Anyone with a Bipolar Spouse?

My hubby is Schizoid Personality Disorder. Not exactly the same thing but not one of those simple ones. It's hard isn't it. The stress of just being in the same house.

I feel more like a roommate sometimes and that's sort of fine with me. I think that if you like your lifestyle in general then it's okay to live separately within your marriage.

Of course you still love him and understand a lot of his actions are out of his control. He does make the same mistakes over and over without seeming to learn from them, that's the nature of the beast. It is so hard for them to not give in to those "temptations" to go down a path we don't like because their brain just doesn't have the same filters/walls that we do.

I live with hubby and stay married because I love him still, in some ways that love is different now than it was even 5 years ago. He stresses me out every day sometimes then other days I just forget he lives here too.

I dread the thought of trying to live on my own anytime soon. We have a life, a home, a future. Without that stability I don't know what I'd do. I know that my life would be possibly happier and less stressful but there are a lot of unknowns out there too. Finding work that pays enough to actually support yourself, having quality insurance that will actually cover everything that "might" happen, being able to go buy a vehicle that is dependable, all that stuff that is better with 2 incomes or a higher income. Not that I'm staying for the money, he's on SSDI, but that the stability of the known instead of the uncertainty of the unknown is daunting. The world isn't the same as it used to be. There are no good jobs where one can go in and work and make enough money to even pay rent on a shack.

When getting a divorce these days the judges are favoring the men now. They get full custody, they get child support, they get spousal support, they get the house, the vehicles, the retirement, they get all they worked for and the lazy wives that stayed home get nothing because they didn't contribute at all.

I would't want to go through that for anything. So, I try and make the best of life as it is. I'm not unhappy, I work 3 part time jobs, 2 are for trade and 1 is for cash. I make pocket money by ironing and doing a small amount of sewing for others. I get by and have outside interests where I am appreciated and respected. It makes a huge difference.

Tell him that you're going to get a job or go volunteer at the hospital or nursing home, something to give you fulfillment outside of those walls called home. It will make a difference. If he throws a fit tell him to choose, you move out or you get to work. See what he says. If he says move out the decision is made for you, if he says work then you're able to have that too.

Hi R., Well I have a switcharoo for you. I am the bipolar spouse. We've been married for 22 years. I know that living with me and my illness is very hard not just on my husband but on the whole family. Until my husband recognized it as an actual illness things were much harder for us. If your husband was suffering from a chronic illness...say a heart condition would you be as angry about the sleeping or anger issue's? Or him not wanting you to leave? It took many trial and errors to find the right medicine combo for me and I still have bad days. Thankfully my husband has learned how to live with it, it still frustrates him and me but it's part of the package. I know men have a harder time excepting a mental illness but if he feels anything like I do we feel guilty for the pain and craziness we put our families through. I know I do. I often ask my husband if he wants to leave because I feel like I'm dragging him down...he always says NO bless his heart. Sometimes I just need reassurance that my illness isn't driving him away maybe that is how your husband feels? Perhaps if you sit down with him and tell him I got to get out of this house I'm going berserk but that doesn't mean I'm going to leave you...I love you and I except who you are flaws and all..he might take it better. I do agree he might need a medication change they don't work forever unfortunately.. the more balanced you are on your meds the less likely to self medicate. I wish you all the best and as someone with this illness I personally want to thank you for hanging in there so long...a lot of people just give up on someone with this disorder. Prayers to you. Jess

Not a spouse but someone I was close to was bipolar. He was not like you described though. He occasionally had to be hospitalized when he got manic and I am sure he wasn't always easy to live with because he was so high strung but the paranoia you describe ( you cheating) was not part of it nor was the anger.
It sounds to me like your husband may need a change in his medicines. I think I would be careful though to excuse all his bad behavior on mental illness. He may have been an angry person without his disease too. At this point I think you need to do what will make you happy. I agree it would be totally overwhelming to think that this is it. Take a fun class, start rollerblading, volunteer, make friends etc. It sounds like your husband is going to be angry no matter what you do so at least try to do things that will bring happiness into your life.
So sorry you are going through this.

Yes my husband has bi-polar. When he's well, life is pretty good. When he's not, it's hell. We've been married for 10 years, seriously struggling for the better part of the past 7. We always said that we'd stay together at least until our kids are grown because we each came into our marriage with a child from a prior relationship (both are now 15) and we didn't want them to ever face having a family torn apart again. We also have two school-age children together.

Anyway...I doubt we'll make it another 10 years and I would certainly imagine that by 20 we'll be done. We both know that we can't continue this for the rest of our lives so every few months or year or two, we have to assess the situation and decide whether or not our kids are better with us together or not. The not tends to weigh more heavily lately.

I think that if my husband had any kind of addiction on top of his mood disorder, I'd be totally done. In sickness and in health only binds you so far.

It does sound like his medication isn't helping. They do tend to lose their effectiveness after a while and then it's time to try something new. Of course adding alcohol or pain killers into the mix doesn't help either. If you don't want to walk away, then I would see if you can get him in to see his doctor with you so that you can discuss your concerns. If your norm is as miserable as you describe, though, if I were you, I'd be planning for a solo future. If you don't work, go ahead and work. Who cares what he says about you (I know that you do, of course, but that's an addiction and mental illness talking, not a loving person whose opinion you value)? Figure out how you'll support yourself, where you can afford to live, etc. Lay the foundation so that when the time is right, you won't be left penniless and desperate and can move forward with some level of comfort and security.

I'm sorry if I sound pessimistic - we're in a bad place in our house so that may be coloring my perception. At the end of the day, life is too short for you to both be miserable. You can't save him from himself, but you can save yourself.

My husband is bipolar.
It sounds like his meds are not right.
We've been really successful with meds this last year.
He was diagnosed in 2005.
They hate being "mentally ill", that's why they need therapy so they can learn to deal with it and not feel bad or angry about it, that is a HUGE step in their attitude.
I'm suggesting you talk to his psychiatrist and get some changes made. He shouldnt be sleeping all the time. He's depressed, and needs a medication adjustment.
We have it down to a science now. Having the right meds on hand to fix episodes when they first begin is the key.

My dad ais a bi-polar recovering alcoholic so I have seen it for many years. Join Al Anon for yourself...it will get you in a better place. Also, if he is willing, he needs to work with the doctor on his meds. My dad was on the same thing for a long time and it I think it ran it's course. The doctor just switched him and he is so more relaxed and pleasant to be around. I wish I knew what it was.

It sounds like his medication isn't right.

I have a bi-polar son, and it's hard no matter who it is.