is really too hard for the state to look at every child to be sure that they are in a legit school of some kind.
There are also different kinds of homeschool. There are those that are strictly done by a parent with no outside help. There are the types that are church based where one parent may teach a group of kids math one day at their house and the next day someone else teaches science at their house.

My mom home-schooled my twin brothers for 8 years (they go to a music academy now) and they did ABEKA Books. They had to take tests and everything. I also did homeschool for my senior year, and I did the PACE program. I had to take tests, and quizzes, but I could go at my own pace. I set a goal of how many pages from each book I wanted to get done each day, and what ever I didn't finsh was my "homework" (I was in a girls home, and we had a schoolroom downstairs) So my answer to your question is YES she is supposed to be getting more work to do ,and it should also be more structured. I think down here in Texas, and in my hometown of Las Vegas it is illegal to "deprive a child of an education" My mom had to report the work that my brothers did to the home schoolers association I think. (in Las Vegas)

I know alot about home schooling. When my oldest daughter was 11 she was diagnosed with Lupus. By the time she reached 12 she was to tired and weak to attend school. I began home schooling with the help of her teachers and this continued to graduation. She graduated with a 4.2 gpa,went on to attend college ona full scholarship. The draw back is she lost all the social skills that children acquire while in public schools. She had no friends an even today as she is 23 years old she never learned how to make them. It has been very heart wrenching to watch her struggle to have social encounters. Please consider all aspects of this before taking on this matter. I am very proud of her, she also left college with 4.0gpa but she lost alot of needed social skills in the process.

L.,

I lived in Texas for almost 10 years before moving to Arkansas and homeschooling is popular there. It has also fascinated me because I am a former school teacher.

You are not going to want to hear this, but the situation you described is very common. The majority of home schooled kids I talked to in Texas (and I talked to quite a few) gave similar replies.

There are guidelines and recommendations that the state gives to PUBLIC schools to teach, there are tons of homeschooling curriculums someone can purchase if they want to, but your stepdaughter's mother doesn't HAVE to do any of it. She is not held accountable for her teaching in any way by the state and she can take your step daughter all the way up to 12 grade without having her take a standardized test if she wants. I have seen it done.

Many homeschooling moms just have their children take a GED at 18, some don't even do that much. I am not anti-homeschooling, I just think a lot parents don't know how to prepare their children academically for college and the workforce of today's society and they do more harm than good by homeschooling. (Not all, I have seen a few great situations, but they are very few.)

If your husband is worried, I would suggest he ask his ex what curriculum she uses and encourage her to purchase one if she says she just makes up her own. (Yes, a lot of people do this and forget entire subjects and skip grade levels. The internet can offer more curriculums than you could imagine if you google "homeschooling curriculum".) Encourage her to join a homeschooling group where moms support each other and give each other ideas. They are easy to find locally. www.homeschooling.com is also a good resourse.

Find out what ISD (Independent School District) your stepdaughter's home is located in and look up their website or contact them directly to get the list of grade level standards and requirements. This will help you better see where she should be academically.

Best wishes,
S.

I'd start by calling the Jefferson Parish School Board (if she lives in JP) and go from there. And it might come across better if her father (your husband) is the person who gets involved. What is his take on the situation? This is important, because if they don't get the skills now, they'll have a hard time catching up later.