Bloody Toddler Tantrums

I don't know if she is still in a crib or not but I have read that kids throw tantrums for us so if you can walk away from her then she has no one to "perform" for. However if she is still in a crib I would put her in her crib shut her door and walk away til she calms down that way you know she is "safe" in the crib.

Hi M., Talking to the child just adds fuel to the fire. Attention is the payoff for all children, so by talking, scolding, looking, etc., it is the reward the child is looking for. No attention at all is what works. At the very beginning of the tantrum, mom should walk away, turn her back, go down the basement, walk around the house a few times. Closing a door between them is also good. The more emotional the child sees the adult, the more they know that they hold the power. So do not let them see you sweat!! Stay calm. Most important, what ever stated the tantrum should not be given to them!! That is the biggest prize of all. The terrible two's is a phase, but it is great practice for the adult, to prepare for the teen years, which are much worst than the two's. The tantrums will get worst before they get better when this method begins, because they will up the ante. Once they realize that they are not going to get what they want the fits will die down. Every once in a while you will find the child will try again, just to be sure that mom will not revert back to her old ways. Good luck. P.S. My oldest held her breath until she passed out, and peed on the floor in public when she didn't get her way. So I have been there, and done that.

My son when he was two would throw fits for two hours and there was no talking or reasoning with him till he was calm. It is still that way but not a two hour fit(he's 11 now). What I used to do was put him in his room. He would come out so we put up a baby gate that he could not climb over or get through. He would usually throw everything out of his room including all of his bedding and just scream at the top of his lungs. After the tantrum was over we would talk and then he would have to put every thing back in his room by himself. I now have a very strong willed foster child. I have held the back of his shirt to a chair, faced it towards the wall and let him scream and try to get free for 5 min. When he finally decides that he is not going to get his way he stops and complies with what I want him to do. I have also just held his bedroom door shut while he throws the tantrum and when he stops I let go of the door and he comes out and apologizes. If I am in a public place like a mall or restaurant I have taken my son to the car put him in the car seat and closed the door. Then I walk around the car so he can't see me. This is a lot of work and I feel your pain. It is exasperating having a child like this, but now my son is the most responsible, well behaved child I know. If you are diligent the rewards are great.

While I myself was fond of turning away, if I had this child, I would hold her tight until she calms down, maybe talking softly in her ear about how this is not appropriate behavior. I would not let go until she can control herself.

Ignoring it is the best thing to do. It's hard not to get upset when your child is acting out this way, but the child is doing it strictly for attention. I remember watching America's funniest home videos, and now this video is online (got it in an e-mail one day) of a little boy who would scream and throw himself on the floor. Mom was taping it, and would walk into a different room where the child couldn't see her. The screaming would stop, then you would see the boy walk into the camera frame, spot mom, and resume the tatrum, complete with screaming and throwing himself down. She did this about 5 times with the same thing happening every time. Maybe if mom walked out when daughter throws herself down, she will get up to make sure mommy can see her hurting herself, and avoid the bloodly nose because she wont have the time to bang her face to do it. This would also be a good indicator of whether or not she is doing it strictly for attention, or if there is an underlying reason as some other moms have suggested. Tantrums do a child no good if there isn't someone to watch them, or react to them. It's the hardest thing in the world to not give in to your baby when they're upset, but mom has to take the power back from this 2 year old, because things aren't going to get better without mom taking charge of this, the longer it goes on , the more firmly the child learns she will get her way with that behavior, and the longer it will take to break it. Wish your friend good luck, and offer to help as much as you can, have her call you to talk her through the ignoring part, or some other creative way to help her keep her resolve.

Wow...I feel for your friend. You want to let them have the tantrum...but when they hurt themselves it's just too much.

One thing I have heard works on kids like this is a kind of time out where the parent sits and holds the child on their lap (with the childs arms crossed, if necessary)...facing away so there is still no eye contact. They don't talk to the child and still give them their time out based on their age...2 minutes for 2yr olds, 3 minutes for 3 yr olds etc. Then when the time out is over they turn them around and either explain the unacceptable behavior, or if the child is verbal enough, have the child explain the unacceptable behavior and apologize.

Good luck!

I tell my son if he wants to through a fit he can do it in an area where he cannot hurt himself. (carpet vs. the tile floor). I ignore him as he does it. The 'audience' to the fit fuels it. The bloody nose could be an issue for something else, the room is too dry, blood pressure, etc. That should be checked with the doctor.

hi there,
im not sure that sounds quite normal for a tantrum, the throwing yourself on the floor is but banging their head till its bloody. do you think the child might have a slight touch of autism or personality disorder? there are some types of autism or personality disorders that arent so extreme.. or maybe its just simply a bad tantrum?

Might be worth calling Early On, the birth-to-three early intervention program in Michigan, and having a developmental screening before trying anything else.

talk to her pediatrician most say to ignore them but obviously if you do she could really harm herself. I would talk to the ped maybe its actually a disorder instead of a tantrum.

M.; watch supernanny, its a tv show about kids and how parents can help them , in one show the little girl did just what you described, banged her head, the mom taught the parents how to ignore it and how time out does work, one parent had to follow the directions of supernanny for like two hours of constantly putting the child in time out, every time they got up you quietly picked them back up and put them back, the parent chased the child and put them back and back in time out again and again, but eventually the child stayed there one minute per age, and the mom went back and explained to the child why there, and asked for the child to apologize , this works, what it is , is consistancy, if you say no then keep it a no, if you say yes, keep it a yes, if you say sit in the time out , then you better be able to enforce it, watch supernanny, shes got it down, hahaha have a good day, D. s

M.,

You have received a lot of good suggestion. I would like to add somethings to it that might help your friend out. She could read a book called love and logic for the preschool years. They recommended using key words that your child will be become accustomed to. For example that so said you did that... Now you will have to go to your room until you can be sweet.. If she is throwing wild tantrums I'm sure she will not be calm in 2 minutes. With love and logic you let them say there until they have gotten control of themselves. When it done and over give hugs and kiss and don't bring it up. (I have a son if you punish him and than try to talk to him about it after the time out it starts all over again.) Also If you choose a room make sure it is safe all dresser and self are attached to the wall children can pulls these things on to them in rages of fits and get seriously injured in the process. I had the same child pull a dresser on himself fortunately he escaped with out a scratch on him and he was only 18 month at the time. Love and logic also suggest the holding if you need to the key is no talking to the child just hold them until they have totally calmed down. If it is not a medical reason for her tantrums she must be getting some kind of award out of it. The key is to figure out what that reward it and take it away. Is the mother giving in to end it or she getting upset when the child hurts her self. Also if she hurts herself I would clean her up and not baby the child just say something like that's a bummer you made such a bad decision that you hurt yourself and leave it at that. Love and logic does have a website it is www.loveandlogic.com check it out.