just not sur eif i am doing the right thing with her, lately she has been giving attitude when it comes to homework it is a problem when it comes to cleaning it is a problem and i find my self repeating my self about evryhting over and over. my husband is more of a yeller and it works for the moment and then tommorow she is doing the same thing. so yeaterday i stayed real calm and after she insisted i was wrong about her homework i told her we would do it my way and talk to the teacher in the morning and quickly she said oh no your probably right. then shorlty after she raisied her voice to me when i was in her room and asked with attitude what am i doing to her clock she already fixed it... so i calmy answered her question told her the way she just spoke is not exceptable and for that i wanted her to get ready for bed and to lye down then she started crying and aplogizing over and over, so i stuck with it and by 7:45 she was a sleep for the night.. once before falling asleep she tried coming to make conversation and i told her i was upset with her right now for her attitude and i did not want to speak so for her to go to bed and she walked away with her head down and it killed me...
Hi J.
I thought I was the only one having the similiar problems. My 9 year old, wants to do other things than what he is told, getting him to do homework is a chore in it's self. Redirecting him back on task is done often when it comes to homework, going to bed or cleaning his room.
Have a great day
D.
Ok, I remember being kind of like that when I was that age, and my oldest daughter is like that now. A relative of mine who has already raised her children, said that when they start to go through puberty, they start to have trouble controlling their feelings and attitude. With my daughter, we just try not to lose our temper if possible, and stay consistent with the rules no matter what kind of attitude she gives us. Such as, bedtime is at 9:30p.m. no matter how much she huffs and puffs, and complains. It's still 9:30p.m., and she's going to bed no matter what. That's just one example, but it works. She might get mad, but she still does what she is supposed to do, because she knows that there will be consequences if she doesn't. She also knows that she can't use foul language or scream at us, or anything like that, because there will ALWAYS be a consequence....not just sometimes, but everytime until she gets the idea. I'm telling you all of this, because it has worked, and she is a very well mannered, and well behaved girl even though she might still roll her eyes or give out a long sigh every once in a while.
Seems like once you started showing her that she wasn't getting to you as bad, she notices that. It might hurt to see her so sad when you're mad at her, but she's learning that it doesn't feel good. She is only 8 years old, she needs to know who's the boss. She's the child, you're the adult. If you don't start putting your foot down, things could only get worse. I read your profile, you probably don't get to spend as much time with her as you like. But don't let that push your boundaries back as a parent. When she tries to make peace with you, that is when you should let her know that her behavior is not appropriate and you won't tolerate that kind of behavior. Good luck, I hope things get better. God Bless you!
It sounds like you did a great job handling the situation!
Hi there -
I highly recommend a book called "How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and How to Listen so Kids will Talk" by Edna Ferber and another person.
It is short and easy to read and has some wonderful tips on how to get your kids of all ages to do things on their own without the nagging, etc. It has helped me be a much better parent and made things easier around our house. There are all kinds of interesting tips that will surprise you. I would recommend that you and your husbnd both read it. I need to read it again because my daughter is going thru those pre-teen years! She is giving us some attitude as well (just turned 10) and I'm startingt to repeat things over and over.
Also , kids are like little sponges and they take in the attitudes around them. Is it possibble that she is a little uptight because you are nervous about your check-up? It can be surprising, but kids will pick up on something like that and they are not even aware of it.
Sounds like you are doing a real good job of things -- especially about being calm and not yelling. It's really tough not to yelll when they give you attitude , but so important not to raise your voice or yell. I am working on that as well. When we as parents get agitated, things just get worse and yelling just teaches them that it is appropriate to yell. I am trying to model good behavior and remain calm about things, but it can be trying, though and a real challenge! Good luck!
Also, will be saying a prayer that you are healthy and all was fine with your check-up.
Wishing you the best~
P.
Kids test their boundries from time to time. I'm sure you have a few stories you remember about yourself. Just keep on the same path you are on. Make sure you keep the boundries consistant. I'm sure it will pass with time. But I'm pretty sure it won't be the last time. I know my son's teacher has a behavior board in the classroom for when they are goog and when they are bad. If they are really good or did a good deed they move up on the board and if they are bad they are moved down. This board had from the top WOW, GREAT, GOOD, OOPS and OH NO. They start each day on good and either go up or down. You could always use some kind of behavior chart like this and at the end of the week if she has been good and has not been at the bottom of the chart you could so something special for her. Buy her something she wants or take her for ice cream or something like that.
Yelling is not going to do much for your daughter. She may have some issues that you need to address. Try talking calmy to your daughter. Really get to know her. If she tries to give you attitude or yells at you, keep your calm and continue to talk to her that way. Spend some time with her. You can just sit down together and watch t.v., maybe do some cooking, or maybe even just going to walk. And when you do spend time with her, try not to bring issues about homework or house chores. Get to know her and let her get to know you. Show her love. Sometimes, just giving her a hug or kiss, just for no reason...she'll feel loved and special. Then when you establish a rapport with her, talk about your expectations: with her school, house duties, attitudes,...Give her lots of encouragement and praises. Praise her for even the littlest thing she's done.
You can find more ideas and ways to discipline your daughter, spend time with her, activities, and so on at familyeducation.com. It's a nice web site, it goes by the kids ages. Check it out. Good luck and God bless you.
That is good that you are staying calm, but you also need to let her know it is unacceptable behavior for her to talk back to you disrespectfully. Make her answer you or repeat what she said in a nice respectful way to show her she is capable and that is your expectation. But when she comes to you to talk, you need to put the past behind you and be open to listen to her. If you push her away when she initiates contact, she will eventually quit and then turn you away when you want to talk. Don't feel bad about it anymore, but just resolve yourself to next time you will be open to her. Good luck!
