Hello all..I have a large extended family and are at a point now where most of my sister-in-laws and I do not exchange birthday gifts (we all agreed to this). I buy gifts for all of my nieces and nephews (2 on his side and 2 on my side)...however, I often wonder if I'm just spending money to spend it. What I mean by this is that we are not invited to the youngests (she's only 3.5) birthday parties...but we send a gift with my in-laws. And we don't usually see her older sister (teenager) around her birthday but save her gift for the next time we see her. Part of the problem is that two of his sisters (the ones we DO still buy for are in high school) so if I buy a birthday gift for my SISTER-IN-LAW who is 15 but not my niece who is 15, I feel like that would hurt her feelings because we are usually always together when we exchange bday gifts. So do I quit buying the gifts for my nieces as we do not see them except holidays and usually every few months for a birthday get together? Or continue just because that is the nice 'aunt' thing to do?
Also - BIL has a five month old son and his live in girlfriend has two kids. For Christmas we bought all of them gifts. But since I will want to send a gift for my nephew's birthday, I ASSUME I should send one for each of HER kids' birthdays.....because it would not be fair to send one for one kid and not the other...even though we have only met her kids 1x and do not know them. Do we not buy for any of his kids (similar situation to above...we do not see them very often)....
I just do not want it to appear we are buying for some (2 of his sisters) but not buying for anyone else.....
What would you do? Sorry if this is a lot of info in one post! For the past 11 years, I've just bought for EVERYONE in his family...until his sisters and I decided to forgo gifts and we do an adult exchange at Christmas time.
Thanks!
I should have added that I have 8 sisters-in-law...2 are still in HS and we do buy for them plus three nieces and two nephews (not sure if I should count BIL's girlfriend's kids? But that would be another niece/nephew).
Also, my kids do not get gifts from his brother or sister. Not that it matters, but figured it was worth mentioning.
Last - my birthday budget is $20 per kid/adult! Larger birthdays are different (I just spent $30 on hubbys bff's 30th bday) and if I find a gift cheaper, I do that, too.
In my family ALL kids are bought for, regardless of who's blood relation they are. Now if they have a party and I'm not invited...then no I wouldn't buy. Seems kinda rude to not invite all family members. If there is a party that I can't attend, I buy a gift. With teens, since most of ours don't want parties they get a gift when I see them.
I buy for all the kids, no matter what!
I think it depends on the size of your family and your budget. I kind of stopped buying for my neices and nephews as they turned 10. After several years of never receiving a thank-you note for the birthday gifts I sent I was done. Plus they get SOOOOO much from their grandparents (not just from the ones that are my parents/in-laws) that they have enough stuff. We always call them each on their birthdays and send card but after awhile I felt like I was just spending to spend. I had also started to notice that my kids had not been getting any gifts either from them (which was ok w/ me really). So far no one has said anything.
We buy for all the kids up to 18 yrs old. My aunt and uncle buy for the sks and DH and I are going to ask them to stop, as they are both over 18 now and do not have a close relationship with the aunt and uncle. We also buy for our parents and siblings but may buy a family gift vs an individual gift if appropriate. I don't exchange with my cousins.
And FWIW, I try to find things that are not budget busters. For example, my cousins do not need to know I found the toys for the girls on sale. I shop sales all the time and with 4 little girls in the same general strata of ages, they may all get the same thing if I find a deal. I just put it aside til needed.
Once the nieces and nephews get over the joy of real presents, about 8 or so I mail cards and gift cards. I don't live close to any of them. I told my sis and inlaws, when the kids get -18 then it's between them if they want to give gifts or not.
My nieces are 30 and I haven't given them gifts in a long time but they have 6 kids between them. I can't remember everybody's birthday! The thought of it makes my head spin! At Christmas I give them all gift cards to Toys are Us and my sis, their grandma, makes a day of taking them and adding to the amt, sometimes on spring break. It kind of breaks up the overload. At 18, I will give a graduation gift and that will be that, unless they make an effort to keep up the relationship.
I would buy for the nieces and nephews regardless of age, at least until they finish college (or are around that age if they don't go to college). After that, it's up to you.
As for the sisters in law, it sounds like you agreed with most of them not to exchange gifts anymore. If you want to continue buying for the two that are still in high school, I think that is nice but not totally necessary. I also don't think you should expect gifts from them in return. In my mind, they are still kids and you are adults, so they don't need to buy for you.
We quit doing any extended-family gifts about 8 or 9 years ago. My husband had gotten laid off, I was pregnant with kid #2 and the month of June was upon us which had FIVE neice/nephew birthdays in it. We just had to finally put an end to it, which I think my siblings and husband's brother were just as relieved about. We have a total of 9 nieces & nephews, and honestly it had gotten to the point where it seemed like all we were doing was exchanging Target gift cards. Now the only people outside of immediate family that we give gifts to are grandparents, and even they don't get much because they don't NEED much of anything,
