Birthday Party Present Mistake

I understand why this bothers you, but at the same time, she got something her friend truly loves and not something just to fill a dollar amount. Chalk it up to a life lesson for her and maybe throw a gift card her way (oops, we forgot to give that to you at the party).

ETA: You and Gamma G are both quick to throw Dad under the bus! Gee whiz! It's what the kid wanted to get her and the dad tried! It's no wonder dads don't like doing this kind of stuff!

I completely understand where you are coming from. She's a good friend, not just a classmate that invited her to the party. If it were me, I would probably want to get her a gift card as well. Good luck!

Call asap and just say Dad and daughter accidentally forgot part of the gift that you guys bought earlier in the week. You will drop it off at her house or school tomorrow. And run and get something tonight!

Look, we all care about spending wisely and giving appropriate presents, and it sounds like your daughter did both! My daughter LOVED those things you're talking about when she was that age, she would have been thrilled to receive them as a present.
Don't project your keeping-up-with-the-Jones attitude on your daughter (that's the very definition, "we must spend as much as everyone else spends") that isn't "teaching her better" in my opinion.
My God, she gave a fantastic present, and she did it on a budget, I think she deserves a hearty congratulations and a high five.
Maybe you can credit the difference to her "debt," you know, the money you're charging her because she decided to spend time with her grandmother rather than work to pay for her own warm ups.
ETA: and this isn't about you, and what people will think of you, it's about your daughter giving her friend a gift. A perfectly good gift. Life shouldn't be the "real" housewives after all!

She's 12, right? I don't quite understand why you're saying that you taught her better than this. You didn't actually teach her that we keep up with the Joneses where money is concerned, did you?

If you didn't remind her that she should spend $25 on a gift before she went, then the fault isn't hers or your husband's. What she did was think about her friend's likes, and that is what you have taught her, to think of her friend first and foremost. That IS thinking on her part. She isn't an adult and you cannot assume she will think like you about stuff like this.

Purchase a gift card and take it to mom and tell her that it got left out of the package. That's not a lie (you don't want to lie). Tell your daughter what you did and ask her not to say anything to her friend.

I would let it go. Your daughter got her friend something she genuinely thought she would enjoy. It will be fine.

When SD started getting her own presents for friends, sometimes they were a little odd, sure. But they were her choice. I would simply tell anybody who asked that your DD chose her own gift and tried to think of what her friend would like. Hopefully the children are not comparing what they think each gift is worth as much as the adults. I would butt out. Let your daughter assign her own value to her friendship.

(IMO, I'd rather get something that was thoughtful than something that was generic and expensive.)

ETA: If there was any fallout, it should be a lesson learned by your daughter. If her friend doesn't like the gift, then the friend can talk to her about it. I've gotten some odd gifts from my SD but I've also gotten NO gift from my SS and I vastly prefer a box of chocolates to nothing. Beware "fixing it" such that your DD feels that you don't trust her or don't value her choices.

If you think your DD needs to learn the value of a dollar, then there are ways to teach it, independent of these examples.

I would leave it be.

Your daughter bought her a gift that she thought she would like. That is what is important.

I suggest you are way over thinking this. Your daughter gave her something she knew she would like. The amount of money is not important. Yes it eould've been good to include a gift card. Giving her one now tskes care of it. No big deal!

We cannot put a price on friendship. My 13 yo granddaughter often gives inexpensive gifts. Often she makes some little trinket. Her friends stll love her. They don't compare prices.

I urge you to focus more on the spiritusl side of life and less on comparing yourself with what others do. I suggest you will enjoy life more.

RELAX. If the girl likes loom bands and pens, then WHY is this a bad present? Just because YOU feel like it's cheap, doesn't mean it will be taken that way. The girl might think "I LOVE loom bands and pens, no one else got me this."

If someone spends money on a present that I don't care for, I will like it less than if someone went to the dollar store and got me my favorite candy. It's not the money, it's the gift.

Please cut your daughter a break.

You can always call the mom and let her know that hubby and daughter left the gift card at home.

So based on this post plus your last post - your daughter doesn't want to spend money just for the sake of spending, and, she values time with her grandparents.

And you want to change those problematic behaviors.

I'm a fan of moms being good teachers for their kids, but, I think you need to let "the student become the teacher" with her....

Leave it be. If the friend LIKES loom bands and pens, then your daughter gave her a good gift.
My daughter had no clue how much people paid for the gifts they gave her, nor did I care what they paid.

If you want to, you can take the girl a gift card in addition to what your daughter bought.

But please don't blame your husband or your daughter. These things happen. The world will not end. The girl was going on her own judgment, and her twelve-year-old judgment didn't match your more sophisticated one. And husbands always need a list in order to get the right thing.

If you do get a gift card, don't lie about it. You may want to teach your girl how to select a gift for a friend, but you don't want to teach her to be untruthful in order to cover up an embarrassment.

I totally get where you're coming from. Of course you're not keeping track dollar-for-dollar. But most people (if they are able) spend more than $5 on a very close friend. I agree with the folks who say to buy a gift card and bring it to her. You can simply say it got left out of the original gift. If I was close to the mom myself, I would probably throw my husband under the bus a little bit ("Hubby didn't realize what the birthday budget was! oops! Haha")

Take your daughter with you to get the gift card then drop it off in another card w/a big bar of her favorite chocolate.

I really like the dropping off the gift card and saying that your daughter forgot it. I would be mortified as well.

That being said, my daughter went to a birthday party with only a 5 lb bag of Skittles and a card. She said the kid liked Skittles, so I got the biggest bag I could find. I think she was around 11 at the time. The other kids were so jealous! Best/cheapest gift ever.

give her a gift card and tell them that they were supposed to give it to her at the party but it accidentally was not included. A little white lie never hurts now and then.

You buy her a gift card and say it fell out when they were wrapping it.

Yes, let it go. It's what your daughter wanted to buy her friend. Gift-giving isn't about money.

I agree with the gift card to follow up.

This weekend I forwarded an email from my daughter's friends mother that gave some gift ideas and her favorite colors (I asked), as well her size.

Between my husband and a 7 year old they got a small when the email said 7/8, because the little girl is really small.

Luckily the mom knows me and my husband well and I told her I left the tags in tact in case they had to exchange it. Oh, there was no gift receipt either.

it's fine!! Really my daughters have gotten a candy bar and been happy. It's not how much it cost, it's sharing the fun day with the kid that matters most to the birthday person. It also may be the perfect thing, trust your daughter and let it go. Please do not make a huge big deal about it to her. If you want to make it better take that girl out to ice cream one day. But seriously unless you are in a neighborhood of snobs it won't matter at all, and if this girl IS a snob does it really matter if your daughter is friends with her? Anyone who really cares about what they get being a certain amount of money is greedy and MY 11 and 14 yr old know not to judge a person by the present's value but rather by the thought and love behind it. If the girl has a rainbow loom then those bands are an awesome gift.

PS loom bands are $4 here at our Micheals. Just saying.

WAit... this is the same kid that is having the "it's not fair" crisis over the gym warm ups?

Umm... yes, the gift card (in your SWH) would be a fine gesture. But I think I would have a talk with daughter. I know some kids even at 12 are rather clueless about money, but if she is THAT unaware about what is socially correct to do for a GOOD friend (when you aren't limiting her funds)... then she needs to be taught.

Is there any chance she was trying to be frugal so that "you could afford the warm up outfit"?
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As a side note, I think it is perfectly fine to give a child (whatever their age) something that THEY like and enjoy. No matter how inexpensive it is. That is part of the beauty of knowing your friends (knowing them, not just throwing money at them). But, unless finances are a real issue, then I think you need to guide your daughter to an appropriate $ value when it comes to gift-giving for her friends. Dad's are normally as clueless as the kids about these things.
So, it was a cluster * all around. It happens. Especially when Dad's try to do this sort of thing, for some strange reason. LOL

So it is doubly important that you teach this stuff to your daughter. One day she'll be the one fielding this job for her family, while her husband is clueless.

At 12 years old, the present is still kind of a reflection on you... So I'd do the gift card thing too. It's understandable your daughter doesn't really get the idea of a $5 gift versus more. And it's reality that the mother of this girl will raise an eyebrow. Since it's easy to avoid that, I'd do the card. Of course it SHOULDN'T matter and it's the thought that counts and I'm sure it wouldn't end the friendship at all but just can't hurt to do the card... I'd do that or be honest with the mother if you know her well. I know if a friend told me the story, I'd just laugh vs think ill of your daughter or husband. But don't be mad at your daughter at all. Just give it a few years for her to really get it.

I'd call the mom and tell her dad took her shopping and didn't know what to do. That you'll bring her present by in a few days.

Then take your daughter shopping at a real store where she can find something appropriate cost wise.

I'd also spend some time using stories about friends who did things to other friends that hurt their feelings. Have her put herself in as the different characters and express how that action would have made her feel. She might understand how much this might have hurt her friends feelings.

The reason I say this is because of something that happened to me.

I had a friend that was my closest dearest friend. I told her everything same as she told me everything. We were very close.

I spent days looking for her Christmas present. I did without items I could use so I could spend even $20 on her.

When Christmas came we exchanged gifts. I spent about $20 on her. She loved the red dress I got her. It was very bohemian. She loves stuff like that and I knew it was a perfect fit.

Her husband bought her a pad that you place in a chair that vibrates and has balls in it that move around and massage her back and legs. It was over $100.

When I opened her package I was nearly in tears. She got me a small glass thing from Walmart to put a sponge in when it's drying. It cost about $2.95 in the kitchen section. I don't use sponges.

I told her thank you and put it aside. She told me she got her hubby the same thing. She was all happy about her choices.

Not only did she just pick up the first thing she came across she didn't even think about what we had in the kitchen or who did the dishes. She had a dish washer and my hubby does our dishes so even if I did like the gift it was something that I would never use, ever.

Not caring enough to get a close friend a gift that means something hurts them. It harms them inside and makes them feel small and not worth anything. So, if this girl loves the loom and the pens then she might love a loom set from someplace like Hobby Lobby or Michael's.