Advice on Leaving a Child for the First Time in Pre-school

Updated on May 01, 2006
C.D. asks from Lake Dallas, TX
6 answers

Can some of you experienced mother's give me some advice on leaving a child at daycare. I took my son to pre-school this moring and he ran as fast as he could out of the class room and I didnt catch up to him until he was at the car ,scared me to death .After seeing how upset he was I took him to my mother's house for the day ."Help"!!

6 moms found this helpful

What can I do next?

  • Add yourAnswer own comment
  • Ask your own question Add Question
  • Join the Mamapedia community Mamapedia
  • as inappropriate
  • this with your friends

More Answers



answers from Dallas on

I don't blame you, I would have done the same thing! It's probably scary for him, especially if he hasn't been in a group care setting before. Have you been able to spend some time there w/ him? I was lucky, my first daughter (and the only one old enough to go to pre-school yet) was fine with me leaving and really enjoyed it. However, she has had her moments when she tells me she'd rather be at home with me and misses me. It breaks my heart, and I almost pulled her out... I was trying to figure out why I was 'pushing' her away so soon and encouraging her to go be independent at the age of 3. She'll reach that time soon enough on her own. Her preschool's director assured me that she would come to grips with whatever decision I made (pull her out or keep her in). I ended up keeping her at school because I felt they could provide more stimulating activities then I could at home. So, my advice is go w/ your gut, don't feel pressured to send your child off just because others do, and try to spend 30 minutes or whatever it may take there w/ him until he's a bit more comfortable. Hope that helps and good luck!

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Dallas on

Hi C.,
Talk to your pre-school administrator to see if you can take your son in the room when no one but you two are there, to let him get familiar with his surroundings. Then the first time, take him early as you can, so that he is the first or first one of a few in the class and the other kids come in afterward.

See if you can stay there for a little bit until he is engaged in some activity.

When you do leave, leave quickly, don't turn around to comfort him if he cries after you. You'd be surprised how fast they calm down after you are gone.

How old is your son? It's a lot easier if you start them earlier, but obviously that doesn't help you now.

Does he have a "lovey", a blanket or stuffed animal that he can keep with him for the first day or two?

I promise, it's a lot harder on you that it is on him, grin. My daughter's daycare has a window in the door... sometimes she'll decide to throw a fit when I leave, but if I very calmly say goodbye like I always do, walk out the door like nothing is amiss, I can turn around, peek through the door a minute later and she is fine and happy.

Good luck,



answers from Dallas on

Grab his hand before you leave the building and don't let go. You've got to show him who the parent is.



answers from Dallas on

His anxiety about going to preschool is totally normal. Don't worry, he won't look at you someday when he's 20 and say "I can't believe you took me to preschool, it ruined my life."
If you have the flexibility at work, you might try easing him into a full day at school. Take him for just half a day for a few days (say, Mon thru Wed). You could pick him up rght after lunch (or have your mom do it).
I'm sure you're already talking it up with him. Just keep doing that, and use his teacher's name and some of the other kid's names. "We're going to see Mrs. So-and-so, and your new friends Blake and Caitlin...."
At any rate, make your good-bye VERY short and sweet, and have the teacher hold on to him when you leave.
It will take about 6 full weeks for him to completely "assimilate" to the new place.



answers from Dallas on

This is a new experience for you both. It usually takes a couple of weeks for a child to adjust if they are going full time. The worst thing is to not bring him back. You have to reasure him that you will be back to get him. Take him back and do not linger. You need to walk him in the room and leave. He will learn if he cries and runs out that mom won't make me stay. Make sure the Director or someone is in front so that he can't run out. It will be worse if you wait till he is ready for KG.



answers from Dallas on

As a teacher and a home daycare provider my best advice to you is to make your departure short and sweet.

If your child senses that you are anxious then he too will become anxious. You need to leave with confidence and a short good bye.

It will not do him any if you linger around or sneak away. If you linger around he will only want you to stay longer the next day. If you sneak away that will make him anxious once he realizes that you are gone and he will not trust you.

Since you took him back home today you can expect that he will really throw a scene tomorrow or the next time you drop him off because he now knows that is what it takes to get him home with mommy. Although it will be difficult for the next couple of weeks he will eventually get the hang of it and know and trust that you will be back.

Speak to the teacher and ask that she get him distracted with something else as soon as you depart.

Hope this helps! Good luck!

For Updates and Special Promotions
Follow Us

Related Questions

Related Searches