Am I Too Sensitive, or Was This Woman Rude?

Sorry, but yes I do think you are overreacting (as WE all do sometimes). This lady has probably had to clean up the messes caused by those sticks one or more times and she was probably just being cautious.

When you sell stuff, you see kids break all kinds of things.
And I've been in stores or at fairs where parents let their kids run wild then argue about paying for the damages their kids cause.
When we're shopping and my son isn't suppose to touch anything I tell him to put his hands in his pockets.
I wouldn't be too h*** o* the woman.

Sorry but no kids should not be picking up random items in stores that are not toy stores!

Children (including my own) do not set out to break things...but stuff happens and they break things without meaning to, especially before you or I can say anything to them.

I think you're being too sensitive here. But ...then again my mom always said "DO NOT touch anything in this store!" and I say the same things...and when they do it's "Hands in pockets!"...

If I owned a small store and had to eat the cost of broken items I would be freaking out a bit if some woman is letting her 2 and 4 year olds pick things up. You need to teach your kids not to touch things that don't belong to them or don't take them to a store.

Things are on display to look at, not to be touched and broken by children.

So yeah, you are too sensitive.

Since she doesn't know you, she had to assume the worst - that you're the kind of parent who would let their kids touch stuff, break something, then give her a hard time about paying for it. It sounds like she's had personal experience with entitled parents (who we can all agree DO exist), was extra vigilant about protecting her merchandise and, unfortunately, YOU were the recipient of her extra cautiousness.

YOU know you're not that kind of parent, but SHE doesn't. I'd cut her some slack.

Also, the reason she ran over to remove the breakable from your child is probably because YOU didn't. Perhaps, next time you're in a store with breakable items, tell your children what I tell mine: "Touch. Nothing."

So maybe she was a bit harsh, but maybe you're overreacting a bit, too.

Um...yes. Overreacting, sorry.

You wouldn't believe the kinds of kids people get in stores. She was simply trying to protect her merchandise. (Meaning, MONEY.) Big stores can just call a loss on broken things. Small stores eat that big time.

Sorry, but I do think you're overreacting.
I'll tell you why.......

No one attacked your kids, called them brats, no one attacked you or told you to get a grip on your kids.
You can't take this personally.

I can just about guarantee you that with the holiday flutter, they were bombarded by parents who didn't look after their kids or tell them not to touch things. I've been pretty flabbergasted by the way kids are allowed to act wild. I'm not saying YOUR kids were being wild, but I'm guessing that they had lots of things broken and were being perhaps a bit hypervigilent.

Things from local shops are often more expensive because they don't do the volume of business that big box stores do. Wal-Mart can return boxes of broken ornaments, toys, etc to the manufacturer or just write it off as a loss. Mom and pop shops don't have that same luxury. That's why they have the "you break it...you buy it" policy.

I have taken my kids into shops with very expensive and fragile things. Before we ever went in, they were told that they were to stay by me and they were not allowed to touch ANYTHING. I put a dollar in each pocket, either their pants or their jackets, and told them it was their job to keep their hands in their pockets, holding their money, so they wouldn't lose it. If they took their hand(s) out to even look like they were going to touch something, they had to give me their dollar(s). Their reward for keeping their hands in their pockets was getting to go somewhere more kid friendly to pick out a toy, an ice cream cone, whatever. Sometimes, they just wanted to save their money which was fine with me. It's not like I never let them look at anything, but we went to get what I needed and when I was done, then we would walk over to look at other things. This went for the pet store, the fabric store, the hardware store, the pharmacy, the grocery store.

There is a difference between looking at something and picking it up and touching it.

If I were you, I wouldn't be so upset by this that you never go back.
I can't see that anyone was overly rude. It sounds like maybe they DID have a lot of things broken and were just trying to avoid it.

I would let it go.

Just my opinion.

Yep. :) Overreacting.

Even if your kids are 99% careful (and my son is)... There's the 1% when an accident happens. And most kids are NOT 99% careful.

ESP in a small local store... Breakages are a big part if WHY costs are higher, and the biggest cause of breakages are kids. Then, kid breaks something, and they lose a customer AND have to raise prices (because most parents refuse to pay for things their kids break).

To me, sounds like she was being nice.

She could have said nothing. And Murphey's law = something WOULD have broken.

It's important to keep your kids under control and it shouldn't matter if your in an upscale shop or a discount store. The toy stores expect kids to play with certain items. The store you were in probably has a lot of breakables that small children should not touch.

It was your choice to pay more, the clerk was not only helping you with your purchase, she was doing "your job", by correcting "your" child.

ETA: the rule for us? If it's not yours, don't touch it. So when we are shopping? EVEN AT 10 & 12 - my kids have their hands in their pockets or behind their back (looking like old men walking around perusing the scenery)...LOOK BUT DO NOT TOUCH
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a little of both...you a little moody and the sales lady too overboard.

I can see both sides. This lady is selling items and most likely has had kids come in with inattentive parents (NOT saying you are!!) and things have been broken....however...she didn't give your daughter a chance to prove she was NOT going to break....

Give the store manager a call and tell her your experience and WHY you went to their store and why you MIGHT NOT go back...if you don't tell them what's going on - they can't fix or change it.

Good luck!!

I agree with Kristin C.
I am thinking she has encountered a few mommies (or grandmommies?) who left her with bad experience with such encounters.

Yes, you may have been 6 inches from your daughter, but if you did nothing to "remind" your daughter to be careful (or even worse, seemed unaware that your child even HAD the thing-- and be honest, from the owner's perspective, DID you look like you were paying attention to what your daughter was doing? Or did you LOOK like you were paying attention to what YOU were doing...), then probably having been burned in the past, she didn't want to risk letting it go.

I'd say that she might have been overly cautious, except that you and I don't know what she has seen happen in her store before. Maybe it WASN'T over cautiousness, if she has seen other kids break things with those horse sticks. Right? I'd guess, that probably you seemed a little ambivalent about what your kids were doing, and the owner didn't want to risk having to force a confrontation about paying for broken items.

Let it go. Except next time, don't let your kids handle things in the stores. How old are your kids anyway? I STILL give my kids reminders not to pick up everything or to be very careful in certain areas of stores and they are 11 and 14!

Actually, I think you're overreacting. I can't tell her tone, obviously, since I'm just reading this and not hearing it, but it sounds to me like she was protecting her livelihood, and she doesn't know your kid (or your parenting style) from Adam, so I don't think she should be expected to anticipate that THIS parent is a responsible parent but THAT one isn't. She just has to assume they aren't, especially if she sees kids handling things that are breakable.

Just my two cents.

Kids break things.

She has to pay for broken things, or, like she said - mommy pays.

You should be thanking her that you didn't pay even more at the store today. Don't be upset that she accused your kid of being a normal kid. She doesn't know you are one of the good parents who wouldn't allow their kids to break items. I can see how it would be irritating if you know your kids are well behaved - but remember, she doesn't.

The items are on a display table, but not to be picked up by small children and broken.

I am sorry you are in bad mood lately - go running or get a pedi!

But honestly, this isn't a big deal - maybe that lady just rubbed you the wrong way, and we obviously don't get that just by reading your post. Body language is a big thing too!

Go get happy! =)

Ya, I think you need to just let it go.

A couple weeks ago I was with my daughter at a craft show, she's 5, and we were looking in this one booth that was selling fish hooks and various other things. I had already told my daughter not to touch anything in the booth. But wouldn't you know I took my eye off of her for a second and in that second the person who was selling the stuff stopped talking to whomever he was trying to sell and said very loudly "Don't touch those, they will poke you" I was embarrassed as a lot of people looked our way and in that second I felt like a parent who wasn't watching her kid even though I was right next to her.

But he was right and I'm glad he was looking out for my daughter...even if in reality he was just making sure his product didn't hurt anyone and probably judging me as a parent,

I'm guessing this lady has just seen way too many times things being broke in her store....

Anyone who hasn't had retail experience could never understand how false the adage: "The customer is always right," is. She worded her concerns without blame and with proper concern for the safety of your children. Tell your girls not to pick things up while shopping without asking you first, then make sure you are paying attention to only that child and the item she is holding, or it will look like a planned distraction, in order for you or the other daughter to steal something or be careless. These concerns of retail staff have to be balanced with courtesy, and it sounds like you are overreacting, simply because you don't understand her point of view. A more proper response to her would have been to look at your daughter and repeat what the owner said, to make sure she had heard her. The owner was looking for you to remind the children of the rules, and in not doing so, she decided to step in. And honestly I think she worded it really nicely, in an age appropriate manner for your children.

eta
I keep thinking how you FEEL about it though. I can sympathize feeling slighted and insulted when the situation wasn't really like that AT ALL. And it seems to me like she hurt your feelings by judging your parenting? Or are you more upset about paying more money for the items? Sometimes unrealistic expectations can lead you down a crazy hole, so I bet your general mood is just clouding your perception of events. Time to choose to be not-moody.

eta
To all of you that said: "I would have just left and never gone back," I say GOOD. Those of us in the service industry don't like waiting on people like you and don't want or need your business. Really, we don't.

That's why I always tell my kids...."no no...we look with our eyes, not with our hands"
She probably HAS had a lot of people in the store and break her things.
You're right....it was on the display table to LOOK at, not touch.

Your children are 2 and 4? That is way too young to be picking up breakable items from a display table. Yes, they're on display but for the older shopper, say an adult who is shopping for their children. The display items belong to her and she certainly has the right and obligation to protect them. You were standing next to your child but did not stop him from touching the items even after she'd already intervened the first time.

I suggest that you were remiss in not picking up on her cue that those items were not for picking up by your children. Yes, she could've used better words and a better manner. But, just as you're not perfect, neither is she. Consider this a lesson learned and monitor the situation better next time.

Yes, you have the right to not shop there again but why would you let this experience alter your life? It's just one incident. You thought well enough of the experience to shop there once. I'd try it again, keeping in mind that this is not a toy store where children are allowed to play with the merchandise.

This really doesn't sound too bad of the shop keeper. I think she has had several things broken and she was just trying to have your kids not break anything.

While the item was on a big display table to look at, it didn't say "pick me up". When I would take my kids to a store that might not be set up for little kiddos, they were told "keep your hands in your pockets".

I really wouldn't take it personal.

I would not go back there if I were you and I would let them know why. I have no patience for business owners who court my children's business and then don't want them in the store.

I would have been annoyed too. First of all, if she is trying to run a business she should probably make an effort to improve her people skills.

I can see warning a child to be careful not to swing the stick horse or a simple "be mindful of the shelves dear."

But I consider going over to take something away from your daughter a bit over the top. I would have been insulted by this as if she thought I were not capable of parenting my own child. Clearly if you thought for a moment that your child was going to break or damage an item you would have told her to put it down yourself. If she didn't want the children to play with the display items perhaps she shouldn't have them on display? Furthermore, she stated that other Mommies have had to pay for broken items thereby indicating she herself was not out ANY money for ANY damages as the parents of said children paid for those items.

Personally I would have left the merchandise instead of purchasing it and said "Come on girls, your presence here is clearly making this women nervous that you will break one of her items. We'll go to "big chain store" to pick up ____ for your class and leave this women in peace."

That way you would have had your say but still came out smelling like a rose :)

Heck, if you haven't already opened those overpriced items I would return them and purchase them at the big chain store.

Peace and Blessings,
T. B

The woman did not think YOU would knock things off the shelf - YOU weren't holding the stick horse. She was talking about your daughter and no matter how close you were to her, you may not have been able to catch something falling off the shelf.

IMHO, this shop owner has experience with things being broken in her shop and she was trying to make sure that didn't happen again. Things on display are for looking, not touching, especially by children who aren't going to purchase the object.

You just have to explain to your children that they look with their eyes not their hands and to not touch stuff in a store.

My rule with my son is similar to SH's and other 'old school' moms-- unless you are buying it, keep your hands to yourself. You don't say how old your children are, and that would be something, however, even older kids are sometimes rough with items. I've seen all sorts of parents get distracted and have also worked retail, so we know it's easy for kids to the proverbial bull in a china shop-- completely without any desire for mischief. I wouldn't waste my time being offended--- just know that your kids either need to keep their hands off, or you go to a place that is willing to let kids touch. simple.

I think that next time you should go to the larger store and pay less.

I also think that they have had other parents not watch their kids in the store and have had breakage. However, the best way for them to handle it is to say "Honey, can I help you with that?" rather than pretending to not bawl you out.

You could write them a note and mail it to them, telling them that you realize that they've been burned by poor parenting, but the way they "handled" you has lost them a customer. It's not to be snippy, but to let them know what they need to hear.

Dawn

Ugh, that stinks. You have a right to feel the way you feel. I do think however that by not going back you are overreacting. My mom owns a store and as another member stated, they don't have the overhead that big chain stores have so it does come directly from their pockets. It probably wasn't the fact that it was your kids in the least, she may have just had an incident recently to cause her to act that way. Some moms keep better eyes on their kids than others. Some let the kiddos run free and others keep the kids close. I'd give her store another shot. Sorry that happened

It would piss me off too. Reminds me of when I was about six years old in a small local toy store with my mom. My mom was at the end of the aisle I was in, and I had the audacity to touch a toy. I didn't break or soil it, but the horrible old man in the store came and told me off so badly I was shaking. He didn't see my mom nearby. By the end of the dressing down she gave him, he was the one shaking. Then she took me to have ice cream. What a fantastic memory of my mom.

ETA: It was a TOY store??!! Well, you know what I think about that then! She chose the wrong sort of store if she doesn't want kids touching things. Sheesh.

I kinda agree with Cheryl that it was a little of both of you. She seemed a tad overly anxious, but you have to remember it's just after Christmas and things have probably been really busy, hectic, non attentive children, breaks, returns, etc. and maybe she's just frazzled.

I would probably give her another chance and go back there since it is a small local business. And to be honest, if the next time you go she is still like that, then I would say something, in a nice way of course, that her actions are causing you to rethink shopping there. As the owner she will then show her true colors on how she reacts and you will then know for sure if you should continue shopping there.

She sounds like the local owner here who has a sign stating "NO STROLLERS" and who REQUIRES parents to hold their child's hand, especially in the TOY Section. I would not go back. She is rude!

I have always told my kids, "look with your eyes, not your hands". Especially if its not a "kid friendly" store, which it seemed this was. Don't take her comments personally. Some moms let their kids run crazy in stores and she has probably had bad experiences with that. I'm an insurance agent and just as an FYI...her commercial insurance covers broken items from people, they "legally" cannot make a person pay for something that is broken by them or their child. Good luck!

Hi, Mama:

Have you heard the adage: "It takes a village to raise a child?"
You stated: "Did she think I would knock things off shelves?"

This is an example of your hidden feelings about your parenting as I am assessing.

1) When other people correct your child/dren, it's not about you, it's about the community helping you discipline your child/ren.
2) It also teaches your children to respect their elders.

If I was the one correcting your children, I would be thinking I was helping you to focus on your shopping and have an opportunity to talk with your children to get to know them.

I will add my own personal thoughts on the parenting skills of young parents to day: Some parents do not teach children how to respect other people's property. You stated: "It's out on a big display table, presumable to look at."
Yes, that is what it is for: "To Look At."

That's what I taught my children at home, "When you go into the store, do not touch anything, just look at it."

What you are teaching them is respect for other people's property. You chose to go into a higher price store. As you stated: "I've been in a mood lately, so maybe I am overreacting."

It's called displacement. Anger from one situation to another makes being angry acceptable.

Maybe parenting classes are in order.

Good luck.

D.

I'd have put the things down and left. Also I'd mention that their attitude was why. That wasn't very nice of them. Plus if your kids broke anything you'd have to pay for it so they wouldn't be out anything.

It was a toy store!? I was picturing a gift shop with lots of breakable items. That poor woman was way too worked up and yes, I'd probably try to find a different toy store to go to. No fun for anyone!

I think a little of both. She probably was rude, but, not without having had the same exact thing happen where objects did break or go flying. And you were probably a little defensive as it was aimed at your kids. My guess, you paid the price for those mothers that don't watch their kids!

She has probably had plenty of merchandise ruined by children whose parents were 6 inches away so I would not take it personally. The stick horses should be re-located to a high shelf or behind the counter though. Why invite trouble?

To me I think it would depend on the age of the kids. If she were talking to young children it might be reasonable, but if the children are of an age where they can and should be trusted to be careful I might be offended. Sometimes it is hard to know when to draw the line. I am comfortable with my very mature responsible ten year old handling breakable items in a store, but not my clumsy, excitable seven year old. My seven year old is bigger than my ten year old, so it might be hard for a stranger to make that distinction.

A similar thing happened to me years ago when my sons were little. I had walked into a small boutique clothing store, with my younger son, looking for a very specific item (white shirt). The lady running the store said something to my son who had not touched or done anything! We were there about 5 seconds!

I immediately left the store and never returned. I noticed a year or 2 later that the store had closed. No big surprise there.

I live in Boca and have seen some very out-of-control kids with indulgent parents, so I understand the concern. That being said, let's use some common sense and remember why we're in business. Good gracious some people have no diplomacy skills whatsoever.

Sheesh.

Socially awkward w/ no filter.

Not worth hanging on to, in the scheme of things.

I would've been a bit hurt by this, but I'm sensitive to the fact that people think I don't know how to teach my child. Reading this I understand where she was coming from, but I think there is definitely a nicer way of asking or even asking you to to not let your children play with items so YOU can be the parent rather than her. As far as the previous post, parenting classes? For who, the store owner, I mean really?! That's a bit presumptuous from just reading this post. You don't need parenting classes just based on this post, you just don't want to be viewed as a bad parent.

Meh... she sounds uptight to be managing a store, but she might just be over having loads of kids in with the holiday break. Not everyone is conscientious of what their kids are doing in stores.
I don't know if I'd go back though... sounds like the customer service isn't quite what it should be. Most people have a "you break it, you buy it" policy, I think. Maybe people have been difficult about doing that if their kids have broken things there.
I'd let it go~

I would've put down whatever I was preparing to buy and left, honestly.

I don't necessarily think she was out of line...eh...well...my jury's out on that one. But customer service is HUGE HUGE HUGE to me, and if people want my business, they need to be polite. In turn, I am ALWAYS a very polite customer.

Hard to say...maybe a little of both...but I too have been in a mood as of late

I think she was being rude but try to keep in mind that she may have been taking out a long/hard/bad day on you. Not the best way to handle herself (esp. in a business) but we're all guilty of it from time to time!

I wouldn't be terribly offended, but I think she could exercise better customer service.

I understand the arguments about it being post-holidays when many parents may have let their kids run wild in the stores. But, given that you seemed attentive, it was a bit much. For her to stop speaking to you altogether and run to take something from your older daughter says more about her poor customer service judgment than anything else.

I tend to not shop places that treat my kids like that. so, if I got somewhere and they did that, I wouldn't buy from them. Kids pick things up to look and learn about them. They make break them, but as the adult, I'm prepared to purchase said item should it be broken. it's a decision I've made (in my head) when I see my kid pick something up, and didn't say to them not to.

I find when someone is that judgemental over my kids, I really don't have the desire to support their store / business.

I do not think you are being overly sensitive.

Look but do not touch. That's something I teach my children and remind them of constantly even in department stores where something isn't likely to break.

However, I don't expect small town shop owners that don't know my family to assume that that's something I teach my children when my children are picking up toys and possibly not being particularly careful about it right in front of them.

The shop owner wasn't rude, but she was probably nervous about confronting you directly. She wasn't actually speaking to the children but speaking to YOU. "Hey lady, if your child breaks this then I expect you to pay for it." She was softening the message. People do this all the time with babies. "Oh, honey, you're not wearing any socks! It's so cold outside, did your Mommy forget to put socks on you today? You're going to get sick!" ::casting glare at Mom while hobbling off::

If you were so disjointed, I probably would have politely said something to the service lady or collected the children and left without making a purchase. However, personally I wouldn't have been insulted at all. As another person said, it takes a village.

It sounds to me like this woman has had a lot parents not pay for stuff their children have broken. I would try not to take it personally. She doesn't know your parenting style.