Advise on 2 Year Old Tantrums and the Darn Bottle

My son really liked a bottle at night, too, and the doctor suggested giving him watered down milk for a few weeks, until eventually the whole bottle is just water. Now he takes a bottle of water every night. My doctor said that the worst thing about a bottle of milk isn't the bottle, but rather the milk. It will start to rot out their teeth. Good Luck!

you just have to get rid of the bottle. After a few nights of fussing she will get over it especially when she realizes there are no more in the house. You have to get it out of sight and after she realizes the sippy cup or regualar cup is her only option she will do it eventually. The older they get the harder it is to get rid of. Mine were all off the bottle at 1 year. I just took it away and they fussed for a night or two then it was over. Also did the pacifiers this way as they were rid of them between 6-9 months. You have to stay strong and not cave in to her wants or you have lost the battle and she will know how to get her way, not only on this issue but other issues.

We just took our 2 year old off the bottle as well :) I bought a new toy and 'pretty (princess)' sippy cups and told her I'd trade her- she could have the toy if I could have all of her bottles. She agreed, so I let her help me throw them out. It worked great! (It was the 2nd time we attempted taking the bottle away!) As far as tantrums, we deal with it, too. She bites herself and hits herself and bangs her head against floors, walls, etc. The pediatrician told us this is normal- to ignore her when she's doing it and act like it doesn't happen. I have heard that a lot- but I'm not sure I like it. She seems to respond well when we discipline her for it- we just tell her that she can't hurt herself just like she can't hurt her brothers. Then she has to sit in time out for hurting someone. She was throwing these tantrums every single day-- now we're down to once or twice a month. Just be consistent in whatever you choose to do!

I guess it depends on how much communication & understanding your daughter's capable of... our son recently turned two and I know he wouldn't get the whole "trade" concept.

Tell you what we did though - we made it less appealing! We stopped running warm water to make his bottle (he's lactose intolerant so it was easier to just keep with the formula) and then we started decreasing the qty! He was taking 6oz, then 4oz, then 3 weeks later, only 2oz. A cold 2oz bottle doesn't go very far, but that was his option - so he lost interest in it! He won't even ask for it anymore!

We do also love the Nuby sippy cups.

I'd also recommend that you don't let her leave her room if it's not time to get up saying "no, it's ni-night time" (or whatever you call bedtime). Also, hold her hand and walk her back to bed if she tries to leave... there's something about having to carry themselves back to their room that makes leaving in the future less appealing! :)

Hope that helps! (oh, and you're so totally a normal sleep-deprived Mom for having a moment of "weakness" at 4am... 'cause I'm with you, I don't want to clean up the vomit at 4am so anything I could do to stop it would be preferred, even a small step backward in discipline!)

Hang in there and try to sneak in a little extra sleep whenever you can!

T.

Hi R.!
Your little gal is doing what she can to get your attention! I really think that the best you can do is ignore the screaming, kicking, etc. Of course you want to comfort her if she has had a bad dream, but if she's throwing these fits at other times, do your best to ignore it. When it involves sleep, I don't know what to tell you, because we have all lost our better judgement in those acts of desperation!

Have you tried giving her a "big girl" cup? My youngest is getting ready to turn 2, and at mealtimes I sometimes let him use a cup. I usually only put water in it, in case of a spill, but he loves it. You will have to help her put it to her mouth, but she will be able to hold it there on her own. Then make sure she doesn't put it back down partially on her plate (spill).

Just do your best-that's all you can do!!!

I am a Mommy of the cutest little boy who is 16mo. old... So I understand the fits. It happens. As for the gagging and throwing up -- it has been my experience that while that sound freaks us out, I have only seen a child throw up once. So, I doubt that she will push it that far...

Now about last night, since she gets a bottle before bed it isn't unreasonable for her to want one to go back to sleep -- especially after a bad dream, where she woke all the way up... It is the routine that is in place for now... :)

As for giving up the bottle, during the day... Use the cups for snack time for a week or two, she may or may not drink it but that's okay. She will still get her nutrition at meal time. Once you see her drink from the cup and get something out of it... Choose a meal (say lunch)and only offer a cup during that meal for now on. And then again, once she drinks it during a lunch. Move onto supper. You get the idea... I have found that cold turkey can sometimes cause a lot of drama for little ones, after all they can feel like they are being punished and really they just need a change in their routine. So don't allow it to be a struggle. Hand her the cup and say big girls drink from cups at snack. Don't fight just give it to her. When she throws it, or whatever, take it away and don't offer another option.

For now keep the bottle at night before bed, but add a step between the bottle and bed... Like bottle, book then bed. This way she will stop associating the bottle with going to sleep or back to sleep.

As for sleeping comfortably through the night, she hasn't learned to self soothe. This takes learning like everything else. My suggestion, and it worked with my son, is to let her fuss just a little longer each time she wakens... As you get used to her fussy fits it will bother you less to do this I promise. After about two weeks you will find that she is sleeping through the night, she will still stir and grunt and move around, but she will settle back down herself without crying and just drift back off to sleep. But you need to modify the bottle routine for this to have success.

All things take time, and each little one is different. Just remind yourself that you are only changing her routine and just like adults, it can really be rough for a little while. She loves you and wants to make you happy. So allow her the time to learn how... :)

If you have any questions or need to talk. Contact me any time. I am so happy to try to help. :)

R.:

As we all know, changes are tough (for us and our kids)! Resistance, tantrums, crying...it's all part of the territory. First of all, I'm sure you know, a 2 year old should not still be on a bottle (not good for her teeth, speech...). I would wean her off of that pronto (yes, there will be tears)!I'm not sure how many bottles a day you still give her, but start weaning her off one at a time. Second, if you give into her fits (like the bottle), they will continue to happen...and get worse. Try validating that she is angry "I know you are upset because you want your bottle, but big girls don't drink from bottles", and redirecting her behavior. If she continues, just walk away (don't give her tantrum attention, or she wiill continue to do it). If she is hurting herself in any way, then you need to attend to her (of course). But if she is just throwing a fit, let her know that when she chooses to calm down, you will come back.
A.

I'm a sahm of 2 kid's,Before you begin to take the bottles away explain to her that bottles are for babies,she is a big girl now she should be using a small cup there are girly cup's with straw's in them(My 1 yr old love's to use these),or a sport's bottle or sippy cup.Have you ever heard the term (I sit up I drink from a cup)I would pull all the bottles out of the house and toss them,give her the sippy cup or small cup and let her refuse to take it cry it out have tantrum's.This won't last very long,however it may cause a headache for a few day's.When she wakes in the nite give her water,in a cup send her to bed she may cry at this response too.Tuck her in and say nite nite see you in the morning.Don't fight with her this gives her the ok I can keep doing this,like I said toss all the bottles away.If she throw's up with her tantrum's she isn't going to like it,has she done this before?My advice may sound harsh but it work's, I'm the type of mom who cringe's when I see a 2-5 yr.old using a bottle and pacifier.I hear that his is normal behavior some toddler's this is their way of coping and self soothing but us as a mom's can find another way way to help our children.Go to Walmart and take her along and find some really fun cup's and get her excited!!It will all fall into place and soon the bottles will be a thing of the past.Good Luck

Hi R.,

Well I'm a home child care provider and here are the two answers I have for your questions.

the bottle, easy throw them away, every last one of them. If she can't see one she won't want one. When she does start to throw a fit for the bottle take her to where they are normally kept and show her there aren't anymore, you have to have a sippy cup from now on.

The temper tantrums, with my kids and my daycare kids it is the known rule that if you want to throw a fit you are perfectly welcome to do so but you have to go to the corner to do so, because the rest of us do not want to hear it or be your audience for it.
So when they start the fit I either ask them do they need to go to the corner and "cool off" or are we gonna start to try and use our words for this situation. If they stop then, then I acknowledge what I can tell their upset about and then it seems to be ok.
If the above doesn't appear going to work I immediately put them in the corner and tell them to "cool off" and when they are done they may come out.
Hope this helps, W.

Hi! As far as the fits go I have seen & been through that & a lot worse. If it's just over something she wants / did not get her way let her have at it & walk away. the less attention the better. If she makes herself throw up it's not going to hurt her. Kids will try everything to get their way. I've seen kids that hold their breath until they pass out & they come back to. I had one (step-daughter for 5 years about the same age as yours) that threw fits until she threw up, once she threw up she came back to reality & was fine or would fall asleep from wearing herself out. She eventually quit.

As far as the bottle goes I know alot of people would disagree with me, but is it really necessary to fight over something that simpl? I have never seen a kid go to school with a bottle. I know, their teeth. I took a bottle at night until I was 7 years & had perfect teeth, no cavities! Practice proper tooth brushing habits & let the small stuff go! If you really want to break her of the bottle put soething inthere she is likes less or let her scream it out, it will only take a few days before she is over it. We are too set on deadlines with kids.. @6 mths their no longer needing comfort their spoiled if they cry to be held, at 1 year you have to give up the bottle, no food until 4 months or later. Do as the old days moms did & go with your instincts, if you're doing you're best you're doing FINE! Somewhere peole have put too many rules on parenting & we don't know which end is up anymore. Go with what's right for your family. God bless & good luck!

Hi R.,

i would suggest puttin all the bottles in a bag and show your daughter that you are giving them away to babies who need them. then take them to a local shelter, she may throw a fit in the early morning for a night or two but she knows that they are gone. we did that with my daughter's pacifier and after two days she was fine.

My son will be 2 years old in just a few days and I'm having issues similar to yours. He wakes up in the middle of the night screaming (I figured he has had a bad dream) an still takes his milk in a bottle. I've tried every sippy cup there is and the ones from Tupperware (you can order online) are the only ones he'll use. I won't give him milk during the night. If he wants something, I give him water in a bottle, and that usually works.
I have found that ignoring him during his tantrums is the most effective. If he screams for more than 5 minutes, I'll check on him, but won't touch him because that seems to start the cycle over again. I hope this helps. Good luck!

People have told me this works with the pacifier. Ask her to give the bottle to Santa Claus or some charity for little babies who don't have a bottle. She may willing give it up if she can be a part of packing it away for someone else.

My daughter was much younger when we got rid of the nighttime bottle (I think she was about 1yo), but I think you might be able to use the same technique. At the time, she was on formula, so I started by decreasing the amount of powder I put in the bottle. I imagine you could do the same thing by watering down the milk a little. After a few nights of very gradually watering down the milk, I started to decrease the amount of milk altogether (instead of 8 oz, it was 7 for two nights, then 6 oz for two nights, etc.). Once we were down to a 3 oz bottle of water, I just tried one night to skip the bottle altogether, and it worked!

Keep in mind that to do this successfully, you need other elements in your bedtime routine besides a bottle. If you don't already have several steps in your bedtime routine (books, songs, drink of water from a cup, kiss, for example), you'll want to build those in now, so that it's not so obvious when you take the bottle out later.

As for the tantrums, I'd work on daytime tantrums first, and once you get rid of those, I imagine she won't throw them at night. When she has a tantrum, just tell her you will talk to her when she is calm, then go about your business, completely ignoring her until she stops. Personally, I'd probably give in during the night time, especially if it doesn't happen often. Parents need their rest so they can be patient and enforce the rules during the day!

Good luck with all of this! Being a good parent is hard work but it has great rewards!

Rene, I understand your capitulation at 4am, but now it will take more to break her, because you allowed her to break YOU. You have to be more stubborn than she is and let her know that when you say "no", it means "no", not "after an hour of pestering I'll give in and let you have your way."Or when she's 14 and wants to date a musician, you will not have any recourse!! It's much easier to control her behavior now than to allow her to do as she pleases and try to change her bad behaviors once they have a foothold. Good luck!!

I have a 17 month old boy who I've just weaned off his bottle and over to a sippy cup. He threw similar tantrums; he would throw himself on the floor, throw his sippy cup at me, scream until he could no longer breathe. It took a lot of effort on my part (I was right there with you at four in the morning) but if you stick to it and only offer the sippy cup, eventually your daughter will take it. It took my son three of the longest days/nights of our lives, but now he takes his sippy cup very well, and even cries for it instead of "Bottle!" Another thing that worked for me-if you use formula, start putting regular whole milk (not warm, right out of the fridge) in her bottle so that she will get used to the temperature. If she is already drinking regular milk and water or juice in her bottle, I would suggest just offering the sippy cup. I hope this helps!

She knows how to manipulate the situation. She sounds VERY smart and she's workin' it. You have to go cold turkey with the bottle. I know it's easier said than done...I've been there. And her fits will get WORSE when she doesn't get her way but when she realizes it isn't going to work, she will stop. It will probably take a few weeks so mentally prepare yourself for some not-so-fun time to come but you will get through it and will be much happier when you do. She will also welcome the sippy cup much better, too.

As far as tantrums go, if she's scared, comfort her and let her know everything's okay and put her back to bed. If she's doing it out of anger, step over her as she screams it out and when she realizes she's getting no reaction from you they will subside.

Sometimes a creative solution may be helpful. Try talking with your 2yo about giving her bottles to the zoo/pet farm to the baby goats. Call the zoo/farm and arrange in advance. Then have her help to collect EVERYTHING to donate and then do so. DON'T forget any items associated with the bottles at home, even cleaning supplies. We donated pacifiers to Santa's reindeer and it worked wonderfully.
Good Luck,
K. S

Hi R.! I just wanted to say you are not alone girl! My oldest daughter had a bottle at bedtime until she was 2 1/2. Then one day I bribed ber out of it:)! Buuuutttt, my 2nd daughter isn't so easy. I did however switch her to the nubi sippie cups (w/the really soft spout, like a bottle) at 1 year old. But she just turned 3 and is back to having one before bed. She quit for a while, then had the flu and it's all she would drink. Now, we are back to it. As far as through the night, she still sometimes wakes up and wants one. 99% of the time I do not give it to her, except maybe a 4 am fit;). She NOW goes right back to sleep. But, it took a few nights of crying. I would just lay in bed with her until she was back asleep. It WILL happen for you. I know you're worried about her teeth. But, she will eventually break the habit. Have you tried making a big deal about going to the store just to let HER pick out some awesome sippie cups? But, like I said, my daughter only takes the ones that are soft and squishy like the bottle nipple. They are the $2.00 Nubi cups at Wal-Mart. Hope it works out soon. I just wanted you to know she was normal!

Your going to have to learn how to tune her out when she throws the tantrums....let her throw them. put her in her room & let her go at it. The worse case scernio is she's going to have a head ache, tire herself out & go to sleep. NOW as for the bottle your going to have to be stern & just throw it out & offer her the sippy cup everytime....she'll eventually take once she see your not going to get her a bottle & she get thirsty enough. You just have to have a more stronger will then your daughter. Good luck & God Bless!

Hi R.,

I have to admit, weining my son of the bottle was EASY... it literally took one day. I simply put a small marshmallow into the top of the nipple making it impossible for liquids to pass. He sucked the nipple until his face was bright red and said "bottle broken" and we threw all the bottles away together. No more bottles! If you and your husband decide to have more kids, wein them off the bottle at 1 year, it will be A LOT easier, as one year olds are not as strong willed as two year olds!!

With regards to the temper tantrums, you have to more strong willed than your daughter! She is playing off your emotions and is winning! Let her have her tantrums and pay her no attention... even if she throws up. It is really hard to ignore your child's emotions, however it will pay off in the long run.

Good luck!!

A.

R.,
I can only tell you how I handled my 2 sons. They were taught to drink out of a cup/glass as soon as they could sit up. By the time they were walking (10-12 months) they were potty trained. I stood my ground and was consistent with whatever method I chose to follow. They will keep testing to see how much they can get away with. They win, YOU LOSE!! Actually they lose in the end, but you get my point. Praise seemed to really make a difference. You know - GOOD Boy, Good Girl, Use fancy,pretty glasses for Big girl to drink out of - plastic at first in case of problems.
I wish you all the Patience in the World.
Blessings
V. Clavin
Hugs = Priceless
P.S. When I was small, mom said I'd hold my breathe. It really scared her, doc said let me do it, passing out will stop the problem. It did. Trowing up is no fun either, but check with your doctor to make sure.

To get rid of the bottle, try watering down the milk. Start with about 3/4 bottle of milk, and 1/4 water and gradually go down from there. Eventually she will be taking only a bottle of water, which probably will not be so hard to give up.
Second, do NOT give into the tantrums. They are a way for her to check where her boundaries are. If you give in, she will know they are negotiable. She will actually behave better with the boundaries than without. She may throw up once or twice even, before the message gets thru. Just clean it up and be firm about your original answer...remember, she will be a teenager one day.

At this age, your daughter has strong emotions and is not quite sure how to show or handle them. So, they erupt as tantrums. You can do several things to help her get through this time.

First, understand that she does not know how to effectively and appropriately handle all these strong emotions. You can help her learn how to do this. It is a learning process. She may need some time to get the feelings out through a tantrum, just ignore it, let her do it and make sure she is safe. Definitely DO NOT give in. This teaches her that what she is dong effectively gets her what she wants.

After she is calm, talk to her about her feelings. Say, "I understand that you are very sad/angry/mad. It is not ok to scream and behave that way. When you are angry/mad etc. you can use your words to tell me (or whatever you want the alternative behavior to be)." Basically, you are validating her feelings (remember, it is ok to feel that way, but there are appropriate and inappropriate ways of handling those feelings); telling her what is not acceptable; and then giving her an alternative and acceptable way of handling her feelings next time. Be consistent! Validating her feelings and using words to describe them helps her make sense of all the confusing emotions.

Before conflict arises, you can give her choices to avoid the unacceptable behavior. "Do you want to clean up your toys by yourself or do you want me to help you?" Either way she is cleaning up and it doesn't really matter if you help or not. Give her two choices that you are ok with and let her choose. Letting her have more choices throughout the day can help her feel a little more control over her world, but not an overwhelming amount. As for the situation this morning, the two choices could be "I can either lay with you for a few minutes, or you can choose another stuffed animal to have in your bed while you go back to sleep. You can have milk in the morning." Then, stick to your choices. If you feel you might give in (like when it's 4 am and you just want to sleep) then at least make her ask nicely (using her big girl voice) and don't let the fit be the last thing that made you fulfill her request. I still don't recommend giving in either way because it's inconsistent, but sometimes you just need sleep!

Remember that having a strong will is not always a bad thing. Later in life, she will never be a pushover. Your job right now is to help her learn how to use that strong will in a useful and respectful way. As an adult, you would probably want her to be able to voice her strong opinion with co-workers respectfully without offending them, and also be able to get her ideas carried out. Think about what you can do NOW in order to hep her learn these skills. Help her to also learn about other's ideas and opinions as she grows. Look for opportunities where you can describe what another child may be feeling. For example, if at the playground you see another child get pushed or hurt, explain to her that the child must be feeling pretty sad right now. What's something you could do to help them feel better? Talking about and naming her emotions and other people's emotions (on TV, in public, etc) can help her work through this.

As far as the bottle goes, let her pick out some new sippy cups and get rid of the bottles (or at least hide them). If you don't have them anymore and she knows it, then it can't be an issue for long. Does she have a stuffed animal or blankie she can use at bed time instead for comfort?

Hope this helps a little, let me know if you want to talk more about this. I work with young children at a child dev. center so I see a lot of tantrums!

Best wishes!