Bedwetting High Functioning Aspergers 13 Year Old Step Son

You need to be consulting with his doctor.

Also did you really think something humiliating like a diaper was going to make him more compliant? Treat him like a baby he will act like a baby. Get a mattress protector and clean the sheets every day.

I'm the mom of a kid on the spectrum, so I know you're frustrated. But you all need to step back and look at what your expectations are here.

His brain is not like yours or your husbands (unless you're also on the spectrum). What would seem like a "reward" to you, may be stress-inducing for your son.

Big question that jumped into my head from this post - What is it about your husband's parents that are stressing him out so bad? The bedwetting isn't the main problem. The problem is what is LEADING UP TO the bedwetting.

If he acts up after a "reward", perhaps it isn't that rewarding? He may really WANT to do these things, but he cannot physically tolerate them. Autistic sensory functioning is generally NOT like ours - sounds, smells, sights are processed differently. If he goes to work with his dad at a typical office, he may love the time with his dad, but be having a HORRIBLE time because the flourescent ligts are too bright/flickering too much, or the air conditioner is too loud, or the cleaning chemicals they use at the office smell horrible.

You may also find some interesting information on this site - the writer is a woman who is autistic, and works at Intel. She tries to educate people about what it's like to live with autism and the sensory/stress issues connected with it.

http://asdculture.wikispaces.com

Contact me (click my name) if you'd like more info.

My son is also high functioning with Aspergers and Autism, he wet the bed until about 8 or 9 when we invested in a bed wetting alarm. We did A LOT of research about the alarm and how to use it before we purchased it and before we started. The one we went with had a wonderful place on their web-site with helpful hints from other parents, those hints were a huge help.

Before we started the program we talked and talked and talked to our son about why we were doing this (to help him so that he could go on sleepovers and Boy Scout campouts without worry, etc.). We also did several practice runs where we had him lay down on his bed (in the dark) and I set off the alarm and we went through the motions of him getting up to go to the bathroom. We talked about any concerns he had, etc. We used the alarm for 1 week and he was dry. We continued to set the alarm for a 2nd week but he never wet. It was like having a newborn in the house for that 1st week because as soon as we heard that alarm my husband and I both would get up to help our son and then get him back to bed.

Well worth the investment of money and time. I was a bedwetter for years, I'm so glad we were able to help our son with this problem.

M

I haven't read the responses, but I read your followup on the other thread.

Really and truly, this is a mom's site (and we have some fathers.) We have some moms here who have Asperger and autistic children. However, this is not a special needs mom's site. We don't have the expertise to advise you. You included SO LITTLE here that it is no wonder that you didn't like the responses. You included more in your follow-up, but truly, it seemed more like the behavioral therapist doesn't have experience working with Asperger children.

You finally got this child out of the hell-hole he has been in. You can't wave a magic wand and make all the pain in his prior life go away. He is still in pain.

I would try to find an Asperger/austism advocacy group and look into more help there. You don't seem to have enough help. You probably qualifiy for some respite care and help from social services. If you haven't looked into that, then you need to.

At the end of your rope really means that you weren't ready to take this huge problem on. Your heart was in the right place, but that doesn't mean that you are doing everything that this child needs. Go get help.

I have to agree with those who said that he is being overwhelmed by his senses. I think there is probably a lot going on here, but, a 13 year old Aspie KNOWS that he shouldn't be in diapers. He also knows that he shouldn't wet the bed. He can feel embarrassment just like any other teen! He is a teen boy, and many boys wet the bed at this age. My neurotypical husband wet the bed until he was 12. He needs to be out of diaper for sure! He also needs to learn how to respond to his body and recognize the sensations and feelings he is getting from it. This can be very difficult for any person, but those on the spectrum have a more difficult time.

We are using a massotage technique that is called Qigong. It is available online and at Amazon in a book that come with a DVD that tells you how to do it. It takes less than 20 minutes a day, that is with difficulty of fighting the child, but now, 6 weeks later, he comes up to us for his massage. Our son is 2.5, and the changes we have seen are amazing. I recommend that you look into this massage technique for you step-son. It will help him recognize what his body is saying, it will help with toe-walking, finger flapping, picking, and other "odd" behaviours. But, most importantly, it will help with toilet training! We haven't gotten there yet, but our guy isn't really old enough to even start training anyway.

I hope that with some new therapies and techniques, including an autism expert, you can get to what is going on with your son. I imagine that some Occupational Therapy maybe able to help him with his needs as well.

Your post was kind of confusing, but basically, we are hearing that he is getting sensory overload and that it is too much to process so his body is doing what it can, however it can. If you haven't done a lot of reading on it yet, look at Sensory Processing Disorder, and it might really help you understand what is going on inside his head when he get too many "rewards" or extra stimuli.

Also, the book Born on a Blue Day, is written by a high functioning Aspie that will really help you understand what it is like to think and feel and process so much so differently from the way we do as neurotypical people.

I wish you luck, and if I can help at all, please let me know! I can only imagine how tired and frustrated ALL of you are.

Are you working with a Autism specialist for your son? If not, that is where I would start.

What does his therapist say? Or his case manager? With this diagnosis he needs to have that support. Plus his school 504 plan team could be a great source for finding support for this.

Since he's disabled you have a whole world of support groups, support staff and more that can help you develop a better behavior plan for your home. Sometimes you need that outside person to come in and see the interactions from a different point of view.

OMG why the hell do you have him in diapers. He is 13 years old. I think you all need therapy.

If my 31 year old daughter was born today she would have the label of Aspergers. She had learning disabilities and was quirky, typical Aspergers.
My expectations of her were the same as my other kids. Try hard, do the best you can and be a kind person. The behavior you are getting is appropriate for the way you are treating him. That poor boy.

My daughter today is a surgical tech in the OR, an EMT, and volunteer firefighter. She worked very hard and we expected that of her. Not saying all will end up like her, but set your speciation s much higher. My heart breaks for him.

Hi! I read your other follow up post, but I just wanted to add...some kids wet their pants when they have a UTI. Has he complained about it hurting when he urinates, or complained of stomach or back pain? Also, has he been constipated lately or has he had hard stools? Constipation can cause some kids to wet themselves also. Just wanted to throw those 2 things out there. Maybe try taking him to the doctor just to rule those things out, then go from there. Hopefully you get to the bottom of everything!!