Being Nice to Family Pets..........

Hi B.-

I would hold the animal & then tell that they way you're doing it is the way it should be done. Let her pet the animal while you're holding it or both of you hold it at the same time until she's ready. Sounds like she just doesn't have the hang of it. I think a lot of kids are like that. I've grown up with ferrets. I just had to give my two up. Just had a baby in April & we have two dogs too. I just couldn't give the attention that they deserved so they went to a good home.

Good luck w/your daughter & Bella.

P.

Hi B.,

I have a 5 year old son who does the same thing. Our two year old cat is incredibly mild-mannered, and has put up with a lot from him. She only nips when she's playing, and has only scratched him on three occasions, for which I count my blessings.

I haven't gotten a reason from him as to why he's so rough with her (and downright mean at times), I think he's just exploring his curiosity. However, we had to set some pretty strict rules.

First off, we'd only let him pet her when we were holding her. She's an attention junkie, so this was very easy to do. After he learned how/where she would let him pet her, we allowed them to be on the floor together. It took a few months, but he learned that she had to come to him. (If he went over to her and started playing, he got a time-out and she went to get some peace and quiet in my room). We also only allowed him to play with her (string toys, balls, etc) when we were right there with them.

This worked for a while, but then he started back into the rough housing again (and I mean, pulling her tail, shoving her around, etc). My son, like your daughter, is sweet and caring towards everyone he meets, and I was amazed that he could act like this. Finally, we told him Katie was going to have to go live with a different family. When he saw how sad this made his father (the cat was a gift to him from my son and I), his behavior turned around. We sat down with him and asked how he'd feel if someone started treating him this way. Once he understood that his actions were hurtful to the cat, and that if he didn't stop treating her this way she'd have to go live with someone else, he became a lot more careful with her.

He still plays with her, (which he should, she's part of our family), but he's much better about it. He'll say "Look Mom, Katie came to me!" and then he knows it's ok to play with her. It took us alot of patience and repetition (and a few bandaids when Katie wanted to help it sink in) but it worked.

As far as other pet owners, I like the previous suggestion of having them tell your daughter their rules; everyone is different, and everyone raises their pets a different way. Maybe have her ask upon arriving at their house what is ok. It gives her control of the situation, and may make her understand the need for being gentle a bit better than just hearing "don't do that".

Sorry for such a long-winded answer. Patience through these things is tough, but I know you two will get through it. :)

Hi B.,
What a stressful situation! I'm worried that, although your daughter has yet to be bitten, she is in danger of it. My daughter (who is now 15) was bitten by a family dog she had known for a long time. She just startled him that one instance and he turned and grabbed her face (closest thing). This was a nice dog and a nice girl who had a "misunderstanding". Unfortunately, in the dog world, a misunderstanding can be life altering. My daughter has no scarring from it and the dog never bit again but we started IMMEDIATELY with new rules. I would recommend the same for your daughter before it is too late.

I will tell you what I recommend as a life-long dog owner but I would call the Humane Society and get their ideas. They are AWESOME. We worked with them on our current dog because he was absolutely terrified of children when we adopted him (I had a 4 year old son and a 18-month old daughter in the home at the time). My daughter, who is now 2 1/2, sounds a little like your daughter.

We teach our children that animals must approach THEM - not the other way around. Our children learned to sit on the floor and wait for the dog to come to them. When the dog does approach them - and the dog doesn't HAVE to- we say, "Oh, look. He LIKES you" or whatever. I'm not sure about ferrets but dogs need to aquaint themselves to you with their noses first (then eyes, then ears). It's not enough for a dog to hear you coming up behind him or see you, he wants to smell you. You are correct in what you daughter is doing can't HURT a dog but she isn't giving them their space and may stress them out.

I don't mean to offend you either but she should not be allowed to treat the ferret that way and should immediately be disciplined for it. The respect a child gives an animal is significant in the research for the respect she gives to people. I don't know if you see this elsewhere with her but you will be teaching her boundaries - not only for how she needs to treat others but also how she can create boundaries for how SHE wants to be treated. It's hard to upset them but this is important - not only because she could really hurt the ferret but also for her greater values.

I have to be honest with you. I would be stressed out if your daughter shook and wiggled my dog. It's normal for a child who has not been taught differently to behave this way. But it is then required of the parent to teach different behavior. I always say, "When kids will be kids, then parents will be parents". Regardless of whether the pet owners are being overprotective (you don't "own" that), you have the responsibility to protect your daughter from an innocent mistake - on her part or the dogs.

B.,
5 year olds(and much younger)most definately should be able to take direction and be gentle with pets. If she continues to be rough, she needs to be removed from the situation until she can handle the pets correctly/gently. The fact that no animals have gotten aggressive with her is irrelevant (and very lucky), and it seems like instead of getting irritated with pet owners for being concerned you should respect that. Help her to know what the appropriate treatment and respect for animals is, and if she doesn't abide by it, take her away from the animal immediately and keep her away for the rest of the time she's around the animal (or a set period of time with your own animal). It's the same prinicple to use for all situations that you need to help her understand how to behave. She'll learn quickly, and if she doesn't or is aggressive to animals when you aren't around you need to figure out why. Hope that helps you both!

hi B. my name is J. i have a 3 year old boy almost 4. he is also rough with our dogs. we got a new puppy almost 4 months ago and he would always try to pick her up and carry her around which we all know dogs really dont like to be picked up espically when they are big and a puppy. me and my boyfriend tryed to put him in time outs when he would be rough or do somefin he shouldnt with the dogs, if that didnt work we would then place him in his room away from the site of stress. he then would sit there for 5 mins, not to long as younger kids forget why they are there. then we would then repeat our wanting from him with the dogs. telling him he cant pick them up and sqeeze so on so forth. he finally got the idea that he couldnt do it. once in while he forgets but kids do that. then you just redo your steps. just dont change you steps for you might confuse your child. hope that helped

Kids are all the same.... they LOVE animals to death. My experiences show that kids will learn what to do and not to do more from the animals themselves than adults telling them. If the animal is uncomfortable or not liking what the child is doing, the animal will let them know. Most times it only takes once, but surprisingly, once from the animal is enough.

From what you say, you aren't doing anything wrong. Maybe you can assure your friends that your daughter isn't doing anything to harm the animal. The only part that concerned me was when you said she "shakes" them. Shaking is just as bad for pets as it is for babies. Maybe you should get her a babydoll, teach her how to handle the baby and relate it to X animal. You could say something like "you wouldn't do _____ to the baby would you? So why would you do it to X animal?"

Hi B.,

I know how you must feel when it comes to your daughter petting others pets. I myself have a very active, vivacious, very friendly and outgoing five year old daughter. When we are approached by a pet either outside our house from someone walking with the pet or anywhere else, the first thing I remind my daughter is to ask the owner if she can pet their animal. If the answer is yes, then I will say to her not to put her face right in front of the dogs face (this is for her and the pet owners protection), you never know what a dog will do. I usually also will get down with her and the dog and pet it along with her or talk to the pet owner.

Another thing, you and only you will know how much and how long you should pet the dog. If you notice the dog is not enjoying it, then it is your responsibility to have you and your daughter say good-bye to the dog and thank the owner for letting you pet their dog.

Hope this helps somme, let me know how it goes and remember you are never alone when it comes to parenting issues - we all face difficulties at some time or another, good luck!

K.

Hi B.
Sorry to hear your having a hard time with this. Well she's pretty much a baby yet, and she's not at the age of reason either that comes around 7yrs. I didn't get my son his first dog till he was 8years old. She's till to young to understand how to treat animals. My suggestion is to just keep showing her how you handle Bella, and people should understand she's a baby yet let them know to tell her how they want her to handle their pet. Sometimes kids listen to other people better than they listen to there parents. It's good to get a child a pet so as they grow up they learn not to hurt them, that's why I got my son a dog I hear to many kids hurt pets as they get older and I didn't want Brian to be that way. He has two cat's now and loves themn dearley, also my dog and kitty. Just give her time she'll get better as she get's older. Best of luck to you.
Barbra

Hi B...
I have a 5 year old little Boy, and he's the same way.. We have 3 dogs, 2 ferrets, and a cat.. He squeezes the ferrets all the time hugging them.. And the cat is his best friend but he torments her by laying on her and etc.. We have told him, put him in time outs, locked the cat in a different room, or put the ferrets back in there cage.. So I am with you there.. I am sick of repeating myself... But I think she'll get over it...
I have told him, if he wants us to keep Kiki( our cat ) or Jake& Genie( our ferrets) he needs to learn how to care for them, and do his part on taking care of them.. And it's been working so far.. So good luck!

I used to be the same way (sometimes still am with my own pets) I believe that it shows how much we love them (at times a little too much). As soon as one animal starts so act annoyed then she's going too far but if not then make sure to comment on how mild tempered the animal is to the owner (the animal is like their child, you like to hear positive comments about your child and they do to...even though there is a difference). Also you could hold the animal and tell her that it is time to be very gentle and she can only pet the animal. I hope this helps a little.

I would tell her exactly what is happening...that the pets' owners love them and they don't like how she is treating them just like you love her and wouldn't like it if someone was too rough with her. Then remind her before she will be visiting someone with a pet how to treat the pet and let her know if she is too rough she will get a consequence and then follow through with the consequence. I teach kindergarten and they understand and appreciate boundaries.

As far as the ferret goes, you could do something similar...talk to your little girl about what your expectation is and tell her if she can't treat the ferret appropriately then she (the ferret) will have to live somewhere else until she is ready to treat her respectfully.

My niece is exactly the way you describe your daughter - almost 5 and sweet with lots of 'love energy' as we call it. Good Luck!

Hi, I'm B. S.

As a mother of 10 (25 down to 4) I've usually let my children learn by actually taking their hand and gently petting any dog or cat or even your ferret and talk kindly, gently to that pet. When that's done for a good 5 minutes each time for a week or two, I think you'll soon find your daughter doing so just by habit. When my oldest daughter, now 25 and a new mommy herself, was little we were starting a new church in a new town and there were no young couples with children for 2-3 years....I had to even teach her as a toddler how to go down the slide at the local park. She just didn't have anyone to show her even tho' children we didn't know would do it.

I can tell you love your daughter and I believe developing this habit patiently with her for a couple of weeks will get her off and going on her own pleasantly.

I see you are looking into daycare in a previous inquiry of yours. If I were putting my child into daycare or even into a school where they'll mix with all kinds of children from a lot of different homes....materially speaking I would make sure that daycare or school obtained a high quality air purifier that has been independently proven to remove even bacteria like e.coli, salmonella, staph & candida not only out of the air but off of surfaces. I put such in my home 3.5 years ago and will never live without it again....the savings in respiratory related illness in my family alone has made life much more comfortable through the winter months, etc. I can tell the bacteri (plus cooking/urine/household odors) has been removed without me bleaching everything all the time.

In fact, you can eaern $50 referral fees for each home or business you refer for a free 3-10 day trial so they'll know exactly what they are getting BEFORE they decide to keep it.

Enjoy that daughter of yours...I'm not that far from you either...I live in Eau Claire, WI. If you ever care to get together when I come to the Twin Cities to see my Mom...let me know...or you're always welcome here in Eau Claire in our home.