Almost 4 Year Old Won't Poop in the Potty

Dear E.

You'll probably get lot's of thoughts on this topic. But, my now 13 year old, at almost 4 was doing the same or worse. For him, he was just too busy to go. He would poop in his pants which was particulary irritating to me. After a long process of me washing the underwear, I allowed him to clean his own underpants and he was quite adept at washing his underpants by the time he decided it took less time to go to the toliet than have to go through all that he went through, not going to the toliet.

What about having him go in with daddy and letting him see that nothing bad happens to him. Just normal, go and wash his hands. See what happens.

Just some thoughts,
D.

How about getting him a special toy that he is only allowed to play with after going poop in the potty? It has to be something wothwhile (m&m's were not a special enough reward for my son) and immediate (he won't really associate a future trip to Wild Adventures with going poop in the potty). Here's what I did:

My son was competely trained on pee-pee but he would NEVER go poop in the potty. He only wore pull-ups at night, so he would either wait until he had the pull-up on and poop at night or he would hold it as long as he could, and then he would ask me to put a pull-up on.

We bought him a special toy (nothing outrageous, but special and different than other toys he had - a toy train for about $25) and we showed it to him in the evening (around the time he would normally ask for a pull-up). He got very excited, and then I explained that we would only open the toy if he went poo-poo in the potty. He decided he would try, but he didn't go (I think he thought just trying would get him the toy) so no toy. He threw a fit of course, but we put the toy away unopened. He was determined though, and tried again, and sat on that potty until he went. We sang the potty song (something I just made up), did the potty dance, gave him the toy and made a really big deal out of it.

At bed time, we put the toy away, and told him that it was special and he could only play with it after going poo-poo in the potty. So, the next night he was excited to go poop in the potty and get to play with his toy again. He liked the idea that it was special that way. Also, I made sure that his little brother was not allowed to play with it, so that made it even more special to him. He went on for about a week or so and eventually stopped asking for the toy after every poop, but continued to be fully 100% potty trained since then. I think he just had to get used to going poop in the potty.

Hi E.,
Bribes (sugar-free gummy bears) worked for my son, but let me tell you what a girlfriend of mine had to do. Her son was "attached" to his BM (poopies), so she said that it was making his BM sad b/c it didn't get to go the the "party" where Mommy & Daddy's BM was ~ IN THE POTTY, etc....if you really play it up that that's where it WANTS to be...maybe it will work. We've actually tried the same concept for eating veggies that want to go the the "party in the tummy" and surprisingly...it works! Good luck & God Bless!
B. (I've been married 14 years and have 3 1/2 yr old boy girl twins).

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/25057503/

look at this. it gave me some encouragement for my 2 1/2 y.o. and me.

Hi E.,
I agree with Mandy. He needs a special reward that is only his, that he only gets to have with success using the potty to poop. It needs to be instantly available (after washing his hands). You do not want to get into a power struggle over this with him. Nor pressure him that he has to do this to go to VPK.... that will backfire on you. Let him learn to anticipate the reward he will get.. without thinking about how it affects anyone else (ie, you... ).

I had a friend who's child went through this same thing.... just REFUSED to do it. just poop. I don't know what they did (or didn't do) that brought the "control" issue up, I didn't know them prior to that time. But WE never had that issue at our house. Potty time was only about rewards and happy... my daughter even had her own "Poopy dance" after she was done on the potty... lol

Have you tried getting him a special book or two that he can only look at when sitting on the potty? If you are making TOO big of a deal out of it that could be part of it too. I have heard that once they start to withhold that it becomes painful, and the cycle gets worse and worse. Once it hurts to go, he associates that with the potty. If he is constipated, you should contact your Dr. and ask about giving him a small dose of MOM (Milk of Mag) to get him "moving", and get him a lot of neat books to distract him while he is sitting there.... Try to hang in there...

Hi E., My daughter was the same way and would pee in the potty fien but no poop. She has finally been potty trained for the past 2 months (after 8 months of trying with poop!). She has a baby sister (now 14 months old) so after trying everything like you have said I finally started saying "well I guess you have to start wearing diapers again like a baby because only babies poop in their panties. Trying to equate her to her baby sister... that really only took a few days and then she just all of a sudden said "i'm not going to poop in my panties anymore" and she hasn't. (We also said that the poo poo likes to be in the potty and all the poo poos have a poo poo party in there, so now she flushes and says "bye bye poo poo, go have a poo poo party!") I think part of it is a power struggle with them so just try to be patient. I wish you luck, I know it is REALLY hard and we went through TONS of panties but it eventually paid off and now she's a pro! GOOD LUCK! (oh p.s. I also bought some BORING plain panties and she couldn't wear her pretty princess ones until she stopped going poo poo in the panties :O)