Babysitter Issue Again

Bottom line is, if you're not satisfied with the kind of care you are receiving..change providers. She's not likely to change her care tactics which are, although not the most desirable, not likely to raise any alarms. If you did bring up the possibility of leaving her services and why, it might help at least temporarily but probably not permanently. On the upside, it might help long enough to find another provider???? Good luck!

It is acceptable for him to play in the floor while being supervised. It is acceptable for him to be in a safe confined space, unattended for a few minutes while she goes to the kitchen. It is acceptable for him to catch a bit of educational television throughout the day.

It is not acceptable for him to be left, in open space, unattended (he is going to be mobile soon and won't stay there). It is not acceptable for him to watch television all day.

If your baby is happy and healthy when you pick him up everyday, don't stress on how she's doing things. She's 64, I'm sure she has it all under control :)

Doesn't sound like she's doing anything wrong to me. Does she have a gate up so he can't leave the living room while she's in the other room? Babies don't need to be held all of the time. My kids were also on the floor playing a lot when they weren't sleeping, eating or being changed. If you think they TV is on all day I don't think it's wrong to ask if she can limit the kids TV time to a couple hours per day. No one will watch your son exactly the way you think it should be done. You'll have small little things that bother you almost anywhere you go unless you quit your job and stay at home with him (which is awesome if you ever have the opportunity to do that).

I leave my 7 month old DD on the floor while I clean all the time! As long as I can see her, I'm good. lol. Unfortunately, in our house the TV is almost always on (I live with my in-laws, and they watch a lot...) She watches it a little, but most of the time her attention span is so short that she will look, get bored, and start exploring. (It is getting harder to do now though, she is crawling around and cruising the furniture, so I am constantly having to chase her down to keep her where I can see her! lol) As long as she isn't leaving him on the floor ALL THE TIME, and she can see him while she does the dishes, I think it's fine. Now, if she was putting your son in a bouncer or chair and aiming him at the TV, I would have an issue. lol.

Hi A.,
Have you thought of using a daycare instead of a private sitter?. You might find it suits your style more. There are policies and proceedures and schedules and structure. There is no putting babies on the floor to watch TV for ANY length of time.

I LIKE what I hear about your babysitter, but I'm an older Mom who has already learned 'the kid's are all right'.

You're the Momma, you gotta do what feels right to YOU!

i think she sounds lovely. she's calm, experienced, and (no offense, my dear, first time moms are always edgy, i sure was!) a lot more laid back than you, which is probably a good thing for baby to be around sometimes.
but you are not happy with her, that's clear.
so you should probably switch to an official daycare facility where the vetted staff and hygiene procedures will reassure you. he probably won't get the warmth and affection he's getting with this nice lady, but when you have kids in daycare you have to decide what your priorities are.
it broke my heart that both of my tinies were back in daycare at 6 weeks old. i went with family-based ones because that's where my comfort level was. you need to decide what is most important to you.
khairete
S.

A.,

LOL...I know its hard and you will never find someone who can take as good of care for your DS as you. But you have to get thicker skin sweetheart! You have a boy... there are going to be worse things he is gonna do and get into in this life time. Playing on the floor (where else is suppose to be) is perfectly normal.
Watching cartoons, what kid doesnt love cartoons.
He's happy.... healthy and well taken care of. Although if you dont trust her completely then you need to find someone you can trust completely.
Shes 64 Im sure she has it all under control. Dont you leave your son playing on the floor to do dishes? I do with DD.

My house is COMPLETELY child proof so I can go to the restroom and know she isnt going to find anything she cant have.

It sounds like you are not very happy with her care. I think you would be much happier in a home daycare where the provider is a younger mom and is able to get down on the floor and really PLAY with him. I am not sure I would leave my baby with someone that it is "hard to pick up" my baby. That is a huge part of the job. I watch children in my home. I am always holding and carrying the babies around. I sit on the floor with them and play all day. Often while I get lunch ready, I have a baby on my hip. When they are really little, I will put them in the Baby Bjorn and carry them around. Having a 8 month old lay around on the floor all day and watch cartoons all day, in my opinion, is not an OK situation!

Babies at that age NEED to be on the floor exploring and learning about their world. A tv isn't going to hurt him. She sounds like a great lady (by your previous post) and she sounds like she knows what she's doing. She's open and honest with you which is a wonderful quality in a sitter!

The leaving on the floor to play while she does dishes sounds fine to me. That's how they explore and play at that age. That's what I did with my own baby. The fact that she commented on him being fine while she does it seems to say that she pays attention to what he is doing. I would have concern leaving a baby with someone who isn't physically able to easily pick him up. That seems like a significant issue to me. I would have a HUGE problem with the tv being on all day with my baby watching. I think the AAP currently recommends NO screen time at all for children under 2 and then over that age only like 30 mins a day or something. I know this can be standard operating procedure for some home daycares, but that doesn't make it good for them. With the eye-level TV is it mounted to the wall, flat panel or something? If you are talking about a big table top one, make sure it is secured or that is a major safety issue as well.

But bottom line, I think you need to go with your gut. If you find that you are nit-picking every little thing with her, it is probably because you don't think it is a good fit for you and your baby and perhaps, as others have mentioned, you should look into a daycare center.

I would strongly suggesting looking into a licensed daycare provider. If the provider (either in-home or center) is licensed then they have to provide a daily schedule of activities as well as on-going professional development regarding early childhood.

It is not good for your infant to be watching t.v. all day and spending time unsupervised with other children. You should bring it up to her, but I highly doubt she will adjust her practices.

Call around & make appointments with other providers. See what they have to offer and go from there.

if you want someone to hold your baby and be able to you should look into a different babysitter...something i've found in 8 years of parent hood is NO ONE will EVER really be good enough to really care for my child and i have to remember all the time that i am PAYING them to love my baby, it doesn't mean they actually do therefore the quality of the care isn't what i really want but it's temporary so i'm ok with that.

Keep in mind there are other options out there. If you had told me when my daughter was 1 or 2 that someday soon I would be the parent who declares "We LOVE our daycare provider!" I would not have believed you. But then, after going through 3 other providers in 3 years (switching only when we had no choice because they closed ect.) I interviewed UMPTEEN home daycare providers until I found one that met EVERY ONE of my expectations and wishes. That was over a year and a half ago and I could not be happier with our choice. I will be having a baby soon and it will be SO different this time, leaving her with someone I TRUST and someone who I KNOW is going to do a good job will be so much easier.

I firmly believe that if you look hard enough and long enough and are determined enough, you can find someone who fits with your family.

babies need to be read and held and paid attention to, not put on the floor because it is more convenient.

One time my peditrition said to me:
There will always be ONE thing you do not like about your daycare situation. But if there is more than one thing, keep looking.

I've haven't read any of your other posts about your babysitter, but quite frankly, I am shocked that you think it's a problem to put an 8 1/2 month old on the floor while doing dishes?! As long as the area/house is babyproof, what is wrong with the floor? At that age, both my girls loved playing on the floor, and my younger one often wriggled out of my arms to get down there so she could play with her sister. Just like "tummy time" for infants, older babies need floor time to explore, play, and learn to move around. How else could he learn to crawl and walk if not left on the floor to play & explore?!
As far as the tv, you did add "I think" to the end of your statement, so it sounds like you need to talk with the sitter about how much tv he's watching, if that is a problem for you. I'm betting it's on if there's older kids in the house.
I sympathize with how hard it must be to leave your child with someone all day, but I think some of what you're feeling is due to that angst, and perhaps just being a first time mom. I know I freaked out over more things with my first, but by the time you have two, you realize some things are not that big of a deal (such as watching a little tv before 2).
Best wishes to you!

I think the key here is your sentence: "bothers me when things aren't done RIGHT with him". there is no right or wrong way to raise kids. There is your way & someone else's way. Anyone who watches your kids will be someone else & therefore, with your mindset, they will do it WRONG. You need to accept that there are other ways to do things. THat said, this babysitter may not be the best (most comfortable) option for you. If you look around you may find someone who matches your personality better. But they will never be perfect & you will always have some issue.
I have 2 kids under the age of 4. Anytime I clean (since they were little) I would leave them in the gated, babyproofed living room & I would clean in other rooms. I was always able to hear them & usually able to see them. My children watch a lot of tv,. I never thought I would be one of those moms, but I am. They love PBS, SPROUT, Disney & Diego (from nick). It is all educational. THey have learned a lot from it. My 3 year old has the vocabulary of an average 5 year old & my 21 month old just started speaking, but he uses phrases instead of individual words. They are both very active. They rarely sit while watching tv. THey are usually standing & running around. If the show tells them to do something, like jump, they do it. THey have learned a LOT from their tv shows. And it has not affected their attention span. THey can both easily watch a 25 minute show, if they like it. (I also take them to the library for toddler story time & they can sit & listen to a whole story, which a lot of other kids can't do). So, what's my point....I don't believe my children have been harmed in anyway by tv. In fact, I think they have learned a LOT from tv. I think the programming she has on is important. If its educational kids shows, then I think its not worth fighting over. IF she has on soap opera's & judge judy all day, then that's worth fighting over. And do your research, not all kids shows are the same. Disney (before noon), PBS & SPROUT are excellent for kids. Most of Nickeloden is garbage (in my opinion, they are entertaining, but don't teach anything real) with the exception of Diego (they learn about animals). I personally, don't think Dora is worthwhile (its like a video game, it does teach about choices, but that's about it).
Well, good luck.

Hey A.
I have read and responded to your other concerns regarding your babysitter. I think you are being too picky and there will always be something you don't like or disagree about your childcare provider, no matter who it is. Have you sat down and talked with her?? That has to be your first step (or second or third) if you have already done this. Constant communication is so important to ensure you agree about whta is being done. There is absolutely nothing wrong with him playing on the floor, that is what babies do. She finds it hard to pick the babies up, does she get on the floor to play or read stories? Holding and picking up babies all day is very hard physically. What is the layout of her home? Can she see or hear the kids when sh eis doing dishes, getting lunch, going to the bathroom etc etc? How do you know he loves cartoons? It sounds from that statement that he also watches tv at home. How do you really know he watches it all day? I have been doing home daycare for 17 years and although the tv is on from time to time throughout the day, anyone under 2 rarely sits and watches it, there are times when I wish they would sit in one place for 20-30 minutes and watch a show, but they have no interest. You have mentioned the tv issue before, it is your responsibility to ask about his day, ask about tv habits, what do they do all day, what is the routine like, what are his favorite toys etc etc. I know how difficult it must be for you to leave him with someone else when you work. If you still dont feel comfortable AFTER you talk with her and discuss a few things, then it could be time to find someone else. Remember, no one will have all the qualities you are looking for, and there may be other issues with a different provider that you also don't agree on. Is your babysitter loving, open to your suggestions, and otherwise doing what you agreed on when you started?

It depends. Our kids watch very little TV, but when we have help watching the kids and we aren't paying them - grandmas, etc. they tend to ignore that we don't want the TV on. I pick my battles. My kids are also only babysat for a max of 5 hours at the time and not everyday, so I don't stress too much, knowing the TV isn't on the entire time. My kids are older.

There is no reason a 9 month old baby needs to watch TV....they have plenty of things in their surroundings to explore.

In home child care the caregiver can even go and take a shower while the kids are there. They have way less restriction on what they can and cannot do since it is their home. Babies need lots of tummy time, it is what helps them to want to crawl or scoot to get a toy or something. I have my TV on all the time and the kids watch it as they do other stuff too. They hardly ever just sit and watch it.

It sounds like, to me, that you need to put your baby in a regular child care center. They usually have no TV at all, each baby room teacher has 4 babies they are responsible for during their shift, they do activities and different things with them throughout the day, a regular schedule is usually posted somewhere in the room, and they have a more regulated environment since the care givers are all on the same page as to what is supposed to be done at any given time or in any situation.

Ok so I just posted on your latest babysitter question, and I was reading more about the issues and something that Gamma G mentioned made me LAUGH.
So my sister's kids who are at the "best" daycare in our county has tv's in every room and over the christmas break they watched 2-3 movies a day.
My old daycare had big screens in the older kids room. So I wouldn't say that a regular daycare is better.
Also at my old daycare they had things posted, but never the right schedule or menu. So yeah they post things, but late or don't update things.
I really like my new at home daycare. She texts me pictures, we skype, I talk with him on the phone. I love it. I also mentioned earlier that she does have a tv, but that is only used in the mornings when the first kids gets there and are waiting for the others to get there to start their manners lessons. I would highly suggest an at home center. Pam, she feeds the kids organic food and uses natural cleaners. I'm super comfortable with that. It sounds like she is already in one, but I would maybe find another one. One that you really, really like and trust.

if you do not like the way she cares for your son then you need to find someone else. take him to a licensed day care facility. it may be more expensive but may be he will get the kind of care that you want.

Hi, A.:

What do you really need from the babysitter?
Just want to know.
D.

I wouldn't be comfortable leaving a baby with an older person who couldn't physically care for them. If I were you I would steer clear of a day care center and find soemone younger who will listen to what you want done and can care for your baby.

I know it is hard to leave your child. I leave my 17 month old everyday; its really hard. She has been in daycare for 4 months and I love them. I was worried about day care; I hate the cost; BUT I love them. I am so confident she is safe. I don't overly worry. I don't have any issues with them.
I think this stuff sounds bad; not really bad. But it sounds like it bothers you a lot. if it bothers you, then it is not what you want for your child and you need to make a change.
I know it is not easy to find child care but I think it is time to start looking so you feel comfortable.
The biggest complaint I have heard at my child's daycare is the one teacher picks on the other for holding my daughter so much. I told her she can complain about that all she want; I don't care if she holds her all day as long as someone is loving her. At 8 months he doesn't need to be sitting on the floor he needs attention and love.
Good Luck and Happy Holidays!

You know the answer to this. You need a new babysitter. One of the hardest parts of being a Mama is listening to yourself. This is an unacceptable situation-- get him out of there.