Babysitting Grandchildren

I take issue with right and wrong. You have taught them how to treat you. You allow their behavior by saying yes when you want to say no. Now resentment has crept in. Say no or yes when you choose. You actually do not need an explanation. It is their responsibility to care for their children and that involves a back up plan which is necessary for anyone who has a child. Take ownership of what you have communicated to them, directly.

Sounds like you can't really say anything that make them listen logically so perhaps it is time to be busy a lot. Busy going to something, busy somewhere else, etc. They are taking advantage of you and if they don't care that you could pass out, they are very irresponsible themselves. I have an older sister who establishes rules and lives them through. Just tell them, pick them up at such and such. Get a babysitter for this particular occasion. They can go shopping with children, they can go out and you need to take care of you. And get hold of those other grandparents. Why not whine, even if they are too far to babysit? Things might end up a little differently.

You already know they are taking advantage of you, so why are you letting them? If you enjoy the time with your grandchildren, that's one thing, but it doesn't sound like you do. Put your foot down. Let them know they need to hire a babysitter or put the children in daycare, but that you are not going to continue to do it on a regular basis for health and safety reasons. Millions of other parents figure it out -- they can, too.

And by the way, we have no framed pictures of grandparents in our house unless they were given to us. It doesn't mean we love one set over another, it just means they gave us framed pictures.

update grandma 1. Are you really buying the line that there are no available baby-sitters in a small town? did you do the research on that? Stop letting them manipulate you! I'm sure there are day cares with a waiting list, but I'm sure there are some with openings. Seriously in this economy, you can find daycare and babysitters. The fact that they don't even have a back up says it all. You are too available for them. Stop that, its not healthy! Its hard to go out on a limb and find a stranger to watch your precious kids. Grandmas are awesome, and they love their grandkids and therefore we trust them with our kids because we know grandma is awesome. Trust me, they think you're awesome too even if they are too lame to express it. But necessity is the mother of invention. Stop allowing them to lean on you 100%. It sucks to research babysitters. Trust me, we all hate the job of researching strangers to watch our kids. But most of us have done it because we had to. You make it too easy for them. Stop being so available to them. Its not healthy!
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My advice to you is the same as to my 5 year old when things are not going her way and she starts to whine or scream about it:

"just ask for what you need."

Its hard for most of us to say "no.", But some struggle more than others. Keep in mind that you are a big part of the reason you're finding yourself over-obligated. I suggest you take a little ownership of allowing this situation to become what it has and direct some anger at yourself so that when you deal with your son and daughter you don't explode at them, damaging your relationship with them and therefore your grandkids.

This is what I would do. I would prepare them first that there is an issue and I would not blind side them by asking to discuss it on the spot and expecting solutions on the spot. " I got to tell you son, i'm not as young as I used to be and my diabetes has taken a turn for the worse. I love watching your kids, but I just don't feel I can keep up with them especially now that there are two of them. I'm getting too old. I'm just giving you fair warning, there are going to need to be some changes, I really cannot keep up anymore. Can we work out a time to discuss this?" There, you've warned them, you've let them know things cannot go on as they are. Now set a time that you can discuss it in detail.

An approach like this gives them an opportunity to see what boobs they have been. It gives them an opportunity to see if from your point of view and take charge of the situation and make if right and to consider their other options. After all do you really want to quit your grandkids all together? I'm guessing not. Quitting today like some have suggested is just paying a wrong with another wrong. Its revenge, its not taking care of business and it will damage your relationship.

In few days when you have your talk, set some real specific boundaries like "i'd love to keep watching them, but only one day a week and only one weekend day and evening a month." Figure out what your boundaries are and then as difficult as it is, set them. I think its appropriate to discuss your feelings too. ( but let the picture thing go. I have one framed photo of my parents and its because they gave it to me)

My mother is probably much like you. We once took group family therapy and a varitey of personality types were addressed. I remember one because it described my mother to a T. It was the porcupine. Porcupines say things like, "boy am I busy, I don't see how I'm going to get my errands done when I have a sink full of dishes." This is their way of "asking" for someone to do the dishes. Then when no one offers to help they get agitated and wonder why no one notices that they are struggling. When I learned that my mother used these indirect approaches for help, I tried to cue into her language and be more helpful. But since your kids aren't really paying attention to your "boy is my diabetes bothering me, and your "man am I tired" comments, you're probably going to have to take a more direct approach.

I would flat out tell them that while you enjoy your relationship with your granddaughter, you can no longer watch her by yourself as you have passed out and your health is poor.

You can also have your boyfriend and mother take pictures of you to give to your granddaughter for herself, regardless of if they display them elsewhere.

Long and short is if you don't speak up, then nothing will change and you are putting your granddaughter at risk if you are physically unable to care for her.

I love my ILs and they don't see DD as much as I'd like, but that's because they have health issues and we don't leave DD there. We visit WITH her, or they visit here. I would not worry about the other grands - you have your own issues about them with the pictures. Focus on the grandbaby and her parents.

It's time for your grandchildrens parents to grow up and be parents, which means accepting responsibility for making child care arrangements and paying for care, just like every other parent I know.

It's also time for you to start saying no. Change your locks if you need to. It is negligent for your son and daughter-in-law to leave the kids with you in light of your passing out.

You are being taken advantage of, however, you are in control of yourself. You need to stand up for yourself and tell them that due to your increasing health concerns, you can no longer be alone with the kids. Then, do what you must. If this means changing your locks so they can't come in, do it. If this means calling CPS because they won't listen to you and dump the kids off, do it.

They are not going to step up to take care of your health, and you can't rely on anyone else but you to do it. Now is the time, before things get worse. I've had the displeasure of being a nanny for a couple like your son and daughter-in-law-- it was the job from hell. As I said, your son and his wife can do what every other couple has to do-- schedule babysitting. If he misses out on last minute fun? Too bad-- it's called being a grown up. Let him grow up.

You have to tell them and be completely open. My situation was reversed. My mother watched my son. When my grandmother developed health problems, my mother needed to take her to the doctor a lot. She would never tell me that she wanted me to find another sitter for him- she just expected me to take off work when she had somewhere to be with my grandmother. I saw it was wearing on her and I started missing a lot of work due to having to make other arrangements. I took matters into my own hands and found other care for him. She was furious- accused me taking him away from her. She called crying and screaming at me, hanging up the phone in my face.
Once she had time to simmer down and realize why I had to do what I did, she was ok. She was mad, but she got over it. Your daughter-in-law and son will too, but you have to tell them your situation.
My mom now keeps my daughter 1 day a week. My son occasionally spends the night with her. It's so much better now and everyone is happy. Ask them to compromise with you. You sound like a sweet and loving grandmother. Those grandchildren are so lucky!

It sounds like you are mad that they are not reading your mind. YES, they are clearly taking advantage of you. However, it doesn't sound like you are speaking up and letting them know what you are physically able to do. They are doing these extra things because they don't think you mind since you apparently never say anything about it.

Figure out what you are able to do realistically and let them know...period.

You need to say no. Only you can control your situation.

A person who is 50, even with Type 1 Diabetes, still has a lot of life left in them. Are you managing your blood sugars? Do you have your A1c under control? Are you in the care of a good endocrinologist? You need to say no to things that are detrimental to your health for your sake and stress takes a HUGE toll on blood sugar numbers.

Take control of your life!

If you are tired of it, just say NO. They can only take advantage of you if you let them.
Grandchildren are meant to be a joy and a blessing not a "job".
Less frequent visits will make the relationship much sweeter when you do see the kids.

Yes, they are taking advantage of you. You know this, but just don't want to admit it. The reason they do this is because you allow it.

It's time to set some ground rules. Make a list of what type of babysitting you can do - Tuesdays and Thursdays only, only 3 hours at a time, etc. Then sit down with your son and let him know that you love your grandchildren and enjoy spending time with them, however, due to your health you're unable to continue with your current schedule. Give him a few weeks so that other arrangements can be made.

The most important thing is to stick with your guidelines. Remember you are NOT resposible for the care of these children, It's the responsibility of your son and DIL to care for them. If you're ill then they need to have a back up plan, not you.

As far as the pictures go, have some pictures taken of you with your grandchildren. Give them to you son and DIL as gifts.

I suggest that, given the way you feel, that you need to tell them you're not going to babysit for them. Or perhaps put a limit on the amount of time you sit. I suggest that you are allowing them to do this. It's essential that you set boundaries and only care for your grandchildren when it's convenient for you and does not make you overly tired.

I watch my grandchildren often, weekly, too. I thoroughly enjoy being with them. Their parents do thank me and recognize that I'm not always able to watch them. However, it's my responsibility to tell them that I can or cannot watch them. And how I feel about their reaction is also my responsibility. I can not/do not expect them to protect my feelings. When they're disappointed because I can't I, at first, tended to feel that I needed to not disappoint them. That is not true. Each of us has to take care of ourselves. And disappointments are a part of life.

Having a back up sitter is not your responsibility either. When you cannot watch them it is their problem and not yours.

I also urge you to take some pictures of yourself with the children, frame them and give them to your son and his wife. Find frames that will go with the ones they already have. I suggest that they may not have pictures of you up because you live close and they see you often.

I suggest that you talk with your son and his wife about the way you feel. Keep an open mind and be willing to accept that they are not doing this intentionally. Allow them to apologize. Don't whine. Don't accuse. Just start by saying that you feel unappreciated. Use only I statements. Don't tell them what they're doing wrong. Tell them how you feel and be ready to give examples but again use I statements.

I haven't read your answers yet but it's my opinion that just because you are the Grandmother, you are NOT the automatic babysitter - especially if you're not in great health. They are taking advantage of you and you're not enjoying your life to it's fullest.

I'd suggest you sitting down with the parents and telling them how much you love your grandchildren and how you enjoy spending time with them - you cherish it, I'm sure. BUT, tell them in a nice way that you will not be able to continue to do this anymore. You don't need to explain why, just tell them that you won't be able to do it. If you'd like to do it once in a while, simply state that you're willing to watch them for X hours on X days of the week. Other than that, you won't be available and they'll have to make other arrangements. Then LIVE YOUR LIFE. Do not apologize. Best of luck to you.

Your situation and health have changed. It's time to say "No, I can't watch the kids today." You need to give them a heads up that you can no longer be the primary baby sitter and they will need to find someone else. And stick to it. They can't read your mind. They are taking advantage because they can. Right now they don't have a back up sitter, because they don't need one. They have learned to depend on you and take advantage of your kindness.

Don't bring up the pictures of other grandparents. Don't assume that you aren't talked about at home. And don't bring up "the years you have left". There is no need to sound like a martyr. (If there is something catastrophic happening with your health, that is a convo for a different time.) Simply stick to the facts that you are no longer in a position of caring for their children. They may get upset and frustrated, but it will pass.

my dear, at 50 you should have learned how to say no. or partial nos. or contingent nos.
no one takes advantage of you without your permission.
tell your kids how much you're willing to do, and do that much joyfully.
and no more.
khairete
S.

Ouch, tough situation. You are really the only one who can decide whether the rewards are great enough for you to keep saying yes. (I'm a granny of a 7yo boy myself.)

As one of the world's great pushovers, I've had to learn how to say no, and also learn when I really want/need to say no. Two different learning curves!

Saying no is really the easy part, but probably will take a bit of practice, maybe in front of a mirror or one of your caring friends. Try this phrase out and see how empowering it feels: "No, that simply doesn't work for me." That one simple sentence gives all the information you need to convey, and in fact, if you start adding explanations, excuses or arguments, you'll only weaken your position. Try it; it works. If the other party argues, pleads, or wheedles, calmly repeat. "No, that does not work for me."

Deciding whether or when to say no sounds more complicated, in your case. Your request reveals that you some issues common to many women:

You see yourself primarily as a care-taker (at least in the eyes of others), and that is part of the "identity" you may need to work on to change your position.

You have the sense that you are needed by your grandchildren, both emotionally and practically, and that is probably significantly true. That might be very important to you, especially the emotional bond you have formed, and which is no doubt important to your grandkids, as well.

But you have established yourself as a pushover, a pattern that probably extends far back into your child(ren)'s life and your earlier marriage, and most likely into your own childhood. We work so hard for so long to meet other people's expectations that they seem to become part of us.

If I were asking your same questions, I would already be pretty cognizant that the current state of affairs is not working. I'd tell the parents that as of 1 week from now, they must find a regular sitter or daycare arrangement, I will no longer be available (except for "special" times of your choice), because this arrangement is not working for you.

People who are used to taking care of others without thanks get treated that way because they allow it. They allow it because of habit, because they were "trained" for it, and often because they are afraid nobody will like or love them if they don't. You will probably ruffled feathers by instituting a change. Family feelings may be rough for a few months or a few years. They already take you for granted, will annoyance be that much worse?

But be more caring to yourself; be consistent about staying in loving contact with your grandchildren, who already have a long-term relationship with you, and I'm guessing that some time in the future (maybe even very soon) will bring a realization by your family that you are really worth their care. Set that example, and don't launch a new generation who can't or don't appreciate their elders.

No excuses for your son and his wife. If they were always on time, appreciative etc, there could still be an issue that you can't watch your grand kids so much but there's both issues here. Too much work and complete lack of consideration. They sound pretty horrible. Even id you were completely healthy, not your job to babysit so much unless you wanted to. Tell them you will do one or two days a week ( you pick how many of course) and give a couple of weeks notice and THAT IS IT! You are being majorly taken advantage of. No getting around it. If you don't stop it, they won't.

You are right, they are wrong. Your health is at risk, and your grandchildren's safety is at risk if you pass out. Their parents are being stupid and risking everyone's health and safety for their convenience. If you can contact the maternal grandparents directly and ask THEM for help with this, that may open up avenues. If the other grandparents know that your health is shaky and that you've been doing what you can because you wanted to build a relationship with the grandbabies before you couldn't physically be there for them, they may be surprised and sympathetic. They may be more proactive in helping if they know what's going on.

ADD: Not sure why you say "time you have left". I am 45 years old, and though I don't have diabetes, it is not a "death sentence" unless you ignore it. If you're not ignore it, if you are taking care of yourself, you may have another 30-40 years left in you. You may not be spry, but in the words of Monty Python, your "not dead yet". Stop thinking like you're living on borrowed time, because if you think like that, you'll live like that. Life is what you make it.

Of course you need to say something. It should not be your job to take care of your grandchildren. Let them know that you would love to visit with them and the grandchildren frequently, but will only be available for babysitting in case of an emergency (and you happen to be free). You have raised your kids. I would NEVER expect my parents to be essentially be free childcare.

And BTW - 50 is NOT old. My husband is 52 and our son is 7.

You are being used and taken for granted. I sure hope they've been paying you for the routine childcare, but I'm not holding my breath.

You need to sit them down and say that you need to start putting your health first, and that you need some time for yourself. While you adore your grandchildren and don't mind babysitting on occasion, you can't do it as the primary anymore. Give them some time - two weeks? a month? - to make alternate arrangements.

They are taking advantage of you and it's impacting your health.You need to put yourself first by standing up for yourself. It's ok to babysit but don't feel that you have to do it so your dil can go shopping. If they have last minute plans and you don't feel up to watching the grandchildren then say so.

Do they know that you've passed out while watching their children? If they do then they are neglectful parents. It would be terrible for something to happen to those children because of a medical emergency on your part.

I do a lot of babysitting for my grandkids and I love it however if something doesn't fit into my schedule then I say no without any guilt.

They don't need pictures if they see you all the time, just saying.

They probably don't realize how bad your health is. You are only 50. My 78 year old mother and almost 80 year old father take care of my kids all the time, for instance. We have no other babysitters. I have no idea if they know how much I appreciate it, and I'm a daughter.

If you feel unappreciated, I would tell them. However, I would do so with a statement of what you need. No complaining, just a statement of feeling, your need that isn't being met, and what they can do about it. They may just think you enjoy your time with your granddaughter, that you want to see her, they may have no idea that you feel put out.

I really think that most relationship problems are due to the fact that we ASSUME that the other party knows or should know how we feel and how their actions effect us. Truth is, it just isn't always the case - for many reasons, some selfish, some immature, some just plain busy or absentminded.

The fact is: We treat others how to treat us. If we fail to set boundaries and communicate clearly, then we have no right to cry foul if we feel we're being taken advantage of...we simply haven't communicated where the "line" is. This doesn't have to be done in a mean or confrontational way...it can just be conversational...but if you want things to change, it must be done. It takes courage, but you'll feel a weight off of your shoulders by coming into the light with your feelings.

When breaking bad news or attempting to establish boundaries, it's always helpful if you have a proposed solution ready. This saves the other party the additional awkwardness of trying to guess what will work for you. Something like this:

"I'd like to touch base with you about the care arrangement for the kids. I love spending time with them, and I'm happy to help, but at this point, there are some concerns with my health that need attention and are creating a potentially unsafe situation. On my doctor's recommendation, I need to scale back a bit, so starting _________ I can be available to watch the kids for ____ days a week while you're at work."

If they're really helpless, you can even print out a list of available care providers in their area to assist them w/their search and let them know you're serious. I think all of this can be said with a very civil, matter-of-fact tone. I wouldn't get too emotional or get sucked in if they try to guilt you. I also don't think I'd get into all of the issues about them * clearly * taking advantage of you...that can only go bad. Keep it at this: "This is what I need to do for my health and for my family right now." Period. It's not personal.

BTW: I was pondering the other day how I have no pics of my son w/grandparents or even his cousins. They're all on Facebook! I honestly have no favorites in terms of our family members, so I wouldn't overthink that one.

Good luck!

1) You have health problems. My late Dad, had Diabetes and complications from it. It is nothing to take lightly.
I assume, your offspring who you are babysitting for, know... you have Diabetes and that it has taken a turn for the worse???
If not, TELL THEM.
TELL THEM.
Tell them you have passed out etc.
Or are they just so selfish and heartless that they do not even care, about your Health?

My Dad, when his Diabetes got worse, we ALL HAD to, help him. He was also in Dialysis etc. And required lots of home care. He also had to stop, working etc. I know how serious this can be.

You need to just say NO.
Which is first and the priority here?
Your health, or babysitting?
If you have an accident or pass out, while babysitting.... this is UNSAFE for the children you are babysitting for. It is... a very very unstable situation. For you, and them.

Once, my Dad passed out too... but no one knew, because it was in the middle of the night that he had passed out. Everyone was sleeping. And he couldn't even call out for help... because, he had suffered a stroke. My Mom didn't find him until the next morning.

Its about time, you say NO to those selfish obnoxious parents of your grandchildren. They do not care about you or your health.
They only care about their own convenience.
They need to find another Babysitter. And that means, paying for one.

Your health is the bottom line here.
Not what they think or not.
And their petty small minded drama and comments and jealousy... is NOT the priority here.

AND... how in the world... can you even go to your Doctor appointments and for check ups, if you are babysitting?
Having Diabetes, means... going to Doctor appointments, regularly.

It's time to put your foot down with your son. No means no. You don't babysit your grandchildren for "credit" and you don't do it if there's even the slightest chance that you're incapable of caring for the children. The fact that you've passed out while they've been in your care is dangerous not only for them, but you. Suppose you had hit your head and received a concussion or worse? You could end up with far, far worse than what you already have with Diabetes 1 that's so serious.

It's time to limit interaction with your grandchildren to visits only, with their parents supervising. You have to be strong about this or else if something happens to them under your watch while you're sick and/or severely injured, it will be your fault and not your son's.

I'm sorry if that's too blunt for you, and seems mean. I'm not on your son's side with this at all. I think he's treating you in a disgusting way. I'm sorry that you're in this situation and that you have to ask this at all. I'm on the side of your grandchildren, okay?

tell them.. what you want.. "I cant watch her full time.. I can watch her on tuesday and thursday."

Dont expect credit. but enjoyt eh time with tghe baby.

I think you should just tell them 1) your health is not good and you are not comfortable watching the children, especially since you have passed out when they are in your care; and 2) it's time for them to take responsibility and find appropriate care for the children so that you can have some time to yourself to enjoy your remaining years.

That is something that people don't understand until they get to be grandparents. As much as we love our kids and grandkids, there comes a time when we need to put ourselves first, for the first time in half a century! I love my grandkids, but wish I could just be the grandmother as opposed to a surrogate mother! All my time, effort and finances go to helping to raise my grandchildren. At times it's wonderful, but there are a lot of times I wish my time, effort and especially my finances could be spent on me and my hubby. I feel like I've earned that and I wonder if I will ever get to take care of just me and hubby or if I will go to my grave never having to have been able to put myself first.

It's tough. Feelings will be hurt; but they will get over it!

Sounds like you have very ungrateful kids and they are clearly taking advantage. You know what the answer is.....you felt at and vowed not to sit for the 2nd grandchild, yet you went back on your word to yourself. The answer is obvious, the kids need to get a new sitter. Enough is enough, you are not well, they don't seem to care, so you have to stand up for yourself, as no one else will. This is also a time for YOU, and taking care of YOU. Tell them you can't do it, you are too sick and you need to concentrate on your health....STATE IT. Reiterate that you have passed out on the grandkids and God forbid something should happen to them during an episode. Make it clear and DO NOT KNUCKLE UNDER and go back on your decision once it's made.Good luck N. S.

Take some pictures of you and your grandchildren.
Were you the kind of mother who gave in every time your son that whined he wanted something or didn't want to do something or did this start recently?
Are you guilty about something, feel you weren't there for him while he was growing up and you need to make up for it?
Call your son occasionally and say," I don't feel well today you'll have to make other arrangements, I might pass out, goodbye."
Do this occasionally until they find a back up babysitter or replace you.

ETA: In regards to your diabetes...sorry - you are in control of you. YOU need to make sure you eat right and exercise. ATTITUDE IS EVERYTHING. You feel you are going to die in the next year - you can convince yourself that will happen. The mind is a VERY powerful thing!!!

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You are being taken advantage of. And the only reason you are is because you allow it. Only YOU can stop it. You need to stand up for yourself.

Sounds like tough love needs to happen. Set clear boundaries. And follow through - if you expect them there at 5PM - then they should be there at 5PM. Tell them that (and yes this is extreme) if they don't show up, you will call the police because you are worried about their well being.

Give them notice that as of 1 Feb 2013 you will no longer be babysitting for them during the day. PERIOD.

ANY babysitting that happens WILL BE SCHEDULED AT LEAST 24 HOURS IN ADVANCE.

You don't get credit because you don't stand up for yourself. You need to LEARN TO SAY NO. AND MEAN IT.

I'm sorry that you feel you won't be mentioned once you are gone. That is very sad.

Again - give them a definite date of NO LONGER BABYSITTING during the day. Stick your guns mama....if you don't no one else will...will they be mad? You betcha!! do they have a right to be mad? NO FREAKING WAY!!! You have done enough. Tell them that. You need to give them notice. TODAY. Ensure that they UNDERSTAND you will NO LONGER BE BABYSITTING DURING THE DAY!!! If it means getting it in writing, then do.

GOOD LUCK!!!

I am so sorry to hear this news about your health and them taking advantage of you. First, you need to call them today and tell them that you are no longer available or is it safe for you to watch any of the kids. Your heath needs to take priority. Then whatever they say, don't worry--they will complain, balk etc. but you remind them that you passed out while you had their kids and don't want something tragic to happen. You are exausted and need to rest. Then you tell them you would love to visit often but no more babysitting. This needs to be effective immediately. Don't waiver in your putting your foot down. Whatever they have to do to get care or stay home and not work etc is not your problem or issue. You have been used and you need to nip it in the bud before something so much serious happens. Good luck and let us know what happens.

Talk to your son, tell him how you feel. Also, dont worry about what is left behind after you leave this earth, you should be focused on enjoying the time while you are here!

You've passed out at home watching the kids. And you're still traveling? That doesn't make sense to me.

Have you been to your doctor for a complete physical? You need to to know exactly where you stand with your health. You talk as if you don't have many years left on this earth, and I don't know if it's actually true, or if you are just feeling that way.

You need to sit down with this couple and tell them that you feel that they don't appreciate your help. You need to tell them why. You should tell them that it hurts you that there are many pictures of the grandparents with the kids, but not of you. You need to tell them that the babysitting is h*** o* your health and that things have to change. They need to show up on time so that you aren't babysitting too long, and no last minute stuff. You can watch the kids once a week (twice a month, whatever works for you) and no more. If both kids are too hard for you, tell them that you can watch one child at a time - make sure that you are equal in that regard.

Don't worry about them not having someone to babysit other than you. It's actually easy for them to find a babysitter. They just don't want to because you are grandma and you're free and available.

This isn't about your mother or your boyfriend. This is about you. Figure your health out - that's the FIRST thing. Then really set some parameters for the babysitting.

Dawn

You need to be honest with your family. If you did not want to do it, why did you agree to do it? I am guessing you felt bad saying no, so you said yes but didnt really mean it. You will need to decide what you want to do, and then communicate it to them clearly and honestly. If you dont want to be the regular babysitter, you need to tell them and also give them a reasonable amount of time to find alternative care. I would try to give them at least a month, but make sure you tell them upfront when you will no longer be available. If you are OK with occasional babysitting but need X amount of notice, tell them so. If you are OK with babysitting regularly but need them to be more responsible with being on time, tell them so. You get where I am going right? Its your life. I am sure they will appreciate any help you can provide, but at the end of the day you must decide how you want to spend your time. Regarding the pics of the maternal family: I am terrible with ever getting pics developed and real bad about putting them in frames ever. My mom orders pics and puts them in frames and gives them to me for holidays/birthdays and stuff. So my MIL would probably feel the same as you b/c I have more pics of my side of the family, but its only b/c my mom has provided them to (lazy) me, not because we dont love my MIL as much. So, try not to take that personal and maybe consider giving them a framed pic of you and the kids for the next holiday :)

It doesn't sound like you are going to "get credit for what you do".
You have to take care of yourself, how could that be taken wrong? If it is, maybe with time, your son and daughter-in-law will understand.

If you are still willing to babysit, let them know what you are able to do. If they are always late, tell them you will no longer be able to babysit that day.

I wish I could have a realtive that would babysit. I appreciate you!

Ps Jealous Grandparents!?! Good Lord, some people have to grow up! It seems like everyone is not taking responsibility and you are filling in the gaps! Then how can you take care of yourself? Everyone has to be responsible for their own actions.

Tell them that your health is declining and you just don't have the energy you used to. State that you'd love to help out some of the time, but that you can't continue at the pace you have been and that they need to have other babysitters take her some of the time.
If that doesn't work, book yourself on an extended cruise (or other vacation) It sounds like they have come to rely on you so heavily that they may need to be forced into finding other child care options.

I'm sorry you are going through this. Caring and involved grandparents are worth their weight in gold.

You have a right to your own life at this stage of the game. It sounds like you are trying so hard to please them, and leave a legacy for yourself, that you're not respecting your own needs. And I'm sure you love spending time with your grandkids and don't want to be shut out of their lives.

I think if I were you I'd avoid any confrontation. I would put it all on the doctor. "The doctor says that it's dangerous for me to be watching small children more than X hours per week. But I love to see them and you guys, so I'll watch them when I can. I'd love to be the back-up to your main provider. And I'm hoping you'll all come over for Sunday dinner."

It sounds like you need better boundaries, and the awareness that it's OK to have them. If they get mad that's their problem. At some point, hopefully, they'll realize how they were using you. Likewise that point won't hit until they get into the "real world" of child care.

Good luck. Hope it gets better for you. I will pray for you.

Sit down with them and explain that your health has taken a turn for the worse, and that you need to focus on getting your health back to a good place. Explain to that you do not feel comfortable watching the kids, particularly since you passed out and were unable to care for them for a time, due to your health issues. Explain that you enjoy watching them, but are concerned for the children's safety and your health if this situation continues as it is.

Give them a couple of weeks to find a new care provider. Don't let them bully you or guilt you into continuing.

Wow! Thank you all so very much. Most of you have nothing but kindness and consideration for my problems. Some...are really rude. My A!C is 4.12 and has been for years. It's just I have to put my Granddaughter first before myself at times. Yes, I do still get out and do things and travel, when my health permits. My son and daughter in law DO KNOW of the health issues I have had while watching the baby. I'm lucky enough to have my boyfriend here with me and he has been there when I have had diabetes attacks. He is unemployed at this time. But like him, I worry about when he does return to work. My son and daughter in law obviously don't care. I baby sit for them for free. I also supply diapers/wipes/formula and baby food for them. Because when I cared for my Grandson when he was a baby, they were always out of these items. There are NO back up sitters for them. We live in a very small town and all sitters and daycares are full to the max. When they got mad at me about me needing time off, they did check into other daycares, there was a year or more wait and they cannot afford what they charge. I go to their home at 4:30 am to baby sit. Due to my daughter in laws new job position. I now not only watch my Granddaughter but am expected to take my Grandson to his daycare/preschool also. I am still reading all your responses and will for sure take one of your advices. I have to, for my well being. Thank you all so very very much. This has been so very helpful.

Give them a 2 week notice and DO NOT BE AT HOME the following Monday morning when they knock to drop off the kids. Get a hotel room on Sunday and sleep there.

If you stay home and don't answer the door, your guilt will force you to let them in--but if you are not there to hear the doorbell...

I am in a different situation. When my adult only child/son finally becomes a dad--I hope to be retired so that I can babysit all day, most days. Ilook forward to it because I am estranged form my siblings and cannot wait to have 'family' again.

Good luck.

My mom was a type 1 diabetic and quite honestly...it would have worried me for her to keep my kids too often or for too long becasue in her case she would have hypoglycemic unawareness on a regular basis. My dad even worried so much he called her every hour to check on her.

So the fact that you have been doing well and being able to travel (I am sure with your boyfriend or family) is great and something you should keep doing as long as possible.

I know with my mother stress played a huge roll in how well her blood sugar stayed stable. The more stressed out she was the worse her A1C would be as it showed her blood sugar was not as well controlled.

You need to give your kids two weeks notice to find other arrangements. Use your DOCTOR as your excuse. Let them know my doctor has told me that I am over extending myself these days and it is effecting my health/blood sugars. He had told me I can only keep the grandkids for one evening a week or so many hours a week (however much you want to keep them, becasue I am sure you want to see and keep them just not ALL THE TIME...like now).

How can they argue with your DOCTOR?? Not like they can call him up and ask him (HIPPA). Are they going to tell you to go against doctors orders?? (Not if they love you and truly want you around for years to come!!) So use your doctor as the bad guy...who cares if he really told you that you could take them on full time...you can say he told you to stop watching them all together, ever...

Anyways, when I hear about grandparents getting taken advantage of it hurts me!! We don't have grandparents who are willing to keep our kids at all. I would give anything for just one or two nights a month to see a movie. When my dad asks me if my husband and I have seen a current movie and then tells us we should go see it I don't know wether to laugh or cry!! To go see a movie would cost us about $60.00 with tickets and a babysitter (they are $10-12 an hour).

So, to sum up...stop watching them all the time, they will really aprreciate the time you do watch them more, and use your doctor as an excuse becasue he is an easy scape goat. Sending you a huge hug!!!