I was taking a nap on my couch a few minutes ago. I get a knock at my door, it's my neighbor. The upstairs neighbor has a little boy who is 5. My daughter who is 9 plays with him all of the time and we are friendly but we don't generally talk to each other outside of our children playing together.
She asked me if I could watch her son daily from 4-6:15. I was not exactly 'there' mentally because I was woken up. I said no. Generally speaking I no longer watch children because a) I have a brain injury and sometimes I'm scrambled and b) I'm in chronic pain 24/7/365. She seemed to be put off that I said no. I do have two children and one of them does not get home until close to 5 daily and he is special needs - I sit outside and wait on his bus. She does know I do this as well as she sees me. I know I couldn't leave another child in my home w/o an adult present. I am the only one home so while yes it's fine if my 9 year old stays inside whilst I wait on her brother as she completes her chores and homework I obviously couldn't do that if I had her son over as well.
Now, I realize that having another child over wouldn't be too incredibly difficult but I also do not know if I jumped the gun and should have said to let me think about it. She mentioned paying me and that's fine of course but sadly I don't know if I can handle another child on top of my personal issues and my two. I feel bad because neighbors should help neighbors and I know if I was in her shoes I would want someone to reconsider. However, what would you do/have done?
I think you were smart to tell her no. What would happen if something came up and you couldn't do it cause you where inn too much pain a certain day but you didn't know intime for them to make other arrangements. As someone that suffers from pain daily I would think taking on another regularly is not a good idea.
Don't ever feel guilty for knowing your limits and working within them. It sounds like you have a lot on your plate right now. I think you "no" answer was wise.
You did everything right. She was put off because she didn't like your answer. You have very valid medical reasons alone to say no. But just personally speaking, you can say no without guilt at any time for any reason. If you see her again in passing, I would just say I hope you weren't offended by our conversation last week. I have some medical issues and do not feel comfortable watching anyone's children but my own. Hope you understand!
You don't have to justify or feel bad for setting a boundary. You didn't go out seeking a babysitting job---she came to you , not knowing if you were avail or even interested.
You don't even owe her an explanation. She should have been more gracious.
It's fine to want to help others, but your needs and your health must come first. I would just let her know that you don't babysit anymore because of health issues. If your injury wouldn't allow you to properly care for this child, she wouldn't want her child under your care. She would not want you to reconsider if you aren't capable or up to watching a young, active boy.
If you really can't/don't want to do it, then don't. I can understand why you feel guilty. If I were you, I would go up and explain to her that you cannot make such a commitment due to your health. At least she'll know there was a good reason and not just because you don't want to. Then, if you want, maybe you could help her find someone who could do it.
You did the right thing. Of course you want to help, but you know your limits and you're honest about them. Don't feel bad. If in the future you see her struggling with childcare, perhaps offer to be her emergency backup... but only if you truly want to, and think you'd be able to provide a safe and fun place for her five year old on a moment's notice.
I think your initial answer was the correct one. You're in pain 24/7/365. You already have a kiddo in the house, and wouldn't be able to leave two of them safely alone.
If you feel bad about your blunt response, go over and let her know that it's nothing personal, but you just can't safely handle another child in your condition.
There are so many unasked questions and circumstances that a loaded spur of the moment question like that deserves a NO. She didn't think anything of asking you. I wouldn't think anything about saying no.
You said no and you have reasons not to do that. It would obligate you from 4 - 6PM daily. Even if the reason is simply that you just don't fee like it, you should not feel bad about saying no. I help within my abilities. I've fetched my great-niece from daycare. I've had my friend's kids here overnight when the mom needed to go to the ER. But I wouldn't want to be watching a kid for 2 hours daily. Not that I physically couldn't. Just don't want to. So don't feel guilty.
If it's eating you, you can simply say you are unable to take on another child as a routine, but here's x's number and maybe they can watch him (if for example you know someone who does babysitting in their home. Or know of a teen that might come to her house). Or suggest she call the community college or HS to see if they have students that would be interested.
Honestly I feel that watching someone's child is not something to be taken lightly. I feel that you did the right thing based on your situation. Helping a neighbor is 'Hey can you watch my child for one hour today because I need to....' , not an ongoing obligation. Do not feel bad for saying no. You did what was right for you and your family.
If she didn't seem happy with your response don't feel bad. She is probably just at a loss as to who else she can ask. If you know of someone, put them in contact. Otherwise don't feel bad.
I think you gave the right answer, especially considering your physical situation. If you feel bad about HOW you answered, you could always apologize for the short answer as you were in pain and had just woken up, and let her know that you have chronic pain issues and would not feel able to give her child the level of care that you'd be comfortable with.
If you need the money, and think you can do it, and want to change your mind, just tell her you thought about it and you changed your mind and yes, you would be happy to watch her kids for X per week.
If you still don't want to do it, she already has her answer. You are under no obligation to watch her kids, and you don't have to explain your reasoning to her. No is sufficient.
If she's miffed by a person exercising her right to say no, that's her problem.
Don't worry about it.
I think the mamas who responded didn't read your question properly and I think you changed your mind. But why? Do you want to help your neighbor because you like your daughter and her son's friendship or do you see it just as a child care paying gig that you probably actually can't handle? Figure our what you can give and what you want first. Personally my neighbors are more helpful than my family who are thousands of miles away, and we share pick up from school, do child care trades, cook for each other, but we made friends first. Now they are just as important as family. I rely on them, and they can ask me anything
