Child Custody - Fort Worth,TX

Hi J.,

Ahhhh, Good Times! this really takes me back and I sooooo feel your pain.

His parenting time is not "optional". It is the time within which he is RESPONSIBLE to be her parent (doesn't always work that way) and is the primary physical custodial parent. It is (should be) mandated in your decree that was just filed - this made it a legally binding agreement.

It's going to boil down to what is in your parenting plan. If you don't have one you now have incentive to file a custody motion and outline parenting time!!!! yay for you!!!!!!!

I only know Oklahoma law, which is where my custody decree was filed. "right of 1st refusal" which is what Margaret is talking about isn't automatic in all states - in Oklahoma it has to be written in to the decree. (this is where parents get all upset about 'who has access to their kid when they are with the other parent, but they have NO say in the matter). It's actually a good thing and protects each of you by establishing the precedent that you each feel being with the other parent is more important than being with 'others'.
Basically it means if during one parents 'parenting time' they are (for whatever reason) unable to be the primary caretaker they HAVE to offer the OPTION of the other parent taking the child, before the child would stay with someone else (step-parent/grandparent/babysitter/stranger off the street lol). The other parent can say no - for whatever reason (and doesn't have to give a reason). In that case the parent who has physical custody at that time is responsible for finding someone else to take care of their child.

The other way to look at this (from the responsible high-road view) is that his parenting time with her is IMPORTANT for her. Tell him that. he needs to spend every second he gets her building a relationship with her.

Good Luck.

Sorry--not understanding why, if it was "his" weekend, he was wanting to return her to you.

I do not know the laws in Texas. But in Indiana when it is the non custodial parents' time, and they cannot care for the child, they are required to offer babysitting to the custodial parent. if the custodial parent refuses, the non custodial parent is then required to find childcare while he/she works or goes out. he cannot force you to go home.

Ah, the manipulation...

There's the legal aspect of this, which would depend on what is written in your divorce decree. If you have "amicably worked out weekends" but not had it written into a court document, then the two of you are responsible for working this out and there is no legal ramification for his change of heart/plans. If you are afraid this is going to be an ongoing issue, then you might want to add his "visitation" schedule (or more recently called your parenting plan) to your divorce agreement formally. (The expense might be worth the reduction in worry....or not). Even when schedules are written into court signed documents, the "court" can not enforce these details. It still comes down to working together as co-parents to your daughter.

Another concern I would have is the possible effects this could have on your daughter. You don't say how old she is. You, of course, want to know that she is being cared for appropriately when she is scheduled to be with her father. And you also don't want her to be hurt by his apparent lack of interest in spending time with her.

I would try not to give in to his attempts to manipulate you in this. At the same time, Is there a potential back-up plan that you could have in place, in case you need someone else to take your daughter for awhile, if he pulls this again?

What happened when you told him no? Clearly he can't force you to show up on a whim when you're at work, and even in an emergency couldn't make the drive in 20 minutes. He can't make it impossible for you to work on weekends when he has custody, either. Did you have a talk with him afterward, about what's reasonable to expect? I agree with others, document everything, and don't run off at his beck & call, particularly when you are at work. Also don't make it your employer's issue. When it's your ex's weekend, it's his job to arrange for any needed childcare, and to pay for it. If he is going to want to scale back his partial custody, then that needs to be officially set up, including stipulations about childcare so that you can work--especially if he's going to start be a demanding jerk.

The thing is, if you ever have to go to court for custody and he has proof he has tried to get you to come and care for your child and you chose work instead he might be able to sway a judge with his story. If I were a judge it wouldn't but a judge might be tired of hearing story after story so they could just side with him to get the case out of court.

If your child was at the babysitters and they called you would have left work to go get them. I would call my attorney and see about setting a court date to address this type of issue.

In my opinion visitation is one's time to have time with their child. If they have to go out to do something they need to provide their own child care and pay for it. If it interferes with their plans then that's too bad. They have a choice to make too. Taking the child back home is just not an option. It is their time and they need to handle what they do while they have their children.

I haven't read the other responses so I may repeat. If the visitation is spelled out in the divorce decree (as in you did not agree to visitation outside of court) then he is responsible for all child care during his period of physical custody. He cannot compel you to leave work during his weekend. He can find a sitter just like every other parent must do when they work. If he gives you problems with this have your attorney write his attorney a letter (or him if he doesn't have a lawyer). His attorney will then pull him back in line. Good luck.