Are You an Only Child or Only Having One Child? Looking for Feedback.

I am the middle of 3 children, and my husband is the oldest of 3. Personally, I like the situation that I grew up with and we will have at least 2 kids. But when I talk to my friends who were only children, they can't imagine being anything BUT an only child. They love it, just like I love having brothers and sisters. The reality is that kids will probably be happiest with whatever they're used to.

Hi there-

I am an only child and for all purposes I was an only grandchild to my mothers' parents. I was "well loved". :)

Anyway, growing up as an only child had its difficult points but in general, I didn't really wish for a sibling until I was older. I had a lot of opportunities that had my parents had another child, I wouldn't have gotten and I did have to learn to be very resourceful and social as a result. While this was a good foundation, this is not what I wanted for my own family.

As an adult, I believe that the best gift you can give your child is a sibling. While they may not get along, to give them the gift of having someone else to share their life with is your gift to them. What they choose to do with it is up to them. That said, part of my decision had to do with the fact that my Dad isn't close to his siblings and neither is my Mother. So, once my dearest grandparents died, I was faced with the realization that once my parents die- it is just me and that would be a very difficult place for me to be...all by myself.

I have a 3 1/2 year old son and am having my second baby in 2 weeks. This decision was not easy for us to make in the sense that having my first was very difficult for us and caused 3 years of constant medical attention for both my son and I and put our family in a financially difficult situation. Having another one was equally difficult but has been (so far) easier than the first. That said, we faced a lot of criticism from family and friends about why we would put ourselves through this again. The answer really came down to the fact that I needed/ wanted to have a sibling for my son. In addition to all of this, both my husband and I are 4 hours from our hometown and we don't get a whole of visits from the family as a result. My parents come to visit regularly but his family is hands-off unless we go see them. So, this made it even more apparent to us that once my parents die, we are really alone...besides our friends and "family" that we have established here in IL.

Having said all of this, I think in the right situation having an only child is a good decision because you can give them many opportunities, attention, etc. that you can't do with two or more children. If you have a good support system and plenty of family in and around the area (and it sounds like you do), I think this is a good foundation for an only child to grow up in...especially if you have medical issues.

I think that no matter what your decision, it is your decision and you shouldn't let others influence you. I would urge you to do what is best for your family and taking into consideration your situation- financially, emotionally and physicially is the most important thing. Looking at your external resources- friends, family, etc. can also be very telling on what makes the best situation for your family. For us, the lack of family was instrutmental in our decision but it sounds like you have that in spades so do what is best for you and your hubby!

Good luck!

I am the youngest of six kids, but the closest in age to me is seven years and my oldest is fifteen years. In many ways I was like an only child with seven parents! I was never lonely and have always made friends easily and I don't mind spending time just by myself. I feel like I have had both experiences, now as an adult I am very close with my siblings. My mom is an only child and I don't think she was lonely as a child or even minded not having a sibling, but that is why she had so many children. I know how hard it was on her when her mom passed away and the support of her children really helped her through. I think that was the only time she wished she had a sibling, luckily she was in her sixties and has full grown children.
I just can't believe people even question that you only want one child or make a comment. What if you had medical reasons for not having another child? How insulting! One of my brothers has only one child and she is delightful!
There are never any guarantees in life on how your child(ren) will turn out and if siblings will even get along. Just do what is best for your family and tell everyone else to mind their own business!

I'm an only child. My parents were in the working blue collar/middle class category and I was able to do many amazing things they could never have afforded with more children. My parents were so involved and supportive that I NEVER felt lonely as a child. I had lots of friends and cousins. If anything I was definately spoiled! Maybe now a little bit I wish I had siblings, but it's certainly not an overwhelming need. My husband had only one sister. We have 2 children. They are great friends (3 and 5 years). My husband and I are full-time working professionals and I had a tubal ligation b/c I do not want to be pregnant and working again! We haven't ruled out the possibility of adopting to expand our family. I think it would be great to have a large family. However, there is definately something to be said about dedicating all of your energy to one child. Also financially you can offer an only child opportunities (a great private school for example if that's your thing, or an Ivy league university) that you might not be able to afford as easily with more than one. I was a very happy only child and am now a productive, successful adult. Either way, it's up to you. Let any kind of negative comments from obnoxious people go in one ear and out the other. You shouldn't even justify your decision to them. It's your decision. You'll do what's right for you and your husband and your family. Good luck.

I am an only child and for the most part have loved it. As a small child I would ask Santa for a sister for Christmas, which must have been very difficult for my parents who could only have me. My parents and I had a very close relationship. We were like the three mustketeers. My friends would often comment on how close we were and always liked hanging out at our house. I never felt I was missing out on anything - although I do have many cousins and close friends I consider "sisters". I guess I would say that I was spoiled, but mostly with love and attention, not necessarily material things. The most difficult time was when my dad got cancer as I was my mom's rock and didn't have any siblings to share the burden. While my husband was wonderful and supportive, it would have been different with a brother or sister. My dad lost his battle with cancer and now, six years later, my mom has it. It is incurable and I am now faced with being without both of them. It makes me very sad, but at the same time I am not alone. I have a wonderful husband and two adorable sons who are my family and will help me through whatever may come.

I don't know if my story helps you at all. As you can see, I do have two children, but I wouldn't have hesistated to have an only child. In fact my eldest was an only child for four and a half years. You and your husband have to decide what is best for your famly. I hope that other people's rude comments don't hurt you too much. It is truly none of their business.

Hi C.,

I'm not an only child, but my husband is & we've decided that we are only having 1, as well. He had a great childhood & tells me often that he really enjoyed being an only child. My best friend growing up was an only child & she had a great relationship with her parents & had friends over constantly! She never seemed lonely to me. As for all the negativity, your are going to have to let it roll off your back. My daughter is 3 & we've had to weather the disapproving looks & "tsk tsk's". But we live in Chicago & it's expensive & our condo is small & it MAKES SENSE for us to only have 1 child. If you ask me, it's the people with 3 or 4 in the city that are crazy, not us!

Hi C.. I have one son about 16 months. I am in my late 30's and am struggling with the very issues. I am tired! Not to mention the financial concerns. However, almost everyone I speak to has the same feelings....they say that it's sad and lonely...blah...blah...blah. I come from a very large family and my husband is an only child. We are both well adjusted adults. I think good parenting is the issue, not whether or not one decides to have more than one child.

My son will be 3 next month, and we are not having any more. We have always wanted one child for a variety of reasons, but the most important one is simply that our family is complete and perfect just as it is. Our son is not selfish, or rather not any more than a typical 2 yr old, he is NEVER lonely, and is a very sweet and outgoing boy. He instantly makes friends wherever he goes and has never had a hard time socializing or sharing with other children. If you are planning on keeping your child an only, my word of advice is to develop a thick skin. You will get a lot more comments the older your child gets about how horrible you are for not "giving" your child a sibling. Ignore it. It is nobody's business but your own how many kids you want to have. From my own experiences, I have 2 younger sisters, and in fact we were so close that it hindered our ability to make friends with other kids. We were so dependent on each other that it is still difficult for us to make friends. Every only child I have ever known has been extremely well-adjusted and outgoing, always surrounded by friends. Perhaps it is b/c they have to make more of an effort without that "built-in playmate" a sibling provides. Plus, having siblings does not guarantee that a child will not be selfish, spoiled, or happy. My husband has never been close to his brother; in fact they dislike each other strongly. I know this has been a long post, but this is something I've dealt with for 3 yrs. For me and for anyone else, it is a personal choice, and I only hope that the other moms that respond to your question keep an open mind and do not try to make you feel guilty for choosing the family size that is right for you.

Hi C.,
Even if you had another child, there are no guarantees that the two would end up being close. My husband comes from a family of ten, and they rarely hang out together. He said even when they were kids, most of them formed outside friendships. My cousin has a brother that is two years older than her and they fought something terrible when they were kids.... you just never know.

Personally, I have one brother but he is eight years older then me so I felt like an only child. There were times when I was very lonely. To make matters worse, there were no children my age on the block that I grew up on. Forming friendships were difficult for me because of lack of interaction with other children until I was five when I went to school.

In your case, since you are obviously a caring mom, you could join playgroups or participate in Park District Mom & Tot classes. Just make sure your child has some social interation, and I think it will be okay.

If you are happy with the one child and want to leave it at that, don't let other people's glib remarks sway you.

Good luck in whatever you decide.

Diana

Let me start off by saying I agree with all of the responses - ultimately you are the only one to answer to your self. However, your child will deal with the repercussions throughout his or her life. Being an only child may very well enable your child to have certain opportunities which he or she may not have being one of many. But oftentimes we look at the immediate future rather than the long term future. As a child, an only child may be happy, well balanced and well liked however as an adult they are truly all alone. When their parents are gone, they are truly 100% alone. Friends are not the same as family no matter how close one's friends are. When one loses both parents and they have siblings it is hard enough feeling the pain and grief of being an orphan. I can not imagine how painful it must be to lose both parents, become an orphan, G-d forbid, and not have an immediate family to go through it with. I feel for my friends who are going through this and I see how painful it is for them. Our children are only kids for a short time, it's the adult years that are more lengthy in certain ways and so many difficult events can happen during our adult lives that often can be easier to confront with siblings to lean on. Just my 2 cents. Take it or leave it. Its not a judgement or an opinion rather just an observation. Whatever you choose to do, good luck and just listen to your gut.