Behavior Problem Not Going Away

it could be a phase or you could be seeing the beginning of major behavior problems. I wouldn't see medical help until it's affecting his behavior in school.

Try this first: http://lifematters.com/step.asp focus on rewarding him for good behavior much more than you react to his hitting. He could be getting a payoff from seeing you get appalled at his actions to his sister.

If he continues to be physically aggressive then there's a book called "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene, P.H.D. It helps you prioritize his behaviors and address the worst ones in a healthy manner while getting him to understand personal safety comes first.

S.:

I am a big fan of positive reinforcement. Set up a sticker chart and identify no more than two behaviors. At the end of the day if he has not hit (for example), he gets a sticker. After so many stickers, he gets a reward. Also, praise him when he is being good. Continue time-out but forget about spankng (as it just reinforces hitting).Also, talk to him. Is something going on? Have there been any changes?

I don't know where you live, but I will be starting a "feelings" group (for kids) in January. If you are interested, I can give you more information.

Also, check out either "Love and Logic" or "1,2,3 Magic", at your local library.

A. L

My son had similar problems since he was 4 years old. When he was in kindergarten he was diagnosed with Oppositional Defiant Disorder. I was also firmly against him being on medication. That was until this year. He is 9 now and his behavior is out of control. My son is currently in a behavioral clinic for his behavior. He has been diagnosed with Intermittent Explosive Disorder since he has been there. He has the same temper when he does not get his way. I actually feel that I should have looked into the medication for him earlier. He doesn't have ADHD and they told me that from the beginning, but it would have probably helped him if I would have explored the possiblity of medication earlier. He has an impulse control disorder and he will tell you himself that he has anger that he can't control. He has been put on medication to help him to control these impulses. I always thought that medication would give him an excuse for his behavior rather than teach him to take responsibility for his actions, but his condition itself does not let him take responsibility for his actions. You may want to look into these conditions with your son, because if the condition isn't dealt with, it will get worse. Doctors will not treat ODD with medication unless there is an underlying cause for it, you will just need to structure his life more. Good luck.

Hi S., I'm not sure how much this is going to help but here goes. I have a 5 year old boy and I swear as soon as he turned 5 he developed this whole new attitude. he actually swung at me a few time which he hasn't done since he was 18 months old. Also he told me that "5 year olds get to do what they want". I thought it was because we just had another baby 3 months before he turned 5 but then I talked to a few other moms and they said that their kids went through a fase when they turned 5 also. About the jealousu issue,I learned about that in pshycology. When a male child reaches a certain age, Freud said they get jealouse of any man with their mother, so again, it's just another fase. Good luck!

I had a problem with my daughter backtalking being just plain rude to me and others around us . So I started the time out thing and I have her sit in the kitchen and I set the timer for 4 mins and at first I had a really bad problem with it she would scream yell threaten to hit me . I started adding 2 minutes to the timer each time she got up or started acting out in time out . Now she goes to time out when told and listens for the timer quietly and then afterwards we have a talk . I will ask her why she got in time out and she usually tells me but at first she didn't then I would tell her what she did to get in time out and had her repeat it to me .
Also I ask her why she does things and although I sometimes don't understand her reasonings I point out to her what was wrong with what she did and then point out the good thing she did .
I also set one day aside just for her and I to do things together and it has seemed to help alot .

I have been facing similar problem with my son and pretty much been doing the same punishments but with no luck. My son has just been acting out.

I've adopted some of the Supernanny Ideas. I also found negative feedback on the reward charts, but I think it's aleast worth a try.

I printed off a "chart" with options to get 3 stars for the day- Followed the house rules, Did my chores, Went to Bed. I found website you can create your own, his has Spiderman on it.

I went on Microsoft Word and did clip art pictures of different chore ideas like taking out the trash, feeding the dogs, help cook, picking up the living room, etc., Then I found pictures for fun things for him do when he has 5 stars on his chart, like go to the park, watch a movie, surprise activity, art and craft project, etc.
I am avoiding rewards like a new toy from the store, I might do a cheap grab bag thing as one of his surprises. Instead I what to to try to reward him with an action/feeling verses an object.

I typed the words under the pictures, since he is learning to read.

I laminated all the pictures and attached magnets on the back.
Each day he gets a few chores to do a day and we stick them on the refrig.

Also I posted the House Rules, I had my son help me come up with the Rules. I don't do warnings anymore, if one of the House Rules are broken he has to leave the room till he can apoligize for his action. If he comes back in the room with doign so I walk him back out, I have stopped the lectures and all the other explantions of why he is being punished.

I've just started this and I can see a difference already. I also had to do some adjustments myself like making sure I was doing some bonding time with him and just listening to him.

Good Luck!

I agree with what everyone is saying. i'd try the behavior chart first. Make sure he understands that the behavior is not acceptiable. Treat it like what you would do with a bitting toddler, turn all your attention to your daughter. if he keeps pushing you husband away, don't let him sit in your lap. if it all doesn't work talk to your dr. it doesn't seem like adhd to me. if your dr talks about it, just say you want to try eveything else b4 meds. there are alot of things to try. you can also find them at most sites that talk about adhd. the biggest thing to do is to try to make sure he understands that hitting is not an appropriate way to respond in anger. I hope you get this worked out

what works for him my three year old is bad sometimes i make ehr sit in time out or hold an pice of paper on her head

I see that you moved. Was your child possibly missing friends/school/child care from your move? Is it possible to give him MORE time MORE positive ATTENTION and praise when he IS NOT EXHIBITING the behavior? My son has issues with his dad and they seem to just almost thrive (both of them) on the negative side of things.
L.

It appears that your son is looking for attention. I agree it is not good to give in (but all moms know we do it over something). I also agree with the chart. My one suggestion would be the reward him with one-on-one time with you. Do something just the two of you on a set day and time every week - go to the park, have a lunch date at his favorite place, etc. Then if he doesn't "earn" it, you can cancel as punishment. Once or twice of missing out and he will most likely get it. My reward with my son is a "sleep-over". Each Friday, after my daughter (will be 1 in january) goes to bed, we have a sleep-over in his room where we watch his favorite shows, play with his toys, eat some pop-corn, etc. He loves it because I spend all my time just with him, doing what he wants to do. When he doesn't earn it because of a hard week, he really misses it.

Hope this helps.

It sounds like your son runs your house. It also sounds like he enjoys the attention good OR bad. Maybe at some point he got the impression that the world revolves around him. Try to ignore his inappropriate behavior. Don't do special things with him until he has earned it. Meanwhile pay attention to your daughter. His tantrums worked because they took time away from your daughter with you. When he tries to interrupt your time with your husband try to ignore his bad behavior also. I'm sure you and your husband are much bigger than your 5 year old don't allow him to push your husband away. I don't care how great your marriage is it will eventually cause a strain between you and your husband. once again, maybe try not rewarding his behavior with good or bad attention. Just stay consistent because he doesn't care in what way he gets his attention just as long as he has it. Good luck, I have a friend who has a 6 year old boy who does the same thing. She will always have to put up with it because her husband O.K.s it.